Married with newborn on the way.

[Halifax]

LOL. Don't be surprised if one of the crazy ones turns up on your doorstep with a kid at some point.

I've had unprotected sex with randoms too (and subsequently got super paranoid about it) but I always either told them to get the morning after pill or pulled out.

They won't

I Kept in contact with them even after it ended for at least 3 months. And no pregnancies popped up lol.

Usually, they did the ending(in all but one case) because I am pretty honest about who I am. A big nerd. At the time, most of them met me in a bar situation, where I was a bit of a party animal with a big group of friends, so initially, they are attracted to the fun loving drunk I was out drunk 5 nights a week, but not the more nerdy/geeky guy I was sober(And the guy who refuses to watch Romcom's and Gilmour girls)

When I finally met a girl I really liked and was into the same geeky shows, games and stuff I am, I had to chase her for awhile and get out of the friendzone because of my rep. and it all worked out. We have been together 3 years and still have never had a real fight. We just click on a perfect level.

 

[DespicablePeep]

I notice you say she is not very active. She is fat? (besides being preggers, of course...)

Not fat but a weird body type, she has great legs, breasts, arms but she has a lot of fat around the waist. She got it in a period of life when she moved abroad to study english, ate too much shit food. When I met her I motivated her to exercise, it got much better, but exercise was never something she enjoyed.

It did not bother me then much, I enjoyed doing stuff outdoors alone on the weekends for hours, most guys that took their woman had a lousy time. But now I miss someone that is active, my wife life social life revolves around shopping and eating. Movies I have to put up with Disney movies, not once she made the effort to see a Sci-fie movie, she always claims she scares easy.

 

[DespicablePeep]

TS should check out the legit (written by a highly respected professor of clinical psychology, who bases his work on empirically validated treatment) self help book "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" by Haynes.

There is also a lot of psych literature about "what people regret and why they regret it."

Will try to read those books thanks, the title got my attention.

 

[Halifax]

It was New Years Eve, lot of times I was not coming inside, I was stupid. And she is disgusted by cum, pulling out on her hair or body never happened.

Outside of bed, she is a wonderful woman, could not find it any better. I doubt she would be vindictive, its not in her blood.

First bolded: That was the point. But overall, you could have just pulled back and let it go on the bed like most people.

Second bolded: Let's see how long that lasts if you drop the bomb on her that she will be a single mother.

Look, Not trying to be a bastard to you. I am trying to tell you straight that running out on her now will probably bring out a beast you never saw in her. Her friends will give her advice while she cries on their shoulders, and none of it will be favorable to the guy who runs out on a wife after being with her for 8 years as she is about to have the first child. In fact, you are likely setting yourself up to be the heel even to your personal friends and family who usually have your back.

This is a horrible situation. I get that. But I do not know what to tell you other than give it a last chance to work out. If you lasted 8 years with her, something was right. There is no nice way to say this, but you made this bed yourself when you had unprotected sex with her after she told you she went off the pill and you knew you wanted out(That is insane to me). Choices and bad luck.

 

[HunterIII]

i dunno about that. you're going to nut no matter who you have sex with. i think the threadstarter should spend time with his wife, and see if he really is tired of being with her. maybe a weekend out somewhere. just the two of them. see if they can recapture that spark.

but man, when a kid is involved, it is a really difficult decision to split up. good luck to you, threadstarter.

You're absolutely right. I just wanted to make a half humorous pun.

 

[sangreporsangre]

Try to put some money aside so you can bang an escort at least once every other week. And tell her that's poker night with the boyz. It sounds like the sex has been pretty lame and she has put on some weight. But maybe if you're banging different escorts so often it will release that tension for you. See how that works for you and hopefully you can stick around for a few years of your kid growing up anyways. And who knows, maybe you will grow closer to her over time. But at least if you can last until your kid is 2 or so.

 

[dc007]

I was in the same boat as you, TS but without the kid on the way and after some counseling I decided to move on. I knew I was not going to be truly happy with my wife who became more of a best friend than a wife. I had to interest in coming home either and no interest in fucking her. I have been divorced for a few years now and live with an amazing girlfriend and I am so much happier than I was with her.

Honestly if I had a kid, I might have stayed but I would probably end up cheating on my wife which is another reason I left. I didn't want to do that.

