Relationship I would do anything for love, but

[Phlog]

I preface this with my family are good, my wife and I are doing great, 19yrs married, kids are healthy and my cat who went missing came back 12 days later! It's all good, but I'm on these dad support forums and fuck me if it isn't all people talking about divorce etc.

"I would do anything for my kids"

"I'd die to protect them"

"The greatest gift I ever had came from God. I call him my son." - Jim Valvano

"My greatest accomplishment is my children." - Jackie Chan

"My kids are my life. I would do anything for them." - Angelina Jolie

"Being a parent is the biggest sacrifice one can make. It's putting your life on hold to fulfill the promise of your children's tomorrow."

"I would give my life for my children without a second thought."

"My children are my everything. I would sacrifice anything for them."

"I am so grateful for my children. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would do anything for them."



Yet pretty much everyone who decides they don't love their wife or husband enough is like, see ya, co parenting and fighting over the kids providing them with verifiably worse parenting,less consistent and often open to abuse from future partners of the ex.

It's got to be the real I would do anything for love but I won't do that.

Sorry kid, my happiness comes first, I absolutely can't just get along with the person I chose as life partner, whom I loved and sweared a vow to, naw I just can't suck it up for you kid. I've decided you're fine. So many dad's wondering what they can do about their ex introducing partners to the kids as soon as they meet em and the gnarly shit that goes down with that. I want to say this is your fucking bed man, you literally made it, what did you think would happen?

When you marry you vow to stay with them regardless. You agree to sacrifice. When you have kids you are ultimately responsible.

And yet.

Weak weak weak.

 

[RichardPriors]

Not sure growing up in an environment where the parents hate each other is that much better for the kids.

 

[Sweater of AV]

Depends on the situation. Often times it's worse for the kids if the parents stay together and the home is completely toxic 24/7.

I don't know why anyone would pretend there's a solution that covers every situation.

 

[Phlog]

Not sure growing up in an environment where the parents hate each other is that much better for the kids.

Depends on the situation. Often times it's worse for the kids if the parents stay together and the home is completely toxic 24/7.

I don't know why anyone would pretend there's a solution that covers every situation.

I can be civil with someone if I have to be. I could live in the same house as someone and never talk to them, share chores out and separate bedrooms. I've had housemates like that in the past.

You can't not be toxic as fuck for your kids? The ones you'd die for? You can't be a slightly better human being for them?

 

[method115]

I can be civil with someone if I have to be. I could live in the same house as someone and never talk to them, share chores out and separate bedrooms. I've had housemates like that in the past.

You can't not be toxic as fuck for your kids? The ones you'd die for? You can't be a slightly better human being for them?

I think the only issue I would have in that scenario is now your kids are going to grow up thinking that two people who love each other act like roommates. Your children learn from you on how to act around your wife and how to treat a women you love. Your daughter will look to you on how you treat your wife to learn how she expects her husband to treat her.

Maybe if you explained the situation to them it would help but I don't know. If I could find someone else I think that would be the best thing.

 

[Phlog]

I do appreciate that people can't help themselves and really just have to realise that they won't do anything for their kids. That actually there are real limits to how far they'll go.

 

[William Munny]

Being a good/great parent is the most important job at life. it's the one thing someone should get right.

 

[Phlog]

I think the only issue I would have in that scenario is now your kids are going to grow up thinking that two people who love each other act like roommates. Your learn children from you on how to act around your wife and how to treat a women you love. Your daughter will look to you on how you treat your wife to learn how she expects her husband to treat her.

Maybe if you explained the situation to them it would help but I don't know if I could find someone else I think that would be the best thing.

You'd need to remain friends with the spouse and to explain to the kids the whole deal.

From what I understand the proportion of people who stay together for the kids at some point is between 1/4 and 1/2 and that the evidence strongly shows that it's better for the kids in terms of outcomes.

 

[Wetarmpits]

Not sure growing up in an environment where the parents hate each other is that much better for the kids.

Exactly, I met quite a handful of divorced ladies who were early married, house and regretted it deeply aswell, with kids after some years. This not only on guys.

I have a kid, born under "complicated" circumstances with the mother, who was more like an affair and she gave me the choice to be part or not. I choose to be and now we are friends, it's not perfect but the kid has a happy dad as a father who is doing well, little guy is loved and supported in any means, got his grey belt in bjj at 7, nice private school. It can work and better than in many married couple situations.

 

[Wetarmpits]

Alright War Room, here I come.

 

[Sweater of AV]

I can be civil with someone if I have to be. I could live in the same house as someone and never talk to them, share chores out and separate bedrooms. I've had housemates like that in the past.

You can't not be toxic as fuck for your kids? The ones you'd die for? You can't be a slightly better human being for them?

The fact that you just equated a housemate with your wife is a bit telling.

I have no issues with a family believing the best thing is for the parents to separate. You acting holier than thou and above everyone else is hilarious.

