Workplace Weirdos

[Uptown Swinger]

I've run into a few over the years:

1. Narcoleptic guy - Sometimes I would walk into the bathroom and he would be standing there asleep by the sink.. Freaked me out.

2. Theme guy - I called him this because every day he dressed to a "theme". When I say this, I mean balls to the wall themes:

Harley rider - there was no mistake he rode a bike in to work that day. Full leathers, blacked out clothing, hair slicked back in a pony tail, carrying his helmet everywhere, etc..

Jesus day - The guy looked like Jesus to begin with (full beard, long hair, etc..). He would come in wearing white robe with sandals, leather bracelet, large beaded knecklace, etc.. You could have stuck him in any Jesus movie and he would have looked the part.

Hawaiian day - Make no mistake, he was feeling festive on these days. Sandals, Hawaiian flower shirt, cargo shorts, straw hat.​

It was a new experience every time I ran into him.

3. Ear muff guy - Rumor is that he had something wrong with his ears. They were very sensitive or something, so he wore earmuffs everywhere he went. No idea why he didn't just use some small foam earplugs.

4. Depends guy - someone had a problem and apparently was not embarrassed to leave his dirty man diapers on the bathroom floor every once in awhile.

Warren?

 

[Tank_Kam]

I did tech support many moons ago. A coworker who seemed like the nicest guy in the world had a very dark side. He'd frequently press the mute button on his phone and say some foul shit to clients. He had a Filipino wife who would call a lot and he'd be a huge dick to her. I heard him yell at her once to "learn the god damn language if you're gonna bother me at work."

Most extreme case of Jekyll and Hyde personalities I'd ever witnessed. It was comical listening to him sounding so nice then pressing mute and hearing "ya fuckin bum" in a demonic voice in between sentences.

But he really was a nice guy. He never got annoyed when I asked him for help all the time as a newbie, and he was always busy as fuck.

Haha typical tech support worker. Everyone here does that and says a bunch of foul negative shit and I can't stand it. Really brings down my workplace morale which is tough enough to keep up when you gotta help a lot of stubborn rude idiots over the phone without killing myself lol

 

[RawDawgBob]

In the military i had this cowrker that would do the wierds shit. He would try to get in showers with other dudes. He said he could suck his own dong and proved it to everyone. He use to carry a picture of himself with a hard on and try to get everyone to look at it. He also would sexually harrass the crap out of girls. This was before they had all the training and stuff they do now. He would also stuff a bunch of stuff in his pants to give the appearance of a giagantic bulge then walk up to people stroking it.

Last i heard he was in prision.

 

[Sexy]

They all think you're the office weirdo

Probably, I work with five women.

 

[Dena Whyte]

I've run into a few over the years:

4. Depends guy - someone had a problem and apparently was not embarrassed to leave his dirty man diapers on the bathroom floor every once in awhile.

edit - no poop stories i guess

 

[ajwbjj87]

This is a true story and it's disgusting so bare with me, there was this guy who was hired to do all the jobs no one wanted to do he was definetley different but we had no idea how bad he was, anyways long story short he uses to spit on the floor then use it to paint pictures on the bathroom wall sunshine smiley faces etc, it took a while to bust him simply because we couldn't believe anyone could do that but we did and he was fired

 

[fightingrabbit]

We all know our Miltons.

 

[Kevin Rudd]

Haha typical tech support worker. Everyone here does that and says a bunch of foul negative shit and I can't stand it. Really brings down my workplace morale which is tough enough to keep up when you gotta help a lot of stubborn rude idiots over the phone without killing myself lol

co-sign, had a co-worker one time who thought he had the client on mute and he called him a fucking c**t. The client heard it but the guy apologised for his language and blamed it on him swearing at his computer because it froze. He somehow got away with it.

 

[wvpv]

Worked with a guy who belonged to some sovereign citizen movement / new age cult. This guy had somehow cut his thumb off and told me that he was going to grow it back by smoking a lot of pot.

