Should I get a place with my girl and her kid?

[HARRISON_3]

Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be @Oregonmma

 

[Contempt]

So my lease on my apartment is up this month. If I re sign I'll be paying $1750 a month for a 1bd 1ba 600sq ft apartment. I've been seeing this girl (Whom I've known for around 5-6 years) for about 4 months and we spend 2-4 days a week together. She has a 2/3 year old kid and her lease is up this month too. I'm sick of not being able to save much money so we are talking about getting a 2bd 2ba 1000sq ft apartment for $1800-2000. We've already found a few we like and I'm just going over everything in my head. The goal is to be able to buy a house sooner than later. Here are the pros and cons

Pros

1. Will be able to save around $1000+ a month
2. Bigger apartment
3. Won't have to pay for a parking spot
4. Sex on the regs

Cons.

1. Will be a 30-45 min commute to work instead of a 10 min commute
2. Will live with a 2/3 year old every other week
3. Have to drive everywhere rather than just walking to any bar/store I wanted like my current place
4. Moving sucks

Currently live in Portland, OR and would be moving to Vancouver, WA if I did move.....

Thoughts?

Do you live in one of the states that applies "common law marriage" to people who live together?

Because Con: after six months, you are forcibly married to a single mother by the state.

 

[Osculater]

Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be @Oregonmma

 

[Oregonmma]

Do you live in one of the states that applies "common law marriage" to people who live together?

Because Con: after six months, you are forcibly married to a single mother by the state.

Washington does not use common marriage laws fortunately

 

[Phlog]

Kid wouldn't even remember me if we lived together for a year and I decided it wasn't for me

That is incorrect. Check the science if you like. A kid dealing with abandonment by a primary caregiver can suffer higher rates of depression and anxiety later in life and that is the tip of the iceberg.

Also consider that if you are not serious, you're then taking away the chance for her to meet someone serious whilst she is still attractive.

 

[Contempt]

Washington does not use common marriage laws fortunately

Well that's something but still, you've only known her for 4 months. One of my co-workers was telling me about her current living situation: Got a place with her boyfriend, broke up with her boyfriend but neither have the money to move out and break the lease. Ex got a new girlfriend and it's super awkward.

I'm glad I live alone(ish) because all this drama and crap sounds exhausting.

 

[Belaya Smert]

Can she lose the kid?

 

[cincymma79]

So my lease on my apartment is up this month. If I re sign I'll be paying $1750 a month for a 1bd 1ba 600sq ft apartment. I've been seeing this girl (Whom I've known for around 5-6 years) for about 4 months and we spend 2-4 days a week together. She has a 2/3 year old kid and her lease is up this month too. I'm sick of not being able to save much money so we are talking about getting a 2bd 2ba 1000sq ft apartment for $1800-2000. We've already found a few we like and I'm just going over everything in my head. The goal is to be able to buy a house sooner than later. Here are the pros and cons

Pros

1. Will be able to save around $1000+ a month
2. Bigger apartment
3. Won't have to pay for a parking spot
4. Sex on the regs

Cons.

1. Will be a 30-45 min commute to work instead of a 10 min commute
2. Will live with a 2/3 year old every other week
3. Have to drive everywhere rather than just walking to any bar/store I wanted like my current place
4. Moving sucks

Currently live in Portland, OR and would be moving to Vancouver, WA if I did move.....

Thoughts?

Hurry up and have kids with her. Try to adopt the kid so they’re yours officially. Grab a pit bull or two for protection.

 

[biscuitsbrah]

Can she lose the kid?

Asking the real questions

 

[koquerelle]

Make the jump if you love her and her kid. Don't do it if it's only about saving money.

 

[Protectandserve]

Figure out all the details of their coparenting issues cause your gonna be smack dab in the middle.

As others have said, the regular sex is likely to fade away quick.

 

[Oregonmma]

Well that's something but still, you've only known her for 4 months. One of my co-workers was telling me about her current living situation: Got a place with her boyfriend, broke up with her boyfriend but neither have the money to move out and break the lease. Ex got a new girlfriend and it's super awkward.

I'm glad I live alone(ish) because all this drama and crap sounds exhausting.

I've been with her for 4 months but we've known each other for 5-6 years. I would also have enough money to break lease and move if I needed to.

 

[Sweater of AV]

That could go sideways pretty quickly. If you love her and her child, and genuinely want to be in that role, then go for it. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

 

[Alphaboy]

So my lease on my apartment is up this month. If I re sign I'll be paying $1750 a month for a 1bd 1ba 600sq ft apartment. I've been seeing this girl (Whom I've known for around 5-6 years) for about 4 months and we spend 2-4 days a week together. She has a 2/3 year old kid and her lease is up this month too. I'm sick of not being able to save much money so we are talking about getting a 2bd 2ba 1000sq ft apartment for $1800-2000. We've already found a few we like and I'm just going over everything in my head. The goal is to be able to buy a house sooner than later. Here are the pros and cons

Pros

1. Will be able to save around $1000+ a month
2. Bigger apartment
3. Won't have to pay for a parking spot
4. Sex on the regs

Cons.

1. Will be a 30-45 min commute to work instead of a 10 min commute
2. Will live with a 2/3 year old every other week
3. Have to drive everywhere rather than just walking to any bar/store I wanted like my current place
4. Moving sucks

Currently live in Portland, OR and would be moving to Vancouver, WA if I did move.....

Thoughts?

 

[Jake the Muss]

When you move in together you become a stepfather to that child whether you want to or not, that child is now also your responsibility because he lives in your home, is that something youre ready for?

This ^.

4 months into a relationship is too soon. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to break free if it doesn't work out, especially if the father is not around.

Do you want to be financially responsible for her child even if the relationship doesn't work out and still have to pay rent elsewhere?

 

[Beau Wring]

should you get a place with your girl and her kid?

 

[method115]

I say do it. If it doesn't work out so what you'll just be joining the other 50%+ of relationships that don't work.

 

[Oregonmma]

Gimme dat input bro

 

[Reach Finesse]

Little by little she's gonna get you to do stuff for the kid

Until you're so close to the kid you'll be guilt tripped to be the step dad

 

[SuwoopBangin]

One of two things will happen: 1. You come to resent the child that isn't yours and potentially fuck that child's future up by forcing it to live with a male adult (he will see you as a father figure) that doesn't care for him
2. You will come to love that child as your own and feel a strong sense of responsibility for him

I think it's a terrible idea to move in together unless you're 100% dedicated to be a father to that child, because there's no getting around it when you live in a small ass apartment together. You're going to be in the child's life whether you like it or not at that point.