 

[The Green Lantern]

Not fat but a weird body type, she has great legs, breasts, arms but she has a lot of fat around the waist. She got it in a period of life when she moved abroad to study english, ate too much shit food. When I met her I motivated her to exercise, it got much better, but exercise was never something she enjoyed.

It did not bother me then much, I enjoyed doing stuff outdoors alone on the weekends for hours, most guys that took their woman had a lousy time. But now I miss someone that is active, my wife life social life revolves around shopping and eating. Movies I have to put up with Disney movies, not once she made the effort to see a Sci-fie movie, she always claims she scares easy.

Damn that sucks, bro.

That baby is only gonna make her body worse. OTOH, you could possibly use the baby-weight thing to motivate her to get back in shape. Have a talk with her about how you miss how hot she used to be. Suggest that the two of you work out together or find some sort of physical activity to share. Who knows? Maybe it can be a way for the two of you to spend some bonding time and strengthen your relationship a little bit.

Another idea. Start finding subtle ways to body-shame her (pinching her belly fat, grabbing her love handles during sex, ask her embarrassing questions about her diet under the guise of being "concerned" for her health, etc). Most women are self-conscious when they are constantly having their flaws brought to light. She will either get to the point where she is motivated to do something about it, or she will resent you and begin to push you away (this is what they call a "win/win" for you if you are looking for a way out of the relationship). The trick is to not come off as an asshole, but as a concerned partner. A very fine line that only few can pull off, but if you are up to the task it can pay off ten-fold.

Either way, best of luck to you, sir.

 

[DespicablePeep]

Look, Not trying to be a bastard to you. I am trying to tell you straight that running out on her now will probably bring out a beast you never saw in her. Her friends will give her advice while she cries on their shoulders, and none of it will be favorable to the guy who runs out on a wife after being with her for 8 years as she is about to have the first child. In fact, you are likely setting yourself up to be the heel even to your personal friends and family who usually have your back.

This is a horrible situation. I get that. But I do not know what to tell you other than give it a last chance to work out. If you lasted 8 years with her, something was right. There is no nice way to say this, but you made this bed yourself when you had unprotected sex with her after she told you she went off the pill and you knew you wanted out(That is insane to me). Choices and bad luck.

Thats all I think, I will give it a chance because of the baby, I think my mind could change when the child is born. But I don

 

[DespicablePeep]

Try to put some money aside so you can bang an escort at least once every other week. And tell her that's poker night with the boyz. It sounds like the sex has been pretty lame and she has put on some weight. But maybe if you're banging different escorts so often it will release that tension for you. See how that works for you and hopefully you can stick around for a few years of your kid growing up anyways. And who knows, maybe you will grow closer to her over time. But at least if you can last until your kid is 2 or so.

I have tried, I really need to be crazy drunk to have a good time with a escort. I really miss the part of being with a woman where both want to have crazy sex, no money attached.

I was in the same boat as you, TS but without the kid on the way and after some counseling I decided to move on. I knew I was not going to be truly happy with my wife who became more of a best friend than a wife. I had to interest in coming home either and no interest in fucking her. I have been divorced for a few years now and live with an amazing girlfriend and I am so much happier than I was with her.

Honestly if I had a kid, I might have stayed but I would probably end up cheating on my wife which is another reason I left. I didn't want to do that.

Good to hear! The weird thing is that the baby made the urge to split even bigger than before. My heart sort of gone cold with time, but not cold enough to walk out on my own flesh.

Damn that sucks, bro.

That baby is only gonna make her body worse. OTOH, you could possibly use the baby-weight thing to motivate her to get back in shape. Have a talk with her about how you miss how hot she used to be. Suggest that the two of you work out together or find some sort of physical activity to share. Who knows? Maybe it can be a way for the two of you to spend some bonding time and strengthen your relationship a little bit.

Another idea. Start finding subtle ways to body-shame her (pinching her belly fat, grabbing her love handles during sex, ask her embarrassing questions about her diet under the guise of being "concerned" for her health, etc). Most women are self-conscious when they are constantly having their flaws brought to light. She will either get to the point where she is motivated to do something about it, or she will resent you and begin to push you away (this is what they call a "win/win" for you if you are looking for a way out of the relationship). The trick is to not come off as an asshole, but as a concerned partner. A very fine line that only few can pull off, but if you are up to the task it can pay off ten-fold.