 

[odog]

I worked with this one guy and I don't even know how to describe him really. He was a 35 year old Japanese man, that looked like a 55 year old Japanese man, but acted like a 10 year old Japanese girl.

When you meet him he seems like a nice, kinda simple, fresh off the boat foreign guy who is pretty clueless. But over time you learn that it's an act, or at least partially. I think that he had adopted the role of clueless foreign guy as an excuse to be lazy. He had been living in Canada for 25 years or so (his story kept changing), yet acted like he just got here.

If you told him to do something he would purposefully try to avoid doing any work. When you asked him if he understood what he was supposed to do he would say "Yes. Ah yes, yes, I understand. Yes." An hour later he's done fuck all. Then he would say "Oh, oh, oh, sorry. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. I no understand. So sorry, so sorry." It's amazing how long he got away with doing fuck all by simply pretending to be clueless. Eventually he was fired, but not soon enough.

Oh, and he also would eat all the leftovers from any potluck at the office. He would just Hoover down anything that was in front of him. He would literally sit in the lunch room for 2 hours eating until it was all gone. One time when he made a delivery, our client was having a BBQ for their staff. They told him to help himself, so he took a plate with 8 hamburgers and several hot dogs and drove away with them. Then they ran out of food before everyone ate. His excuse? "Oh sorry, sorry. I no understand. Sorry, so sorry."

 

[bandicoot]

I worked with this one guy and I don't even know how to describe him really. He was a 35 year old Japanese man, that looked like a 55 year old Japanese man, but acted like a 10 year old Japanese girl.

When you meet him he seems like a nice, kinda simple, fresh off the boat foreign guy who is pretty clueless. But over time you learn that it's an act, or at least partially. I think that he had adopted the role of clueless foreign guy as an excuse to be lazy. He had been living in Canada for 25 years or so (his story kept changing), yet acted like he just got here.

If you told him to do something he would purposefully try to avoid doing any work. When you asked him if he understood what he was supposed to do he would say "Yes. Ah yes, yes, I understand. Yes." An hour later he's done fuck all. Then he would say "Oh, oh, oh, sorry. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. I no understand. So sorry, so sorry." It's amazing how long he got away with doing fuck all by simply pretending to be clueless. Eventually he was fired, but not soon enough.

Oh, and he also would eat all the leftovers from any potluck at the office. He would just Hoover down anything that was in front of him. He would literally sit in the lunch room for 2 hours eating until it was all gone. One time when he made a delivery, our client was having a BBQ for their staff. They told him to help himself, so he took a plate with 8 hamburgers and several hot dogs and drove away with them. Then they ran out of food before everyone ate. His excuse? "Oh sorry, sorry. I no understand. Sorry, so sorry."

I no understand!

 

[Kevin Rudd]

edit

 

[Gunshow74]

This is a true story and it's disgusting so bare with me, there was this guy who was hired to do all the jobs no one wanted to do he was definetley different but we had no idea how bad he was, anyways long story short he uses to DROP ACRYLIC PAINT on the floor then use it to paint pictures on the bathroom wall sunshine smiley faces etc, it took a while to bust him simply because we couldn't believe anyone could do that but we did and he was fired

I've actually seen this twice. Two different disgruntled employees at two different places of employment.

 

[DoctorTaco]

I worked with a baker who was slightly autistic. Quiet and awkward to talk to, but if you talked to him on the phone or while driving it was just fine. When he was making soup he would season he soup and pop a teaspoons worn of each seasoning into his mouth. Cumin, ginger, paprika, etc.

He was fun to work with and a genuinely nice guy who was phenomenal at his job. All the little fractal math that goes along with the job was no problem at all, and he rarely looked at recipes more than a few times.

He eventually joined the navy and was recruited for the nuclear program. They found out he was color blind so he was rejected from the program and ended up as a medic. I heard he graduated #2 in his class and got to pick where he was stationed and chose Italy.

 

[odog]

Edited, just in case.

