Safe to say marriage means far less than it used to?

[sangreporsangre]

I don't see the big deal tbh. People used to be stay together and be miserable as opposed to getting divorced. Now as a society we can see it's not the end of the world if a marriage doesn't work out, you can go your separate ways and try to find a new happiness. Unfortunately a lot of divorces get nasty though.

 

[Leagon]

We live in a society where the self trumps everything else. All people care abut is their own pleasure and immediate gratification. Fresh meat is all the rage these days. Marriage to an aging wife who isn't the hot little vixen she once was? Why on Earth would anybody want that?

Interestingly, I think the Internet is bringing things back around.

I'm stealing the theory from a greater mind than I, but the idea is that the Internet is creating a global village. Before the internet, there were planes and telephones and families could be spread out. If you did dumb shit, it would only reflect on you because chances are no one knew where you were from.

But with the Internet and social media, shame is becoming a part of our culture again. There are consequences to being an idiot in the same way that there used to be when we lived in small, close communities. People can't be quite as selfish. Hopefully it has a positive impact on marriage culture.

 

[mommas homeboy]

I don't see the big deal tbh. People used to be stay together and be miserable as opposed to getting divorced. Now as a society we can see it's not the end of the world if a marriage doesn't work out, you can go your separate ways and try to find a new happiness. Unfortunately a lot of divorces get nasty though.

I agree that breaking up is not a huge deal, but people shouldn't be getting married under the pretense that is.....it just seems like a giant sham.

 

[new_mexico1]

I don't see the big deal tbh. People used to be stay together and be miserable as opposed to getting divorced. Now as a society we can see it's not the end of the world if a marriage doesn't work out, you can go your separate ways and try to find a new happiness. Unfortunately a lot of divorces get nasty though.

Pretty much

 

[mommas homeboy]

Interestingly, I think the Internet is bringing things back around.

I'm stealing the theory from a greater mind than I, but the idea is that the Internet is creating a global village. Before the internet, there were planes and telephones and families could be spread out. If you did dumb shit, it would only reflect on you because chances are no one knew where you were from.

But with the Internet and social media, shame is becoming a part of our culture again. There are consequences to being an idiot in the same way that there used to be when we lived in small, close communities. People can't be quite as selfish. Hopefully it has a positive impact on marriage culture.

Excellent point, I hadn't really thought about it like that. The world really is becoming a global village.

 

[Terror Zone]

lol women file for divorce more often than men.

Exactly, I have no idea where this myth came from that divorces are happening more often because guys can't keep it in their pants.

I don't see the big deal tbh. People used to be stay together and be miserable as opposed to getting divorced. Now as a society we can see it's not the end of the world if a marriage doesn't work out, you can go your separate ways and try to find a new happiness. Unfortunately a lot of divorces get nasty though.

Except it's more like women are the ones who file for divorce, go their separate way and try to find new happiness while their ex-husband foots the bill.

 

[Leagon]

I don't see the big deal tbh. People used to be stay together and be miserable as opposed to getting divorced. Now as a society we can see it's not the end of the world if a marriage doesn't work out, you can go your separate ways and try to find a new happiness. Unfortunately a lot of divorces get nasty though.

There are two problems with this, imo:

1. The difference between happiness and pleasure. I'm a male, so I can't have children, but I've never heard a woman say that having her child wasn't one of the happiest moments of her life. There's is absolutely nothing pleasurable about having a child, but women still do it by the millions because happiness is worth it. We're becoming a pleasure-obsessed society and forsaking happiness, which may explain the depression rates. Of course people are unhappy in marriage when they have no idea how happiness works; Happiness is what comes AFTER all the horrific pain of childbirth.

2. We need to, culturally, stop teaching that marriage is going to be this blissful life-long Candyland. So many kids are getting married with false expectations then they're miserable for years before a bitter and costly divorce when, if we told them what marriage really was, they wouldn't be doing it in the first place.

