Family pressuring me to get married to a pregnant woman, but I don't want to.

[NelmarksGhost]

Your family should be most interested in your happiness first and foremost. Not sacrificing yours to salvage someone elses.

That's part of the problem. They all think I would be happier with her. Friends and family. My entire social circle has always believed this. That's why it's so hard. Everyone I care for and respect has relayed this to me. Now the, she needs rescuing, seems to be the tipping point for them.

 

[Brazilian HKD]

Everyone has different tastes, but several people have said to me they thought she was a perfect 10. They couldn't understand why I wasn't that into her. Honestly the question was always what was she doing with me. Basically, for me it comes down to she is petite, and I prefer tall women. Something inside me biologically rejects smaller women.

She has always wanted to marry me, and never quit. Aside from her being petite I just didn't think I would be happy. For most guys she is the perfect catch. She likes cars, racing, basketball, video games, poker. Doesn't cheat, etc.

Ok tell me your familys cultural background and christian denomination and i'll make a christian response for you to tell them why you wont marry her

 

[scorpipede]

Yeah, she's a white girl. I'm starting to think it will be OK. I just don't know what to say to my family. I feel like they will think less of me.

My father married my mother because he thought she might be pregnant, not because he wanted to.

After my brother died everyone hoped my sister-in-law would find a respectable new partner to raise his daughter, so it's seen as honorable to step in, and help the woman.

There are other instances like this in my family history where some good woman ends up in a bad position, and either a man, or a couple is expected to raise the child.

Your family very well may think less of you. If I were in your situation I would consider that their problem, not mine.

Condolences about your brother. Try not to confuse that situation with this one. Stepping in now isn't going to make up for that.

 

[NelmarksGhost]

Ok tell me your familys cultural background and christian denomination and i'll make a christian response for you to tell them why you wont marry her

Originally Roman Catholic, but the women have become Protestants. Mostly just 'Murican, but with distant Spanish/Mexican traditions.

 

[Brazilian HKD]

Originally Roman Catholic, but the women have become Protestants. Mostly just 'Murican, but with distant Spanish/Mexican traditions.

which protestant? evangelical? pentecostal? baptist? Any pastors they respect you know of?

 

[Fight To Win]

Okay let's do pros and cons list.

Cons first:

• You marry someone you don't want to marry.
• You're legally tied to this person and they can royally screw your life up if they choose to.
• You will have to care for another man's child like it was your own.
  
  Let's look at... well there's no pros actually. Don't do it.

 

[loyalyolayal]

Okay let's do pros and cons list.

Cons first:

• You marry someone you don't want to marry.
• You're legally tied to this person and they can royally screw your life up if they choose to.
• You will have to care for another man's child like it was your own.
  
  Let's look at... well there's no pros actually. Don't do it.

Changing the diaper & calling the kid a dirty bastard would be hilarious.

 

[NelmarksGhost]

which protestant? evangelical? pentecostal? baptist? Any pastors they respect you know of?

I think mostly baptist, and evangelical. I don't know the names of the pastors they listen to. But, some of it is on the radio, and could be national.

 

[Omegaboy13]

You don't have to marry her in order for her to be part of the family and be taken care of. Marriage isn't going to fix her problems. Continue to be a part of her life and provide a helping hand when needed. You could just do that as a friend... Doesn't too rocket sciency to me. Don't marry her to save her, your family is batshit.

 

[NelmarksGhost]

You don't have to marry her in order for her to be part of the family and be taken care of. Marriage isn't going to fix her problems. Continue to be a part of her life and provide a helping hand when needed. You could just do that as a friend... Doesn't too rocket sciency to me. Don't marry her to save her, your family is batshit.

I think this makes sense. I just needed someone to confirm it. Thanks sherbros. I just wish I knew what to say to the christian females mainly. I have 10+ females telling me to do this.

 

[scorpipede]

I think this makes sense. I just needed someone to confirm it. Thanks sherbros. I just wish I knew what to say to the christian females mainly. I have 10+ females telling me to do this.

dude, you know what you have to do

 

[Brazilian HKD]

I think mostly baptist, and evangelical. I don't know the names of the pastors they listen to. But, some of it is on the radio, and could be national.

Great, so actually we can make some good arguments for you
here are some ideas, feel free to toss them if you will. use the sandwich method stating how much you love your family, show the argument, and end showing how actually by not marrying her, you are showing real sacrificial love.

1- I realize more and more that marriage is about sacrifice for those we love. But , dear family, I am still saving myself to make the sacrifice for someone I really want to marry.

