Your parents

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by IgnorantBloke, Dec 16, 2012.

  1. IgnorantBloke

    IgnorantBloke ¡En nombre de la patria!

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    What did your parents do right while raising you? Now if you're an adult they obviously provided a safe environment, water, food, shelter, ect. And then what did they do very wrong? And then finally which of those things do you plan on doing or providing for your children?

    My father left long before can remember so I'll exclude him from this discussion.

    My mother and my grandparents provided:
    -Lots of entertainment options
    -Quality food
    -Lots of social activities
    -A fairly large extended family
    -A few hobbies
    -Made sure I went to a good elementary school from 4-7th grade

    Things I feel impacted on me negatively:
    -Exposure to drug/alcohol abuse very early
    -Wasn't taught the general skill sets in order to maintain a house
    -Intellectual curiosity wasn't fostered
    -Exposure to failed, or abusive, social relationships
    -No encouragement to do well in school

    When I was eleven my mother remarried an moved half way across the country and all of the positives pretty much went away. With the exception being lots of great food. Her husband hated me and I was pretty much ignored from then on, if anything I did caused them any effort he threatened to divorce my mother and to leave her alone with a small child.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2012
  2. AGGAMEMNON66

    AGGAMEMNON66 ———Villain———

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    I turned out pretty fucking awesome
     
  3. VODZ

    VODZ Orange Belt

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    Yes,

    Single mom and my grandparents did a pretty good job, especially my mom who was usually flat broke until i was in my teens. She's not a very good cook though, that's my only real complaint.
     
  4. marian

    marian Orange Belt

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    Yes.
    And no.
    Duh.

    What kind of question is this?
     
  5. IgnorantBloke

    IgnorantBloke ¡En nombre de la patria!

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    Sorry, I was expecting more detailed responses. What things did they do out of the ordinary that really effected your life positively?
     
  6. SafyreSchool**

    SafyreSchool** Banned Banned

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    My parents went to ivy league schools, they're kind in every sense of the word, and they were always there when I needed them. They never had a big fight. Never had family scandals. There was always a norman rockwell-esque thanksgiving and presents under the tree.

    But that was also their flaw, and mine.
    I never knew what it was like to work hard because I didn't have to.
    I became lazy, and ignorant, to a degree.
    It was so much to the point that when I reached high school, I couldn't understand when other kids told me they had only one parent, or that their dads beat them, or even what it was like to have "hard times." I started slacking off in school because I couldn't comprehend a future where I'd be on my own and have to do things myself.

    I grew up knowledgeable of the outside world, but because I never experienced that hardship or having to overcome any obstacles, it made me weak and oversensitive when I actually did witness things like that first hand.

    I grew up believing people had a certain respect for each other, that a man would never ask a woman for sex on the first date, and swearing was something stupid people did because they couldn't express themselves otherwise. That you should write women poetry and gladly have long conversations. (the first time I had sex at 17, I actually wrote a long letter to the girl outlining my love for her and why I felt I was ready for it and why I wanted my first time to be with her.)

    But all that coupled with my lazy and indifferent persona ruined my school career, and to this day, it takes a lot of effort to apply myself, which I mostly blame myself for. I would never blame my parents, or anyone else 100%.

    TLDR

    I was a spoiled, but kind, brat.
    Raised with morality, but also inexperience and ignorance to a hardened outside world.
    I would say I've almost caught up to everyone else, but odds are, I was so far behind, i probably never will.
     
  7. marian

    marian Orange Belt

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    Alright, I'm sorry; I was being facetious.

    They taught me how to enjoy reading. Sounds simple enough but being able to lose myself in a book really developed my imagination & my curiosity.

    They taught me to enjoy learning new stuff & fostered my curiosity. That my innate curiosity was fostered & supported instead of beaten out of me is one of the things that allows me to connect with other people (&, I think, is one of the things that other people find attractive in me).

    They eff'd up by being batsh!te eff'n insane individually & then marrying & reproducing thereby amplifying their crazy genes.

    (That being said, all of my siblings & myself attended top 20 [maybe top 10? I don't know & frankly IDGAF] universities. High achievers when it comes to academics [I'm the family slacker, in this respect] & high achievers when it comes to athletics [I'm my generation's stand-out, in this respect].
    Still crazy.)
     
  8. Fenderson

    Fenderson Purple Belt

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    Positives:

    I was taken to martial arts classes as a youngster and this is still a huge part of my life. Both worked hard and provided anything I needed.

    Negatives:

    Both of my parents smoked (mum doesn't anymore) and my father drinks too much, and although I don't drink or smoke it provided a terrible example.

    Mum has anger issues and is the most immature person I have ever met. She also likes to hit my stepdad and used to hit my dad.

    My dad still lives with his mum and never has any money even though he has a good job.

    I was never taught to be self sufficient and at 21 I'm still learning the basics (ironing, cooking)

    All first world problems, but its definitely something I will never do once I have kids.
     
  9. MarloStanfield

    MarloStanfield The Wild Colonial Boy

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    i hate my parents, i just feel absolutely no love for them,
    is it cold to say i wish they were dead?
     
