Your Most Awkward Jiu-Jitsu Situation

[MickCollins]

We were doing the hip throws and I was paired with a big, big fella. He's the type of dude who thinks everything is MMA and every drill is the UFC title shot. He always resists. So we are doing the throw and he resists while saying things like "this wouldn't work if I did X" type stuff. All while I was doing it slow to work on footwork and such because I'm bad at it and its fuggin' practice. So, I finally decide to move fast, keep hips low and see if I can launch him. I didn't launch him too high, but he fell flat on his back and let out a loud, wet farting sound. Oh, it wasn't a fart. It was a shart. As he peered up at me and said "that was a good one", a brown stain started expanding on his white gi pants.

Meanwhile, next drill is announced as working the double unders guard pass. I excused myself to the bathroom. Said I didn't feel well. The dude still wears the pants, only now there is a faded ass stain on them.

 

[Jango]

The dude still wears the pants, only now there is a faded ass stain on them.

Oh, that is GROSSSSS!

 

[DeadAim713]

Haha, that is awesome.

For me, one time I had to piss really bad between sparring sessions. My gi pant drawstrings are really short, so I can't tie them into a bow, but rather a tight knot that takes awhile to loosen. Well, I usually keep my pants pretty tight to prevent them from coming down. When I went to piss, I didn't have the time to undo the knot, so i attempted to peek my dick over the top of my pants, I managed to piss for about 10 seconds, but my urethra was half cut off. When I couldn't piss anymore, I quickly stowed my penis back into my pants, not thinking (obviously). Needless to say, about 3-4 more ounces of piss were expelled directly into my pants.

OH MY GOD, that happened to me like 3 weeks ago... I just splashed my pants with water and wiped it as best as possible with paper towels. Nobody noticed, but I WILL ALWAYS take the time to untie my gi pants from now on.

 

[In Chains]

HAHAHAHA, yeah. Its funny that every gym no matter what city still has the same guys.

1. Protein fart guy
2. Sweaty guy
4. Bad breath guy
5. Wait till everyones tired before you start rolling guy
6. 15 min late guy
7 Pre excuse guy

the list goes on and on and they are everywhere

You forgot the "white belt instructor guy" . lol.






My awkward story of most recent. I was helping out coaching during one of the kids classes and keeping them safe. I walked over near a pair of kids that were rolling together, a 12 year old boy and girl. They were rolling around I noticed something that stuck out like a HUGE RED FLAG. The little girl had a soaked through red mark on her pants. I instantly stopped them, smiled and said "hey, try my jacket on to see if you like it" kind of giving a distraction of what I really trying to do. This poor little girl got her first period during BJJ class rolling with a little boy. He didn't notice thankfully. I put my jacket on her which was like a huge dress on her, she was confused as hell what was going. My coach was noticed what was going on and came over and asked if everything was ok. I smiled and said yeah, is Mrs."coach" available? (She's usually in the office) I was just trying to keep it a comfortable situation before the little girl noticed. He said yeah, let me go get her. I told the little girl lets go see Mrs.Coach, I think she wanted to talk to her. I walked her to the office and that's when it got REAL uncomfortable when I had to explain what was going on the little girl was just mortified. I did my best to explain her that no one on the mat noticed and everything was going to be ok. She was so embarrassed and upset, I felt so bad for her.

She's ok now and she seems to have bonded to me abit. She comes to me when she has questions. It took her a couple of weeks to make it back to the school and avoided eye contact with me at first. Her mother came in with her and was very thankful for my discrestion. I explained to her that I have an 18 month old little girl and would hope that someone would be as compassionate with her if it were to happen.

 

[TalkShowOnMute]

You forgot the "white belt instructor guy" . lol.






My awkward story of most recent. I was helping out coaching during one of the kids classes and keeping them safe. I walked over near a pair of kids that were rolling together, a 12 year old boy and girl. They were rolling around I noticed something that stuck out like a HUGE RED FLAG. The little girl had a soaked through red mark on her pants. I instantly stopped them, smiled and said "hey, try my jacket on to see if you like it" kind of giving a distraction of what I really trying to do. This poor little girl got her first period during BJJ class rolling with a little boy. He didn't notice thankfully. I put my jacket on her which was like a huge dress on her, she was confused as hell what was going. My coach was noticed what was going on and came over and asked if everything was ok. I smiled and said yeah, is Mrs."coach" available? (She's usually in the office) I was just trying to keep it a comfortable situation before the little girl noticed. He said yeah, let me go get her. I told the little girl lets go see Mrs.Coach, I think she wanted to talk to her. I walked her to the office and that's when it got REAL uncomfortable when I had to explain what was going on the little girl was just mortified. I did my best to explain her that no one on the mat noticed and everything was going to be ok. She was so embarrassed and upset, I felt so bad for her.

