help, falling in love with a friend. what are my options

[Goonerview]

man you're getting so much bad advice in this thread, it's not even funny.

1- friendzone isn't the end of anything. it's not over for you. you just can't be her homo friend because she won't wanna know how your dick tastes like. being her friend is actually a better spot than not being her friend. just work on what the friendship looks like. flirt with her, ask her out.

2- don't listen to people who want you to just LEAVE IT ALL OUT like a freak. if she somehow already likes you, then this is still not a good way to do it. if you flirt with her first like a human, she'll just flirt back if she likes you. if she doesn't, that's fine. women feelings are absolutely chaotic. you can ask her out, watch a nice movie, eat something she likes and suddenly she wants you now. she can have a random bad woman day and suddenly she wants you. but you need to create the right conditions for it.

I agree with most of this.

TS, don't "Tell her how you feel" ... this is literally the worst advice you can do.

Ask her out for a couple of drinks, play some pool, go to the zoo or whatever, but when you are out together, start making it man to woman, start holding hands with her and creating sexual tension ... be willing to sacrifice the "friendship", fuck friendship ... you don't want the friendship and to be her gay male girlfriend, ok, you don't want that.

Don't "tell her" your feelings, women are turned off by that. Make it so it "just happened" ... go from holding hands innocently, to getting a little drunk, to netflix and chilling, to making out, slowly, but intently. Be patient, but move generally in the direction of sex.

 

[Goonerview]

Damn, some words of wisdom in this thread. Basically we met at work 1 month ago and we've gone out a few times. She was very retiscent to do anything with me the first 2 weeks. Sometimes she gets physical (poke ribs, touch thigh, etc) but it's not constant and it happens in a flash, so it's hard to tell if she did it by accident or on purpose. Would an invitation to a romantic place seal the deal guys?

No. Don't take her to a romantic place, it's too obvious and cheezy. Go to somewhere casual, for coffee, then some cocktails or beers at a bar, then back at yours for a movie/netflix or something ... all the while making subtle moves, making it man to woman.

EDIT: she's a workmate??? ABORT MISSION ... due not pursue, I repeat, do not pursue.

 

[j123]

Time to give on your friendship. Find a new friend, and find another chick to bang

 

[Aegon Spengler]

Go and get drunk with her. Tell her you want to make out. Tell her, it's ok if she says no, but you'll never talk to her again if she does. Then do that.

 

[King Bastar]

Cum in an envelop and put it in her mail box.

If she can't recognize your sent, she's not worth the hassle.

 

[DaDamn]

start talking about an other chick, make one up if you have to. make her sound perfect in every way and talk about her non stop.

also alcohol!

 

[ScriptReadsMe]

No. Don't take her to a romantic place, it's too obvious and cheezy. Go to somewhere casual, for coffee, then some cocktails or beers at a bar, then back at yours for a movie/netflix or something ... all the while making subtle moves, making it man to woman.

EDIT: she's a workmate??? ABORT MISSION ... due not pursue, I repeat, do not pursue.

i may not be there permanently. I.hope not and we don't work the same shifts

 

[PRIDEWASBETTER]

I agree with most of this.

TS, don't "Tell her how you feel" ... this is literally the worst advice you can do.

Ask her out for a couple of drinks, play some pool, go to the zoo or whatever, but when you are out together, start making it man to woman, start holding hands with her and creating sexual tension ... be willing to sacrifice the "friendship", fuck friendship ... you don't want the friendship and to be her gay male girlfriend, ok, you don't want that.

Don't "tell her" your feelings, women are turned off by that. Make it so it "just happened" ... go from holding hands innocently, to getting a little drunk, to netflix and chilling, to making out, slowly, but intently. Be patient, but move generally in the direction of sex.

Letting it happen naturally is great advice.

 

[ehtheist]

You need to break the friendship frame. Start doing things with her that couples would do, and refuse things that sound merely friendly. Goof around and touch her frequently and try to get her to see you in a different way than she has thus far. Try to kiss her instead of awkwardly asking her out.

Depending on the qualities of the friendship you're probably fucked, but best of luck anyway.

This is how you get charged with sexual assault if she's college age and taking humanities.

 

[Organic Damage]

Keep begging until she feels sorry for you, IMO.

 

[Scerpi]

What TS really means...

Spoiler

 

[Goonerview]

Letting it happen naturally is great advice.

This doesn't mean you just sit back and wait for it to happen naturally ... you have to kind of orchestrate it to make it as though "it just happened" ... You have to have the logistics down and then enjoy the evening and slowly move it in that direction, whilst getting to know her more and having fun.

Don't ever "tell her how you feel" ... EVER.

 

[Goonerview]

i may not be there permanently. I.hope not and we don't work the same shifts

It's your call, bro.

But, generally speaking, work and relationships are not a good mixture.

I always say, that unless a co-worker is a 10/10 (in your eyes) and is making it painstakingly obvious that she wants to have your children, never date a co-worker. The avenues for awkwardness and destruction are too many. I go to work to rest, not to deal with relationship issues.

Go out more and meet more women. It sounds like you have one-itis ... and that's never a good frame to come from.

