Married with newborn on the way.

[oldshadow]

You are right, its the build a family thing, but I don

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Try marriage counseling. You've going to have a kid and it's in his/her best interest that you make it work. If you try everything and it doesn't, so be it.


The line about it taking a while to get pregnant after stopping BC was baloney though. If a woman misses like 3 days of BC in a row, she's already likely to ovulate again and doctors recommend alternate forms of BC like condoms until the next month.

There is a lot of variability with fertility, a lot of couples have major issues getting pregnant, and would consider TS's family's "problem" to be tremendously good luck.

 

[DespicablePeep]

Of course you are going to have some regrets everyone one does, you always at some time will wonder

 

[Cool Hand Luke]

If you don't talk to her about these things then things will never improve.

To be frank, it sounds like you expect her to have the initiative to be a better person in your eyes. Men always tell women, 'TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! I DONT READ MINDS', sounds like you need to do the same.

 

[Halifax]

This is probably not the best place to vent my frustrations, but I like to read sherdog and I don

 

[mesomorph]

This was the end of 2013, coincidentally in november she decides to stop taking the pill, claiming that in the future she might want to get pregnant and that it takes a lot of time for woman who have been on the pill for long,

Yeah, just take her word for it. It's not like it's something you can check on the internet in about 10 seconds.

I smell a troll.

 

[mesomorph]

There is a lot of variability with fertility, a lot of couples have major issues getting pregnant, and would consider TS's family's "problem" to be tremendously good luck.

Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones. I know plenty of folks who (have) tried for ages before succeeding.

Me and the wifey are getting married next month and we planned for a baby early next year. To add some difficulty we only spend weekends in the same city. So, this year she stops taking the pill and I use a condom for a while.
I stop using the condom in late April and she's preggo instantly and the baby's due in January. Woot!

 

[shunyata]

Try marriage counseling. You've going to have a kid and it's in his/her best interest that you make it work. If you try everything and it doesn't, so be it.

The line about it taking a while to get pregnant after stopping BC was baloney though. If a woman misses like 3 days of BC in a row, she's already likely to ovulate again and doctors recommend alternate forms of BC like condoms until the next month.

TS, read the bolded part.


Also the second part is legit she wasn't lying to you. While some women get pregnant if you sneeze on them after they miss one day of BC, it's not uncommon for women in their 30s who've been on the pill for a long time to take around a year to get their cycle regular and get pregnant after coming off it. I've worked with plenty of women who didn't have their period back yet 3, 4, or even 7 months after coming off the pill.

 

[oldshadow]

Very wise!

Today I would not be honest if I said I wanted to work on it, I think she would.

Then decided to want to work on it and don

 

[Banchan]

7 year

7 year itch is a myth. It's actually 3. Most relationships never see the 3 year mark.

I know that with the complication of a child in the picture, people are trying to convince him to work it out. All honorable and that but maybe the relationship has run its course. 8 years is a long time. Not all relationships can last till death does them part.

 

[The Green Lantern]

I notice you say she is not very active. She is fat? (besides being preggers, of course...)

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Of course you are going to have some regrets everyone one does, you always at some time will wonder

 

[Halifax]

Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones. I know plenty of folks who (have) tried for ages before succeeding.

Me and the wifey are getting married next month and we planned for a baby early next year. To add some difficulty we only spend weekends in the same city. So, this year she stops taking the pill and I use a condom for a while.
I stop using the condom in late April and she's preggo instantly and the baby's due in January. Woot!

hehe. I suppose I am very lucky in a different way.

I was going through my "Free of ball and chain" phase after ending a 3.5 year relationship. Had unprotected sex with a lot of women over the years after. Most of whom I would not consider wife material (I just hate condoms. Its like eating Food without taking the wrapper off) and some who were even batshit crazy. But I just drank, met girls, slept with girls, drank more, did it again. Being free after a long relationship lull kinda does that to you.

I finally start seeing a girl I consider wife material and I am crazy about, and BOOM. Pregnant with twins. Literally a few weeks after she said "I love you" for the first time.

I am lucky as hell I did not get one of the crazy ones pregnant or catch anything after all that.

 

[IIIIIIII]

If its been awhile, have sex with her, then see how you feel.

