How to stop water hitting your ass when u take a shit.

Prof. Scarface-

You make a keen observation, but what you failed to see is that different ass cheek styles yield different style loafs, and are susceptible to stain from different contoured shits. The author of the shit on the left could very well come off clean as a whistle if his ass is mostly lean muscle, or what is commonly referred to as a Type 2A ass.
 
true that type 2A asscheeks are muscular but they are also prone to squeezing the loaf too hard, thus creating a streamlined shitbrick. On the other hand, the type 1A asscheek(found in 98% of hte population) is also making hte same pattern. Cellulite and ass hiar make up the outer features of hte ass, and the tangled hair really places a load strain on the sphincter muscles, thus getting the same result. Only a forensic pathologist can distinguish between the two shitbricks. Now one intersting question: Does corn or peanuts have any effect on the shit pattern?
 
Don't even go there.

Ass hair interference (commonly known as the "bunghurley effect") in relation to splash-back, is:

a) unproven
b) disgusting
c) more or less a Italian and/or Jewish issue

You make a fine point on the Type 2A ass, that being it is more prone to breakage due to excess pinching. However, seeing as how over 80% of Type 2A (as well as Type 2Ab and Type 2G) have been clinically proven to possess greater than average pinch
control, I don't see it being much of an issue. Outside of a laboratory, however, your concern on the matter may just become twice as valid.

The corn theory is intriguing. While normally my firm does not study such nastiness, I think anyone with any kind of background in poo will tell you that breakage is 10 times more likely in the presence of corn.
 
When I started this, I didn't realize that it would cause a paradigm shift in the logic of brick hurling. I'd like to thank my lead professors Dome and Scarface for creating a science out of an everyday conundrum.

LMFAO, I've gotten shitloads (pun intended) of mileage dan!

- magic

PS. I wonder why it's always the threads dealing with shit that inevitably garner the most professional analysis, the greatest humour and the most number of replies??
 
See I knew my college education would start to pay off somehow. LOL Thanks for the props Magic Man, and if you ever need scientific analysis on anything else just look me up. By the way, I agree with the corn theory. Nad no ass air is not discriminant on race. 98 % pf guys have it, unless they trim it with clippers. BTW, I am Hispanic in blood,but pure American at heart. Thanks guys. LOL :D
 
HOW THE FUCK DID THIS :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:Y THREAD HIT TWO PAGES????

THIS THREAD REEKS OF :eek::eek::eek:GAGE!!!

ALTHOUGH I SHOULD EXPECT THAT FROM YOU NOW MAGIC MAN!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

- The Jake
 
Originally posted by The Jake
HOW THE FUCK DID THIS :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:Y THREAD HIT TWO PAGES????

THIS THREAD REEKS OF :eek::eek::eek:GAGE!!!

ALTHOUGH I SHOULD EXPECT THAT FROM YOU NOW MAGIC MAN!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

- The Jake
Click to expand...

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, oh lordy

- m
 
LMFAO @ this thread!

Educational, humourous, artistic, what more can you ask for!

Magic, once again asking the questions that need answering!
 
Originally posted by Dome
How dare someone start this topic when I am not online, that is pure fucking disrespect.

The toilet paper works, but is amateur. It not only wastes paper, but can make one dependant on it.

The correct method for controlling splash-back/ass-splash is to contour the shit itself with your ass muscles. Much like an Olympic diver, you want your shits to cause as little turbulence as possible. By beveling of the head of the shit, this is exactly what you can do. Observe the wind tunnel results:

wind_tunnel_shits.gif


As you can clearly see, the untreated shit on the right suffers from non-uniform, potential ass-splashing contours. Notice the wind patterns. Very interesting.

The shit on the left (the correct shit) suffers from no such problems. It will ensure a minimum of splashing, and thus the driest ass possible. All with no paper.
Click to expand...

Ahhhh...... Sphincterology at its finest!!! The rectum on the right seems to be suffering from Abnormal Tubloidal Buttnoids with a case of stuck poo.
 
Originally posted by seldomTap
LMFAO @ this thread!

Educational, humourous, artistic, what more can you ask for!

Magic, once again asking the questions that need answering!
Click to expand...

LMAO, Seldom, do you think the time is ripe for me to run for govenor?

- m
 
LMFAO this has really gone crazy but whats the scientific explanation behind the use of dogs tongues and why they seem to like the taste?

