brutally honest personal ads

"I am a 29 year old gentleman with no interests and no character. I am addicted to pain-meds, lazy as fuck and prefer jerking off over intercourse. 50% of the time I can't get a boner anymore.
Furthermore I have absolutely no hobbies and no intention to succeed at anything.
Please marry me."
 
I wish I was a fat pathetic loser like that where magic and taco bell were big deals. And I would be happy with some disgusting chick who liked the same. I'm just a regular skinny loser though. I love taco bell, but I and the chicks I want need and want more than that. My brutally honest ad would get ZERO attention. Maybe I should put one of Craigslist and see what results I get then post back.
 
Looking for tattooed girl with daddy issues. Staying abnormally skinny from not eating much is a plus. Must be willing to punch/ slap me for any/no reason. Are you very impressed by a guy who can occasionally remember what month your birthday falls in? Do you like to hear all about how much weight i can lift? Plz msg me to arrange a date that will end up being sex at my house instead of a date
 
Peter Pan seeks low self confidence princess to engage in quick bursts of love making and to serve as a BJJ practise dummy. In summer I known to sweat a lot which we can use to keep us both cool. I am commonly called strange and have a near clinical obsession with real life violence. My room and car smell as manly as a footy change room to get you in the mood. I am extremely knowledgeable on a vast array of topics such as Martial arts, my high level of awesome, talking about yourself in the 3rd person, using credit cards, use of wanky words, lighting fires, the Simpsons and Kiera Knightley. I am still friends with all my ex
 
HIMBOB said:
Peter Pan seeks low self confidence princess to engage in quick bursts of love making and to serve as a BJJ practise dummy. In summer I known to sweat a lot which we can use to keep us both cool. I am commonly called strange and have a near clinical obsession with real life violence. My room and car smell as manly as a footy change room to get you in the mood. I am extremely knowledgeable on a vast array of topics such as Martial arts, my high level of awesome, talking about yourself in the 3rd person, using credit cards, use of wanky words, lighting fires, the Simpsons and Kiera Knightley. I am still friends with all my ex
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26 year-old with hardly any criminal convictions seeks cool, funny, down-to-earth female/s who are a 7 or above. Has a stable job, semi-reliable car and lives with three others in a sharehouse. Still yet to meet two of them but I've heard good things.
Enjoys any combat sport and can rattle off UFC stats like a boss. Spends a lot of time rolling around with sweaty guys most nights and this takes a hit at the libido, so I rarely beg for sex. Very passionate about debating and often hypocritical to the point of Bi-polar or some other ambiguous psych disorder. I'm very funny though, and my mum has confirmed this. Must be accepting of binge drinking, slapping arses of random women and possible assault charges. No mingers.
 
24 year old male with an extensive knowledge of movies and death metal/grindcore and the collection to prove it. Doesn't drink, but has a palette for only the finest Mary Jane. Currently no car due to unforseen drug incident with the law, but I was totally innocent. Favorite activities include long walks on the beach, tasty waves, and fat blunts. Ugly girls need not apply.
 
26 y.o. male looking for attractive women with low standards. i usually don't wake up until about noon, so you don't have to worry about cooking me breakfast. enjoying anal is a plus. if you've never done it before, this is a wonderful opportunity for you to try new things.
 
Fatt Hughes said:
atleast he has a sense of humor in his ad, although self deprecating.

Rather than these brutal ones.

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is there more to this? is it like a "this is how i used to be, but now..." ? if not that guy has the worst fucking strategy. basically "i was a door mat then and i'm a door mat now, please form an orderly line-up, ladies"
 
He should crop out his tiny mutant left hand tho
 
I'm not quite sure what to expect. I'm seeking a woman who can accept me for who I am. I've always been the awkward type and never really talks with girls. At least not ones that were alive. I grew up in a mortuary without a mother. Often times the deceased were my only friends. Sometimes I would pretend they were relatives as well. I would get a new mother every week. So really I'm looking for a girl that's breathing. My idea of a good time is memorizing the decimal places of Pi. I can count to 547 places. I have a compulsion for straightening paper clips. I once tried to assassinate Ronald Reagan to impress Jodie Foster. I recently got into ethnic cooking, taking instruction from the famous Chef Boyardee. I also know how to knit.
 
I am a good looking 27 yr old who, drinks alot. I mean ALOT alot, not the violent type of alcoholic, more the conversational type. I should go to detox, I will someday. I may make you worry about my health, I will. And if you need something to munch, someone to talk to or someone to help you get to work, I will

Stands 5"11, doesent lift and drinks alot.also a native american, geronimo style.

If I didnt mention it before, im a drunk.
 
I am a good looking 27 yr old who, drinks alot. I mean ALOT alot, not the violent type os alcoholic, more the conversational type. I should go to detox, I will someday. I may make you worry about my health, I will. And if you need something to munch, someone to talk to or someone to help you get to work, I will

Stands 5"11, doesent lift and drinks alot

If I didnt mention it before, im a drunk.
 
40+ unshaven pothead looking for same.
 
Are you seeking a 20 year old male who will repeatedly quote various movies you have never even seen? Do you want a man to squirm around nervously on top of you for a disappointing five, count em, FIVE minutes? Would you be interested in a man that is more interested in the song in the background than the conversation you are having with him? You have found him. One at a time, ladies.
 
I'm 30 years old and carry a weapon of mass destruction in my pants
 
Shuque said:
40+ unshaven pothead looking for same.
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lol... this one was one of the simplest funniest things ive ever read on here. thanks for that.
 
man lots of bans in here.
 
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