She's ok now and she seems to have bonded to me abit. She comes to me when she has questions. It took her a couple of weeks to make it back to the school and avoided eye contact with me at first. Her mother came in with her and was very thankful for my discrestion. I explained to her that I have an 18 month old little girl and would hope that someone would be as compassionate with her if it were to happen.

Good work.

 

[sile]

There is a kid that just transferred to the adult classes where he now has to roll with his middle aged mom occasionally and that can get pretty awkward. I see it on the poor kids face. So imagine any of these rolling with girl stories, but instead of a hot girl, it's your mother.. Yeaah

 

[TalkShowOnMute]

There is a kid that just transferred to the adult classes where he now has to roll with his middle aged mom occasionally and that can get pretty awkward. I see it on the poor kids face. So imagine any of these rolling with girl stories, but instead of a hot girl, it's your mother.. Yeaah

Oh damn...that sucks.

 

[3dsmax]

My second class or so I was trying to get an armbar on this girl and, as I was pulling on her arm and pushing with my leg on the other one, my leg got stuck in her collar. So I was actually choking her while the arm was in no danger at all because she was holding it. She was saying tap over and over (which I didn't hear) until one of the blue belts told me "DUDE LET GO ALREADY WTF"

 

[pacer90***]

You forgot the "white belt instructor guy" . lol.






My awkward story of most recent. I was helping out coaching during one of the kids classes and keeping them safe. I walked over near a pair of kids that were rolling together, a 12 year old boy and girl. They were rolling around I noticed something that stuck out like a HUGE RED FLAG. The little girl had a soaked through red mark on her pants. I instantly stopped them, smiled and said "hey, try my jacket on to see if you like it" kind of giving a distraction of what I really trying to do. This poor little girl got her first period during BJJ class rolling with a little boy. He didn't notice thankfully. I put my jacket on her which was like a huge dress on her, she was confused as hell what was going. My coach was noticed what was going on and came over and asked if everything was ok. I smiled and said yeah, is Mrs."coach" available? (She's usually in the office) I was just trying to keep it a comfortable situation before the little girl noticed. He said yeah, let me go get her. I told the little girl lets go see Mrs.Coach, I think she wanted to talk to her. I walked her to the office and that's when it got REAL uncomfortable when I had to explain what was going on the little girl was just mortified. I did my best to explain her that no one on the mat noticed and everything was going to be ok. She was so embarrassed and upset, I felt so bad for her.

She's ok now and she seems to have bonded to me abit. She comes to me when she has questions. It took her a couple of weeks to make it back to the school and avoided eye contact with me at first. Her mother came in with her and was very thankful for my discrestion. I explained to her that I have an 18 month old little girl and would hope that someone would be as compassionate with her if it were to happen.

Big props.

 

[AboveThisFire]

There is a kid that just transferred to the adult classes where he now has to roll with his middle aged mom occasionally and that can get pretty awkward. I see it on the poor kids face. So imagine any of these rolling with girl stories, but instead of a hot girl, it's your mother.. Yeaah

We have a 14 year old green belt kid at my school who rolls with the adult class instead of the kids class; his father is Army or Marine Corps (forget which) and the kid has gotten to the point where he's significantly better than his father... I can't tell if the father is proud of his monster son or if he's angry. Kid's awesome though for sure.

 

[iheartthemount]

i can see that being a little awkward. i actually help train some students who are full functioning autistic and i always see people initially get uncomfortable rolling with them at first but when you realize that (imo) all bjj should be about helping each other, you think less about how it would reflect on you and more about how to help the other person improve their game. that and some of these kids are brutally strong.

 

[xMikeyX]

You forgot the "white belt instructor guy" . lol.






My awkward story of most recent. I was helping out coaching during one of the kids classes and keeping them safe. I walked over near a pair of kids that were rolling together, a 12 year old boy and girl. They were rolling around I noticed something that stuck out like a HUGE RED FLAG. The little girl had a soaked through red mark on her pants. I instantly stopped them, smiled and said "hey, try my jacket on to see if you like it" kind of giving a distraction of what I really trying to do. This poor little girl got her first period during BJJ class rolling with a little boy. He didn't notice thankfully. I put my jacket on her which was like a huge dress on her, she was confused as hell what was going. My coach was noticed what was going on and came over and asked if everything was ok. I smiled and said yeah, is Mrs."coach" available? (She's usually in the office) I was just trying to keep it a comfortable situation before the little girl noticed. He said yeah, let me go get her. I told the little girl lets go see Mrs.Coach, I think she wanted to talk to her. I walked her to the office and that's when it got REAL uncomfortable when I had to explain what was going on the little girl was just mortified. I did my best to explain her that no one on the mat noticed and everything was going to be ok. She was so embarrassed and upset, I felt so bad for her.

