should you be allowed to hit your kids?

[wiens666]

holy... where do I even start

Kids are like sponges. They learn so fast. And guess what? They learn what you teach them! You can teach them empathy, or you can teach them vindictiveness.

Believing you can't reason with kids simply because they are kids is an excellent way to underdevelop their critical thinking. Congratulations, your mentality contributes to the dumbing down of America all while increasing violence and aggression as an acceptable manner to resolve differences.

I teach my kid that actions have consequences. If he does good he gets rewarded. If he does bad he gets punished. We live in a world without consequences. It's happening everywhere, even where I work. If I were to get drunk or high at work and fuck up so badly that someone would be hurt or killed would I get fired? Or go to jail? No. I would go to rehab (on the company(taxpayer) dime) and come back into the same position.

My kids are going to learn to respect others, and treat people how they would want to be treated.

 

[Stringer Bell]

As a last resort, yes.

Kids are all different; there's no one way to parent. Some children need it, some don't. Hitting can be a tool for the lazy parent, but that doesn't make it always wrong.

People act as if all of the bad adults were hit as kids. There are many ways to be a bad parent.

 

[Stringer Bell]

Problem is most parents see their children as their inferiors rather than their equals.
It's a dysfunctional relationship. :icon_conf

I treat my two daughters the same way I treat my friends and other members of my family.
You won't see them throwing temper tantrums, misbehaving or rebelling any time soon.

Treat your children like adults and they'll behave like adults.
Treat your children like children and they'll behave like children.
It shouldn't be that hard to understand.

Kids are not their parents equals. Kids are not your friends. Kids need boundries and discipline. They need teaching and training.

Do your friends punish and discipline you?

 

[Damien Karras]

I teach my kid that actions have consequences. If he does good he gets rewarded. If he does bad he gets punished. We live in a world without consequences. It's happening everywhere, even where I work. If I were to get drunk or high at work and fuck up so badly that someone would be hurt or killed would I get fired? Or go to jail? No. I would go to rehab (on the company(taxpayer) dime) and come back into the same position.

My kids are going to learn to respect others, and treat people how they would want to be treated.

You're also teaching your kid that he can't feel safe around those he entrusts in ensuring his survival. And consequences don't need to be through physical pain either. Negative reinforcement (taking something away) works just as well, if not better as long as you tell them why they're losing their privileges (toys, tv, free time by being put in their rooms for a while).

We do not live in a world without consequence and I don't understand where you are coming from at all. Your hypothetical explanation of what would happen to you if you got drunk and killed someone does not happen very often, but it is the kind of sensational news coverage you are exposed to creating the perception that we live in a society without consequence.

You say your kid acts up a lot, maybe he's competing for your attention? Maybe he's just naturally hyperactive or has ADHD? The reasons are many, but the science states that corporate punishment may have several negative consequences on children. I don't know how severe your weekly spankings are, but in my opinion you're walking a fine line legally speaking, and in terms of your child's development.

I don't want to call you a shitty dad because that would be going too far. Instead, I'll say you might be misinformed about the consequences of corporal punishment.

 

[surf fu]

Nah.

There's other ways to discipline them like take away privileges.

I don't think I ever remember my parents spanking me or my brothers. I can't even recall once. There were times we definitely deserved it though. We were a wild bunch lol

My dad said the same about his parents. Violence isn't the answer but at the same time I can tell every generation is getting more pussified. Like those kids that kill themselves over e-bullying. Just delete or block on facebook (or whatever you use).

Fucking first world problems man lol

 

[Stringer Bell]

Teaching your kids right from wrong
Taking away privileges when the do something wrong

Hitting your kids is easy. Its an intimidation tactic. Only thing hitting your kids does is it teaches them to be scared of their parents

Intimidation, by it's nature has a physical undertone. Taking privaleges and forcing time-out is also intimidation. You're taking things because you know they can't stop you. They're sitting in time-out because they know if they don't they will be "made" to.

It's all intimidation. Some people need to get off of their high horse.

