Relationship I would do anything for love, but

[Phlog]

I don't want to spoil it to you but 90% of those people saying they'd die for their kids in fact would not.

A lot yeah, which is sorta the point. I think it might be that people would die for their kids, in the main, but that they are seduced into thinking that what will be better for the parent will be better for the child. I think it arises out of an unexamined life.

Sometimes the situation is untenable.

Yes. But the situation comprises, primarily, of two people. So really what were saying is that at a minimum one of those people is untenable. Which is a real failure of discernment and/or leadership.

But yes, when the two parents don't have the best interests of their children at heart it indeed is not possible to resolve it happily.

I guess it's because people are unconsciously weighing their future hypothetical children's well being, the ones they will have with their next partner, against their current children's well being.

There is a lot of shit parenting out there. People love their vices more than they love their own children.

A lot of damaged people for sure.

 

[William Huggins]

Sometimes the situation is untenable.

Unless there's actual mental or physical abuse, it's a pretty weak excuse, people are far to self absorbed

 

[HHJ]

Unless there's actual mental or physical abuse, it's a pretty weak excuse, people are far to self absorbed

If it cant be worked out it cant be worked out. It will show,and it will tell.

 

[William Huggins]

A lot yeah, which is sorta the point. I think it might be that people would die for their kids, in the main, but that they are seduced into thinking that what will be better for the parent will be better for the child. I think it arises out of an unexamined life.



Yes. But the situation comprises, primarily, of two people. So really what were saying is that at a minimum one of those people is untenable. Which is a real failure of discernment and/or leadership.

But yes, when the two parents don't have the best interests of their children at heart it indeed is not possible to resolve it happily.

I guess it's because people are unconsciously weighing their future hypothetical children's well being, the ones they will have with their next partner, against their current children's well being.



A lot of damaged people for sure.

And we know what creates a lot of these damaged people, damaged childhoods...... From more damaged people...... Cycle continues.

 

[HHJ]

And we know what creates a lot of these damaged people, damaged childhoods...... From more damaged people...... Cycle continues.

No doubt. Divorce is horribly scarring for children.

 

[William Huggins]

If it cant be worked out it cant be worked out. It will show,and it will tell.

Still a weak excuse, with a total lack of accountability......... Pick better in life partners........ Poor choices, children shouldn't pay for their parents lack of accountability and self-absorbed crap....... More damaged ego driven selfish people...... Creating more of the same......

 

[HHJ]

Still a weak excuse

I dont agree.
It depends on the situation.
It could be,It might not be.
Human relationships are very complicated.

 

[William Huggins]

Governments should be subsidising happily married people with well balanced children....... Don't have a happy balanced family subsidies are gone.

Rewarding people for their contributions to a good balanced society......

Instead we fund people not to stay together........ Yes I totally understand the safety net system but it's really not how human nature works.....

Necessity should be a driving factor behind families..

 

[William Huggins]

I dont agree.
It depends on the situation.
It could be,It might not be.
Human relationships are very complicated.

Go look up the top reasons for divorce, as filed in court and any other reason apart from mental or physical abuse is going to be pretty weak..... I'll give you cheating..... Let's throw that in as well.....

 

[HHJ]

Go look up the top reasons for divorce, as filed in court and any other reason apart from mental or physical abuse is going to be pretty weak..... I'll give you cheating..... That's throw that in as well.....

Most people are imperfect. Strong in some areas,weak in others. They might not be able to add it up.

 

[William Huggins]

Most people are imperfect. Strong in some areas,weak in others. They might not be able to add it up.

Well maybe we shouldn't be allowing people the choice in who they pick to have children with because they lack accountability and make such poor choices.....

Get rid of marriage all together in law and leave that bit up to religion, follow that religion and be subject to those rules, simple.

Or get AI to do it and if you want to marry and have children and be protected by a safety net of Government subsidy you need a license to have children and get married with stringent tests....

Have children outside this system and that on you and the person you had them with.......

Too many screwed up people creating more screwed up people and all this paid for by tax money.......

 

[HHJ]

Too many screwed up people creating more screwed up people and all this paid for by tax money.......

You aint lyin there.

 

[William Huggins]

You aint lyin there.

Necessity is key....... Create a system that rewards good behaviour........ We currently only have a system that rewards and punishes bad behaviour.

Humans are too easily distracted from what they should really be doing and it's only getting worse, peoples attention/time is a very valuable commodity.....

 

[William Huggins]

Great thread @Phlog

 

[William Huggins]

Anyone would think the breakdown of the family unit was intentional.........

 

[Jake the Muss]

I'd give that advice too. Specifically I was talking about the situation where people almost to a T suggest they would do anything for their kids, but that anything does not include sucking it up where their relationship is concerned.

All the stuff before one has kids, finding a partner, being the best you you can be, developing a working relationship etc is before one has kids. Or at least should be!

So it's more advice post kids upon relational difficulty, then my advice would be don't be a dick. If both parents don't be a dick then there should be a solution.

