The craziest liars youve ever known...

[sleepwalk]

"I don't know how that got there. These aren't my pants."

 

[Hankooks]

Used to buy pot from a meth head that made up all sorts of hilarious stories. They all started with "back in garden" his former hometown, so you knew a good one was coming.

They filled the frames of their race cars with helium to make them lighter, he pulled a cop out of his car while driving beside him, he taught his dog to climb trees, etc...

The funniest shit he ever did was after getting into an argument with his dad. He jumped in the dads truck and floor boarded it in reverse, the passenger door came open and a light post folded it against the fender.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

So I had to type that whole fucking story on my phone while at work and nobody is going to read it. That's the last story I ever tell.

 

[Thurisaz]

The worst liars I've seen are in the WR.

And this is coming from someone who has actually talked to politicians.

 

[ironwolf]

dude it's crazy you bring this up because one time, I was hanging out with my friend who we will just call Carlos, and smoking a blunt before I had to take off for school. We did our thing and I drove to campus. There were two choices for parking here - pay a lot to park in the lot where shit gets stolen, or park in the park where more shit gets stolen but it's free. I had chosen the park. Now, it was Summer and a good 90 - 100 degrees outside. As I am rolling into the park, I notice a couple of Hmong/Vietnamese guys standing by all the cars, one of them wearing a parka. As soon as I saw that jacket, I knew what they were up to. But I couldn't be late to class.

As I was walking from my car to the campus, I realized my stoned ass had forgotten to remove the detachable face for my stereo. But I was running late, and had gone too far to go back and get it. So I called Carlos and told him there were guys stealing stereos in the park, told him where my car was, and asked him to check on it for me. He said he would. So I went to class.

Class ended, and I had a voicemail on my phone. It was Carlos. He checked on my car and everything was good. I walked through the park and as I got close to my car, I noticed the Hmong guy in the parka was a little closer to it than I would have liked. As soon as he saw me coming, he took off. I got to my car and when j opened it I saw my detachable face was gone. And the motherfuckers left a pack of cigs on my front seat with one cig in it. I lit that bitch up and sueveyed the park for the guy's friend. I found him.

As I kept an eye on him, I sat in my car and called the cops. They said it would be a while before they got there, like an hour or something. But I had to get to work. So I called Carlos and told him what happened. He said he was on his way.

So Hmong #2 is still in the park, after his buddy ran off, trying to play it cool like he wasn't involved. He was sitting by a pond in kind of a peninsula in the park. I was parked on one side, and soon Carlos parked on the other side and we got out and walked toward each other.

I said to Carlos, "hey man, do you have a cigarette?" He replied no. So I turned to the Hmong guy and said, "do you have a cigarette?" He said no. Then I said, "do you have my fucking stereo?" as I threw his empty pack of cigs and nailed him center mass. All the blood left his face and panic set in. Carlos starts fucking yelling at him. He is trying to pretend he is innocent, but his attempt is futile.

He finally admitted he was involved, but says his friend has my stereo. So I asked what his friend's name was. He said Alex. I said, "there are no Hmongs named Alex." At this point we're threatening him and he is shitting his pants way harder than I thought he would. There is a reason for that we will get to later.

So he finally agrees to give it back to me. He starts walking off to the right. We say, "hold up. Give us your wallet." This way he can't just run away. He has no wallet, so Carlos takes his watch, which was pretty nice. So now he starts walking off to the left. He gets into a car, pulls something out, and we yell at him to drop it and walk over to us. I confirm it is my stereo, we give him his watch, and part ways. So we think.

As I am on my way to work, the police call me. They picked the guys up from my description. And when they are talking to me within earshot of them, they use my full name. I'm pretty sure these kids remembered it from that. I tell the cops I have to be at work and I can't ID them. So they are let go.

Later that night, Carlos and I are hanging out, and talking about the day. Now, remember how the dude was shitting his pants way more than I thought he would? Well, it turns out Carlos was flashing a gun on him the whole time. Not a real gun. A pellet gun. But it looked very real. Now, Carlos is no gangsta. He is just a stand up guy; and while I probably would have told him to leave that shit at home if I had known about it, since guns can escalate a situation more than I would like them to, it may also be the reason we got the stereo back.

Fast forward a few months later, I am driving around in that same car, with two friends. We just saw a friend's band play a show, and we are headed to my dad's house for whatever reason. We get to a stop sign just behind our old high school. Three Asian chicks, who are pretty hot, roll up next to us and they are saying something to us. I roll down the window, hoping they tell us they want to blow us all or some stupid shit like that. They say, "Do you know David Williams?" or some name like that. I ask my friends if they ever heard of the guy and they say no. So I shout to them, "sorry. No." Then I hear them say, "are you sure?" as they pull in front of us, blocking any path out of there except backward.

