brutally honest personal ads

[equus]

i read a facebook status my brother commented on and i hadnt laughed so hard in a while. his friend posted an "honest" personal ad on his page stating he could lock down a girl with it. it told of all his horrible habits and hobbies.

"i have so much experience playing magic the gathering, i am very proficient with protection spells and i know the best points at which to slay a dragon from almost 1000 hours of playing skyrim. im almost 300 lbs but in the event of a second ice age, you could cut me open and stay warm and alive inside my body cavity like luke did inside the taun-taun on hoth. i have a car that provides reliable transportation most days. i also have a job that will allow you and i to eat at most restaraunts like burger king and taco bell. IM me."

if you were single and had to make a personal ad today to attract the opposite sex and include all the things that make you terribly unattractive but could try to explain why said hobby was an attribute, how would you do it?

 

[fatalis]

If I were to be honest mine would simply read

"So ugly, I make children cry"

 

[Toda Hiro-matsu]

That's awesome.

 

[RoryFan]

Yeah that's not going to work.

Not even 300lb Women that play Magic and enjoy Star Wars would fuck that dude.

 

[Fatt Hughes]

atleast he has a sense of humor in his ad, although self deprecating.

Rather than these brutal ones.

 

[MusclesMarinara]

Compact Italian looking for love. Low stature has proven to be a boon for rock wall building. Plus I don't take up to much space on the couch. I am very interested in gardening and am likely to love my plants more than you. On the bright side you'll have plenty of fresh vegetables. Expeditious lover. Self-absorbed so I'm not likely to take up much of your time.

 

[equus]

Compact Italian looking for love. Low stature has proven to be a boon for rock wall building. Plus I don't take up to much space on the couch. I am very interested in gardening and am likely to love my plants more than you. On the bright side you'll have plenty of fresh vegetables. Expeditious lover. Self-absorbed so I'm not likely to take up much of your time.

lol... gold...

 

[WalkenWouldOwn]

Awesome.

My friend would write similar things on FB... he joined the Navy last year and is doing well now, but before he did that he was a 28 year old with no degree working part time at an "adult bookstore" living with his mother and the self deprecating posts produced as a result were pretty hilarious.

 

[ghoul]

that guy has a very punch able face

 

[minute bull]

I am fairly certain that is a lesbian barista.

Expeditious lover.

In & out in a jiffy.

"Expeditious Lover" was Atlantic Star's worst sequel song. It just did not have that it factor.

 

[jackietreehorn8]

Compact Italian looking for love. Low stature has proven to be a boon for rock wall building. Plus I don't take up to much space on the couch. I am very interested in gardening and am likely to love my plants more than you. On the bright side you'll have plenty of fresh vegetables. Expeditious lover. Self-absorbed so I'm not likely to take up much of your time.

That slayed me. I'm stealing it.

 

[Phreaxer]

Great thread EQ. Has already bought a number of laughs... I hope to see many more coming soon. lol

 

[Linkuei]

i read a facebook status my brother commented on and i hadnt laughed so hard in a while. his friend posted an "honest" personal ad on his page stating he could lock down a girl with it. it told of all his horrible habits and hobbies.

"i have so much experience playing magic the gathering, i am very proficient with protection spells and i know the best points at which to slay a dragon from almost 1000 hours of playing skyrim. im almost 300 lbs but in the event of a second ice age, you could cut me open and stay warm and alive inside my body cavity like luke did inside the taun-taun on hoth. i have a car that provides reliable transportation most days. i also have a job that will allow you and i to eat at most restaraunts like burger king and taco bell. IM me."
if you were single and had to make a personal ad today to attract the opposite sex and include all the things that make you terribly unattractive but could try to explain why said hobby was an attribute, how would you do it?

lol'd hard.

 

[Diktaattori]

Shit, I need to do some soul searching :icon_lol:

 

[Phreaxer]

I don't think I could attract someone with a personal ad... really...

 

[Katsumi Yamada]

that guy has a very punch able face

looks a bit like Brock?

 

[Sexy]

Compact Italian looking for love. Low stature has proven to be a boon for rock wall building. Plus I don't take up to much space on the couch. I am very interested in gardening and am likely to love my plants more than you. On the bright side you'll have plenty of fresh vegetables. Expeditious lover. Self-absorbed so I'm not likely to take up much of your time.

loool

 

[Big Sissy]

"I am awesome!" Please repeat that out loud 1000 times. Are you tired of hearing it yet? No? You may be the girl for me because i say that shit a lot. How would you like to gradually push the boundaries of crazy sex until you end up doing things you never dreamed you would ever do? Yes? Keep reading. Do you like listening to someone play the guitar who thinks he is way better than he is? Do you like having things about yourself that annoy you being thrown in your face during arguments? Would you like to be alienated from your brother and any other family members i think are dickheads? Please send me an email im available but probably not for long because im awesome.

 

[SafyreSchool**]

Ladies, are you looking for a- oh, you're not?
well, ok.
Maybe instead we could just-
ok, yeah, well, I'll be over there if you nee-
sure, here's a dollar.

 

[the ax murderer]

I'm 5'11 so while not very tall, I can comfortably receive oral while a lady is on her knees, no need for those pesky back pains girls. I read a lot of girlfriend threads on the berry making me well equipped to deal with any potential relationship pitfalls. I don't like Ipads. I recently received a playstation 3 after my first had been stolen so don't worry about me being the over protective type, it's not you I'll be hiding in my pillowcase when I leave the house.