Speaking of nerd quarrels:
Dunno if y'all are familiar with the Bulwer-Lytton prize for the worst sentence, honoring the so bad it's good opening sentence of the novel beginning with "It was a dark and stormy night," but
this gave me a big chuckle because of how much it reminded me of me,
"Gawker writer
Richard Lawson tried to do the Bulwer-Lyttons one better, asking readers to try to outdo "the worst sentence in America."
Jen Doll of the Village Voice found contenders from the day's news. (Her example: "Starbucks is serving chicken.") Here's the
winner/loser of Lawson's contest--judge among the entrants yourself:
Noontime yesterday--or thereabouts--a rather mild diurne, if we do say so, considering the surrounding ones of oppressive heat and death, surely, of the elderly and probably, or possibly, more accurately, since we are not in possession of the statistics, stray cats--the pregnant ones, anyways, in their gravid multitudes--one Hamilton Nolan of The Gawker, at best a filthy truck stop plied by lousy (literally) goldbrickers and meth whores on the information superhighway--wrote of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest, likening the announcement of its winner to a "bullhorn fart," or some such; lovelily enough, the competition is such that, but of course, The Gawker must--must--must--must!--feel compelled in cascading waterfalls of inexorability to publish a second dissertation on the results of said striving, this time implying that the fix was in, for easily, verily, a much worse sentence a man (or woman) could indite."
I liked this actual contest entry a lot as well,
"As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, "Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead.""
2020 Grand Prize
Her Dear John missive flapped unambiguously in the windy breeze, hanging like a pizza menu on the doorknob of my mind.
Awesome. I don't know if y'all agree, but this seems like something right up my alley. I believe I must submit some entries for next year. Hopefully I won't forget this time.