 

[French Canadian]

honestly ur prob gonna get friendzoned unless shes having mutual feelings as well which is rare cuz girls really like having guy friends for some reason (just as friends and not romantic partners). ur best option is to be honest with her and tell her how u feel asap. i found that vulnerability can be strength thru charm, confidence, & sincerity. it shows that ur comfortable with who u r and u have the balls to put urself out there with the possibility of getting shot down (that in and of itself is strength)

also if she does reject, its actually not completely over. 1/5 things can happen (worst case, just friends, friends with benefit/one nite stand or best case)

1. Best Case Scenario: she says yes and u two become a couple. congrats! il see you in a couple months when ur asking for relationship advice (girls too clingy, girls too distant, girls r crazy!)

2. Just Friends Scenario: she rejects you but values ur friendship and still wants to be friends. u can either pursue the friendship route by having her as a good friend whom u can ask for girl advice in the future. theres a complicated route of continuing to pursue a romantic relationship but im lazy and wont write it out. every1s different blah blah blah. also if u do pursue the friendship route, it may be awkward @ 1st when hanging out with her and maybe some mutual friends (word spreads fast), but the best u can do is that u gave it ur all and u have no regrets.

3. Worst Case: she shoots you down and nvr talks to you again XD. honestly, this is more about her than about you. shes prob insecure about ur feelings for her that she feels awkward about it and has some personal issues to work out. But if she does value ur friendship, i really dont see this happening

4. Friends with benefit/one nite stand: this is a strange one but im not one throw away a free gift. if she does sleep with you but doesnt want a relationship, i dont think u or any1 else would really complain too much (unless you really want to start a life with this friend). this has happened to me on several occasions so its not impossible and actually can be very probable. This can be that she either feels a surge of emotion because of ur confession or she hasnt had intercourse in awhile and just wants it

5. Eventuality Clause: This is an interesting but rare scenario, but i have seen it with my close friends before. What happens is that the girl initially doesnt see you as dating material and only sees you as a friend until you really tell her how you really feel. Then she will reject you on the spot in order to have time to process everything, or she will just need time to think about it. She will eventually work it out in her head to either move you into a potential dating candidate or leave you in the friendzone. Regardless, this scenario is dependent on the girl's response and process. During her incubation time, do NOT disturb her until she gives you an answer. From personal experience, probability does not favor this scenario. More often than not, the girl will reject the guy in the end.

Feel free to ask any questions. I'll be happy to respond based on everything I've seen and experienced.

The fifth scenario happened to me. I had to go to a party right after she told me she "wasn't sure how she felt, but I was definitely not stuck in the friendzone" and she'd text me in the following days. Well, I got really drunk at the party ( as usual ) and texted her. We don't talk anymore. So yeah, shut up during the incubation period, especially if you're drunk

 

[PRIDEWASBETTER]

This doesn't mean you just sit back and wait for it to happen naturally ... you have to kind of orchestrate it to make it as though "it just happened" ... You have to have the logistics down and then enjoy the evening and slowly move it in that direction, whilst getting to know her more and having fun.

Don't ever "tell her how you feel" ... EVER.

That's what I thought you meant. My translation was off, though.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

I agree with most of this.

TS, don't "Tell her how you feel" ... this is literally the worst advice you can do.

Ask her out for a couple of drinks, play some pool, go to the zoo or whatever, but when you are out together, start making it man to woman, start holding hands with her and creating sexual tension ... be willing to sacrifice the "friendship", fuck friendship ... you don't want the friendship and to be her gay male girlfriend, ok, you don't want that.

Don't "tell her" your feelings, women are turned off by that. Make it so it "just happened" ... go from holding hands innocently, to getting a little drunk, to netflix and chilling, to making out, slowly, but intently. Be patient, but move generally in the direction of sex.

This is actually probably the best advice. But if it fails, just whip your dick out.

 

[Estrogenblocker1078]

I just want you to be completely honest with us, this "her" is really a guy right? I mean what guy has friends that are women??

 

[Harmonica]

How do you approach such a delicate matter? My wish is to grow a relationship out of it but i understand one cannot have everything. How do i tell her? Will it kill our friendship if she doesn't want more? how do i slide subtle signs to probe her. Halp :/

Personally, I don't approach such delicate matters at all since I don't have any female friends. And when I do feel attracted to a woman, I make my intentions known from the get go in order to prevent potential unpleasant situations down the road from happening.

Friendship between sexes is possible only when there is no sexual tension whatsoever but there is still some other mutual interest. I'll take the liberty of assuming the former wasn't a factor when you started hanging out. So what was it that you two had in common that compelled you to develop a friendship?

 

[mushishi]

You got your do some inception-type seed planting. Wear tight pants and casually adjust your bulge in front of her. if you don't have a bulge, tough luck, sucka!

 

[IIIIIIII]

How do you approach such a delicate matter? My wish is to grow a relationship out of it but i understand one cannot have everything. How do i tell her? Will it kill our friendship if she doesn't want more? how do i slide subtle signs to probe her. Halp :/

i've only tried turning a friend into a lover once, and it didn't work out for me. it's really hard to change a woman's mindset from good friend to lover. that's why they say you have to make your intentions known early on with a woman whether you're going to be a friend, or a potential lover. part of being a friend means that you're nice to her, and not many things kill attraction like being nice, "like a friend" to a woman.

if i were you, i'd move on. the more you invest in this and try to change her mind, the more hurt you're gonna be when she rejects you. unless, you have some kind of inkling that she may feel attraction for you as well.