I don't know anymore

Mayberry sure does have a lot of depressed dudes.
 
mb23100 said:
Lol you say "no woman" as if that's a bad thing
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Lol yeah I kinda just... gave up on women after my marriage. Tbh I don't know if I miss women as much as the idea of women. Relationships have never worked well for me.
 
Mike said:
Yeah I love the cats, they're pretty awesome. I dunno man for awhile I thought things were getting better, I was getting better. But this is the feeling I come back to, this is my neutral. When I left for work today I felt just this existential futility, like what the fuck is the point? I'm still realistically years away from my goals. After five fucking years. I'm not going anywhere, I'm just spinning my wheels you know?


I feel like I took a hard look in the mirror these last few years and said "you need to grow the fuck up" And in some ways I feel I have. But it's not enough. It's never enough.
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I keep going back there too. For awhile I’ll feel okay, and then the meds stop working or I go off them because I’m an idiot tbh lol. And I’m back to a shitty miserable existence. I feel like there’s no way to escape it. It’s just my “normal” and it’s fucking exhausting. How many more years can I do this? I’m already worn out now.

I’ll say though, it’s good that you even have goals, things you’re working towards. I’m so lost I don’t know what to work towards. Even if it feels like you’re going nowhere, at some point something has to change. I believe in that. So long as you keep working towards it *something* has to change. It’s better than giving up. Then for certain nothing will ever change. And you’ll have nobody to beat up but yourself for it. Which is even shittier.
 
DaleBoca said:
Mayberry sure does have a lot of depressed dudes.
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Eh, it’s a big place with a lot of users, and depression is really common tbh. So it’s not that surprising.
 
Kardashians said:
I keep going back there too. For awhile I’ll feel okay, and then the meds stop working or I go off them because I’m an idiot tbh lol. And I’m back to a shitty miserable existence. I feel like there’s no way to escape it. It’s just my “normal” and it’s fucking exhausting. How many more years can I do this? I’m already worn out now.

I’ll say though, it’s good that you even have goals, things you’re working towards. I’m so lost I don’t know what to work towards. Even if it feels like you’re going nowhere, at some point something has to change. I believe in that. So long as you keep working towards it *something* has to change. It’s better than giving up. Then for certain nothing will ever change. And you’ll have nobody to beat up but yourself for it. Which is even shittier.
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Yeah you know more details than most. Everything with going back to school, my family, my health, finances, my living situation and where I live. It's been a rough few years. I keep moving from plan a to b to c etc.....


images
 
Mike said:
Yeah you know more details than most. Everything with going back to school, my family, my health, finances, my living situation and where I live. It's been a rough few years. I keep moving from plan a to b to c etc.....


images
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The thing with school really sucks. I thought you were doing so well with it and I was happy for you. Even if it went to hell though, I still think it’s good that you made that effort. If you want to do it again, I think you’d be fully capable of taking it on and being successful.
 
DaleBoca said:
Mayberry sure does have a lot of depressed dudes.
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Turns out that some of the people that spend 12 hours a day on a karate forum don't have the best quality of life.

upload_2018-1-21_0-46-8.jpeg
 
Kardashians said:
The thing with school really sucks. I thought you were doing so well with it and I was happy for you. Even if it went to hell though, I still think it’s good that you made that effort. If you want to do it again, I think you’d be fully capable of taking it on and being successful.
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That shit just blindsided me so bad because I was in this Rocky montage of studying. Spending the entire day at the lab reviewing anatomy models. I had REALLY struggled at the start of the quarter and felt like I was finally turning it around through sheer effort and then..... yeah. A year and a half that I can't realistically afford to waste at this point in my life. I try not to get upset about it because what's done is done but...

<41>


And of course there's trying to reconnect with my family after seven years just to have them fuck me over again. So.... I guess I was right to be so paranoid and distrustful? And just when I was trying so hard not to be that guy. Tbh I don't really wanna be that guy anymore.
 
Mike said:
Lol yeah I kinda just... gave up on women after my marriage. Tbh I don't know if I miss women as much as the idea of women. Relationships have never worked well for me.
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Maybe it would be nice to have somebody there to support and encourage you, and be there to love you when you’re down. I know sherdog doesn’t think woman are capable of offering such things, lol, but there are some that would. But I get it. It’s hard putting yourself out there after you’ve been burned so badly. I think you’ve said you don’t even have the energy to put forth to delevelop that sort of relationship again. And that’s understandable. But maybe one day that’ll change and you’ll be lucky and find somebody again.

A lot of maybes. But so long as you’re still living, everything is possible.
 
Kardashians said:
Maybe it would be nice to have somebody there to support and encourage you, and be there to love you when you’re down. I know sherdog doesn’t think woman are capable of offering such things, lol, but there are some that would. But I get it. It’s hard putting yourself out there after you’ve been burned so badly. I think you’ve said you don’t even have the energy to put forth to delevelop that sort of relationship again. And that’s understandable. But maybe one day that’ll change and you’ll be lucky and find somebody again.

A lot of maybes. But so long as you’re still living, everything is possible.
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Yeah the stuff with my parents is whatever, they suck. But reconnecting with my brother just to lose him again, after all that time?

upload_2018-1-21_0-56-9.jpeg


I'd like to date someone, of course I would I'm ultra codependent. But I've regressed socially, which is saying something. My original thought process was "get your shit together first because you're fucked up, so only skanks will take a chance on you" Apparently getting my shit together isn't really an option though.
 
Damn @Mike, sounds like you hit a wall again eh? You got to keep grinding and doing the healthy things man. There'll be more breaks in the future.
 
Cat ranch up in the mountains is what keeps me going

Also kinda agree about the woman thing not being an issue. Tho i dunno

At least with me when you dont have a woman you want one

then when do get a woman youre like

giphy.gif
 
scorpipede said:
Damn @Mike, sounds like you hit a wall again eh? You got to keep grinding and doing the healthy things man. There'll be more breaks in the future.
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Yeah man, you know for awhile I was pretty upbeat. Felt like I was making progress. But ever since the holidays I've been really fucked up. It's not unusual for the holidays to make me depressed, but it's just not going away. Between the mental stuff and the physical stuff I feel beat the fuck down.
 
Maybe stop drinking and smoking, and use the money saved to get yourself some plane tickets for a holiday?
 
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