This could all be built up sexual repression that could all blow over in an instant.

i dunno about that. you're going to nut no matter who you have sex with. i think the threadstarter should spend time with his wife, and see if he really is tired of being with her. maybe a weekend out somewhere. just the two of them. see if they can recapture that spark.

but man, when a kid is involved, it is a really difficult decision to split up. good luck to you, threadstarter.

 

[Viva]

Because it can work in the right situation. It's not going to solve major problems though, it's not going to change who someone fundamentally is. If a husband wakes up one morning and finally realizes his wife is a b*tch and he hates her, counseling isn't going to work miracles. I've been with my wife 10 years and we are currently in counseling. We still love each other, but could use some help. I know it's made me a lot happier to have someone help us work through our issues.

Also, I get a bunch of free sessions through my work EAP and then a reduced cost after that. My wife has EAP coverage through work so we basically get 15 sessions free then pay $50/session after that. Even at $50, it's not really that much, although that's relative of course.

So in other words its a placebo in the form of a suit and tie?

I.E. doesn't really solve anything

 

[shunyata]

7 year itch is a myth. It's actually 3. Most relationships never see the 3 year mark.

I know that with the complication of a child in the picture, people are trying to convince him to work it out. All honorable and that but maybe the relationship has run its course. 8 years is a long time. Not all relationships can last till death does them part.

If he bails now he leaves that child with an entire lifetime's worth of daddy issues. Even if he visits every weekend and the mother doesn't slander him to the kid, it's still not going to be the same as growing up with a mother and father in the home. The child will probably hate him for not being there, and will have tons of issues with abandonment even if he is visiting because no matter what he's not there every night.

If he bails the best case scenario for the child is for his current wife to meet someone else and get remarried and for them to man up and raise his child and be there for it. Then you've got minimal psychological damage to the child if the surrogate father is good and in the picture early, and you'll be off the hook for child support.

It isn't just about him anymore. He really doesn't know if she legitimately got pregnant accidentally or if the child is an intentional anchor baby, but either way there is a tiny little human being who will need everything he has to give. And he feels like he's ready to bolt in a certain number of months.

 

[IIIIIIII]

I notice you say she is not very active. She is fat? (besides being preggers, of course...)

if this is the case, then i honestly can't blame the threadstarter for losing interest. to me, a woman becoming fat is similar to a man who turns into a pussy. it's unattractive to both sexes when this happens. the onus is on her to make an effort to remain attractive.

of course when you're older, it's not as easy. but getting older is no excuse to let yourself go to such an extreme.

 

[mesomorph]

hehe. I suppose I am very lucky in a different way.

I was going through my "Free of ball and chain" phase after ending a 3.5 year relationship. Had unprotected sex with a lot of women over the years after. Most of whom I would not consider wife material (I just hate condoms. Its like eating Food without taking the wrapper off) and some who were even batshit crazy. But I just drank, met girls, slept with girls, drank more, did it again. Being free after a long relationship lull kinda does that to you.

I finally start seeing a girl I consider wife material and I am crazy about, and BOOM. Pregnant with twins. Literally a few weeks after she said "I love you" for the first time.

I am lucky as hell I did not get one of the crazy ones pregnant or catch anything after all that.

LOL. Don't be surprised if one of the crazy ones turns up on your doorstep with a kid at some point.

I've had unprotected sex with randoms too (and subsequently got super paranoid about it) but I always either told them to get the morning after pill or pulled out.

 

[IIIIIIII]

LOL. Don't be surprised if one of the crazy ones turns up on your doorstep with a kid at some point.

I've had unprotected sex with randoms too (and subsequently got super paranoid about it) but I always either told them to get the morning after pill or pulled out.

i had a similar scare with a dutch chick i met when she was visiting the states a few years back. she called me out of the blue when she got back to holland, and told me that she hadn't had her period. i was freaking the fuck out. and she was insisting on having it if she was indeed pregnant. for an entire day, i was in such a fucking depression. i thought i had destroyed my life. i thanked god when she called me the next day and told me that she got her period.

fellas: strap up!

 

[DespicablePeep]

If you don't talk to her about these things then things will never improve.

To be frank, it sounds like you expect her to have the initiative to be a better person in your eyes. Men always tell women, 'TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! I DONT READ MINDS', sounds like you need to do the same.

I try to be direct, she would get hurt and nothing would change. Its things that I