Is marriage really worth it?

[Jimmy Jazz]

Exactly. This goes for any relationship, married or otherwise. No one ever knows anything about someone else with 100% certainty. For example, my brother could be telling me something and I believe him but can I honestly say I KNOW EVERYTHING HE HS EVER TOLD BE TO BE 100% true all of the time? That's just life. You believe it until you are proven otherwise or given reason not to.


I will say, for most married couples, it is true that the head game drops dramatically. Most of my married friends, BJs are for special occasions only and about half of them don't mind it that way while the other half does long for the more frequent BJs of the past. For me, it's actually increased and head is part of foreplay now so I get head before actual sex everytime.


Actually, in the US, divorce rates is the lowest it's been in almost 40 years. The peak in the US was in 1980.
http://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources...derson-divorce-rate-us-geo-2015-fp-16-21.html
http://time.com/4575495/divorce-rate-nearly-40-year-low/

The problem isn't marriage, THE PROBLEM IS YOU. Men and women blame the other person for their marriage failing, blame society, blame everyone but themselves.

It's like the men who claim all women are hoes and the women who claim are men are assholes. If you fall into either of the previous two categories, it's because 1. You are attracted to hoes or assholes OR 2. Your actions attract hoes or assholes.

Don't blame people for your failures, your inability to select and choose a person to be with for the rest of your life. Heck, if you don't want to get married, don't. This day and age, you can choose not to get married and no one cares. If you want kids and don't want to get married, you can do that. But if you ever break up with her, it's still child support until the kids are of age.

true to an extent but its also a cultural thing. a guy i knew just got cheated on after being with a chick for 7 years since they were 18. Its hard to really get to know a person and people change, especially women. Society is at fault to an extent.

 

[Scott Parker 27]

My 4 closest friends got married in the past 2 years.
One of them just announced his divorce after 1 year of being married.
Another one is on the fence if he should continue being together or if they break up. One just had a baby and is doing ok and the other one is gay and the girl doesn't know but he got married cause he wanted a kid so they're probably getting split in the next few years.

I should say that they don't complain that much but there's a lot that they're not saying. I've never seen them this dull and restrained in the 20 years that I've known them. They don't look happy.
That's just my experience from those close to me.

Your friend is gay and knocked up a chick?? Props to him he's less gay than a lot of posters on here that never get laid.

 

[koolinkunming]

Some guys just don't know enough to choose a suitable mate, and sexually compatible as seen in that other thread.

If you choose someone with whom you compliment each other's personality and don't become a lazy prick who doesn't take care of your wife's emotional and sexual needs, and keep that fire alive you shouldn't have to worry.

 

[GSPSAKU]

true to an extent but its also a cultural thing. a guy i knew just got cheated on after being with a chick for 7 years since they were 18. Its hard to really get to know a person and people change, especially women. Society is at fault to an extent.

Yes, to an extent, our environment does play a part. The people you surround yourself with definitely affects you, either very minutely or to the point you are basically mirror images of them. Her friends definitely affect her and his friends definitely affect him.

Some guys just don't know enough to choose a suitable mate, and sexually compatible as seen in that other thread.

If you choose someone with whom you compliment each other's personality and don't become a lazy prick who doesn't take care of your wife's emotional and sexual needs, and keep that fire alive you shouldn't have to worry.

This. If you take the time and choose a person whose idea of family, love, desires and marriage is in line with yours, you've already got the hardest part completed. After that, as Koolinkunming stated, if you take care of your wife, she will you. As I noted above, unlike most married couples, I get more BJ post marriage than pre marriage but at the same time, I return the favor to my wife as well. And what men have to realize is while women care about sex and have their own carnal desires, most women do not desire it to the same extent as most men. For us men, myself included, my sexual needs far exceeds that of my emotional needs but women, it's almost the opposite;

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Citation needed.