 

[DoctorTaco]

This is a true story and it's disgusting so bare with me, there was this guy who was hired to do all the jobs no one wanted to do he was definetley different but we had no idea how bad he was, anyways long story short he uses to DROP ACRYLIC PAINT on the floor then use it to paint pictures on the bathroom wall sunshine smiley faces etc, it took a while to bust him simply because we couldn't believe anyone could do that but we did and he was fired

Poop stories bring the ban hammer. You should edit that...

 

[DoctorTaco]

I've actually seen this twice. Two different disgruntled employees at two different places of employment.

I don't even know what to say to this but I am laughing my ass off right now. Fucked up but funny at the same time. I pity the poor cleaner who had to clean that up.

You win the thread so far.

Quoting poop stories can bring the ban hammer as well

 

[DoctorTaco]

This isn't nearly as bad, but was kind of surprising at the time.

I worked at one place where there was one toilet for everyone. There was 10 warehouse workers, 6 office staff. The problem was that some guy kept DRAWING WITH LIPSTICK all over the floor, which annoyed everyone, especially the ladies. And I don't mean like a couple of TUBES here and there. I mean like CASES OF LIPSTICK on the floor. I eventually figured out who it was. It was the warehouse manager, which meant no one could really say anything.

you too

 

[clutchit]

At one of my old warehouse jobs we had oddball. He was mix of Dutch and Filipino, he was pasty white with a tinge of yellow but it looked like he was always jaundiced. He was short, tubby guy and everyday before work he would come in with cigarette in one hand, a large starbucks coffee in the other and a wad of dip in his lip. He would put his coffee down in the break room and you would just see this circle of black around the lid and he had on his mouth too from the tobacco stains. I always surprised the dude didn't keel over at work, as the job was pretty physically demanding.

Anyways that didn't really make him weird. On one of the 3 day weekends (Memorial Day or Labor Day, I forget) he went to Vegas and picked himself up a hooker and was telling everyone about it. The worst was he was showing of pics of this girl, while not unattractive you could tell she was not a high class hooker. So he's showing us pics and then one of her cooch pops up and he was like see that, I ate that shit all night. Everyone in the smoking hole was totally disgusted and telling him things like "you don't eat out a hooker" or "you gotta go get checked" and his response was it had been so long and he didn't seem overly concerned about catching something. Come to find out later in his 20's he had starred in porno, just the thought of a 5'4 pudgy, pasty guy going to town just made me laugh.

Also I used to worked with a part time manager at UPS who would looked up porn and beat off in the managers office. He always carried around one of those plastic clipboards that you could open up and keep stuff inside, turn out his was of porn mag clippings. Adult stores are big part of UPS business and at least once a week a box would split open and mags and dvds would go all over the place.

 

[thebluerider]

I worked with this one guy and I don't even know how to describe him really. He was a 35 year old Japanese man, that looked like a 55 year old Japanese man, but acted like a 10 year old Japanese girl.

When you meet him he seems like a nice, kinda simple, fresh off the boat foreign guy who is pretty clueless. But over time you learn that it's an act, or at least partially. I think that he had adopted the role of clueless foreign guy as an excuse to be lazy. He had been living in Canada for 25 years or so (his story kept changing), yet acted like he just got here.

If you told him to do something he would purposefully try to avoid doing any work. When you asked him if he understood what he was supposed to do he would say "Yes. Ah yes, yes, I understand. Yes." An hour later he's done fuck all. Then he would say "Oh, oh, oh, sorry. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. I no understand. So sorry, so sorry." It's amazing how long he got away with doing fuck all by simply pretending to be clueless. Eventually he was fired, but not soon enough.

Oh, and he also would eat all the leftovers from any potluck at the office. He would just Hoover down anything that was in front of him. He would literally sit in the lunch room for 2 hours eating until it was all gone. One time when he made a delivery, our client was having a BBQ for their staff. They told him to help himself, so he took a plate with 8 hamburgers and several hot dogs and drove away with them. Then they ran out of food before everyone ate. His excuse? "Oh sorry, sorry. I no understand. Sorry, so sorry."

this is my favorite. lmao...