2- Dear family, I love you folks, but I really think this is not right. Marriage is a sacred covenant between man, woman in front of God. I know that you folks want the best for me but Marrying someone I don't with a child that is not mine would break the sacredness and beauty of it by living a lie.

3- (forget this one)

4- I dont see how this can be God's will. The bible speaks of wisdom, and I dont see how this decision is wise.

5- The more I undertsand the Bible, more I see that there is one Saviour, and I am not Him. I think there are better and wiser ways to deal with this than to make a sacrifice that won't save nor solve the issue.

6- I really don't think this is God's will for my life.

7- I just think that , by accepting this situation, I'll be trying to fill a gap in her heart that is already shaped like another man.

8- I read this quote from a pastor called Tim keller. It says
“Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it."
That's why, when I want to get married, I want it to have a truthful beginning. I wouldn't be able to do so in this situation

 

[Omegaboy13]

dude, you know what you have to do

Dent up that unborn fetus head til he comes out looking like a golf ball. Amirite?

 

[NelmarksGhost]

dude, you know what you have to do

I don't know what to say to them that will not end up with me looking like a selfish bastard in the end. My sister literally asked me, "Are you going to step up?"

When I told her this girl had gotten pregnant, and was going to marry some dude she said to my sister-in-law "We've lost her." They think they know what's best for me. What will make me happy, and right with god.

I just want to live my own life, but still be considered a good guy.

 

[scorpipede]

I don't know what to say to them that will not end up with me looking like a selfish bastard in the end. My sister literally asked me, "Are you going to step up?"

When I told her this girl had gotten pregnant, and was going to marry some dude she said to my sister-in-law "We've lost her." They think they know what's best for me. What will make me happy, and right with god.

I just want to live my own life, but still be considered a good guy.

I don't think you get both here. I'd follow @Omegaboy13's advice and go full heel with it.

seriously though, your family sounds like they don't care enough about what you want.

 

[NelmarksGhost]

Great, so actually we can make some good arguments for you
here are some ideas, feel free to toss them if you will. use the sandwich method stating how much you love your family, show the argument, and end showing how actually by not marrying her, you are showing real sacrificial love.

1- I realize more and more that marriage is about sacrifice for those we love. But , dear family, I am still saving myself to make the sacrifice for someone I really want to marry.

2- Dear family, I love you folks, but I really think this is not right. Marriage is a sacred covenant between man, woman in front of God. I know that you folks want the best for me but Marrying someone I don't with a child that is not mine would break the sacredness and beauty of it by living a lie.

3- (forget this one)

4- I dont see how this can be God's will. The bible speaks of wisdom, and I dont see how this decision is wise.

5- The more I undertsand the Bible, more I see that there is one Saviour, and I am not Him. I think there are better and wiser ways to deal with this than to make a sacrifice that won't save nor solve the issue.

6- I really don't think this is God's will for my life.

7- I just think that , by accepting this situation, I'll be trying to fill a gap in her heart that is already shaped like another man.

8- I read this quote from a pastor called Tim keller. It says
“Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it."
That's why, when I want to get married, I want it to have a truthful beginning. I wouldn't be able to do so in this situation

Thank you. I will use this as a starting point. They know I'm an not a christian, so I will need to spin it just right.

 

[Tuf_guy]

They literally are trying to turn you into some kind of cuckold for their own sick enjoyment.
Search their computers next time you get a chance, I bet there's some twisted shit downloaded on there.

But aside from that, fuck that shit. Are you actually seriously considering doing this shit?

Don't trust anyone who birthed and reared a Sherdogger.

These are YOUR parents saying this? I'd consult Maury. Maybe out there somewhere there's a family that loves and misses you deeply.

True. You'll know them because the experts in the Maury audience will notice that you and your true father share the same type of earlobes and elbows

 

[Brazilian HKD]

Thank you. I will use this as a starting point. They know I'm an not a christian, so I will need to spin it just right.

Sure, I left some option in case you weren't.
Personally I don;t know any pastor in their sane mind that would approve to do what your family is asking you.

 

[Brazilian HKD]

Thank you. I will use this as a starting point. They know I'm an not a christian, so I will need to spin it just right.

Oh if you need a backup, just tell them you read that from a pastor (yeah yeah, I am a pastor...)

 

[NelmarksGhost]

I don't think you get both here. I'd follow @Omegaboy13's advice and go full heel with it.

seriously though, your family sounds like they don't care enough about what you want.

They mean well. They just think they know better than me. I'm the youngest, so the dynamic has always been there. I'm the only non-christian too, so there's the whole saving me horseshit. Honestly part of the reason I never wanted to get married is because I didn't want my family to conspire with my wife to control me. Let alone the other legal pitfalls marriage poses for men.