*35 years of life

 

[blaseblah]

I think it's an environmental thing as well. There are 10 or so marriages in my family, no divorces. That can't be a coincidence.

 

[GSPSAKU]

I think it's an environmental thing as well. There are 10 or so marriages in my family, no divorces. That can't be a coincidence.

Pick the right people and surround them with the right people. The person has to be right, first and foremost. And then surround them with successful marriages and your chances of a successful marriages increases dramatically. You have a family where it appears people work hard to stay married and that is definitely infectious. You can't take a woman who has no loyalty, no sense of commitment and make it work regardless of the environment, that's for sure. So while it's not a coincidence and the environment does play a part, the person/people matter the most.

Like a few of us have stated already, most of the posters here that are stating marriage is obsolete and won't work come from backgrounds where they see friends and family in faltering or fallen marriages. That's what they see so that's what they know. I see both successful marriages and so many failed marriages so I know it works and it also doesn't work; again the onus falls on the individuals involved.

In the end, what matters most is what you and your partner choose to do. If your partner is really in it for the long haul and so are you, it's going to take alot of outside interference to crumble it. If you and your partner got married on a whim, it won't take much outside interference to send it all crashing down. If one person wants it and the other is so-so, it's only a matter of time or you end up in a forever unhappy marriage.

 

[pinger]

Not for me. An archaic institution that has nothing to do with the strength of a relationship.

The ceremony is based in a church sanctioned tradition I don't believe in, and costs tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for a painful outdated photo opportunity to satisfy parents expectations (and failed expectations); at a time when you and your parents could use that money for much better, more logical uses.

It would absolutely take the "one" for me to do it. And then only if she would agree to elope and marry , no bullshit "must have" ceremony.

Most people don't find "the one" as they get suckered into marriage with the first "some-one" who gets more than 50% on the test; rather than 90%

 

[blaseblah]

Pick the right people and surround them with the right people. The person has to be right, first and foremost. And then surround them with successful marriages and your chances of a successful marriages increases dramatically. You have a family where it appears people work hard to stay married and that is definitely infectious. You can't take a woman who has no loyalty, no sense of commitment and make it work regardless of the environment, that's for sure. So while it's not a coincidence and the environment does play a part, the person/people matter the most.

Like a few of us have stated already, most of the posters here that are stating marriage is obsolete and won't work come from backgrounds where they see friends and family in faltering or fallen marriages. That's what they see so that's what they know. I see both successful marriages and so many failed marriages so I know it works and it also doesn't work; again the onus falls on the individuals involved.

I think successful people are also more likely to surround themselves with successful people, and the reverse is probably true as well.

Like the guy earlier in the thread talking about the friend who beat his wife and then the wife slept with the best friend. All three of the people in this story sound very screwed up and are likely drama prone.

 

[ripskater]

I don't agree with those that say marriage is obsolete.

 

[Krav McGraw]

Getting a divorce was the worst experience of my life. Not worth it.

 

[Thunderflash500]

Not for me. An archaic institution that has nothing to do with the strength of a relationship.

The ceremony is based in a church sanctioned tradition I don't believe in, and costs tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for a painful outdated photo opportunity to satisfy parents expectations (and failed expectations); at a time when you and your parents could use that money for much better, more logical uses.

It would absolutely take the "one" for me to do it. And then only if she would agree to elope and marry , no bullshit "must have" ceremony.

Most people don't find "the one" as they get suckered into marriage with the first "some-one" who gets more than 50% on the test; rather than 90%

It's not outdated at all. Practically a necessity for a healthy family. Kids raised by single parents are shown to be way more fucked up by kids without parents. I think I heard something like the number one predictor of child molestation is if the child has a step parent. Not to mention what are you even going to do after 50? We are going to have a lot of lonely people in the younger generations when they get old.