She's ok now and she seems to have bonded to me abit. She comes to me when she has questions. It took her a couple of weeks to make it back to the school and avoided eye contact with me at first. Her mother came in with her and was very thankful for my discrestion. I explained to her that I have an 18 month old little girl and would hope that someone would be as compassionate with her if it were to happen.

You're a good guy. That could have easily been the worst day of her life.

 

[shorttylad]

We were doing the hip throws and I was paired with a big, big fella. He's the type of dude who thinks everything is MMA and every drill is the UFC title shot. He always resists. So we are doing the throw and he resists while saying things like "this wouldn't work if I did X" type stuff. All while I was doing it slow to work on footwork and such because I'm bad at it and its fuggin' practice. So, I finally decide to move fast, keep hips low and see if I can launch him. I didn't launch him too high, but he fell flat on his back and let out a loud, wet farting sound. Oh, it wasn't a fart. It was a shart. As he peered up at me and said "that was a good one", a brown stain started expanding on his white gi pants.

Meanwhile, next drill is announced as working the double unders guard pass. I excused myself to the bathroom. Said I didn't feel well. The dude still wears the pants, only now there is a faded ass stain on them.

hahaha :icon_chee

shart storys always make me laugh my balls off

 

[bagelgod]

I was going for a kneebar on a spazzy guy. His only knee bar escape was to put the foot on the butt, and push...but he was in a hurry, so he just jammed his heel at me indiscriminately. He got me once solid in the butthole, and it made me yelp "OW MY BUTTHOLE", and everyone looked over. It was the worst.

 

[curb1850]

You forgot the "white belt instructor guy" . lol.






My awkward story of most recent. I was helping out coaching during one of the kids classes and keeping them safe. I walked over near a pair of kids that were rolling together, a 12 year old boy and girl. They were rolling around I noticed something that stuck out like a HUGE RED FLAG. The little girl had a soaked through red mark on her pants. I instantly stopped them, smiled and said "hey, try my jacket on to see if you like it" kind of giving a distraction of what I really trying to do. This poor little girl got her first period during BJJ class rolling with a little boy. He didn't notice thankfully. I put my jacket on her which was like a huge dress on her, she was confused as hell what was going. My coach was noticed what was going on and came over and asked if everything was ok. I smiled and said yeah, is Mrs."coach" available? (She's usually in the office) I was just trying to keep it a comfortable situation before the little girl noticed. He said yeah, let me go get her. I told the little girl lets go see Mrs.Coach, I think she wanted to talk to her. I walked her to the office and that's when it got REAL uncomfortable when I had to explain what was going on the little girl was just mortified. I did my best to explain her that no one on the mat noticed and everything was going to be ok. She was so embarrassed and upset, I felt so bad for her.

She's ok now and she seems to have bonded to me abit. She comes to me when she has questions. It took her a couple of weeks to make it back to the school and avoided eye contact with me at first. Her mother came in with her and was very thankful for my discrestion. I explained to her that I have an 18 month old little girl and would hope that someone would be as compassionate with her if it were to happen.

Well done.

 

[Steelviper]

I assume the blind girl at the start was Trelle? (I was pretty confused about some of the posts, esp. about you being a whit belt, until I saw how old this thread was.) How's she doing?

 

[DuppyMekka]

i learned a cool technique off a dvd i saw, "Passing the Guard (of blind people)": next time she pulls open guard, you can pass by simply getting up and walking over to whatever side you want; you can take your time as long as you do it quietly

:icon_chee

personally my weirdest moment was when some guy was in my guard, half gassed and drooled and it went into my mouth. we both registered what happened and kinda shut it out and pretended it didnt...i feel sick thinking about it

 

[In Chains]

Good work.

Big props.

You're a good guy. That could have easily been the worst day of her life.

Well done.

Thanks guys.

 

[BigStaff]

:icon_chee

personally my weirdest moment was when some guy was in my guard, half gassed and drooled and it went into my mouth. we both registered what happened and kinda shut it out and pretended it didnt...i feel sick thinking about it

OMG, I probably would have dry heaved the whole time we were rolling after that.

 

[Spoken]

A girl I liked once wanted to learn a bit of BJJ... she was really persistent one day so I told her I'd teacher her (for fun) The armbar from guard. I explained how the positions are awkward at first but if you handle it professionally its totally fine.
I was in her guard for 30 seconds when I felt the hard on. I used to wear tight pants... It was obvious. I kind of willed it away to a bit of a chub. I think she felt it though because she got awkward out of no where.

my spine shutters.