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Your Most Awkward Jiu-Jitsu Situation

was rolling with my instructor and he knee on bellied me and I farted.. lol
 
these boner storytellers need to wear cups... unbelievable. That said, I didn't roll when I was like 13 and who knows what kind of control I would have had. Being a guy at that age, I could imagine there being a possibility of this. But seriously, if you can't get through social studies without popping wood, wear a cup to jiu jitsu class.

I find it so funny that these stories are about farts (def my most awkward moment but nothing special), crapping of pants, boners, periods, smelly vag, etc. Pretty adolescent...

I guess what I'm trying to say is... awesome thread
 
a guy passed wind while he was in my guard try to turn me to get a leg lock and i wasn't sure what to do so i just rolled and let him take my leg which is a big deal because as red belt i can usually outwrestle a bunch of the green and brown belts
 
ztt1 said:
This one time we had an instructor who listened to a lot of gay Euro dance. I mean really, really homo Euro techno. Well for a warm up we had to run laps around the mat and he would stay in the middle and call out instructions. We had a procedure in which we start by circling left facing the inside, then turn around and face the outside, hip switches, skips, jogs etc. When we did circles we also raised our arms in conjunction to our foot movement so it was like we were circling as we did jumping jacks. This seems gay on it's own, but for some reason the instructor who was standing in the middle thinks it would be alright to start doing cart wheels in the middle to warm up as well WHILE this ridiculously gay Euro dance was playing. So picture in your head 20 or so jacked dudes , some in board shorts, some in spandex fucking going around in circles doing jumping jacks, followed by hip switches, followed by skips as this big hairy 200lb (yet nimble) Iranian guy was doing cartwheels in the middle while the GAYEST Euro dance imaginable was blasting in the background. I felt so uncomfortable, at this surreal situation I had found myself in. I glanced to my right and I saw the guy beside me just glance at me and give me one of those "W..T..F" looks. I look over at the guy on my left and he's grinning his ass off. This circle, gay disco, aerobics cult went on for a good 2 minutes before thankfully, the song ended.
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L.M.F.A.O.

patt0311 said:
one of the ring girls from a local promoter came last night while we were rolling. they picked me and i gladly let her take the top and mount me
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now THIS i want to hear more about.
 
i was armbarring a girl at judo class.

i wasnt wearing a cup anyway it wasnt a good armbar at all so she turned into it and tried to push off with her other hand, anyway she got a fistful of testicle.
then i basically let her pull the arm out and on the way she got a nice grope.

awkward for her, fun for me.




most awkward moment i have seen:

this guy was choked unconscious, i mean deep sleep.
his leg was shaking and he let out a wet fart, that was absolutley horrible.

anyway we were all laughing our heads off, somebody was aware enough to wake him up, and then he asked what happened, we told him he was choked unconscious.

anyway he stood up, noticed the brown liquid running down his leg (as did the other 15 people there) and ran out like Napoeleon Dynamite or something.
 
POPPA ROTZEE said:
Whats the most awkward situation you've ever been in?

Here's mine, I had a blind girl come and study jiu-jitsu at our school (Which is AWESOME imo) and I was there on her first day visiting the school. I had seen on the news about a blind girl training in the area at other schools and knew she had some knowledge on the mat.

So I didn't have a problem with this, at all, my problem was when the specific training started. I kinda wanted a precedent to go off of how the other guys rolled with her and at what level of aggression but of course I got picked to get on the mat first and after defeating the first two guys, she was up in line. So now I'm think "Great, either I go hard and beat her while everyones watching and I'm the dick head that beat the blind girl...or I let her beat me and I'm the dick head that lost to the blind girl on purpose.

(hand outs piss off some handicap people) so i'm not sure how she'll react. If she is a girl AND blind and comes to jiu-jitsu...she's a tuff individual and may not want any hand outs and actually RESENT me letting her win. Talk about fucking awkward... so I kind of lucked out...I played a soft guard and let her pass only when she did the correct technique to side guard then when she mounted softly swept her and explained she would of won the "specific training drill" if she would of been more careful with her base. I figured that was the best way out of that one. lol.
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How do you beat someone in training?
 
I got 69 positioned by this dude and he smothered his crotch right into my face and i could smell his balls. I didn't know what to do. =/ Should i tap because of his junk stinking or should i just be a man and suffer it through.. =/ I suffered.(this will be the closest contact you'll get with balls on face without the other dude taking their pants off)
 
kenban judan said:
i learned a cool technique off a dvd i saw, "Passing the Guard (of blind people)": next time she pulls open guard, you can pass by simply getting up and walking over to whatever side you want; you can take your time as long as you do it quietly
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I'll admit that I laughed. :icon_lol:
 
Broke a guy's posture and on the way down he got two fistfulls of boobs. Now, I'm not a flat chested girl, so that happens, but I brush it off. Except...he didn't let go. That little shit left his hands CUPPING my boobs for a solid 3-4 seconds and MADE EYE CONTACT. I was so creeped out, ended up putting him to sleep. I used a triangle, which in hindsite wasn't a good idea.

Another I had a guy call up and schedule a private with me, saying he'd trained with several of my friends. I show up, expecting a small white/blue belt guy (normally the profile of the guys I teach privates to) and it was like a 50+ year old, 6'1", 200 lb dude in running shorts with nothing to keep the boys in. Throughout the lesson it was very obvious that the guy was not there for jiu jitsu, but some fetish wrestling BS, and I was getting super uncomfortable (he only looked me in the eye rolling). I couldn't justify kicking him out for creeping me out, because he didn't do anything outright wrong, but it was so horrifying I took one of those crying, rocking rape showers.
 
