Office bathroom experiences

[Lovestorm]

The bathrooms where i work are unisex and feature one toilet and one urinal. There are three bathrooms over all. Two of the guys where i work regularly make these places as dangerous as Chernobyl. You know that if you see either of them come out of the bathroom that only a fool would dare enter.

As there are few women working in my building the sanitary bins aren't emptied very often. A new challenger has emerged recently in the form of a new girl who's rotting menstrual fluids are potent enough to seemingly permeate the walls and my desk is on the opposite side of the bathroom she always uses. At least when she's on the rag it scares away the championship level shitters.

 

[HUGHPHUG]

a new girl who's rotting menstrual fluids are potent enough to seemingly permeate the walls and my desk is on the opposite side of the bathroom she always uses. At least when she's on the rag it scares away the championship level shitters.

I dig you prose man, I can almost taste that shit

 

[Why did you]

that's why I use the handicap one, they got big gaps, clean floors and a pully thing in case you get stuck or something

I like to leave a bowl of M&M's in the handicap toilet so it looks even posher

So what I've noticed at my previous office shit places is that really many people were going to the handicap toilets, those you could lock from inside, so that was recognized as that private intimate environment most of people are expecting to have.
Which triggers obvious question, why indirectly force people to act handicap so they could shit peacefully?

 

[superpunch]

I had that gross poop that's half way between normal and diarrhea. Just wet enough that you can't control it but just dry enough that it sticks to everything. It dropped all down my butt and into my boxers and in my pants. I managed to wipe it invisible on my pants but my underwear was destroyed. I had to walk like a penguin back to the employee's room, grab my backpack and waddle pack. Then I called Nicolas Cage and he came and drove me home.

 

[syct23]

My office has its own restroom...

 

[ObamaPhoneLady]

Everyone who uses public toilets should be familiar with restroom terminology.

Fuck that. Handicapped stalls are comfy as fuck. I always use them when available. Never seen a handicapped person in the bathroom.

Handicapped parking spots are fair game too. There'as like 12 of them at some malls and maybe 2 ever in use.

How much space do these fuckers need?

Don't even get me started on expectant mother paring spots. Keep your hemorrhoid ass at home, ya fat pig. I'm parking there and if you step, I'm going after you for assuming my gender.

 

[Dober4]

Just today I absolutely destroyed the toilet and right after I got up and made it to the sink this fat bastard walks in and sits right down on the seat.

He had to notice the seat was still warm but it was apparently an emergency because he started shotgunning wet farts into the toilet.

 

[Why did you]

Whats also weird and embarrassing are exactly those situations when you flushed that nasty one and then someone comes in immediatelly after you without any shame or disgust like nothing happened just few seconds ago

 

[Mastoness]

I hate, I fucking hate to use the toilet anywhere outside of my home including my workplace, yet since I am cursed with IBS sometimes I have to use the toilet 2 times during my work time.

Our office bathroom has one toilet and one urinal. I work with 7 guys and one chick.

There are 2 problems.

That chick can be quite a toxic bitch. She is one of those girls with lots of personal problems that were caused by her own life choices. She tends to bring those problems with her and then she lashes it on everyone and everything. God forbid someone stays in bathroom longer than 3 minutes, she starts to yell and grunt why the fuck don't we take a crap at home before work. Few times she tried to open the door when I was in the toilet and she went into the frenzy why the toilet is always taken. I told her to fuck off and we didn't spoke for more than a year.

Second thing, one of my coworkers is a fucking animal that don't use the toilet seat and he sprays the shit all over the wall, toilet bowl and toilet cover. It happens every single day.

Seriously, I really think of quitting my job, just because of bathroom stuff.

 

[SalvadorAllende]

Second thing, one of my coworkers is a fucking animal that don't use the toilet seat and he sprays the shit all over the wall, toilet bowl and toilette cover. It happens every single day.

Wait... do you guys know who does it?

 

[IloveTHIS]

I try to avoid using the bathroom at work at all costs. but one time a few months ago I went to take a piss and all 4 urinals were open. I took the one on the very far left. As I'm mid piss a guy I've never seen before comes in and goes straight to the urinal right beside me, even though he could have chose any of the other 2 to keep some space between us.