All three of these bitches exit their car with guns in one hand and a red bandana in the other. My friends and I start collectively shitting our pants. I throw my 1988 Toyota Camry into reverse, floor it, and turn the wheel. Well, I turned it the wrong way so I backed over the curb. I'm already thinking plan b will be to jump out, KO a bitch, take her gun, and shoot the others. But first, let's see if I can get off this curb.

As these bitches rapidly approach the car, I throw it into gear and floor it. The car jumps of the curb and we start flying down the street. I am telling everyone to get down in case they open fire. Luckily they don't. But the one who was closest to me had her hand on the door ha le just as we sped off. It was that close. We decide the best thing to do is get the fuck out of the neighborhood and head out to my band's music studio, which has a gated entrance.

Now, I am not entirely sure if the two incidents are at all related. But those girls were not trying to steal my car. They tried their best to conceal their guns until they were close enough to the car that they could open the doors. So what do you think? As it just a coincidence? Or were they out to avenge their brothers or friends who we shook down for my stereo?

 

[Jack Reacheround]

God dammit.

 

[5H3RD0G]

Humans and uneducated humans.

 

[equus]

dude it's crazy you bring this up because one time, I was hanging out with my friend who we will just call Carlos, and smoking a blunt before I had to take off for school. We did our thing and I drove to campus. There were two choices for parking here - pay a lot to park in the lot where shit gets stolen, or park in the park where more shit gets stolen but it's free. I had chosen the park. Now, it was Summer and a good 90 - 100 degrees outside. As I am rolling into the park, I notice a couple of Hmong/Vietnamese guys standing by all the cars, one of them wearing a parka. As soon as I saw that jacket, I knew what they were up to. But I couldn't be late to class.

As I was walking from my car to the campus, I realized my stoned ass had forgotten to remove the detachable face for my stereo. But I was running late, and had gone too far to go back and get it. So I called Carlos and told him there were guys stealing stereos in the park, told him where my car was, and asked him to check on it for me. He said he would. So I went to class.

Class ended, and I had a voicemail on my phone. It was Carlos. He checked on my car and everything was good. I walked through the park and as I got close to my car, I noticed the Hmong guy in the parka was a little closer to it than I would have liked. As soon as he saw me coming, he took off. I got to my car and when j opened it I saw my detachable face was gone. And the motherfuckers left a pack of cigs on my front seat with one cig in it. I lit that bitch up and sueveyed the park for the guy's friend. I found him.

As I kept an eye on him, I sat in my car and called the cops. They said it would be a while before they got there, like an hour or something. But I had to get to work. So I called Carlos and told him what happened. He said he was on his way.

So Hmong #2 is still in the park, after his buddy ran off, trying to play it cool like he wasn't involved. He was sitting by a pond in kind of a peninsula in the park. I was parked on one side, and soon Carlos parked on the other side and we got out and walked toward each other.

I said to Carlos, "hey man, do you have a cigarette?" He replied no. So I turned to the Hmong guy and said, "do you have a cigarette?" He said no. Then I said, "do you have my fucking stereo?" as I threw his empty pack of cigs and nailed him center mass. All the blood left his face and panic set in. Carlos starts fucking yelling at him. He is trying to pretend he is innocent, but his attempt is futile.

He finally admitted he was involved, but says his friend has my stereo. So I asked what his friend's name was. He said Alex. I said, "there are no Hmongs named Alex." At this point we're threatening him and he is shitting his pants way harder than I thought he would. There is a reason for that we will get to later.

So he finally agrees to give it back to me. He starts walking off to the right. We say, "hold up. Give us your wallet." This way he can't just run away. He has no wallet, so Carlos takes his watch, which was pretty nice. So now he starts walking off to the left. He gets into a car, pulls something out, and we yell at him to drop it and walk over to us. I confirm it is my stereo, we give him his watch, and part ways. So we think.

As I am on my way to work, the police call me. They picked the guys up from my description. And when they are talking to me within earshot of them, they use my full name. I'm pretty sure these kids remembered it from that. I tell the cops I have to be at work and I can't ID them. So they are let go.

Later that night, Carlos and I are hanging out, and talking about the day. Now, remember how the dude was shitting his pants way more than I thought he would? Well, it turns out Carlos was flashing a gun on him the whole time. Not a real gun. A pellet gun. But it looked very real. Now, Carlos is no gangsta. He is just a stand up guy; and while I probably would have told him to leave that shit at home if I had known about it, since guns can escalate a situation more than I would like them to, it may also be the reason we got the stereo back.

