Motivation to train after breakup

Discussion in 'Strength & Conditioning Discussion' started by rickdog, Nov 24, 2005.

  1. rickdog

    rickdog Purple Belt

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    I feel like shit, maybe writing some of this shit is threapy fo me, maybe not. I have been with my (sounds so weird to say it, my x) for 2,5 years. We were engaged (which reminds me I dropped over 5k on her ring which is not chump change for me). It is Thanksgiving day and I feel like putting a fucken bullet through my head. I don't want to eat, not cause im being a pussy but because my stomach is all fucked up. I guess I've fallen into such a pattern, you know, having someone there in all situations, good and bad, and now its gone just like that. What the fuck do I do. My first instinct is giving up on everything but for the sole sake of seeing that as a win for her (even though I eneded it), I refuse to quit.

    Anyway, I won't bore you guys with my whimpering and bitching and I'm truly sorry if it comes off that way. Just wanted to know if this happened to anyone else and how they got over it. Thanks in advance guys. most of you guys have been a pretty good support group wether you know it or not.
     
  2. cosism

    cosism Custom User Title

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    Bullet in your head!? Get the fuck over it. Granted, I have loved and lost, I always sacked up and started over. To weep over a woman is fucking pathetic. Even if my wife were to leave me, I would move on. I mean WTF!? If you are not together anymore, THAT'S IT, IT'S OVER! She obviously was not for you, and you cannot force this to happen or make her "understand", fuck all that. Train harder, and look for a better one, she is out there. It is like my saying for a Belgian Ale or a fine cigar, it is good to have a favorite, but the next one you have not tried may have been the best you have ever experienced. p.s. do NOT grovel back. Happy Thanksgiving.
     
  3. Bizz

    Bizz cbjerrisgaard

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    Has not happened to me personaly however,

    A guy at my gym used a terrible break up and the death of his mother as motivation to focus on his heath and well being. He has been training for 11 months now. Aparently when he walked into the gym he was 30lbs over weight and realy depressed. Now? the dude is a fucking tank and one of the nicest most down to earth guys I have met.

    Don't let it kill you, let it make you stronger. Everyone goes through somthing in their life that is a great tragity, it in a fucked up way is a test to see how well you can bounce back and trust me when you bounce back you will feel invincible.
     
  4. Bizz

    Bizz cbjerrisgaard

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    ^^ little over the top there buddy,

    He needs motivation and hope, not somone calling him a pussy. He didnt say shit about forcing it to happen or making her be with him he was just looking for some advice. I agree with the points of not groveling back and moving on but seriously dude, his relationship with somone he loved just ended.

    Again from my first post. Train, become stronger, and don't let it ruin you, 4 billion women on the planet... she obviously wasnt the one for you or you would be together, so take the pain and use it as motivation.
     
  5. Barut

    Barut Banned Banned

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    Rickdog man, I feel your pain. It sucks to go through that shit. Keep lifting; it's great therapy. If you proposed to her when you gave her the ring, then legally she has to give it back to you. No shit. Take her to small claims if you have to.
     
  6. lucid

    lucid FTW-champ!

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    hey dude...

    I dont personally know ya... but i broke up wiht my GF a week ago.

    i got the same thing, i dont feel like eating and kinda roll up in a corner away from people and be a big suck. For about a week i was a big suck. But time goes on... the more time i dwell on her... the more i'm taking time away from my present and future. You can think about the past all you want- day and night and cry a river and guess what? it doesnt change. NOTHING changes.

    So what do you do?

    well.. i'm not too old.. 26... but old enough to know as you get older things get taken away. in the end everything goes away. but one thing time cant take away is memories. IF thats all you got, then keep em. But more importantly learn from them... and move on.

    I personally take all the shit in my life and use it to fuel my fire. IF she leaves why sit around and mop and turn your self to shit. I mean, think about it? turning into a worthless weak lazy fat slob isnt going to make things better. So drink or eat protien shakes (they're easy to force down and it's not like eating a full meal)... and try to find a time in the gym that isnt too busy.