 

[Pliny Pete]

Sometimes separating is the best thing for the children, growing up in a house full of tension, misery and hopelessness isnt the paradise you may imagine it to be

 

[Wetarmpits]

The fact that you just equated a housemate with your wife is a bit telling.

I have no issues with a family believing the best thing is for the parents to separate. You acting holier than thou and above everyone else is hilarious.

I mean, that's often his shtick.

 

[nostradumbass]

Well if it's a dad support forum(didn’t even know that was a thing), there's a solid chance those guys weren't the ones who wanted/initiated the divorce. With the exception of a few states that have covenant marriage, if 1 of you wants a divorce, you get divorced, and women initiate like 80% of them, and covenant marriages are a small percentage even in those states.

Divorce is way too easy now and therefore way too common. If you knew you couldn't easily get divorced, or at least found it shameful, you'd probably make the effort to make it work. If you know it's just a bit more paperwork than breaking up with someone, and you can still have the same income by taking half the person's stuff without any of the responsibility of marriage, then you can just get divorced instead of having to work through your problems.

 

[Fedorgasm]

I'm with you @Phlog !

Before each of my kids was born, I sat down alone and asked myself "Are you willing to put up with 18 years of her shit?"

Because I believe that once you bring a kid into this world, you owe them 18 years of a 2-parent household.

I've wanted to leave several times but I stuck it out for my kids.

And everyone that says "but it's bad for the kids to be around unhappy parents!" No it's not. Just fucking act like an adult, take your shit sandwich and eat it with a smile because that's the commitment you made when you agreed to marry this person and bring a kid into the world.

If you must divorce, do it when the kid turns 18

 

[Sweater of AV]

And everyone that says "but it's bad for the kids to be around unhappy parents!" No it's not.

Yeah I'm sure it's great for kids to grow up in a house where their parents don't even look at each other and are spending their energy suppressing their hostility. Great stuff.

No one's saying you shouldn't work through hard times but if it reaches the point where the environment is worse than just separating, then separate.

Having the mentality of "I made a commitment so my kids are stuck with us being cans in one house" is idiotic.

 

[shunyata]

I can be civil with someone if I have to be. I could live in the same house as someone and never talk to them, share chores out and separate bedrooms. I've had housemates like that in the past.

You can't not be toxic as fuck for your kids? The ones you'd die for? You can't be a slightly better human being for them?

When you'd die for them but won't do the laundry for them.

 

[Wetarmpits]

Yeah I'm sure it's great for kids to grow up in a house where their parents don't even look at each other and are spending their energy suppressing their hostility. Great stuff.

No one's saying you shouldn't work through hard times but if it reaches the point where the environment is worse than just separating, then separate.

Having the mentality of "I made a commitment so my kids are stuck with us being cans in one house" is idiotic.

Yea, I mean, it's not like kids are conditioned by that and imitate/ mirror/ repeat learned behaviour.
If I say this or that is great you can bet 5 cent my 7 year old son will say he likes it too 5 mins later in a different setting and then it's my job to not be proud what a great kid I have but to tell him to make up his own mind, explain why I like this/ that and ask why he thinks it's great.

Makes up for a splendid next generation of miserable homes.

 

[Pliny Pete]

And everyone that says "but it's bad for the kids to be around unhappy parents!" No it's not.

You clearly have no idea what youre talking about

 

[William Huggins]

I preface this with my family are good, my wife and I are doing great, 19yrs married, kids are healthy and my cat who went missing came back 12 days later! It's all good, but I'm on these dad support forums and fuck me if it isn't all people talking about divorce etc.

"I would do anything for my kids"

"I'd die to protect them"

"The greatest gift I ever had came from God. I call him my son." - Jim Valvano

"My greatest accomplishment is my children." - Jackie Chan

"My kids are my life. I would do anything for them." - Angelina Jolie

"Being a parent is the biggest sacrifice one can make. It's putting your life on hold to fulfill the promise of your children's tomorrow."

"I would give my life for my children without a second thought."

"My children are my everything. I would sacrifice anything for them."

"I am so grateful for my children. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would do anything for them."



Yet pretty much everyone who decides they don't love their wife or husband enough is like, see ya, co parenting and fighting over the kids providing them with verifiably worse parenting,less consistent and often open to abuse from future partners of the ex.

It's got to be the real I would do anything for love but I won't do that.

Sorry kid, my happiness comes first, I absolutely can't just get along with the person I chose as life partner, whom I loved and sweared a vow to, naw I just can't suck it up for you kid. I've decided you're fine. So many dad's wondering what they can do about their ex introducing partners to the kids as soon as they meet em and the gnarly shit that goes down with that. I want to say this is your fucking bed man, you literally made it, what did you think would happen?

When you marry you vow to stay with them regardless. You agree to sacrifice. When you have kids you are ultimately responsible.

And yet.

Weak weak weak.

This is my life at the moment, I'm literally living this right now.........