Your favorite Voodoo Witchdoctor remedies.

This thread is not about building muscle or losing fat, frankly there's enough of that. Rather I'm interested to know how many of you, like me, have wierd grandmothers who always blurted out the most oddball shit to do as a remedy that much to your surprise and despite all your skepticism, actually freakin' WORKED. You know, like you'd have a pimple and your grandmother would go "babeh, you need ta crack a boiled egg, take the shell, and scrub dat pimple wif da inside of dat shell nah." And you were like "whatever you old bat"...but then out of curiosity you tried it, and the shit actually worked. So now, all your friends think you're a lunatic Medically speaking because you swear before God this lame-sounding thing they never thought about actually does the trick. I'll list some of mine, and if you don't believe me...try them.

1) Crystallized Ginger - You guys have heard me mention it before. This shit is pure magic. I buy it in the candied version because I like the taste though a lot of people can't handle the kick it gives. Comes coated in a little cane sugar. This shit will cure almost ANY form of nausea or stomach discomfort. From the shits, to motion sickness, even Morning Sickness if you knock your girl up. Every person that comes to my store who complains of stomach discomfort I tell them to get a little bag of it, only $3, and it'll work better than Pepto Bismol, or any other ant-acid. They do, and now we can't keep the shit on the shelves.

2) Aloe Vera - What CAN'T Aloe Vera do? I drink the gel to ease Acid Reflux, and it works like a charm. Though the one drawback is it tastes like liquid erasers. You can put this shit on burns, when you drink it it coats your stomach, re-placeing deteriorated stomach lining. Plus you'll notice your skin consistency is much better. Plus, get this. I developed a couple of boils (which is a minor form of Staphylococcus Infection) and someone recommended I use the gel on them because Aloe is notrious for it's ability to penetrate the skin. Boils have to be drawn out to heal properly. Damn if the shit didn't work. These things wouldn't heal for months, now they're barely visible.

3) Throat Coat Tea from Traditional Medicinals - A couple of Jamaican clients asked for this crap "y'all got da troat coat?" We did and I had never heard of it. Now I always keep a box because if your throat is a little hoarse, mix this shit with some honey and it's gone in no time.

4) Emergen-C - I also doubted this stuff at first. I haven't had a cold in about 2 years or more. But the last time I did everyone at work kept recommending it. It tastes like lightly flavored ass, hard to keep drinking, but let me tell you. You know that feeling like you been hit by a truck when you're sick? This shit will keep you feeling normal and help fight the virus.

5) Zinc Lozenges - A lot of throat crap just numbs it until it heals (Chloraseptic), but the Zinc in the Zinc Lozenges will actually do a bit to repair the damaged tissue. I keep this stuff around as well after trying it out. The one thing that sucks though is your throat is kind of dry when you're done with them, but you have the "Troat Coat" for that.

6) Oscilococcinum - Say that three times fast. If you think you might be getting a Flu, take this shit within the first three days and more times than not it WILL kill it. One of our more popular natural remedies with an excellent reputation.

7) Noni - Either Tahitian or Polynesian. I kept hearing about it and kept hearing about it forever. I can't even tell you what specifically the shit does but that's it's a powerful anti-oxidant. But we have people who buy it religiously. I have a bottle now and it sucks to drink, but the things people have noticed if I listed them would resemble the opposite of all of the bad shit listed about Aspartame. lol

8) Oatmeal Soap - I know what you're thinking. Sounds kind of girly. I saw this shit in our store and normally I don't go near the cosmetics because, well...I'm a dude. But something my grandmother kept saying echoed in my head. That whenever her kids had skin conditions she would bathe them in Oatmeal of all things. Plus I took a whiff of it and it smelled good, not in a Metrosexual way either. I been using it recently and occasionally I get Acne. It might be purely psychological but I swear the shit is clearing up, and I notice my skin isn't oily at all, but it's not dry and filmy either.

9) Dr. Bonner's Castille Soap - This one is more of a man's soap. This shit is purely amazing, reason being you can do ANYTHING with it. You can bathe, wash your dishes, wash your car, wash your hair, and a Soldier who was buying it to take to Iraq even told me in desperate times in the middle of the desert some of the Soldiers will even brush their teeth with it, though it tastes like shit. So if you have a wife or girlfriend and don't want all these feminine soaps and shit around the house, turn her onto this stuff.

10) Tea Tree Oil - I shit you not. This stuff is another thing I can't say enough about. It can get rust off a car bumper. lol It's one of the strongest antiseptics I've ever used. It kills like any fungus or bacteria, and it can be used also on cuts and shit (diluted though). Also for you guys (or girls) who have piercings and don't bother taking them out to train, but fear they might be or become infected. This shit will clear that up lickety-split. I even went as far as to buy some Tea Tree Oil toothpaste, because I HAD to know. Now I don't care for any other toothpaste. I have the "Healthy Mouth" made by JASON, and this shit keeps your teeth feeling clean even AFTER you eat.

So if any of you guys have any other general health off-the-wall things you use, feel free to list them. I love knowing shit like this (even if it doesn't work for some people) because when you have kids this kind of knowledge makes them feel like you know everything under the sun. lol

 

I buy 100% raw Aloe Vera Gel for consumption.

Dude I don't doubt this one bit. A lot of people don't believe me when I tell them (Chad you'll get a kick out of this), but my Father's mother lived in Honduras all her life despite not being Native there (she's mostly Cuban and Native American)...and she is into Voodoo seriously. She does Santeria, a lot of people have tons of questions about wether or not it works and I just tell them if her will is stronger than yours (and most times it is) then she can do a lot to make your life a living Nightmare. Anywho, that being said, you can imagine the WORLDS of cooky shit she did on a regular basis. When I was like 3 my front teeth were all rotted and I had horrible digestive problems (I think my stomach is still messed up from this) but they found out I was allergic to the baby formula eventually. Well my mom had me stay with my Voodoo grandmother (My other grandmother has gypsy blood, the one who bathed her kids in oatmeal...go figure) and she would give me this mixture of honey, lime, and some kind of liqour, at the time it cured all my digestion problems. I have no idea what she put in that shit either.

People always ask about sacrifices. She does it, but they sacrifice animals like chickens and shit and ask the Santos to bless the meat, then they go to their home countries and feed the poor with it. So there's a lot of misconceptions about their rituals. But she has some wierd fucking solution for every ailment. Ironically enough the only things that seem to be beyond these types of people are bacterial diseases that mutate or spread too rapidly.

 

Not every kind of Noni is legit. The ones that sell best at my store are Tahitian Trader and Noni Gold. Like I said I can't specifically list what they do because there isn't any solidified thing...but I'll put it like this. Cancer patients buy this shit like it's gonna dry up and fly away at any moment.

 

Nah, I've already been informed I make too many stickies. lol

 

Reeds is the company that makes the kind I use.

http://www.reedsgingerbrew.com/candy.asp

 

We sell one of their Ginger beers, but I don't drink them because I try to avoid drinks with calories above 50.