Stats wise turns out it happens a lot. People regularly report staying together for the kids and then continuing to stay together afterwards.

Very well put.....

I respect your intentions. However, this thread has some teachable moments.

Staying together to keep up the pretenses for family, friends, and kids is called a "fantasy bond" which is the majority of marital relationships. It's toxic and dysfunctional.

“Most people have fears of intimacy and are self-protective and at the same time are terrified of being alone. Their solution to their emotional dilemma is to form a fantasy bond. This illusion of connection and closeness allows them to maintain an imagination of love and loving while preserving emotional distance”.
How Do I Know if I Have a Fantasy Bond? (psychalive.org)

The reason why it's so important for both parties to share a lifelong goal of personal development before they have kids is because they would've already learned how to overcome many of their divides and will continue to do so long into the relationship.

For example, while on date night:

"Hun, lately I have been feeling some emotional distance between us. I've finished this book, course, activity, etc., and I would for us to go through it together. It has some great suggestions that we would be able to appreciate."

I recommend "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by John Gottman to get you started.

Taking the lead in finding the right solution, and then bringing her on board through courtship, lets her know you are serious about the relationship. Demonstration beats conversation. If you have been continuously pursuing this goal, she will already know what the deal is, and it will get her working on the relationship as well. Nothing is lost if she isn't feeling your first suggestion, keep working at it.

If she isn't interested in working on the relationship, you would've been able to find out a long time before being hunkered down with commitments. Keep working on yourself, until you are ready to leave or move on to someone who wants to match your level of love, happiness, and success.

Life is too short to be living a lie. If your kids have mature, healthy, loving relationships to model after, they may not understand a divorce when they are young, but they will understand and thank you later.

 

[HHJ]

Life is too short to be living a lie.

The lie will eventually come out wether one likes it or not,and probably in a horrible uncontrolled way.

 

[BB in Crazy!!!!]

My neighbors when growing up ended in a murder suicide. I'm pretty sure their two sons who were both in elementary school would have just preferred a divorce than a progressive toxic escalation that ended with them being orphans.

 

[Belaya Smert]

“I just; won’t fuck Fat!”

 

[chimpoehurricane]

Yet pretty much everyone who decides they don't love their wife or husband enough is like, see ya, co parenting and fighting over the kids providing them with verifiably worse parenting,less consistent and often open to abuse from future partners of the ex.

That's modern women. 80% of divorce is filed by women who exit with cash prizes. The abundant of DV false allegations following a divorce is insane. Criminal charges should follow.

Detonate the marriage and family because "I'm not happy." A child places their world on happiness.

Child abuse tends to follow because mommy is out slumming it and Shady characters are coming through. It's appalling.

Adin Ross, Dillon Danis, and Andrew tate did a pod 3weeks ago. They all said what a rarity wife stock is in 2023. It definitely exists but I would argue not in the west. Maybe less than 1% if that.

Spoiler

Stupid rich, wealthy, status, and they still say how hard it is. Imagine your average man or incel?

I

it's got to be the real I would do anything for love but I won't do that.

Sorry kid, my happiness comes first, I absolutely can't just get along with the person I chose as life partner, whom I loved and sweared a vow to, naw I just can't suck it up for you kid. I've decided you're fine. So many dad's wondering what they can do about their ex introducing partners to the kids as soon as they meet em and the gnarly shit that goes down with that. I want to say this is your fucking bed man, you literally made it, what did you think would happen?

Spoiler

Divorce lawyer went viral a few weeks ago. He makes the point that both make vows but, ONLY THE MANS ARE ENGORCEE BY LAW. He must provide and in many a cases, a wife can cut him off, be a count, and he still has to provide.

Modern women and feminism killed marriage.

When you marry you vow to stay with them regardless. You agree to sacrifice. When you have kids you are ultimately responsible.

And yet.

Weak weak weak.

You sir are correct but you are preaching to the choir.

"A man of my word" is a male saying. Women are walking contradictions. If you do a basic search of a woman's digital footprint in 2023, I wager it will debunk white dresses. More importantly it will, uncover her being the village bicycle and discard her as a legitimate candidate for marriage ie protection and provisioning for the rest of your life plus giving her kids.


Your correct. It's weak. Men need to put work in, get the bag, SHOOT YOUR SHOT, and disregard everything that isn't wife stock (IF THATS WHAT YOU DESIRE).

She's a Christian wife BUT DOESNT SUBMIT. She's Muslim but INSERT WESTERN MODERN WOMAN NEW THINK. It's rubbish.

Spoiler

Make yourself as useful and valuable as you possibly can in this life. Get the bag. Get jacked. Looks max.shoot your shot. Travel. Go abroad. Set prerequisites and disregard anything that isn't wife and mother of your children stock.

Even then, there's no guarantees. Just a higher probability. Regardless, leave no stone unturned.happy hunting season. LFG!