Either way, best of luck to you, sir.

She is not physical, somethings you can

 

[Protectandserve]

Has she kicked the dog?

 

[rocketskates]

My parents waited til I was 14 to decide to divorce. I remember how much it sucked to see them constantly arguing and we hardly ever did anything as a family. Basically what I'm getting at is that if you truly aren't happy don't feel obligated to stay.

It will suck not seeing your kid everyday, but hopefully she will be cool with everything and let you see your child whenever you want. You can still be a great father even if you aren't married to your child's mother. It's kind of hard for me to relate because I'm in a good marriage with a son. Good luck to you though and I truly mean that. Also congrats on becoming a parent. Trust me, it's the coolest thing I've ever experienced and it's unreal how much you can love something like your own child.

 

[DespicablePeep]

Has she kicked the dog?

She loves the dog, makes weird voices and all, that also pisses me off lately.

btw I read your thread

 

[DespicablePeep]

My parents waited til I was 14 to decide to divorce. I remember how much it sucked to see them constantly arguing and we hardly ever did anything as a family. Basically what I'm getting at is that if you truly aren't happy don't feel obligated to stay.

It will suck not seeing your kid everyday, but hopefully she will be cool with everything and let you see your child whenever you want. You can still be a great father even if you aren't married to your child's mother. It's kind of hard for me to relate because I'm in a good marriage with a son. Good luck to you though and I truly mean that. Also congrats on becoming a parent. Trust me, it's the coolest thing I've ever experienced and it's unreal how much you can love something like your own child.

Thank you Rocketskates!

 

[Protectandserve]

I am going with my wife to counseling tonight. She seems to be dreading it but I don't know. We'll see how it works out, I'll let you know what I think of it.

Biggest thing is if you separate, stay involved with your kid and don't be one of those shit absent fathers. You and the ex don't have to get a long, just don't put the kid in the middle.

 

[DespicablePeep]

I am going with my wife to counseling tonight. She seems to be dreading it but I don't know. We'll see how it works out, I'll let you know what I think of it.

Biggest thing is if you separate, stay involved with your kid and don't be one of those shit absent fathers. You and the ex don't have to get a long, just don't put the kid in the middle.

Good luck with counseling!

If I do get the divorce I plan to stay involved 100%, even if her parents treat me like shit. From the start I want to learn everything to manage a kid on my own: bathing, diapers, bottles.

 

[Jimmy Tuna**]

Time to go Denis Siver on that stomach, brah

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Will try to read those books thanks, the title got my attention.

It has a lot of exercises to help you work through things, without having to disclose things to anyone, but yourself. It is used as "homework" for a lot of different types of therapy, from grief counseling to health improvement to treatment for anxiety and depression, at top academic medical centers. It isn't a psychoanalyst's (e.g., looking at your early relationships with psychological parents) type of therapy, it is about looking at your life now (and life in general) honestly, and coping effectively without trying to avoid things. Should have it at any Barnes and Noble in self help.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Good luck with counseling!

If I do get the divorce I plan to stay involved 100%, even if her parents treat me like shit. From the start I want to learn everything to manage a kid on my own: bathing, diapers, bottles.

I have two kids, and had no baby experience before. Netflix has a DVD "Happiest Baby on the Block," which was made by a pediatrician and taught me a lot of great stuff about the day to day care of an infant. There is also a book by the same name by the same guy. There are some other baby care DVDs on there as well to learn.

Also, "Sleeping Through The Night" is a great book, I learned a lot from that one, beyond just sleep issues over the years. Coping with the lack of sleep during the first few weeks is tough, hopefully you are fortunate and have a good sleeper.

 

[neverwas]

i like the bits about stay involved with the kid if you split,i'll tell you what happens then. the woman fills the kid up with all her own bitterness over you and turns them against you. she'll meet some one else and have that person be called daddy. women are vile when it comes to this kin of thing,and it makes me sick to hear them preach about how stable they are. she fell pregnant to trap you,she turns on tears when she can't get her own way,and thats some passive aggressive shit right there.
either you talk it through properly with her and address the issues on both sides. or walk,don't stay in a relationship just because of a baby. and if you think its tough in the physical department now,wait till that kids born. by the sounds of it you'll be lucky to get it once a month.