    I love the gym and i like to lift as heavy as i can, cuz it's my favorite vice. When that bar is across my back it's like if everything goes away. I dont worry about the EX, or the bills, or what i need to do tomorrow or whatever crap that tends to take up space in my brain. It's just me and the bar with 300+ pounds of dead weight. Honesty, lift as much as you can. lift heavy dont hit max's or nothing cuz stress will affect your performance. But go in there and hit atleast 80% of your max out put... it'll clear your head and get your mind off things.

    Things didnt work out, smile and kinda mentally thank her for her support and memories over the years. BUt make a point that your gonna come out of it ... bigger, better and badder then ever.

    Dude your not alone... i'm right there with ya. But for what it's worth. personally? i'm gonna come back 10 times better! how you do too.
     
  7. rickdog

    rickdog Purple Belt

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    Hey guys thanks for all of the positive feedback. You can bet the first thing I did last night was take back the ring. There is no way I am going to let her keep it. Part of me wants to give up on everything and the other part wants to go out on top and do all the things that I could not do when my time was consumed with her. It sucks because It has not even be a day since I've last seen her but I already miss her terribly. I suppose time heals all wounds, I just hope that it is a short time. For all of you who have been through this and can sympathize I thank you for your kind words and inspiration. For the others who think i'm being a pussy, thats ok too, I'm sorry if you feel im wasting your time. I just know there are a bunch of good guys on here and right now I am strapped for people to go to for advice and motivation. It seems I made the stupid mistake of giving up all of my friends when I started seeing her. Anyway thanks so much for your kind words and I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
     
  8. Evil Eye Gouger

    Evil Eye Gouger Gold Belt

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    First of all, fuck the "bullet in the head" mentality. It won't get you anywhere.

    Like others said, the stress and the pain can act as a great catalyst for training. Go back to training and do a training session from hell.

    Something else you can do is start a new martial art. There's no better time to start, and you'll get your mind off your troubles and have something positive to look forward to.
     
  9. threelions

    threelions Black Belt

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    Best thing to do is stay busy, doesnt have to be lifting but just do anything, the more you sit around doing nothing the more you'll dwell on it and mess your head up.
     
  10. Alon

    Alon Purple Belt

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    I think the worst torture you can put yourself through is the "oh but what if _____ happened", you decided what to do, there were reasons for it, the decision has been made and you should move on. Believe me I know what it's like to waste time, and at the end of the day your regret will be that you spent so long over a decision which was already decided long before but you just can't bring yourself to enact it cause of the consequences.

    As for training, I know I'm going against most here, but I don't think you can use hate and anger as a motivator for a long period of time. You train for yourself, its your time to do what you and only you want to do, enjoy it you've earned it. Don't go in there thinking that you need to improve in order to get approval from anyone else (which is what I think happens when people allow their motivation to come from someone else). Keep going to the gym, by not going you'll get yourself into the wrong cycles, and in time you'll use this situation to be smarter, stronger and better able to handle these things.
     
  11. rickdog

    rickdog Purple Belt

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    yeah, your right about the sitting around part. Unfrotunatly today is Thanksgiving and there is not much open (like my gym) and im not in much of a mood to socialize because everyone just wants to keep asking where Amy is. Yeah, I know the bullett in the head mentality sucks but i have dealt with serious depression my whole life and I can't help that I feel that way. Don't worry, im not gonna act on it, but it was a thought that crossed my head. If you haven't dealt with serious depression than please don't knock me for feelings I have. I tend to let things like this take over and have a hard time finding things that are worth carrying on for. However, I must say, you guys have been true friends (albeit over the internet) and it shows the true kind spirit of people. Thanks for having my back boys and once again sorry for being a pussy. 2.5 years is a long time to just forget in a day. I will come back stronger though. Trust me, I'ts not over.
     
  12. cockysprinter

    cockysprinter Purple Belt

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    hey man i have never had any dpression issues in my life, most people think im super egotistic. hence the name cockysprinter. but after my last ex broke up with me (and the games that followed), that was the only time i ever felt totally worthless in my life. our relationship wasnt as hardcore as yours im guessing, but its completely natural to feel like shit for a while. eventually you just have to move on, dwelling on it wont make it better. personally i find working out boosts my appetite a lot, even when i felt like crap. if you cant get in the gym today, its alright, one day wont kill you, but training and doing other things will help you cope with your emotions.
     
