Shattered dreams

dawnslayer said:
most of you guys will love this


i went out with this fatty hoping she would lose the weight because she had fb pictures from 2-3 years back in which she was fkng gorgeous and skinny but kept the boobs. 8-8.5/10, absolutely worth keeping around.

sadly she didn't lose the weight, made no effort to my knowledge to lose the weight, got it into her head that i'd accept it or that she was somehow my equal or that she had 'gotten' me already.

well she was fucking wrong.

if that made me shallow then i was and am god damn shallow.

i wish she had made the effort sometimes. But it got to the point where I was embarassed to be seen with her, merely being in her presence made me angry at myself.
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Everybody is shallow, and persons don't change, one poster around here had a story where a woman rationalized that her husband didn't deserved her thin, so she did no effort to lose weight, and after the breakup, she lost it.

Also, pics it didn't happen
 
Zer said:
I'm on an anti-depressant and anti-psychotic combo. Shit just keeps my mood stable and positive, far away from suicide anyway. It's good platform
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I've considered that. Maybe will go that route at some point. I am happy that it's working well for you.
 
Adamant said:
Hey man, if shit just absolutely fails or isn't gonna happen, find a new dream. I don't bank my life on one dream. Perhaps I go for one at a time, but I always have others. Some I didn't even know I had will show themselves at times where I never expected it.


Just keep digging. I do.
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I'm still kind of in the process of starting over but I've for the most part moved on. The only thing left to do really is find something else to put the time and energy into.
 
I think it's more noble/honorable to have tried and failed then never having tried at all, so good on him.

I never pursued my dreams because I was too scared to fail. I always made excuses and took the easier road, even if it didn't make me happy. These past 2 years I've really tried to hit the reset button and work hard toward a specific end, if only to have a means to live. At 29 I'm certainly not where I dreamed I'd be growing up, but I'm hoping to put myself in a position to make and fulfill new dreams. It goes slowly.
 
Mine are so shallow in comparison I can't even discuss. Man op story makes me tell myself quit being frustrated/worried and go for it
 
I knew of a kid who always wanted to join the army. Infantry. Started talking to recruiters before he was 18 and was all set. Three days before he turned 18 he got in a head on car crash and was put into a coma. No army when he wakes up, if he wakes up.
 
But on a serious note, I don't know if I can say I've had "dreams" that have been "shattered" ... but I've kinda fucked my situation up here the past few months.

I guess you could say I've been on a search for meaning for most of my life, even before I realized it. I guess a lot of that is a story for a different discussion, but anyway ... after my initial failed foray into higher education (Computer Science that first go ... only passed one class that year - Sociology), I sat out for a few years trying to figure things out.

I wound up going back to school and pursued bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Sociology, which I obtained. Went straight into grad school for Social Work (kind of a last minute decision - didn't even apply until after I graduated, when normally you want to have gotten those apps in around when you start your final semester).

Anyway ... I've been dealing with issues of depression and anxiety for all my adult life (and probably well before being an adult). But I've never done anything about it, like going to therapy or seeing a doctor. So, my first semester of grad school goes swimmingly. Middle of second semester and cracks are beginning to form in my resolve. I managed to power through it though without any problems and finished up that first year.

Second year, seems to start off fine, but then, boom, it's just a couple/few weeks in when the depression/anxiety just start destroying my ability to get anything productive done. I wound up failing one of my classes completely and having to take an incomplete on two of them. Only passed two of them straight up. And due to the way it's set up in a sequence and having to have certain classes at the same time as one another, I couldn't maintain the sequence and my graduation has been delayed by a year (not every class can be made up out of sequence / every semester).

So I was going to go part time this semester, but I would have had to make up one of those incompletes during the winter break ... which I was not able to get done. I'm not sure if I could have taken any classes this semester now but I'm going to just sit it out.

Which is scary because now I'll have to start paying back my student loans, meaning I'll probably have to pick up a bunch of shifts at work, while also making up these couple classes, while also trying to get myself in a better place mentally/emotionally. Except part of what happens when things get bad is I really withdraw ... stop answering my phone or checking my e-mail ... I may be in trouble at work, and I wouldn't even know. So hopefully I can salvage that ... my boss is pretty understanding. I've talked with her about stuff like this before. I didn't take her advice nearly a full year ago to get to a doctor ... but I do finally have an appointment to see my PCP.

So, yeah ... it ties back in to what I started on about regarding search for meaning, and identity. I had invested a lot, emotionally, into my status as a grad student / future social worker, and the job I have now. And the school thing is not working out (so far, hopefully I can salvage), and the job thing may not be working out. So I've kinda lost a lot of what was helping me to stay positive ...

I have big problems dealing with uncertainty, and I have no idea what's going to happen now. But I am finally going to get professional help, so ... maybe it's a necessary (or at least valuable) deconstruction. Hope is a commodity that's in large supply for me lately but it's about all I got right now.
 
Had a similar thing when I was in my teens. I played rugby for years growing up. Ended up playing for my hs and a senior mens league from about the age of 15. Went on to play at the national level and at 18 I was scouted to tryout for the IRB world under 20s.

Trained for months and flew out for tryouts. Entirely shit the bed at the camp. It was like i had never played a day in my life. Havent touched a ball since.

But am pretty stinking happy with how my life has worked out, so anytime i think about it I just think all I have become now probably wouldnt have played out if I had kept playing.
 
My entire life is a shattered dream.

I think about it on occasion.

I cry everytime.
 
You're getting it Anyway!

goldust-s-shattered-dreams-o.gif
 
Didn't we have a poster here by that name that claimed he bangs 2 10s at the same time?
 
Murlik said:
Trained for years. Built my life around it. Took my first fight. Hired a s & c coach and really went all out in camp. Injured my knee three weeks out. Spent almost 20 grand on mri's, physical therapists, personal trainers, medical massage, rolfing, chiropractors and etc.....none of it worked. In fact the left knee went bad too and then the chiropractor seriously jacked up my back.

Now 3 years later I've gone from being in the best shape of my life to 15 lbs overweight and barely able to walk. I use a cane at concerts and events that require extended periods of standing at 27 years old. Having lost the ability to participate in almost all forms of physical activity I have no hobbies or activities to derive happiness from. I wake up in the morning, go to work, play playstation, and wait for death to come. I consider killing myself but will at least wait until my parents are dead so as to not ruin their final years.
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This guy thought he lost his ability to participate in physical activity too. It's a good thing he stopped believing that as true.

Good luck.
 
LionExMachina said:
Can't share. Too painful.

Some day though..... There HAS to be a black man who climbs atop the world of curling....Some day....

But that day will never be mine....

(Smh)
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You know what I see in this post?

giphy.gif

But it is not about what I see...
 
This happened to a friend of mine. When we were kids he had a messed up childhood and started skateboarding. Well, he got really good at it and got a sponsorship from a couple of big skate companies. Right after he got sponsored he got busted for some dumb drug shit and when he was released he got busted for a couple of burglaries. So he eventually did about 5 years (he got more time for fighting and shit in prison) He gets out of prison and by this time he's in his mid 20's he keeps getting busted off and on for drug shit. After a some years of that he's in his 30's now and decides to start skateboarding again, and in a few years he gets a big sponsor again. So we're all happy for him that he's putting his life back together. Supposedly he was on track to make some really good money because skateboarding was really booming at the time. So, again he gets busted for another burglary and sent back to prison. He gets out a few years later and moves out of town. A few years later I had moved away and I had found out he killed himself. I know he did it to himself, but he had so much potential and to see him piss it all away was sad.
 
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