Mental health and aging.

[PurpleStorm]

Thanks didn't mean to start a whine thread necessarily just this stuff is on my mind of late. And I really have nowhere else to talk to anyone so.

My internal monologue is like an insane homeless man shrieking in my ear 24/7 because of the illness. I'm just starting to learn how abnormal this is lmao.

Sometimes I need to sound this stuff out and talk to someone because it's just a screaming echo chamber in my head.

Not at all man. It's not whining. It's being honest about your feelings. I commend you for it. I feel that way often. Many do. Maybe most. It's a fucked up world. Suffering all around. Just saying everything is great is a dishonest and probably more dangerous. I never mind discussing it here. I never want to live with illusions.

 

[Mike]

I've suspected that I've the Inattentive flavor of ADHD for awhile meow and if I do then my dad did too. It basically explains my entire life lol. I was shocked when I looked at the DSM-5 and started listening to people who have it. A buddeh suspects he has the combined type (he was lead down this road when a close family member was diagnosed with something; it's had a cascade effect). I've another buddeh who has a friend who was diagnosed as an adult who said he strongly thinks I have it too. Haven't been able to bring myself to talk to a professional yet. I know other neuro diverging peoples too.

For what it's worth, hang in there man. One of my buddies is diagnosed BPD with issues with anxiety and depression too (I also suspect ADHD/autism too), I've seen the struggle never mind my own stuff. I definitely recommend not drinking, long term from seeing how it's affected people I know it seems to make things worse.

It gets really complicated because BPD has a wide range of symptoms and comorbidity with anxiety and depression. So all along I've been dialed in on those areas, thinking I already understood the core problems and now just needed to find solutions.

It's wild that you can read the DSM entry on some shit you HAVE and just nod along like man that must suck for that guy, now back to my quest to figure my shit out lmao.

This stuff is so complicated and interwoven and the medical system we have set up here isn't all that interested in helping people.

 

[mozfonky]

Now I have two. Only reason I haven't done it yet tbh. I think about it a lot daily and that's the only reason I can ever come up with not to. They need me, or I convince myself they do so there's a reason to keep going.

I ran out of real reasons about 5 years ago and I'm too tired to pretend to not be this fucked up anymore. I mean what for, I already lost everything lmao. Might as well just be myself then.

Trying to please everyone just got me here.

My ma pulled through some tough times, psych ward tough so she could take care of our cats. In her case, she was an alcoholic and went through a lot with her job and her relationships. She started going to AA and at least managed to live a few more years although she had a lot of physical problems.

we all need something, and for me, it's hard when so many of the given answers don't really seem that good. I grew up in church and although I see how religion can help people, it seemed to me, it was just another place for people to condemn and judge each other. Counseling? I really don't believe in it. I do believe in prayer though and I've recently thought about getting into some Native American religious stuff.

I went through a period where i didn't sleep a night through for about 5-6 months recently, I burned out and it was definitely affecting my mental state. I was way more unstable, so, I just stopped pretty much everything for the last few months. I know most people can't do that and thats probably where people lose their fucking minds and do crazy shit because, well, that can really happen to anyone.

Sometimes, I'll watch the news and I'll just wonder, "what the fuck were they thinking", the last few days, I've heard of a couple different car accidents, one where a guy was up at 130 mph on a city street, 3 people dead. I don't know what the hell they were thinking but it's probably safe to say, they could not handle whatever it was life was throwing at them.

 

[Mike]

Take it from me. Drinking won’t help. It’s self medication. But you’ve done great work at least identifying your issues and being willing to work on them.

I spent a long time being sober from alcohol because I know it's bad for me. Soon as I moved into this tiny apartment I fucked up again. Probably before then really.

 

[whocares]

What kind of environment, lifestyle or career that you think is attainable would you envision as fulfilling for yourself? Do you have any plans, another career/line of work or location that you'd like to see through?

I've been living with severe bipolar for 25 years and I can't work a traditional full time job without melting into mania and psychosis after a couple months, but anecdotals don't really matter since this doesn't manifest the same way in any two people. That you can hold down sustainable work and earn is no small feat and a huge benefit, but that is only one part of the equation. Your environment is a dead end. To me that's your number one issue because you can't reasonably address anything else with that constant stressor in your life.

Conceive, believe, achieve. I know its stupid but the way out starts with a plan, a vision, a goal. You can manifest something if you can see it. You might know what it is or not but that's what you want to think about. I've been down in the shit places, living in the ghetto, no hope, no money, drinking every day so I know the loop. And i know that when you're in it you've got a 300 lb invisible ruck sack on your back, it's hard enough to just get through a day at all. I've always used feeling like absolute shit as my motivator for change. Whenever I've truly felt uncomfortable enough about anything, I eventually do something about it but there's never been an overnight solution and it's never been easy. Actually my entire 30's was a dreary going nowhere pile of shit and my life only got better 3 year ago. But it all starts with that little flame you kindle and harbor and keep it lit. You've got to have that driving you, some small hope for something that can give a foundation for some sense of contentment. Got to figure out what that is.

Of course you need to do the pdoc route and get sorted out with the appropriate meds. That sucks and they suck but it is what it is. If therapy helps you do that too.

