Married with newborn on the way.

[SowingSeason]

You are right, its the build a family thing, but I don

 

[SpartanKhmy]

You should talk to her first about how you feel. You'll do more harm to your kid if you choose to stay in a loveless marriage. Are you depressed about life, see a doc. Best of luck to you my friend

 

[Grob]

I'll play devil's advocate to SowingSeason's advice above:

Are you going to regret staying around someone you don't love anymore or moving on?

The kid isn't born yet, so easier to leave now before you hold it in your arms and get attached to it. Any man can get a woman pregnant, someone else can be that kid's dad. Someone else who'll love your current wife for who she is.

Do you want your child to grow up around loveless parents? You will be shaping their view of marriage and will likely follow your example.

You are being selfish by not letting her go on to find someone more compatible. You are being selfish by depriving your offspring from being raised in a loving household.

 

[GoatGoat]

So in other words its a placebo in the form of a suit and tie?

I.E. doesn't really solve anything

In your words, yes. But, certainly not an accurate representation of what I stated.

 

[A.Silva]

You fucked up and got married, now you gotta pay the piper.

 

[Viva]

In your words, yes. But, certainly not an accurate representation of what I stated.

Okay, how's this.

Its an overly expensive place to vent in hopes the counselor will take your side and not the crazy bitch who is likely the reason for counseling in the first place.

You fucked up and got married, now you gotta pay the piper.

Troof.

 

[Banchan]

If he bails now he leaves that child with an entire lifetime's worth of daddy issues. Even if he visits every weekend and the mother doesn't slander him to the kid, it's still not going to be the same as growing up with a mother and father in the home. The child will probably hate him for not being there, and will have tons of issues with abandonment even if he is visiting because no matter what he's not there every night.

If he bails the best case scenario for the child is for his current wife to meet someone else and get remarried and for them to man up and raise his child and be there for it. Then you've got minimal psychological damage to the child if the surrogate father is good and in the picture early, and you'll be off the hook for child support.

It isn't just about him anymore. He really doesn't know if she legitimately got pregnant accidentally or if the child is an intentional anchor baby, but either way there is a tiny little human being who will need everything he has to give. And he feels like he's ready to bolt in a certain number of months.

What does breaking up with the child's mother have to do with abandoning his child or the child developing daddy issues? Sometimes things run its course. It's actually very selfish to say that you stayed with the mom/dad for the sake of the kids. It's fine if you accept relationship mediocrity for yourself but you really have no business deciding on that life for your partner or your child so you can tell yourself that you're a nice guy.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

So in other words its a placebo in the form of a suit and tie?

I.E. doesn't really solve anything

A lot of people don't know how to communicate, and just argue like idiotic assholes when problems come up, or slip into weird interaction patterns they learned from their families. A good counselor is like a good coach/teacher, and can really help couples and families by helping adults learn to interact rationally to work toward finding an understanding of each other's position/feelings, and not like petulant children who want to win the argument. Most people are capable of compromising and understanding other peoples' positions, and if through the counseling process people come to understand that they don't want the relationship anymore, then that can be a good outcome too, as too many people end up wasting their time, money, and emotional resources on divorces to try to win. Coming out of counseling with both people feeling okay about it being over, having resolved some of the conflict but still not wanting to be together can be really helpful too. People fu@king each other to get out of their relationships and to win their divorces really screws them and their children up.

A good counselor and or mediator doesn't just have touchy feely value, it can be very valuable, in marriages, families, and businesses in very tangible ways.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

You will regret it more if you don't try everything you can to save your marriage and your family IMO. I know you're salty about your circumstances right now but it's time to move past that. There is no way out of this.

Family is a forever kind of thing so it's worth the effort. She isn't just your wife now. She is the mother of your child and your kid needs both of you. You will deal with both of them for a very long time so try to put yourself in the best situation possible. If you try, put yourself out there and it still can't be helped then I would understand letting it go.

Anyways, rant over.

Yeah, I think TS owes it to himself to express his concerns to his wife that this pregnancy wasn't an accident. That is a huge question to keep to oneself, and how she responds, and how he feels about her response will be the ground for what happens after that conversation. Tricking him into getting her pregnant is very different than her being surprised too that a baby happened so quickly.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

I'll play devil's advocate to SowingSeason's advice above:

Are you going to regret staying around someone you don't love anymore or moving on?

The kid isn't born yet, so easier to leave now before you hold it in your arms and get attached to it. Any man can get a woman pregnant, someone else can be that kid's dad. Someone else who'll love your current wife for who she is.

Do you want your child to grow up around loveless parents? You will be shaping their view of marriage and will likely follow your example.