 

[Don Quixote]

Actually, in the US, divorce rates is the lowest it's been in almost 40 years. The peak in the US was in 1980.
http://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources...derson-divorce-rate-us-geo-2015-fp-16-21.html
http://time.com/4575495/divorce-rate-nearly-40-year-low/

The problem isn't marriage, THE PROBLEM IS YOU. Men and women blame the other person for their marriage failing, blame society, blame everyone but themselves.

I wonder if there is a correlation with a lower divorce rate because fewer people are getting married nowadays.

Yes, I agree, it takes two to make a marriage fall about, both the husband and wife are at fault.

 

[GSPSAKU]

It's not outdated at all. Practically a necessity for a healthy family. Kids raised by single parents are shown to be way more fucked up by kids without parents. I think I heard something like the number one predictor of child molestation is if the child has a step parent. Not to mention what are you even going to do after 50? We are going to have a lot of lonely people in the younger generations when they get old.

Correct and that's why I said to a poster above, if you are doubting and regretting your new marriage, leave before you have kids.

Divorce and step parents are at the very top of the list for kids that get molested or sexually assaulted because it makes the child vulnerable.

"Living with a stepfather increases a child’s likelihood of subjection to prepubertal sexual contact.258
- The rate of sexual abuse of girls by their stepfathers is at least six or seven times higher,259 and may be as much as 40 times higher,260 than sexual abuse of daughters by their biological fathers who remain in intact families.
- A study of 26 instances of fatal child abuse reported that 62 percent of perpetrators were the stepfathers of the abused children and that 81 percent of perpetrators were engaged in cohabiting relationships with the victimized child’s mother (15 percent of perpetrators were married to the victimized child’s mother).261
- Another study reported that children under age five were 50 times more like to suffer fatal abuse if they lived in homes with an unrelated adult (particularly a mother’s boyfriend) than if they lived in a biologically intact family.262"

Not only that, kids from broken homes definitely have more academic and social issues (as a whole). Sure there are kids from broken homes that are successful but if look at the population as a whole, children from broken homes have a much higher rate of academic and social problems.

http://www.heritage.org/marriage-an...is-the-disintegration-marriage-family-and-the

From Cornell Law School published in 2001.
http://scholarship.law.cornell.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2832&context=clr


As a former teacher, I can attest that while kids from all backgrounds can and do have academic and social problems, it's much higher and more common in kids from broken homes.

I wonder if there is a correlation with low divorce rate because fewer people are getting married nowadays.

Yes, I agree, it takes two to make a marriage fall about, both the husband and wife are at fault.

That, I do not know but I would like to believe the divorce rate is lower now because alot of people live together (cohabitate) for a while before getting married, if at all.

 

[Eyepokesftw]

Going to vent a bit here. I for one, have no interest in marriage whatsoever. I am near mid 30's. Anyway...

My stupid cousin just threw my entire family into chaos mode over marriage garbage.

He just graduated from high school and recently turned 18.. He has been seeing the same girl for 2 years now and she just turned 20.. Anyway, They just announced that they got engaged last Christmas and are planning a wedding for August 2018. Great, fine.

Now, last Friday they announce the wedding is happening THIS fucking Saturday, with 7 days notice. The entire family is scrambling to pull together and plan an outdoor wedding at his parents place for this Saturday out of the blue now.. Hi's parents are freaking out and nearly all family members are upset, including myself. I shouldn't have to take off work on 7 days notice and drive 2 hours for a wedding when it's supposed to take place a year+ from now imo. But of course I have to since he's one of only cousins and family pressure.

What makes it worse is, he's joining the Air Force and going to basic training next month. They have never lived together before. The plan is that they are going to do a long distance marriage while he's in the Air Force and she'll eventually move in with him on base once he's settled somewhere.

I'm hoping he knocked her up. Because this is fucking ridiculous.

He's definitely not getting a Wedding gift from me. I'm just hoping that the Bride to be brings some 20 year olds to the wedding that I can hit on.

