Family pressuring me to get married to a pregnant woman, but I don't want to.

NelmarksGhost said:
I dated this woman for several years, and my family always wanted me to marry her, but I didn't want to. We broke up, and remained close friends for a couple years. She later met someone new, and they moved in together. They had planned to get married, and have kids. I was very happy she was going to get what she always wanted. Dude knocks her up. They planned to get married, but everything falls apart a few months later. Now she's too far along to get an abortion, and my family is telling me I should marry her. Her parents want me to as well, but damn it I never wanted to marry her, and now everyone expects me to rescue her. I've always treated her well, and care for her very much, but it feels like I would be sacrificing my life for her. What would you do?

I didn't even get an ipad.
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WandySaku2 said:
I'm sad that this is an actual question.
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it isn't a question. It's not his kid and he has no obligation to do anything about anything. I've had plenty of exes and friends get knocked up. Not my problem.
 
Mike90 said:
This doesn't make sense. Why doesn't she want to get back with the babies father, and why is this suddenly your problem?
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From what she told me, he's said things to belittle her or something. One morning she told him to quit hitting the snooze button, and he flipped out. Called her a piece of shit, and told her to get out. Now he's all apologetic, but for her he crossed a line.

I guess everyone is worried about her, and expects me to be the white knight.
 
NelmarksGhost said:
From what she told me, he's said things to belittle her or something. One morning she told him to quit hitting the snooze button, and he flipped out. Called her a piece of shit, and told her to get out. Now he's all apologetic, but for her he crossed a line.

I guess everyone is worried about her, and expects me to be the white knight.
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Oh so the relationship isn't perfect. Meh.


Well honestly you shouldn't do it. This is real life not a movie. It's hard as hell to make it work when you start out in love.


If you don't love each other and have a kid to raise, there's no way it can work. I have a friend in a similar situation and he seems pretty unhappy to me, all while he's wasting his prime years.
 
scorpipede said:
this is starting to sound fake. Is this woman that hard up that she's taking applications or what the frick is going on here?
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It's not fake. Several guys have wanted to marry her, but she didn't want them. She's very good looking, and comes from a good family. Everyone likes her, and wants the best for her, but somehow she ended up in this mess. We're all just trying to help her find the right guy, and live happily ever after. Most people involved think I should have married her because we get along well. They never understood why I didn't want to.
 
NelmarksGhost said:
It's not fake. Several guys have wanted to marry her, but she didn't want them. She's very good looking, and comes from a good family. Everyone likes her, and wants the best for her, but somehow she ended up in this mess. We're all just trying to help her find the right guy, and live happily ever after. Most people involved think I should have married her because we get along well. They never understood why I didn't want to.
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you should feel no pressure to do this if you live in the US.
 
scorpipede said:
it isn't a question. It's not his kid and he has no obligation to do anything about anything. I've had plenty of exes and friends get knocked up. Not my problem.
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That's my point. Why would anybody do that, for no reason?

NelmarksGhost said:
It's not fake. Several guys have wanted to marry her, but she didn't want them. She's very good looking, and comes from a good family. Everyone likes her, and wants the best for her, but somehow she ended up in this mess. We're all just trying to help her find the right guy, and live happily ever after. Most people involved think I should have married her because we get along well. They never understood why I didn't want to.
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I'm very curious of what culture you're from?
 
NelmarksGhost said:
Roman Catholic Hispanic. I'm from the US though.
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and she lives here as well?

she's gonna be fine. Happens all the time. What usually occurs is the mother will replace one father figure with an assortment of different people that each contribute to the child's upbringing as well as a live in type of father figure. Nothing new here.
 
The question is would she even be interested in giving things another shot? Perhaps that ship has sailed. We're assuming she still feels that way about him.
 
Before entering the thread I thought the chick was pregnant with TS' child and was gonna say don't do it. Now that I know it's someone else's child, don't even consider marrying her.
 
TS, the ONLY possible reason to consider this is if she's a 10.

I mean, a 10 physically, and whatever other issues in your prior relationship she has to mend those fences, not the other way around.

And, do we even know she would want to marry you?
 
scorpipede said:
and she lives here as well?

she's gonna be fine. Happens all the time. What usually occurs is the mother will replace one father figure with an assortment of different people that each contribute to the child's upbringing as well as a live in type of father figure. Nothing new here.
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Yeah, she's a white girl. I'm starting to think it will be OK. I just don't know what to say to my family. I feel like they will think less of me.

My father married my mother because he thought she might be pregnant, not because he wanted to.

After my brother died everyone hoped my sister-in-law would find a respectable new partner to raise his daughter, so it's seen as honorable to step in, and help the woman.

There are other instances like this in my family history where some good woman ends up in a bad position, and either a man, or a couple is expected to raise the child.
 
NelmarksGhost said:
The guy has a good job with medical insurance. She wanted to marry him, and have kids. They were living together, and had plans, but somehow after she got knocked up she said he showed his true colors, and she decided to go it alone. I know he's able to pay child support, but she definitely would have had an abortion if their falling out had happened earlier. She's about 6 months along now.
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So she'll hate the kid? Is she willing to let the father raise the kid and would he? Of course she would be paying support then. If he doesn't want to raise the child, adoption would likely be the best option.

This woman sounds even crazier than most women.
 
NelmarksGhost said:
Yeah, she's a white girl. I'm starting to think it will be OK. I just don't know what to say to my family. I feel like they will think less of me.

My father married my mother because he thought she might be pregnant, not because he wanted to.

After my brother died everyone hoped my sister-in-law would find a respectable new partner to raise his daughter, so it's seen as honorable to step in, and help the woman.

There are other instances like this in my family history where some good woman ends up in a bad position, and either a man, or a couple is expected to raise the child.
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Your family should be most interested in your happiness first and foremost. Not sacrificing yours to salvage someone elses.
 
GearSolidMetal said:
TS, the ONLY possible reason to consider this is if she's a 10.

I mean, a 10 physically, and whatever other issues in your prior relationship she has to mend those fences, not the other way around.

And, do we even know she would want to marry you?
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Everyone has different tastes, but several people have said to me they thought she was a perfect 10. They couldn't understand why I wasn't that into her. Honestly the question was always what was she doing with me. Basically, for me it comes down to she is petite, and I prefer tall women. Something inside me biologically rejects smaller women.

She has always wanted to marry me, and never quit. Aside from her being petite I just didn't think I would be happy. For most guys she is the perfect catch. She likes cars, racing, basketball, video games, poker. Doesn't cheat, etc.
 
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