Hillary said:
Broke a guy's posture and on the way down he got two fistfulls of boobs. Now, I'm not a flat chested girl, so that happens, but I brush it off. Except...he didn't let go. That little shit left his hands CUPPING my boobs for a solid 3-4 seconds and MADE EYE CONTACT. I was so creeped out, ended up putting him to sleep. I used a triangle, which in hindsite wasn't a good idea.

Another I had a guy call up and schedule a private with me, saying he'd trained with several of my friends. I show up, expecting a small white/blue belt guy (normally the profile of the guys I teach privates to) and it was like a 50+ year old, 6'1", 200 lb dude in running shorts with nothing to keep the boys in. Throughout the lesson it was very obvious that the guy was not there for jiu jitsu, but some fetish wrestling BS, and I was getting super uncomfortable (he only looked me in the eye rolling). I couldn't justify kicking him out for creeping me out, because he didn't do anything outright wrong, but it was so horrifying I took one of those crying, rocking rape showers.
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LMFAO...I've had this happen to me..except I went into retard mode and immediately moved my hands which caused me to kind of fall without being able to stop myself lol.

Another problem I have with girls sometimes...is when I try to put my hand behind their head...like I don't know an Ezekiel or something similar....I have to go really slow and or back out a few times because I feel like I will rip their hair out trying to get it across.
 
Hillary said:
Broke a guy's posture and on the way down he got two fistfulls of boobs. Now, I'm not a flat chested girl, so that happens, but I brush it off. Except...he didn't let go. That little shit left his hands CUPPING my boobs for a solid 3-4 seconds and MADE EYE CONTACT. I was so creeped out, ended up putting him to sleep. I used a triangle, which in hindsite wasn't a good idea.

Another I had a guy call up and schedule a private with me, saying he'd trained with several of my friends. I show up, expecting a small white/blue belt guy (normally the profile of the guys I teach privates to) and it was like a 50+ year old, 6'1", 200 lb dude in running shorts with nothing to keep the boys in. Throughout the lesson it was very obvious that the guy was not there for jiu jitsu, but some fetish wrestling BS, and I was getting super uncomfortable (he only looked me in the eye rolling). I couldn't justify kicking him out for creeping me out, because he didn't do anything outright wrong, but it was so horrifying I took one of those crying, rocking rape showers.
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Sorry I'm laughing. But I am. Jiu Jitsu sure gets some creepers I guess.
 
Hillary said:
Broke a guy's posture and on the way down he got two fistfulls of boobs. Now, I'm not a flat chested girl, so that happens, but I brush it off. Except...he didn't let go. That little shit left his hands CUPPING my boobs for a solid 3-4 seconds and MADE EYE CONTACT. I was so creeped out, ended up putting him to sleep. I used a triangle, which in hindsite wasn't a good idea.

Another I had a guy call up and schedule a private with me, saying he'd trained with several of my friends. I show up, expecting a small white/blue belt guy (normally the profile of the guys I teach privates to) and it was like a 50+ year old, 6'1", 200 lb dude in running shorts with nothing to keep the boys in. Throughout the lesson it was very obvious that the guy was not there for jiu jitsu, but some fetish wrestling BS, and I was getting super uncomfortable (he only looked me in the eye rolling). I couldn't justify kicking him out for creeping me out, because he didn't do anything outright wrong, but it was so horrifying I took one of those crying, rocking rape showers.
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Jeez didn't know you had to deal with that level of perversion. Puts a new meaning to the word privates. I always worry that when I roll with girls I might put my hand in a wrong place or make them feel uncomfortable, so I just let them roll on top and do whatever. Try to play a pass and keep game. Unless they scratch the crap out of me, yes girls can spazz on you too.
 
I have no problem with contact, because it's a contact sport. The guys in my gym have given up on caring, and neither do it. You can tell when there's "necessary contact"--accidental when passing the guard or trying to get an underhook--and perversion. I rarely get the second part but it happens. Especially on the internet. I've now instilled a background check policy for guys, I have to have the name of their credible instructor and contact info so I can make sure that doesn't happen again.
 
New one to add:

I accidentally grabbed my instructor's sack.
 
bagelgod said:
New one to add:

I accidentally grabbed my instructor's sack.
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Lol, I've done that before, too. This one time from halfguard I dove my hand under my partner's free leg for a sweep. He shifted his body and based low to counter and I ended up with a handful of sack. I aborted the sweep immediately.
 
Bathwater said:
Lol, I've done that before, too. This one time from halfguard I dove my hand under my partner's free leg for a sweep. He shifted his body and based low to counter and I ended up with a handful of sack. I aborted the sweep immediately.
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That is exactly how I ended up with my fistful of scrote. Except I didn't understand what the warm soft thing in my hand was, and tried to sweep anyway.

We both had a hearty laugh.
 
Bathwater said:
Lol, I've done that before, too. This one time from halfguard I dove my hand under my partner's free leg for a sweep. He shifted his body and based low to counter and I ended up with a handful of sack. I aborted the sweep immediately.
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LOL Houston we have a problem
 
Hillary said:
I have no problem with contact, because it's a contact sport. The guys in my gym have given up on caring, and neither do it. You can tell when there's "necessary contact"--accidental when passing the guard or trying to get an underhook--and perversion. I rarely get the second part but it happens. Especially on the internet. I've now instilled a background check policy for guys, I have to have the name of their credible instructor and contact info so I can make sure that doesn't happen again.
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Just curious, but ever any plans to open your own school? I can't imagine the interesting crowd (mainly good people) your school would attract.
 
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