What secret names do you have for your neighbours?

[tonysmasseuse]

i've got nice neighbours, both are cool cats in their own way - Martin to my right, and Ken to the left.

i rarely think of them, but when i do i think of them as simply 'my neighbour Martin', and 'my neighbour Ken'. Sometimes i forget their names, so if i meet them in the courtyard or something i just say "hi neighbour". It's a little odd, i'm sure, but in a way that makes them smile, so that's ok.

I suppose if i ironed out the old synapses my secret name for them would be Martin the fat hippie, and Ken the half-Japanese hottie.

 

[plataoplombo]

Fat fat asses
Land whales - thank you sherdog for that one
Walking planets

 

[minute bull]

This reminds me of a story I heard on the radio about a guy who knows the guy who likes to play the neighborhood pointman -- so any construction or repairs, and/or police trouble arising -- this neighbor is the first on the scene, the go-between/liaison, etc.: the busybody. On top of that the busybody has a weird accent, and is awkward friendly.

Anyway civic repairs were happening throughout neighborhood were happening, and the neighbor is caught by the busybody one morning and this conversation ensues.

BUSYBODY: These repairs should be ending soon.
RADIO DJ: Uh, oh yeah? That's good.
BUSYBODY: Yeah, give me your number and I'll keep you updated.
RADIO DJ: I'm good. It's fine. It's fine.
BUSYBODY (taking the other man's phone and dialing in his own number): Don't be ridiculous. We are neighbors, we should be able to contact each other. Give me your phone I'll dial my number in there now, so you'll have it.

What the Radio DJ forgot is that a year ago they'd already done this -- so as the busybody is waiting for his own phone to ring, the Radio DJ's phone converts the dialed-in number to the contact name the Radio DJ entered a year ago, so as the busybody's looking at his own phone being called he looks back to the first phone and pieces it together upon seeing "WEIRDO NEIGHBOR."

 

[JAEGERX]

oh shit dog, why you got so much beef with these motherfuckers

 

[HUGHPHUG]

i've got nice neighbours, both are cool cats in their own way - Martin to my right, and Ken to the left.

i rarely think of them, but when i do i think of them as simply 'my neighbour Martin', and 'my neighbour Ken'. Sometimes i forget their names, so if i meet them in the courtyard or something i just say "hi neighbour". It's a little odd, i'm sure, but in a way that makes them smile, so that's ok.

I suppose if i ironed out the old synapses my secret name for them would be Martin the fat hippie, and Ken the half-Japanese hottie.

Martin the fat hippie needs his own comic strip, he sounds really lethargic and talks reeeeeeaaalllly sloooooowlllyyy. They could make him a ginger cat who eats plants and stares at the moon

 

[HUGHPHUG]

Fat fat asses
Land whales - thank you sherdog for that one
Walking planets

I was just watching the new 4K rip of Robocop the other day, then this came on my mp3 player on the way home and I got so amped

 

[MaureenCretis]

John Audi - drives and Audi, and isn’t called John
Binny - only thing he ever said to me was “we need to talk about the bins”
Nut nut - mostly harmless lady with mental health problems, who occasionally loses it and throws shoes at people
New smugs - replaced old smugs, so-called because they were both fucking smug
Gunny - goes shooting at the weekend
Lord of the manor - lives in the biggest house, drives like a cunt

 

[Jack Reacheround]

When I was a kid, we had a weird Chinese family down the street. We called them The Burbs in reference to the weird neighbors in the movie starring Tom Hanks.

Now, I just have one neighbor I call Fucking Fat Idiot. Mostly because he’s a fucking fat idiot.

 

[HUGHPHUG]

This reminds me of a story I heard on the radio about a guy who knows the guy who likes to play the neighborhood pointman -- so any construction or repairs, and/or police trouble arising -- this neighbor is the first on the scene, the go-between/liaison, etc.: the busybody. On top of that the busybody has a weird accent, and is awkward friendly.

Anyway civic repairs were happening throughout neighborhood were happening, and the neighbor is caught by the busybody one morning and this conversation ensues.

BUSYBODY: These repairs should be ending soon.
RADIO DJ: Uh, oh yeah? That's good.
BUSYBODY: Yeah, give me your number and I'll keep you updated.
RADIO DJ: I'm good. It's fine. It's fine.
BUSYBODY (taking the other man's phone and dialing in his own number): Don't be ridiculous. We are neighbors, we should be able to contact each other. Give me your phone I'll dial my number in there now, so you'll have it.

What the Radio DJ forgot is that a year ago they'd already done this -- so as the busybody is waiting for his own phone to ring, the Radio DJ's phone converts the dialed-in number to the contact name the Radio DJ entered a year ago, so as the busybody's looking at his own phone being called he looks back to the first phone and pieces it together upon seeing "WEIRDO NEIGHBOR."

That's awesome!

 

[tonysmasseuse]

Martin the fat hippie needs his own comic strip, he sounds really lethargic and talks reeeeeeaaalllly sloooooowlllyyy. They could make him a ginger cat who eats plants and stares at the moon

Lol. Wouldn't you know, he is ginger: big frizzy ginger hair and old-school philosopher sized unkempt ginger beard. Please have him, if you're feeling creative

 

[HUGHPHUG]

oh shit dog, why you got so much beef with these motherfuckers

Shit man we live in a shit hole, I have to keep it lighthearted somehow, else I would have proper beef with people.