Fast forward a few months later, I am driving around in that same car, with two friends. We just saw a friend's band play a show, and we are headed to my dad's house for whatever reason. We get to a stop sign just behind our old high school. Three Asian chicks, who are pretty hot, roll up next to us and they are saying something to us. I roll down the window, hoping they tell us they want to blow us all or some stupid shit like that. They say, "Do you know David Williams?" or some name like that. I ask my friends if they ever heard of the guy and they say no. So I shout to them, "sorry. No." Then I hear them say, "are you sure?" as they pull in front of us, blocking any path out of there except backward.

All three of these bitches exit their car with guns in one hand and a red bandana in the other. My friends and I start collectively shitting our pants. I throw my 1988 Toyota Camry into reverse, floor it, and turn the wheel. Well, I turned it the wrong way so I backed over the curb. I'm already thinking plan b will be to jump out, KO a bitch, take her gun, and shoot the others. But first, let's see if I can get off this curb.

As these bitches rapidly approach the car, I throw it into gear and floor it. The car jumps of the curb and we start flying down the street. I am telling everyone to get down in case they open fire. Luckily they don't. But the one who was closest to me had her hand on the door ha le just as we sped off. It was that close. We decide the best thing to do is get the fuck out of the neighborhood and head out to my band's music studio, which has a gated entrance.

Now, I am not entirely sure if the two incidents are at all related. But those girls were not trying to steal my car. They tried their best to conceal their guns until they were close enough to the car that they could open the doors. So what do you think? As it just a coincidence? Or were they out to avenge their brothers or friends who we shook down for my stereo?

well, is your name David Williams?

 

[ironwolf]

well, is your name David Williams?

Nah.

 

[ironwolf]

God dammit.

Please tell me you read the whole thing before realizing it is your story...

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Please tell me you read the whole thing before realizing it is your story...

Wtf, no. I read the first sentence. But I was hoping to read a really good story before I realized what you did and all my hopes and dreams died with that realization, if that makes you feel better.

 

[strike63]

So I had to type that whole fucking story on my phone while at work and nobody is going to read it. That's the last story I ever tell.

Haha I'm slacking and took a few hours away from sherdog.

Crazy story. I don't think it sounds that outlandish. Either the Asian girls were involved with the others guys or you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

[Jkaylor]

This was a year ago, so it's no biggie now. But right around then i got really drunk one night and ended up pissing the bed. I turned it into a comedic story for my friends, him being one of those friends.

We were sitting around a table talking (same night as "he loves you") and he brought that up right in front of her. It had just happened like a week earlier, so it wasn't like this "oh those things are behind me" type anecdote. I could have laughed it off, but he then says "oops!" making it perfectly clear that i didn't want her, in particular, to know about that. The kid is a wrecking ball.

Is your friend screech from saved by the bell?

 

[Flemmy Stardust]

Is your friend screech from saved by the bell?

Haha...right down to the "oops."

It actually wasn't "oops" now that I'm thinking about it. He said "i probably shouldn't have said that, huh?"

I always describe him as leaving a trail of misery behind him. He will go through a bar and try to talk to every girl. He can be charming to the right girls, but a lot are immediately offended and he just walks away. I have to calm the girl who is visibly upset down and he never knows it happened.

Also happens with dudes that want to beat him up. I remember it happened outside once and i spent so long trying to calm this guy down that he was left talking shit to me instead. When everything settled i turned around and my friend had been back inside socializing.

 

[jmadtx]

had a co-worker claim he was the son of Eugene Lockhart who used to play for the Dallas Cowboys.

Said his brother was Branden Lafell, who is an NFL wide receiver.

And if y'all watch College Football there was a huge brawl during one of the games involving TCU and I forget the other school but one of the dudes was hitting people with his helmet. He claimed to be that dude.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

To add to my previous story, it is a total mind fuck to go from thinking you're going to get laid to thinking you are going to die within a few seconds.

 

[equus]

"I don't know how that got there. These aren't my pants."

" im just borrowing this backpack/purse/fannypack...i dont THINK there's anything illegal in there..."

 

[rearnakedchoke]

My oldest brother

 

[Sycho Sid]

My dad is pretty bad. I think the biggest one, and the one he tells most often though is that he invented rollerblades. He was born in 61....

I called him out on some of his lies once and his exact response was: "It is true, because I tell you it is true".

 

[gannima]

A couple years ago I sat next to this dude on the train who told me all kinds of crazy shit.

He taught himself how to play 10+ musical instruments and was in a band that was featured on MTV.

He then admitted to me that he was a paranoid schizo.

Said he was leaving town cuz his girl kicked him out of the house and had no friends or family in the area.
But I saw what I assumed to be his family crying and wishing him well as he boarded the train.

He showed me a knife he "found" in the bathroom. And kept it since he was going to Atlantic city where his friend had been stabbed to death right outside the train station by drug dealers and was worried he was next.

The train did not even stop in AC.

Cool dude though. He kept me entertained on a long and boring train ride with his unbelievable, yet well detailed and articulated, stories.