 

[Sakurabinette]

Kids are not their parents equals. Kids are not your friends. Kids need boundaries and discipline. They need teaching and training.

You could replace the word "kids" with the word "dogs" and your quote would make perfect sense.
That's a little bit scary.

"Boundaries", "discipline", "training". That's dog vocabulary.
"Teaching" is the only word in there that's related to children.

Children are people. And if they were treated as such, maybe less of them would be depressed and/or acting up.

 

[Sakurabinette]

How do you go about doing that? It sounds nice , but id like to hear what this actually entails in your household . Do you have rules and limits , or do you defer to your peers/childrens judgement?

My daughters are 5 and 7.
So of course they need some structure.

We do have house rules. No walking on the furniture, clean your shoes before you come in, wash your hands before supper, the usual stuff.
I just make sure I give them a logical and sensible reason for every single rule.
No appeal to authority. It's always "do this because it's the right thing to do", not "because mommy said so".

And for the rest, we have "pretend" family debates. :icon_chee
They tell me their views, I tell them mine and try to convince them that my way is the best way to do things.
Not easy. It's truly amazing what crazy arguments a 5yo will come up with so you'll let her stay up late at night. :redface:
"Because...because then I can do more homework, and... and then I can be very VERY smart, and... and I can become an astronaut... and... and then you'll be proud of me and... and this is why I should stay up all night everyday. Right? Mommy, why are you laughing? MOMMY STOP LAUGHING! I'm so very serious!" :icon_lol:



Anyway, the trick for me is to make them view me as a friend rather than an authority figure.
Children are much more cooperative when they feel they're doing you a favour, rather than obeying an order.


Now, I do realize that some kids are more difficult to deal with depending on where they grow up and whom they hang out with.
But I don't see what you can "teach" them through violence.

 

[Stringer Bell]

You could replace the word "kids" with the word "dogs" and your quote would make perfect sense.
That's a little bit scary.

"Boundaries", "discipline", "training". That's dog vocabulary.
"Teaching" is the only word in there that's related to children.

Children are people. And if they were treated as such, maybe less of them would be depressed and/or acting up.

a kids decision-making is much closer to a dog's than an adults, so you're observation is correct. What's your point?

Children are children. Adults are adults. If you treat your kids like adults you would make them get a job and charge them rent.

Surely you understand the difference between the child and adult brain and why it would be ridiculous to treat a child like an adult and, therefore, ridiculous to treat a child like an equal.

Also, you're talking about girls, who are biologically more docile and less confrontational. I think most people itt are speaking about boys when not being opposed to physical discipline.

 

[wiens666]

You're also teaching your kid that he can't feel safe around those he entrusts in ensuring his survival. And consequences don't need to be through physical pain either. Negative reinforcement (taking something away) works just as well, if not better as long as you tell them why they're losing their privileges (toys, tv, free time by being put in their rooms for a while).

We do not live in a world without consequence and I don't understand where you are coming from at all. Your hypothetical explanation of what would happen to you if you got drunk and killed someone does not happen very often, but it is the kind of sensational news coverage you are exposed to creating the perception that we live in a society without consequence.

You say your kid acts up a lot, maybe he's competing for your attention? Maybe he's just naturally hyperactive or has ADHD? The reasons are many, but the science states that corporate punishment may have several negative consequences on children. I don't know how severe your weekly spankings are, but in my opinion you're walking a fine line legally speaking, and in terms of your child's development.

I don't want to call you a shitty dad because that would be going too far. Instead, I'll say you might be misinformed about the consequences of corporal punishment.

You can call me whatever you want. I'm a great dad, everyone I know tells me that all the time. I do all kinds of things with my kids all the time. My son tells me I'm his best friend about a hundred times a day. You can't tell me he doesn't feel safe around me. When he wakes up in the middle of the night he calls for me, not his mom, and she doesn't give him any spankings. He's polite and well mannered, he just has times when he doesn't feel like following the rules. Of course he's hyperactive, what kid isn't?