Most dogs in the area we call Barry Grahamson, or Graham Barryson or Alan Alanson etc

Survival tictacs

 

[HUGHPHUG]

John Audi - drives and Audi, and isn’t called John
Binny - only thing he ever said to me was “we need to talk about the bins”
Nut nut - mostly harmless lady with mental health problems, who occasionally loses it and throws shoes at people
New smugs - replaced old smugs, so-called because they were both fucking smug
Gunny - goes shooting at the weekend
Lord of the manor - lives in the biggest house, drives like a cunt

That's more like it!

We have a lot of weird people but no proper mentalers, well a couple, but they don't have names.

Remember back in the 80s when spastics were everywhere?

Better days bro

 

[HUGHPHUG]

When I was a kid, we had a weird Chinese family down the street. We called them The Burbs in reference to the weird neighbors in the movie starring Tom Hanks.

Now, I just have one neighbor I call Fucking Fat Idiot. Mostly because he’s a fucking fat idiot.

Fucking LOVE that movie.

 

[MaureenCretis]

That's more like it!

We have a lot of weird people but no proper mentalers, well a couple, but they don't have names.

Remember back in the 80s when spastics were everywhere?

Better days bro

I started using “spastic” as an insult again about a year ago. Dunno why I ever stopped saying it, fantastic slur.

 

[HUGHPHUG]

Lol. Wouldn't you know, he is ginger: big frizzy ginger hair and old-school philosopher sized unkempt ginger beard. Please have him, if you're feeling creative

YES! He sounds awesome, also sounds a lot like my uncle Michael

 

[Badger67]

The pedophile kid aka the he she.

Some 11 year old kid who has sexually harassed the younger kids in the neighborhood, shows his dick to ppl. Also dresses in girls clothing, knocks on doors at 2 am and eggs cars.

His step dad is a piece of shit, my other neighbor slept him after tryjng to keep him calm for 30 minutes over damages to vehicles.

 

[minute bull]

That's awesome!

I did the same thing myself in college, when it came to emails, which wasn't as ubiquitous back in the stone age. I was part of a creative writing group and instead of printing out my stories I asked if it was okay to email the other members. I got a bunch of emails but no names, so I tried my usual technique of associating names/emails with faces: with gallows humor befitting that of grizzled old veteran cops at particularly grisly murder scenes where the only way to stave off vomitous revulsion and disgust is by making a joke of it -- the worst joke possible, especially to foreign ears -- but in a creative writing class MIGHT be deemed as super uncouth.

Because: I had no idea that the contact name I wrote for them would show up in my emails. In fact, I had thought that if they responded, THEIR names would overwrite the stupid nicknames I wrote.

So, yeah, some members got my story with the name "Black Bitch" and "Old Bitch," etc -- yeah, I was really on a tear that night, because the humor was in being so misogynistic, cruel, and awful.

But I really feel sorry for "Two Moles and Call Me in the Morning"; that was over the line.

Would you believe not a single person confronted me about it.

To Two Moles' credit, she never read my stories either and did not pay me a single moment's attention, which I enormously respected once I figured out that I'd done the entire class pretty rotten.

 

[ARW]

Four asses, so fat she has 4 assess
The lesbians, obviously 2 lesbian chicks, there cool

wondering what the neighbours call us

 

[HUGHPHUG]

I did the same thing myself in college, when it came to emails, which wasn't as ubiquitous back in the stone age. I was part of a creative writing group and instead of printing out my stories I asked if it was okay to email the other members. I got a bunch of emails but no names, so I tried my usual technique of associating names/emails with faces: with gallows humor befitting that of grizzled old veteran cops at particularly grisly murder scenes where the only way to stave off vomitous revulsion and disgust is by making a joke of it -- the worst joke possible, especially to foreign ears -- but in a creative writing class MIGHT be deemed as super uncouth.

Because: I had no idea that the contact name I wrote for them would show up in my emails. In fact, I had thought that if they responded, THEIR names would overwrite the stupid nicknames I wrote.

So, yeah, some members got my story with the name "Black Bitch" and "Old Bitch," etc -- yeah, I was really on a tear that night, because the humor was in being so misogynistic, cruel, and awful.

But I really feel sorry for "Two Moles and Call Me in the Morning"; that was over the line.

Would you believe not a single person confronted me about it.

To Two Moles' credit, she never read my stories either and did not pay me a single moment's attention, which I enormously respected once I figured out that I'd done the entire class pretty rotten.

Oh man you must have been called some choice names as well, any ideas what two moles would have been calling you to her friends?

Two Moles sounds like a name they chose not to use in that scene in Goodfellas when they're introducing all the wise guys. Frankie Two Moles... Because he killed two undercover cops

 

[HUGHPHUG]

Four asses, so fat she has 4 assess
The lesbians, obviously 2 lesbian chicks, there cool

wondering what the neighbours call us

We were wondering what our neighbours might call us recently

Little Lebowskis
Fucking knackers
Skitzo dog family
White Asians because of the cooking smells
The exhibitionists because of all the nudity