  10. Blood Python

    Blood Python Silver Belt

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    Work hard in order to receive nice things or don't expect anything if you don't do work and/or don't have good grades

    Education = priority

    Credit - very important and started building in hs with dads help
     
  11. Mountain Dew

    Mountain Dew Users Awaiting Email Confirmation

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    My dad provided for our family, but he and I aren't very close. We can't really have a normal conversation, and he's kind of a negative douche. Only time we really converse, is when he needs help with his iPod or some shit.
     
  12. loyalyolayal

    loyalyolayal Steel Belt

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    don't worry, life gets better after high school.

    [​IMG]
     
  13. Pugilistic

    Pugilistic Silver Belt

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    You must've had a pretty rough childhood.

    I'm very critical of how my parents raised me but they weren't horrible. Some of their negatives and positives overlap.

    Pro:
    Food and shelter obviously.
    Food was never an issue so I ate a lot as a kid.
    Pushed me to succeed academically.
    Instilled values like self-discipline and respect for others.
    They weren't drug addicts or abuse me sexually.
    They bought me tons of books, games and toys.

    Cons:
    Let me eat way too much so I was a little fatass.
    My parents are kind of socially awkward so I grew up being the same and got picked on.
    Forced me to go to church despite how much I hated it.
    Pressured me too much to succeed in school.
    My dad questioned my worth as a son when I didn't do well, which kind of messed with me psychologically.
    They beat the shit out of me to the point I still feel they crossed the line into abuse.
    They also got/get angry very easily with me.
    They didn't show a lot of love. I would gladly trade all the toys and games for a few more hugs and I-love-yous. Ok, maybe not all of them, but a lot of them.
    Never really taught me anything useful in life. They stressed studying but never taught me simple shit like how to shave, put on a tie, balance my account, etc. I learned how to ride a bike by myself when I was 14.
    Wouldn't let me train boxing because it was "too dangerous."
     
  14. Magumbo

    Magumbo Green Belt

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    I wasn't beaten or molested, parents split when I was 10, mostly between lower to middle class, turned out to be a good hardworking person
     
  15. therealdope

    therealdope Titanium Belt

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    I come from a somewhat unconventional family background (although I think it's a lot more common now). My parents are both educated professionals and are/were always highly rational. They gave me a lot of freedom to do pretty much whatever I wanted to do. They trusted me. Exposed me to a lot through travel.

    I have zero complaints about my family.

    One peculiarity: My parents were the polar opposite of the prototypical "soccer mom" and "hockey dad". They had next to no involvement in my sports - other than giving me the freedom to do whatever I wanted. I've thought a lot about this and the only conclusion I can come to is that I wouldn't have it any other way.

    edit: always had healthy food in the house.
     
  16. therealdope

    therealdope Titanium Belt

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    Sorry this made me burst out laughing - I know I'm going to hell for it.

    Trust me dude, from what I've seen - you're far from the only one.
     
  17. Katsumi Yamada

    Katsumi Yamada Gold Belt

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    my parents were alright, no major complaints, it's hard raising a gang of boys when the rest of the extended family is in another country, and are therefore of no use.

    They both worked full time so didn't have time to cook, so we always ended up eating terrible food.
    My dad is educated himself so made sure my brothers and I worked hard in school.

    Once my eldest brother turned 13 (i think), and i was 10 we didn't need anyone to mind us during the summer holidays, which meant total freedom and lots of great adventures. :)


    nitpicking:
    > I wish they'd pushed me more in sports, always thought I had potential as a footballer when i was a kid but my dad made me go to mass every sunday instead of playing sunday-league matches.

    > I wish we travelled more on holidays, Ireland annually and a couple of times across the channel to a campsite in France was OK but made me jealous of those kids who got a tan.

    > My dad drank a lot but he was a "sleepy drunk" so we didnt mind apart from once where we couldn't get into the front door because he'd fallen asleep infront of it.
     
  18. Katsumi Yamada

    Katsumi Yamada Gold Belt

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    Good post.
    It's important not to spoil your kids, even if you think you are being a bit cruel it will serve them well in the long run.

    When me and my brothers were born my parents were young, immigrants, and had very little, so when I was young I always felt jealous of other kids. But they worked hard and by the time i was in my teens they had a good income and treated us a lot. It worked out well for me, i think.
     
  19. therealdope

    therealdope Titanium Belt

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    You're Irish - amirite?

    It's okay, my dad's side of the family is Irish.
     
  20. Sanshou Kid

    Sanshou Kid Brown Belt

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    I wasn't planned. Only lived in a 2 parent household for the 1st year of my life, then with my mum up till now.

    Still see my dad on occasion but it is awkward since he married and has 2 stepsons and 3 step-grandchildren who take up a lot of his time. When I do see him, he seems to try to get months of parenting into 1-2 days.

    My maternal grandfather remarried, never knew my bio grandmother and my step-grandmother and my mother constantly clashed on how to raise me which I think imprinted on me at a young age.

    Dad always had the attitude of "work hard, nothing gets handed to you" while mum goes for the "believe in serendipity route".

    I like to think I have a mixture of both. Was encouraged to take up Martial Arts and is one of the few things dad and I bond over.

    I think because my mum never pursued relations with anyone after I was born that I have a slightly warped outlook on lovelife.

    TL;DR

    -raised by single mother, see dad rarely
    -mum and dad polar opposite parenting styles
    -imprinted family conflict, warped relationship skills
     

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