 

[Based and White Pilled]

Did marriage ever mean that two people loved each other, etc. etc.?

not when it was a successful institution. when marriage worked it was because both parties recognized it as an agreement and an obligation that they have made to work together with that person in building a family.

I think it did about 50 years ago, but it means nothing now. I think many people get married nowadays just so they can have a wedding.

queue marriage for romance. people started getting married for "love" (infatuation, is more like it) and once the romance is gone and things aren't going perfectly they call it quits.

marriage works when people see it as a duty and almost like a business partnership. marriage does not work when people get married because they like being around someone and pay no mind to whether or not they want to take their lives in the same direction or if the roles they want to play in their marriage are compatible.

I married a traditional woman who wants to be a stay at home mother because I know that I want to have a stay at home wife. Makes sense right? Don't marry a woman who wants to be a CEO if you want a wife who is going to cook for you and rub your feet.

People is dumb.

/endrant

Yes, TS, marriage has lost much of its value in western society, but I do see it making a resurgence in my generation that contains many people who grew up with divorced parents. It's pretty hit and miss with people my age. Some people are like "fuck getting married at all, it doesn't mean anything. I'll just have kids with my boyfriend/girlfriend and we'll never get married." others are like "my parents fucked it all up, i'm going to take marriage more seriously." but almost unanimously, I see people my age having a pretty strong disdain for divorce. (I'm 24)

 

[Based and White Pilled]

I don't see the big deal tbh. People used to be stay together and be miserable as opposed to getting divorced. Now as a society we can see it's not the end of the world if a marriage doesn't work out, you can go your separate ways and try to find a new happiness. Unfortunately a lot of divorces get nasty though.

just because TV shows depict it that way, that doesn't make it true. sure, there were exceptions. I'm sure there were people who had shitty marriages, but in general, when quitting isn't an option, people are pretty good at making the best of things. when the two people knew that they were stuck together they probably tended to treat each other a lot better. my mother is on her third marriage. I can personally guarantee you that she wouldn't treat her spouses the way she has if she was stuck with them. when you can bail at any moment, why try to work it out?

 

[DCarf]

Lol def not in America. I've slept with multiple married women (no I don't feel bad, there the ones that are married not me, and it's a free country for grown ups to make their own choices)

EDIT: Also my boss who is a married woman is unhappy and sleeping with a separate co-worker who also is unhappy and married.

Plus basically any person I know with a boyfriend/girlfriend cheats.

 

[Leagon]

just because TV shows depict it that way, that doesn't make it true. sure, there were exceptions. I'm sure there were people who had shitty marriages, but in general, when quitting isn't an option, people are pretty good at making the best of things. when the two people knew that they were stuck together they probably tended to treat each other a lot better. my mother is on her third marriage. I can personally guarantee you that she wouldn't treat her spouses the way she has if she was stuck with them. when you can bail at any moment, why try to work it out?

This.

 

[Terror Zone]

Because it used to be shameful.

People forget than marriage was about the creation of a family unit contracted before God. (i really don't care if thats not your belief and you're an atheist BTW, thats not the point to those reading this)

Back when people believed in God and cared more about taking care of their family than getting some fresh ass, marriage was taken more seriously.

MArriage means nothing today. Its basically a legal term at this point.

It has nothing to do with people who believe in God caring more about taking care of their family (you don't directly say it here but you sure imply it). It's obviously a religious institution at its core though and that's why I've never been able to see why people who aren't deeply religious in the first place want anything to do with it. The tenets of what it originally stood for have gotten lost in the shuffle. People who are that religious aren't going to be getting divorced and I don't mean that in a good way.

It's just a fundamentally flawed idea but that isn't a surprise considering its origins. Of course it works more often when women are oppressed and have no realistic way out. Basically what it boils down to is that if you come at marriage from a religious angle the way it realistically should be if you want it to work, women get screwed. Now there's been a 180 and men are getting screwed because of how easy it is for women to file for divorce and get paid for it. It's been all downhill for men since the no-fault divorce laws came about. That's my take on it anyway and it's why I'll never get married.