I like my job so I didn't do anything, but I strongly believe such an act warrants a broken jaw.

 

[TestosterOWN]

We have a few different restrooms but all are singles. People are all dirty mofos. I walk into one all the time and a specific person leaves a paper towel in front of the toilet.. no idea why. But I just imagine the cleaning people having to pick it up daily. Like wtf is wrong with this person?

 

[Mastoness]

Wait... do you guys know who does it?

I am pretty sure who does it but what can I do? I can't just accuse that person cause he will deny it. We have put the warning sign to keep the toilet clean but without any success. The worst part of it, our cleaning lady who needs to clean that shit is such a sweetheart of a woman, I feel so fucking sorry for her.

 

[Spounman]

At my old warehouse job we had this short Filipino man named Bert. He must weigh around 400 lbs. One day my buddy and I get to our meeting early, we're the only ones in the conference room and the men's restroom is right behind the wall that's behind me. We see Bert walk by the conference room, then we hear the restroom door open. Then we hear the loudest farts followed by the sound of shit splashing all over porcelain. We both looked at each other in disbelief and started laughing. After that day we'd always use the restroom that was too far for Bert to walk to. He would use a forklift as a scooter everywhere he went in that warehouse.

 

[Spounman]

I’m in the office bathroom right now. I’ve been in here about 10 minutes, looking at sherdog and wondering what the hell im gonna do today because we’re slow as hell this time of year.

When I worked at Tesla, we would get our work done early and be bored the rest of the day. The GM and main supervisor always left at 2 PM which left me and our IT supervisor to my left, and our transportation supervisor to my right, alone to our own device the last 3 hours of the day. The IT supervisor would go in the restroom and play clash of clans for at least an hour every day. The transportation supervisor would go get in a big rig parked way out back and play phone games. Eventually I started walking to the park across the street and getting my exercise in for the day.

When I worked at Cisco I'd work from home a lot but my first 6 months I was in the office. There were many days when my entire floor would be working from home, I'd be the only person upstairs, all the motion lights would turn on wherever I went. Eventually I started bringing my basketball to work and playing at a park down the street in the afternoon.

 

[GSP_37]

What was just in his ass is now in your mouth. Think about that.

I try to make my brown bank deposits as early in the day as possible so I get a nice clean stall all to myself.

I recently saw something on TV where the women who kept their toothbrushes near the toilet had e.coli on the toothbrushes and the ones who kept them covered but dried first had zero bacteria.

These days with smartphones with high res cameras, taking a shit in public makes you too vulnerable to compromat. Worse than the evil Playboy fake tittie model fat shaming a naked woman at the gym.

 

[Jim Cozad Jr.]

Lol, I'm definitely that third tweet about outlasting who sits next to me...the people who piss me off the most are the stall pissers when there are urinals...

 

[ookii]

Why are there gaps at the bottom of the cubicles?
How much more money would it cost for that extra foot of wood to make it go right to the floor?

Only in movies do we need to have gaps in the bottom of cubicles

I hate it when someone lets their foot stray onto my side, or passes me a note

yeah I don't want anyone to know if Im a squatter or not with my feet sticking out in the public bathroom. Some privacy man

 

[GSP_37]

Ours are co-ed so I try to destroy the toilets right when I get in and leave my mark for the others.

The local news said the university now has a 3rd option restroom. Can dudes feel free to whip out the dong as they enter and hope hot girls are in there to enjoy the view?

 

[Cole train]

Two things:
IT guys don’t wash their hands. I’m like the only guy in IT that washes his hands after taking a piss. I have actually seen other IT guys walk out after taking a shit, and not wash their hands. They’re nerds who never spent time outside as kids. So they never learned social conventions like everyone else. To them, washing their hands is just something their parents made them do.

And Asian guys always spit in the urinal. Whether they’re Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indian, whatever, they always spit in the urinal while taking a piss. But at least they wash their hands.

Nice to touch the keyboard after that