 

[CatchOmega]

This thread will be helpful to the undecided people. Read through everything and see where you stand, what kind of person you are. No offence but a person like CatchOmega should have never gotten married in the first place. Actually CatchO, if it's still new and you have no kids, break it off now because with your attitude and outlook, it will only get worse and I'm not saying this to be an ass. Just being honest, better to leave now then stay for 5-10 years and then call it quits.

I appreciate the feedback, but can you expand on why you think that? I'm happy with who I've married and I know damn well I'd be hard pressed to find someone else as compatible as she is with me, but my main point is the fact that life changes. I've been through some shit in my life. I'm well aware that what I know now could be much different in 5 or 10 years from now. Things change daily. People change, wants change, environments and careers change.

With such a vastly changing landscape, the idea of legally locking into a relationship at the risk of harsh financial punishment doesn't make sense to me. I've been with my wife for 12 years and don't see myself leaving anytime soon... But what if she changes? What if she meets someone who she feels more compatible with? Who am I to say she should stay with me if she no longer loves me and would be happier elsewhere?

And if she chose to make that decision, I pay heavily for it.

 

[PaleMoonlight]

The reason your stupid cousin makes a stupid decision is because his family allows it.

Look at them scrambling for the wedding.

As for marriage in general. I don't regret it. I have a wife I'm happy with and supports me 100%. My wife isn't into too high maintenance though. She was cool with us getting married in court and throwing a party afterwards. Cost us less than $3,500 for 150 people. Now we're saving up to buy a house.

Going to vent a bit here. I for one, have no interest in marriage whatsoever. I am near mid 30's. Anyway...

My stupid cousin just threw my entire family into chaos mode over marriage garbage.

He just graduated from high school and recently turned 18.. He has been seeing the same girl for 2 years now and she just turned 20.. Anyway, They just announced that they got engaged last Christmas and are planning a wedding for August 2018. Great, fine.

Now, last Friday they announce the wedding is happening THIS fucking Saturday, with 7 days notice. The entire family is scrambling to pull together and plan an outdoor wedding at his parents place for this Saturday out of the blue now.. Hi's parents are freaking out and nearly all family members are upset, including myself. I shouldn't have to take off work on 7 days notice and drive 2 hours for a wedding when it's supposed to take place a year+ from now imo. But of course I have to since he's one of only cousins and family pressure.

What makes it worse is, he's joining the Air Force and going to basic training next month. They have never lived together before. The plan is that they are going to do a long distance marriage while he's in the Air Force and she'll eventually move in with him on base once he's settled somewhere.

I'm hoping he knocked her up. Because this is fucking ridiculous.

He's definitely not getting a Wedding gift from me. I'm just hoping that the Bride to be brings some 20 year olds to the wedding that I can hit on.

 

[Bob Weeks]

I've never understood why some guys act like females when it comes to tying the knot

There is a documentary on the affects of low testosterone and masculinity in Western society coupled with growing amounts of men becoming sterile. Likely, in conjunction with the first point.

Coverture

Marriage and other
equivalent or similar unions and status

Coverture (sometimes spelled couverture) was a legal doctrine whereby, upon marriage, a woman's legal rights and obligations were subsumed by those of her husband, in accordance with the wife's legal status of feme covert. An unmarried woman, a feme sole, had the right to own property and make contracts in her own name. Coverture arises from the legal fiction that a husband and wife are one person.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coverture

So, there you have it. Women like to be owned like property. If you are aware of fifty shades, women like it rough is one of the takeaways, and I deem much of the unhealthy desires has a lot to do with the absentee father figure.

A lot of men get married, get cut off from sex, and are with a woman who would have LJBF (lets just be friends) them when she was younger chasing bad boys.

A alternative solution would be polygamy, open relationships, FWBs, one night stands, swinging, etc. Quite honestly, if you see the divorce stats by gender, by educated women, and the custody battle that ensues not to mention the redistribution of male resources, its not the smartest decision.