You are being selfish by not letting her go on to find someone more compatible. You are being selfish by depriving your offspring from being raised in a loving household.

You set up a false choice. He can be the child's father and get divorced, and be the child's father after the divorce. Either way, he is the child's father, and babies need all the people on their side they can get. To walk out on the child so he doesn't get attached is egocentric in a 5 year old kind of way

 

[Nonsense]

I really don't understand why so many turn to counseling.

If you aren't happy in the relationship does it really make sense to pay someone an exorbitant amount of money to essentially attempt to talk you back into loving that person?

That's not what counselling is. You know better.

 

[Mike]

Ok these are all just imo TS:

1. Any time a woman is going off birth control and tells you, she's passively asking for permission to get pregnant. If she does and you didn't object to her going off the pill you can't blame her. Not like she actually lied and tried to trap you.


2. Shouldn't have had unprotected sex if you didn't want her to get pregnant, but if we're honest a lot of guys have done it and just been luckier. Sometimes we do dumb stuff.


3. Whether you love this girl or not you have to make sure this kid has a father no matter how hard she makes that. A kid without a father is going to be messed up.


4: If you do care about your wife at all you should try to work it out. This is your family and you made promises.

Good luck ts hope it works out well for you.

 

[Fizzee Water]

Maybe you need to stop thinking about your wife's negative qualities (which from what I can gather is some pudge in the stomach, poor taste in movies and more sedentary than you would prefer) and focus on her good ones, which you list but then don't even really acknowledge or seem to appreciate.

 

[Michaelangelo]

First make sure it's yours.

 

[silently]

I'm sure your wife has plenty to complain about you and yet she accepts them.

 

[Deleted member 158611]

Marriage. Sounds like a blast...

 

[lowsingle]

Dr. Phil would not approve of your gambling addiction.

He'd Yenta you into spending all of that fun headscratching time into something more mutually productive and exponentially boring such as woodworking & crafting some rose petals and have you lay them down from the front door all the way to the bed, where an array of Oprah Lifestyle magazines await her perusal. To be done on every day that her painters are in Town.

no, he said gambling is a fine hobby as long as you look at it as a hobby and not a way to make money. he said when you gamble, you have to assume you will lose it all and you are paying for the experience

i know because i sat front row and received a free copy of lifecode

heres me being shocked when dr phil provided a smoking gun that the couple WERE lying and committed the murder. had to crop my mum, doesnt deserve to be on the interwebs

 

[lowsingle]

anyways, its too late TS

as soon as you got her pregnant, that baby is your job now.

its benefit of having a two-parent household>you having to deal with your wife

you had your chance and fucked it up, dont rob the child's

and if you say "oh its fine, ill just be a good dad from two homes", there are COUNTLESS studies showing how much better it is to have both parents at home. heres the first google return from an academic source

McLanahan and Sandefur found that children who did not live with both biological parents were roughly twice as likely to be poor, to have a birth outside
of marriage, to have behavioral and psychological problems, and to not graduate from high school. Other studies have reported associations between family structure and child health outcomes. For example, one study found children living in single-parent homes were more likely to experience health problems, such as accidents, injuries, and poisonings.

http://www.clasp.org/resources-and-publications/states/0086.pdf

but dont worry about screwing someone over that had no choice in the matter, you have to listen to her talk about handbags!!

 

[BillBlueski]

Wait until the kid is 6 years old and say you are going out for cigarettes, but never come back. that way he can have that stereotypical story to tell growing up like in the movies.

I'm on board with this. Seriously, what do people like more than anything else in this world? To feel sorry for themselves, that's what.


I have one addition, however. Make sure you do it right after he breaks a toy or misbehaves. That way, he will spend his whole life thinking that it was his fault. Then, he will tell some skanky girl the story, she will hold him, tell him that it wasn't his fault, and they will have a good cry together (probably while taking a bath or something).

Then they will do a bunch of meth. Everyone wins.

 

[BillBlueski]

You take relationship advice from Dr Phil?

Ha ha, Dr. Phil, poop. He's pop culture, so he's a dumb dumb, right guys?

Dr. Phil is incredibly fucking smart. Dr. Phil could mind rape 99% of Sherdog without trying.

Dr. Phil played collegiate football (I think D1 1st string), never borrowed money for anything in his life, has a PHD, has his own television show, has people like Oprah in his Rolodex, etc...

Dr. Phil is more accomplished than anyone on this forum will ever be.

Sure, I'll take advice from a bunch of tools on a fighting forum, but not from an accomplished profesional like Dr. Phil. That would just be dumb.