  13. rickdog

    rickdog Purple Belt

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    Wow, guys, I actually expected to get flamed coming on here and "airing my dirty laundyr". You guys have been awesome and I am thankful for all the advice. Believe me. I am sitting here by myself trying not to stew or be upset about what happened and having a bunch of different guys who i barely know over the internet, offering their support and advice to me, as stupid as this sounds, means alot to me. So once again, let me thank you guys.
     
  14. Ted-P

    Ted-P Brown Belt

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    Do something please.

    The worst thing you can do is just hang around and do nothing.

    It makes you think so much more and it really burns you inside with feels like you are trapped and gonna explode.

    I know I'm just 17 years old, but when it comes to bad situation that can't be reversed do something else to take your mind off.

    The torture to me is unbearable so I just move on and do other stuff.
     
  15. peanut butter

    peanut butter Blue Belt

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    Maybe you should just feel this depression and tackled it straight on. Think about why your feeling like this and really question yourself, because ultimately you'll come to the point where it you realise its not as big a deal as you first thought and that its only temporary but ok to feel like this. Then you'll be able to get over it. As for going to the gym, if you really feel it can add to your motivation, do it. But not at the cost of confronting the issue and just as a way to force some extra gains, as is really isnt worth. Deal with this issue first as if this plagues you for too long, then it will impinge on your lifting.
     
  16. Evil Eye Gouger

    Evil Eye Gouger Gold Belt

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    I haven't personally, but I have had very close personal friends who did, so I know how destructive it can be.

    When I advised training, it didn't necessarily mean lifting. Any sort of skill which takes practice and effort can act as a therapy. For me, training is like that. When I train, I train, nothing else matters. This sort of feeling can help you. I also find my trusted guitar to act as medication. Any skill that requires repetition can get your mind off things and get you functioning again. Anything's better than sitting alone.

    I'd seriously suggest taking up a martial art. I'm not sure if you train and what, but going to a completely new school, where nobody knows you, and starting something like Judo may be the best thing to do.
     
  17. rickdog

    rickdog Purple Belt

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    Yeah EEG, I train Muay Thai and Submissing Wrestling. Right now I've been doing sets of pushups and situps in a way to get some cardio, now im going to hit the bag, maybe get out some agression. I don't think I'm ready to take on the problem head on right now. Maybe in do time. I've also found myslef lost in a good book, which in itself has been theraputic.

    EEG, I know you and I have our differences in alot of different areas but I truly respect the fact that you have shown concern and offered helpful advice in this time. YOu are a man with true character and I for one appreciate it. You could have come on and flamed me for being a baby or acting like a fag but instead you offered constructive advice like most of the others who have taken time to post in this thread. YOu have no idea how much I appreciate you guys stepping up and acting as more than just internet buddies, but as lame as it sounds, friends. Thank You!!!
     
  18. Noskill

    Noskill Created Monkey

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    Take all the energy you used to spend on her, and now spend it on yourself. Become a better human being. Lifting will do that. By hard work and dedication, we become more apt and more admirable human beings. It is time now that you're alone to focus on that.

    Plus adding mass will draw sexier chicks to you.
     
  19. ChUtEBoXWaNnAbE

    ChUtEBoXWaNnAbE Green Belt

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    best advice....get laid as fast as possible

    it will help ease the pain

    hang with some friends you havent seen in a while...HAVE FUN

    nothing will make the pain go away, but this shit will atleast help

    as for the GYM, fuckin work your ass off, it will make you feel better about yourself, and thats what you need right now

    GOOD LUCK
     
  20. rickdog

    rickdog Purple Belt

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    Chute Box,
    Thanks for the advice, but I perfer to have meaningful relationships. Getting laid as fast as i can, in my case, will do nothing for me. I think I will take some time and re evaluate my life and then when the time is right, possibly look for someone to settle down with and have a serious relationship. Thanks for the suggestions though.
     

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