Not sure how old you are? Isn't a woman talking children and marriage mean you've gotten far too comfortable, and that you should be pursuing someone much younger that just wants to party?

 

[GSPSAKU]

I appreciate the feedback, but can you expand on why you think that?

I'll elaborate why I said it is probably best for you just to divorce your wife now and, again, take it with a grain of salt obviously and I'm just going based on what you told me thus far.

Recently married... it most definitely is not worth it

If you do not believe marriage is worth it, how am I or anyone supposed to believe you are in it until the end? Let's say your wife's sister or best friend asks her if marriage is worth it and her response is: "it most definitely is not worth it". What would you think if you overheard that and what is her friend or sister supposed to think? Like when someone buys an expensive item and when you ask them if it was worth it and they say "it most definitely is not worth it", that means they admit it was a bad buy, something they would not do again and is something they would undo if they could.

Not that I don't love my wife, I do.. but the whole marriage thing never made sense to me and makes even less now.

So upon marrying your wife, which you never thought made much sense, you realize it makes even less sense...I mean, I don't know what to say here. You are further elaborating that you don't believe in marrige, never did and now are even more sure it doesn't make sense to be married or to get married.

Basically, if either one of us fucks up or decides we want something different in life, I pay a bunch of money and lose half my shit.

If anything it forces people to stay together despite being unhappy, all because they're scared of the financial consequences if they leave.

You are aware that if you mess up or she messes up or wants something different, you'll likely end up losing a bunch of money. So why don't you chalk it up as a loss now as opposed to 5 to 10 or 15 years down the road and possibly kids in the picture which means a continuous loss of your money for upwards of 18 years.

Honestly, if you and your wife believe in the vows you took, especially the "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.", then even if either of you fuck up, you will work your way through it. Now if those words mean nothing to you and nothing to your wife, nothing can help you.

 

[Bob Weeks]

I appreciate the feedback, but can you expand on why you think that? I'm happy with who I've married and I know damn well I'd be hard pressed to find someone else as compatible as she is with me, but my main point is the fact that life changes. I've been through some shit in my life. I'm well aware that what I know now could be much different in 5 or 10 years from now. Things change daily. People change, wants change, environments and careers change.

With such a vastly changing landscape, the idea of legally locking into a relationship at the risk of harsh financial punishment doesn't make sense to me. I've been with my wife for 12 years and don't see myself leaving anytime soon... But what if she changes? What if she meets someone who she feels more compatible with? Who am I to say she should stay with me if she no longer loves me and would be happier elsewhere?

And if she chose to make that decision, I pay heavily for it.

Its a common theme with women in the west who are the product of no father at home, have a high sexual history, past of promiscuity, had abortions, and lived a careless lifestyle. The risk for divorce is amplified since a individual is discontent at their baseline.

A guy who is a really good friend of mine, he is really good looking, in amazing adonis shape, and makes a pretty damn good income but, he has a lot of problems meeting good genuine women. A girl he liked chases bad boys, men that abuse steroids, and the only time she rings him up is when she just got dumped. Now, she is a few years younger but, she is really partying hard, sleeping around, and starting to look weathered. If you married this woman, you are in for a world of trouble, and likely, a messy divorce.

Fixing someone is not the answer. Placing a piece of rare medal on someone's finger, announcing ridiculous notions, paying large randoms, and tying yourself to the state with little understanding of the laws or risks is extremely dangerous.

I think when people think of marriage, they need to look at the business venture as if it were a mansion they were purchasing, a sports car or some business property they were to buy. In the fallout of a business venture collapsing and failing, what is the damage and how can one best mitigate this sort of damage?

These sorts of questions are rarely asked. Many men are lassoed by women, tied to a horse, and taken for a fucking ride. She is running the show and says when this ride comes to a stop. Not only does she run the control and resources in many of the situations but, she acquires more resources when she evacuates the venture.