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Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by BigMuffler, Jan 5, 2013.

  1. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    This might fall afoul of the 'no advertising' policy but since it's completely FREE, I'm hoping the mods will be forgiving... nobody needs to spend a dime to get this so it's not much different from posting a filesharing link or the story itself right?

    Anyway my book Gothic Warrior and the Dark Man is currently FREE on Amazon! It's a short fantasy (44 pages) with one tough heroine, and the fighting is somewhat MMA-inspired - here's the cover and description, pick it up if you want to see some insane female chin and recovery. :D

    [​IMG]

    Pure cathartic fantasy action featuring one butt-kicking heroine.

    Retired boxer Lincoln never imagined he would fight a girl, let alone be pushed to his limits by one. After meeting goth metal singer and ultimate bar brawler Freya in the drunken battle of a lifetime, he gets a surprise invitation to join her crew. He and the band develop a strong friendship as he shares his sports and life knowledge with them and they help him recapture his youth. But when evil seeks to claim a band member's soul along with her gift of foresight, the modern day warriors must confront the devil's own scholar... the Dark Man.

    http://amzn.com/B00AHJI4VQ
     
  2. SafyreSchool** Banned Banned

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    In a world where Million Dollar Baby meets Fight Club, nothing is certain.
    And readers of all walks will come to learn that if this is Wong, you don't wanna be right!
     
  3. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    She's more like Shogun+Slampage put together, but with a better chin... lol
     
  4. CrazyJHL Brown Belt

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    Reading your synopsis...I'm actually curious as to how you fit that story into 44 pages.

    Edit: Well, I'm going to give it a read later, I'm working on my manuscript right now. I'm wondering if you considered making this a Kindle Serial? Or were you just intending for it to be a series of shorts?
     
  5. Funkoar Green Belt

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    Just remember, when this is made into a film, it mustn't be as good as the book!
     
  6. CrazyJHL Brown Belt

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    Read it, posted a review. I gave it three stars. I felt the idea was good but there were some word choices that detracted from the story, some grammar mistakes, and I thought Lincoln could have been handled differently. Even with that going against you, I want to know what happens to Freya next. She is an interesting character, and if she was in a longer, more published, piece it would probably do well.
     
  7. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    Ok, thanks for the review... any examples of the word and grammar choices you disliked? It actually was looked at by an editor from a major publishing house, she might not have done such an airtight edit as it was on a forum but the wording and grammar is rarely what critics of my work first point to. :D

    Yeah, I thought the racial humor might not be well received by all but in the end, the character is portrayed in a positive light... although there is a mention of EXPLOSIVE ATHLETICISM in the sequel. :p
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2013
  8. adavis Brown Belt

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    Have you read any of The Dead Man books, BigMuffler?
     
  9. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    Nope, why?
     
  10. adavis Brown Belt

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    I read about ten pages of your story so far, and it reminded me of the style The Dead Man books are written in. Sort of that classic pulp feel in a modern setting. You should check them out.
     
  11. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    Just saw this edit - a series of shorts, since they don't closely follow each other enough to be a serial.
     
  12. Rusk Black Belt

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    what a book? i would rather cut my... eh just kidding, i will give it a try

    you got a cool name, Billy Wong lol

    also if you would change the name to "gothic princess and the dark man" it would sound like a porn title :D
     
  13. Joe :l

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    thats cool man,i might look at since its so short
     
  14. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    That would be what I'm going for, and ok I'll look them up.
     
  15. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    Bump for the afternoon people... it's free so don't kill me.
     
  16. CrazyJHL Brown Belt

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    One of the more humorous errors was when Lincoln, I believe, was rolling up into a "crotch," instead of crouch. I'd have to go through it again to actually list off some of the other stuff. One of the weirder transitions was when Freya approaches Lincoln after their initial encounter, while talking about racism. And then the whole career choices of the main character seemed to just transition out of nowhere. Maybe I wanted Lincoln to me more reserved though, which is possible.

    From what I remember most editors from publishing houses focus on content, which means some of these problems would have been overlooked because, well, it's not seen as important. That being said, there are a few reviews stating they wish they could have looked over the story for you and helped you improve on the technical aspects. They love what you've done with the characters, how different and fresh things feel, and would have loved to look over it and help you fix the errors. From my perspective it may have only taken one more draft for you to work through most of those issues though.

    Explosive athleticism huh? Interesting. I'll pick it up when I get my check, post a review and all that jazz.
     
  17. BigMuffler Loli is love loli is life!

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    Ah yes, that. I think I've done that a few times recently now that I think about it... :eek:
     
  18. Viva Gunga Ginga

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    Not to be a dick, but that's one of the most bland titles I've ever read.
     
  19. SafyreSchool** Banned Banned

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    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2013
  20. Jumpy Invincible

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    A chick with a better chin than those two? Is she Kryptonian?
     

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