1. The official Sherdog Store is back! Check it out! » Discuss it here! »

brutally honest personal ads

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by equus, Jan 8, 2013.

Page 1 of 5
  1. equus

    equus Horse Belt Staff Member Senior Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2009
    Messages:
    31,611
    Likes Received:
    89
    Location:
    Korova Milk Bar
    i read a facebook status my brother commented on and i hadnt laughed so hard in a while. his friend posted an "honest" personal ad on his page stating he could lock down a girl with it. it told of all his horrible habits and hobbies.

    "i have so much experience playing magic the gathering, i am very proficient with protection spells and i know the best points at which to slay a dragon from almost 1000 hours of playing skyrim. im almost 300 lbs but in the event of a second ice age, you could cut me open and stay warm and alive inside my body cavity like luke did inside the taun-taun on hoth. i have a car that provides reliable transportation most days. i also have a job that will allow you and i to eat at most restaraunts like burger king and taco bell. IM me."

    if you were single and had to make a personal ad today to attract the opposite sex and include all the things that make you terribly unattractive but could try to explain why said hobby was an attribute, how would you do it?
     
    equus, Jan 8, 2013
    #1
  2. fatalis

    fatalis Hang yourself with a belt

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2011
    Messages:
    8,205
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In the place where there is no darkness
    If I were to be honest mine would simply read

    "So ugly, I make children cry"
     
    fatalis, Jan 8, 2013
    #2
  3. Toda Hiro-matsu

    Toda Hiro-matsu Earthling

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Messages:
    5,041
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    D.C.
    That's awesome.
     
    Toda Hiro-matsu, Jan 8, 2013
    #3
  4. RoryFan

    RoryFan Wears Hats

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2011
    Messages:
    10,828
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Albion
    Yeah that's not going to work.

    Not even 300lb Women that play Magic and enjoy Star Wars would fuck that dude.
     
    RoryFan, Jan 8, 2013
    #4
  5. Fatt Hughes

    Fatt Hughes Brown Belt

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    3,876
    Likes Received:
    0
    atleast he has a sense of humor in his ad, although self deprecating.

    Rather than these brutal ones.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
    Fatt Hughes, Jan 8, 2013
    #5
  6. MusclesMarinara

    MusclesMarinara Friends with Bigfoot

    Joined:
    May 13, 2008
    Messages:
    9,385
    Likes Received:
    1,073
    Compact Italian looking for love. Low stature has proven to be a boon for rock wall building. Plus I don't take up to much space on the couch. I am very interested in gardening and am likely to love my plants more than you. On the bright side you'll have plenty of fresh vegetables. Expeditious lover. Self-absorbed so I'm not likely to take up much of your time.
     
    MusclesMarinara, Jan 8, 2013
    #6
  7. equus

    equus Horse Belt Staff Member Senior Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2009
    Messages:
    31,611
    Likes Received:
    89
    Location:
    Korova Milk Bar
    lol... gold...
     
    equus, Jan 8, 2013
    #7
  8. WalkenWouldOwn

    WalkenWouldOwn Steel Belt

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    33,437
    Likes Received:
    1,960
    Awesome.

    My friend would write similar things on FB... he joined the Navy last year and is doing well now, but before he did that he was a 28 year old with no degree working part time at an "adult bookstore" living with his mother and the self deprecating posts produced as a result were pretty hilarious.
     
    WalkenWouldOwn, Jan 8, 2013
    #8
  9. ghoul

    ghoul Red Belt

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2011
    Messages:
    8,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    that guy has a very punch able face
     
    ghoul, Jan 8, 2013
    #9
  10. A.A. Riggs

    A.A. Riggs sweet ... sweet meat!

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2006
    Messages:
    61,224
    Likes Received:
    10,866
    I am fairly certain that is a lesbian barista.


    In & out in a jiffy.

    "Expeditious Lover" was Atlantic Star's worst sequel song. It just did not have that it factor.
     
    A.A. Riggs, Jan 8, 2013
    #10
  11. jackietreehorn8

    jackietreehorn8 fine

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2010
    Messages:
    13,471
    Likes Received:
    1
    That slayed me. I'm stealing it.
     
    jackietreehorn8, Jan 8, 2013
    #11
  12. Phreaxer

    Phreaxer Black Belt

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2011
    Messages:
    7,421
    Likes Received:
    0
    Great thread EQ. Has already bought a number of laughs... I hope to see many more coming soon. lol
     
    Phreaxer, Jan 8, 2013
    #12
  13. Linkuei

    Linkuei Mayor of Bootyville

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    24,492
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Mayor of Bootyville
    lol'd hard.
     
    Linkuei, Jan 8, 2013
    #13
  14. Diktaattori

    Diktaattori ★☆★☆★

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2012
    Messages:
    3,017
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    ★☆★☆★ threads.
    Shit, I need to do some soul searching :icon_lol:
     
    Diktaattori, Jan 8, 2013
    #14
  15. Phreaxer

    Phreaxer Black Belt

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2011
    Messages:
    7,421
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't think I could attract someone with a personal ad... really...
     
    Phreaxer, Jan 8, 2013
    #15
  16. Katsumi Yamada

    Katsumi Yamada Gold Belt

    Joined:
    May 9, 2010
    Messages:
    16,343
    Likes Received:
    246
    Location:
    The sauna
    looks a bit like Brock?
     
    Katsumi Yamada, Jan 8, 2013
    #16
  17. Sexy

    Sexy hold me like water in your hands

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Messages:
    44,143
    Likes Received:
    1,784
    Location:
    Columbus, OH
    loool
     
    Sexy, Jan 8, 2013
    #17
  18. Big Sissy

    Big Sissy Banned Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2011
    Messages:
    4,369
    Likes Received:
    0
    "I am awesome!" Please repeat that out loud 1000 times. Are you tired of hearing it yet? No? You may be the girl for me because i say that shit a lot. How would you like to gradually push the boundaries of crazy sex until you end up doing things you never dreamed you would ever do? Yes? Keep reading. Do you like listening to someone play the guitar who thinks he is way better than he is? Do you like having things about yourself that annoy you being thrown in your face during arguments? Would you like to be alienated from your brother and any other family members i think are dickheads? Please send me an email im available but probably not for long because im awesome.
     
    Big Sissy, Jan 8, 2013
    #18
  19. SafyreSchool**

    SafyreSchool** Banned Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2007
    Messages:
    6,562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The forests of DC
    Ladies, are you looking for a- oh, you're not?
    well, ok.
    Maybe instead we could just-
    ok, yeah, well, I'll be over there if you nee-
    sure, here's a dollar.
     
    SafyreSchool**, Jan 8, 2013
    #19
  20. the ax murderer

    the ax murderer Looking At The Stars.

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2010
    Messages:
    8,042
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Limerick, Ireland
    I'm 5'11 so while not very tall, I can comfortably receive oral while a lady is on her knees, no need for those pesky back pains girls. I read a lot of girlfriend threads on the berry making me well equipped to deal with any potential relationship pitfalls. I don't like Ipads. I recently received a playstation 3 after my first had been stolen so don't worry about me being the over protective type, it's not you I'll be hiding in my pillowcase when I leave the house.
     
    the ax murderer, Jan 8, 2013
    #20
Page 1 of 5

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Accept Learn More...