I intended on using the pinch last night but had one of those shits pointed out earlier where it feels huge but a pencil log emerges. This was very frustrating.

Dome I have a problem with the pinching, do you mean using your fingers as this can get very messy. Whats more annoying is the sometimes light headed feeling after emptying a particularly large load because it sometimes makes me stumble and smear my fingers along the pristine white walls of the bathroom.

I have a new solution, there is no genious behind this other than 10 years lifelong devotion to this common problem. My solution is known as the shit catcher. Simply attach the shit catcher to your toilet rim, fill with shit, wipe and stand then you are free to tip the catcher with the patented long turning handle without any fear of being splashed. Whats more the shit catcher revolution is now availble with pee holes that allow the wee to fall through without fear of overflow.
 
Originally posted by nakedchoke
Dome I have a problem with the pinching, do you mean using your fingers as this can get very messy. Whats more annoying is the sometimes light headed feeling after emptying a particularly large load because it sometimes makes me stumble and smear my fingers along the pristine white walls of the bathroom.

I have a new solution, there is no genious behind this other than 10 years lifelong devotion to this common problem. My solution is known as the shit catcher. Simply attach the shit catcher to your toilet rim, fill with shit, wipe and stand then you are free to tip the catcher with the patented long turning handle without any fear of being splashed. Whats more the shit catcher revolution is now availble with pee holes that allow the wee to fall through without fear of overflow.
Click to expand...

hahaha, no i think he means 'pinch' with ur buttcheeks.

The shit catcher sounds iffy to me...i sure aint gonna wash it.

-m
 
Originally posted by Magic Man


LMAO, Seldom, do you think the time is ripe for me to run for govenor?

- m
Click to expand...

Why the fuck not mate, why the fuck not!
 
Have any of u guys heard of chunneling??

Its a gay thing. What they do is stick a pipe up one gay guys ass then the other gay guy sticks the other end of the pipe up his ass.

The first guy then drops a load up the pipe into gay guy number 2's (pun intended) ass. This animal can then shit his boyfriends turd out.

What sort of splashbach would occur if the second guy had a pink sock occurance during the squeeze?


This might baffle some of the weaker minds...
 
Originally posted by donegal
Have any of u guys heard of chunneling??

Its a gay thing. What they do is stick a pipe up one gay guys ass then the other gay guy sticks the other end of the pipe up his ass.

The first guy then drops a load up the pipe into gay guy number 2's (pun intended) ass. This animal can then shit his boyfriends turd out.

What sort of splashbach would occur if the second guy had a pink sock occurance during the squeeze?


This might baffle some of the weaker minds...
Click to expand...

I'm not up to date on local gay lore...but that is the MOST disgusting thing I have ever fucking heard/read.

Why would I even want to possibly think about splashback on the guy's ass after he has just done this disgusting shit (no pun intended)?

Aw god that is fucking filthy foul shit!

- m (*BARF*)

PS. tell me you dont know about this first hand donegal...that avatar of you and ed oneil looks reather pally there :D
 
I'm not sure what all this pink sock stuff is that been going on round here but Donegal you seem to be the expert, rather worryingly so you let us know after you take a shit next. j/k

The shit catcher wouldn't take that kind of load, if it were the 2 combined. I suppose I could market the tandem shit catcher.
 
It's times like this being a mod sucks because we're compelled to read such :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:ry to see if we have to close it or not....

- The Jake
 
Originally posted by Magic Man


hahaha, no i think he means 'pinch' with ur buttcheeks.

The shit catcher sounds iffy to me...i sure aint gonna wash it.

-m
Click to expand...

You dont have to remember it has holes so you simply turn it round, using the long turning handle (r) then let it dip into the toilet. The water simply washes during the flush.

I dont see the problem here, you wipe your own ass dont you?
 
Originally posted by The Jake
It's times like this being a mod sucks because we're compelled to read such :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:ry to see if we have to close it or not....

- The Jake
Click to expand...
]

HAHAHAHA, thanks for being a good sport brohah.

Now, back to the question at hand, NakedChoke, I'm intrigued by this shitCatcher(TM) idea, do you have diagrams of the device? :D

- m
 
I think Dome could come up with some diagrams but for now I have this artists impression.

open%20mouth.jpg
 
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