I Pwned an Ambulance


Bruce Lovely

Oh yeah.......and boy was it sweet, sweet justice.

I normally keep my '93 Dodge Snipervan in the slow lane and keep it below 45 mph for the sake of safety; I'm a delicate man.

But yesterday I hopped on the highway on my way back to the trailer park in ShadySide. Having just eaten a fine quality $2.95 dinner, I was looking for a little fun, and there it was with lights a flashin'. Roughly a mile ahead of me on an open stretch were red and yellow flashing lights of an ambulance soon to be pwned in a Lovely way.

I gunned the accelerator. As I climbed through the ranks of double digits and weaved through the traffic I found myself closing in rapidly on my drag racing counterpart.

I cracked 100 mph, and ol' Bessy was still holding together. The ambulance had to have been traveling at 90 mph at least in order to still be keeping a distance from me. I went fast lane, slow lane, back to the fast.....BLEW PAST A COP, and continued my pursuit. We hit the main drag heading into Downtown Pittsburgh with me hot on the ambulance's tail. No way I was giving up, especially with Officer Dillweed probably trying to lay chase on me now.

The pussy ambulance had his lightbar advantage, and I was still screaming past people faster than they could part 'em.

The moment of truth neared as we cruised through the Fort Pitt tunnels. As soon as we came out the other end and were presented with the night skyline of Pittsburgh I blew past the ambulance screaming "OWWWWWWWWNNNNNNED!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs. The look on the driver's face was fucking priceless. Disbelief, confusion, maybe even a touch of anger. I bet he's never been rushing to a hospital with a patient and gotten his ass whipped by a minivan.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

I need a fucking medal for that effort. A grand total of a 20 mile chase and victory was mine at the finish line.

Putz, I beg to differ my good man.

I started at South Pointe and didn't catch him until almost Grant Street, just before I cut into town.

In a newer model sniper van a buddy of mine and I hit 112 on a 10 mile straight away in northern Michigan.
'93 my ass, its the Mystery Machine, we all know that.
what, Bruce, i thought the ribon would definitely add enough wind resistance to keep you well below 100
Bruce, are you still driving the small school bus?
The fucking ribbon........

I should post a picture of that bitch on here someday.
and what a pretty sniper van it is... a dark maroon, would you say, bruce?
If I could still host pics, I'd show you all his "sniper" van
Originally posted by joevandal
You pawned an ambulance? How much did you get for it?

Did you even read the post?
Originally posted by Bruce Lovely
That's French for "kick ass".
I'd imagine the French don't get to use that term often, unless they are referring to their own ass....
bruce thats some sad sad shit how long do you sitt in your house and think up bullshit like this? sweet sig TILSON silva is a can oppener he roundhouses that fucking cambells soup till the shit WATS to get into the pot:D