 

[Based and White Pilled]

It has nothing to do with people who believe in God caring more about taking care of their family (you don't directly say it here but you sure imply it). It's obviously a religious institution at its core though and that's why I've never been able to see why people who aren't deeply religious in the first place want anything to do with it. The tenets of what it originally stood for have gotten lost in the shuffle. People who are that religious aren't going to be getting divorced and I don't mean that in a good way.

It's just a fundamentally flawed idea but that isn't a surprise considering its origins. Of course it works more often when women are oppressed and have no realistic way out. Basically what it boils down to is that if you come at marriage from a religious angle the way it realistically should be if you want it to work, women get screwed. Now there's been a 180 and men are getting screwed because of how easy it is for women to file for divorce and get paid for it. It's been all downhill for men since the no-fault divorce laws came about. That's my take on it anyway and it's why I'll never get married.

You have a pretty narrow view on the origins of marriage. Why don't you read Germania by Tacitus? The Germanic people had a form of marriage based on duty to their family and to their spouse that was sanctified by oaths taken before their Gods. Germanic marriage was not oppressive to women by any standard into the 20th century. The limitations they had would probably be considered oppressive now, but for almost 2000 years ago I'd say they were doing pretty well.

They aren't the only ones, either. A lot of ancient societies are made out to have been a lot worse for women than they really were. Certainly there were gender roles, so women had different duties than men, but in many cultures these duties were not seen as inferior. For example, motherhood was revered in many societies. In addition to that, when many societies made the transition from hunter gatherer or pastoralist to agriculture, women were vital to the change and they weren't oppressed into it.

Most of the societies that treated women really poorly would certainly be considered more modern than ancient in a timeline of humanity (even if you exclude pre-history).

 

[Tycho- Taylor's Version]

Interestingly, I think the Internet is bringing things back around.

I'm stealing the theory from a greater mind than I, but the idea is that the Internet is creating a global village. Before the internet, there were planes and telephones and families could be spread out. If you did dumb shit, it would only reflect on you because chances are no one knew where you were from.

But with the Internet and social media, shame is becoming a part of our culture again. There are consequences to being an idiot in the same way that there used to be when we lived in small, close communities. People can't be quite as selfish. Hopefully it has a positive impact on marriage culture.

Whose theory is that? I'd be interested in reading about it.

I think now that both of the sexes are financially and sexually liberated enough to appreciate what they're doing, we have a chance to make marriage mean more than ever. We just have to come to terms with there being far fewer of them.

 

[TheBox]

Its because marriage used to be considered permanent so people didn't jump into it so blindly.

Today, people get engaged after dating for 3 months.

People used to jump into it even more quickly because they wanted to have sex and it was socially unacceptable to do so if you weren't married.

The difference is that they would remain married even if the relationship sucked.

 

[mister who]

Just get married to someone who is wifey material. Dudes get hitched with chicks they met at a club and wonder what went wrong 5 years down the road when it turns out she has been cheating through out the entire relationship.

 

[Panky Rang]

marriage is a scam

 

[El Moose]

But with the Internet and social media, shame is becoming a part of our culture again. There are consequences to being an idiot in the same way that there used to be when we lived in small, close communities. People can't be quite as selfish. Hopefully it has a positive impact on marriage culture.

I hope the tide turns in this direction, but I have to say it seems like the opposite is true. I'd also be interested in reading this persons theory.

 

[Based and White Pilled]

I hope the tide turns in this direction, but I have to say it seems like the opposite is true. I'd also be interested in reading this persons theory.

So would I. I'm not sure if I agree with the premise so far though. As much as shame is becoming more a part of society because of the internet, there are also a lot of people who are reveling in the attention (miley cyrus, every 16 girl shaking her ass on youtube, every other young celebrity, etc etc)

 

[mister who]

Lmao at thinking social media having a positive influence on marriage culture. I guess you don't use tinder.