And while I belive in ADHD, I also believe that the majority of kids diagnosed with it don't have it. I believe the just need to be properly disciplined and not put on medication. When I was a kid no one was on ritalin or whatever kids are on these days. I'm sure some needed it for sure, there was just no such thind as ADD or ADHD when I was young. While it might be necessary in some cases I don't belive drugs are tha answer for everyone.

 

[GordoBarraBJJ]

uhh, better hope your kid does not start training ufc or he/she will be hitting you back.

 

[SwtTeaStrangler]

There is a line obviously but I see nothing wrong with spanking a kid.

Agreed.

 

[Mad Villain]

I was slapped every once in a while if I did something really bad and I don't see anything wrong with that as long as it isn't a full on, whole arm c0cked back, backhand slap or something.

I have a lot of cousins that are between one and ten years old and they can be fuckin annoying. There's no stopping them unless you give 'em a light slap. I doubt timeouts and all that don't work on most kids

 

[Damien Karras]

You can call me whatever you want. I'm a great dad, everyone I know tells me that all the time. I do all kinds of things with my kids all the time. My son tells me I'm his best friend about a hundred times a day. You can't tell me he doesn't feel safe around me. When he wakes up in the middle of the night he calls for me, not his mom, and she doesn't give him any spankings. He's polite and well mannered, he just has times when he doesn't feel like following the rules. Of course he's hyperactive, what kid isn't?

And while I belive in ADHD, I also believe that the majority of kids diagnosed with it don't have it. I believe the just need to be properly disciplined and not put on medication. When I was a kid no one was on ritalin or whatever kids are on these days. I'm sure some needed it for sure, there was just no such thind as ADD or ADHD when I was young. While it might be necessary in some cases I don't belive drugs are tha answer for everyone.

I'll repeat what I said, I don't think you're a bad parent because spanking a child does not mean the parent is abusive. But I would like to see spanking be made illegal though. Yes I am serious and in many countries it is.

The belief that spanking is an acceptable corrective measure to change a behavior is embedded in cultures with violent roots. Usually, more violent countries (by violent I mean in terms of violent crime rates) are more permissive in terms of law and practice in regards to corporal punishment of any sort. This means that these countries are more permissive with things such as spanking in parenting, unsolicited military intervention in their foreign policy, police brutality, and capital punishment. Norway is the other extreme. Ever seen pictures of a Norwegian prison? I'm not going to lie, it doesn't sit well with me emotionally either, but they are one of the safest countries. They prohibit corporal and capital punishment. They also have the the lowest criminal recidivist rates in Europe, and the world.

The spread of violence in our culture can be minimized when we stop assuming that a good beating is necessary to change someone's behavior, or to correct society's wrongs. It takes sound social policies and a serious look in the mirror.

Now as for you and your son, I'm sorry I didn't want to offend and once again I am not saying you are by default a bad parent. If you are able to provide for him and give him all the love and care then that's great. I did cringe when you said "weekly spanking" though, and we obviously have ideological differences. I'm just saying that the scientific and mental health community agrees with what I am telling you. In fact everything I am telling you is rehashed from them. So take from it what you will. But there are alternatives to spanking your child. The main thing is letting them know what specific behaviors brought them their punishment.

 

[thatone**]

Teaching your kids right from wrong
Taking away privileges when the do something wrong

Hitting your kids is easy. Its an intimidation tactic. Only thing hitting your kids does is it teaches them to be scared of their parents

No it teaches them to sit their ass down.

 

[mushishi]

I don't see anything wrong with spanking everytime a kid gets seriously out of line. But only as a last resort, and never in anger.

 

[Damien Karras]

No it teaches them to sit their ass down.

I'd like to see your response to the posts I made.

 

[thatone**]

Such an obvious troll. Stop making threads you fuck.

I make thread that make for good discussion that is not trolling.

 

[thatone**]

I'd like to see your response to the posts I made.

You just posted a bunch of over emotional bullshit. What spicific would you like me to reply to? Experts saying hitting your kids are bad?

 

[MajJ]

Beat them half to death muahaha
Seriously tho, it's all good just don't go too far