 

[mozfonky]

I spent a long time being sober from alcohol because I know it's bad for me. Soon as I moved into this tiny apartment I fucked up again. Probably before then really.

horrible stuff.

 

[zapataxiv]

Been on this hamster wheel since the split in 2012. Moved across the country to get space from all that trauma ( I took it REALLY REALLY badly) and try to start over, ended up spinning my wheels in a dying desert town with no growth.

Ok. Reconnect with my family after they tracked me down. Move back home and enroll in school. Got kicked out on the street in the snow 1.5 years into my degree. Ok fine abandon that plan and move across the country again towards my last remaining friend.

Then as a group me and his family moved out here for work. Miraculously, we find decent work out here and I get my car paid off and debts cleared. His wife's family loves me so I get invited to everything.

Now I got somewhere to go for Christmas and whatnot and someone remembers when it's my birthday and stuff. Start feeling like a human again. Start dating again.

Get used and abused and beat up by the jobs out here, had a falling out with my friend so by extension I'm cut off from everyone I know out here. Every friend I make at a job ghosts me once I'm not there anymore. Get dumped and that girl ghosts me. Have to move into a tiny studio in the ghetto again.

It's been a decade of pain and misery and losing everything I ever cared about while my friends ghost me or kill themselves or whatever. Ive started over and moved across the country three fucking times in that timeframe. My income now is triple what it was in 2018 when I moved here.

But I'm not getting anywhere, my quality of life only gets lower and lower with every passing year.

bank that money and find somewhere that suits you better where even if you are alone it isn't depressing.
when I was at a crossroads I moved to Boulder and I lived there for awhile
just being in that space was totally different and it helped me move on from a lot of stuff
it was just a different head space even going to the bars and hitting downtown was a huge difference from ABQ and Denver and it really let me put my issues away.
Farmington,Reno all these places can be great if you can afford it
but the people loving at the bottom are till at the bottom almost like a third world

 

[zapataxiv]

it's no wonder why people snap so much and hurt others or themselves. It's no way to live really, not for any of us. And WE don't help each other by constantly picking at each other in our dairly lives. Can't even leave the house without some sort of drama a lot of the time because everyone is so burned out and miserable and angry.

yea I think the Boondocks put it best they called it a N###%* moment
where you just lose it over something trivia. they tried to make it a racial thing but in my experience it's more of a socio economic thing. when your burnt out with nothing even slight aggrevations can spin out of control so many people end up locked up over that bs

 

[mozfonky]

yea I think the Boondocks put it best they called it a N###%* moment
where you just lose it over something trivia. they tried to make it a racial thing but in my experience it's more of a socio economic thing. when your burnt out with nothing even slight aggrevations can spin out of control so many people end up locked up over that bs

Seems like it's everyone to me, I try not to go around like that too much, it's embarrassing but I fucking lose it maybe a couple times a year, no excuse for it really, for any of us.

 

[Phlog]

It's wild that you can read the DSM entry on some shit you HAVE and just nod along like man that must suck for that guy, now back to my quest to figure my shit out lmao.

This stuff is so complicated and interwoven and the medical system we have set up here isn't all that interested in helping people.

Lol, yes. Was a psychologist and whilst admittedly autism and ADHD wasn't my area of research, I did study it. Only in my 40s did I actually realise it was relevant to me after I had a son who got diagnosed with autism. I read all the materials and was like



Couldn't believe it. Like I went through various mental health care professionals and educational specialists when younger. I remember telling a counsellor "it feels like their are type A and type B people and I'm type B".

Now I can see that my brother and father, sister, wife, daughter, son and about 60% of my friends all are neurodivergent. Apparently it clusters because like seeks out like. Most of us are at the it provides benefits and negatives levels rather than the it ruins any chance of life rubbish end of the spectrum.

I see it now as a functioning aspect of human society, useful in small doses. Like if you want to know what dinosaur it is or maths answers my son's the dude, if you want someone who can adapt to a new environment, learn a new skill and cheerfully go all day that's me daughter. But he can't deal with change well and she can't deal with things staying the same. These things are useful additions to the tribe, it's only when you get too much of the sauce, like finding like and having kids that you end up with the ones that wouldn't last in a tribe situation, that are crippled by it.

But it's obviously a much wider aspect to society than we ever really anticipated.

 

[Mike]

yes, but the catch 22 is, we all need people. That's what the fuck I'm trying to figure out, how much do I need people? and which people? Most people are users, whether they mean it or not. I think we're socialized to be that way but I don't want to be burned out because people are unreasonable.

So what? Don't really know. so much of what we do is based on things other people have created and are things we need.

Anyway, the way society is and the way I am aren't in synch. My village in Alaska are the remnants of my band, less than 50 people but they are a broken people, don't fit there either. I don't drink, don't like talking about ignorant shit, and I like my space. Indians are very clannish, outside of being violent, there's no way that I could be left alone up there.

I thought I found my people years ago but those people are all gone now and I'm so used up and messed up now I don't see how I'd date or make friends ever again. The shit I went through last year with my friend and his family was the last straw. We'd been friends since fucking 2007.

If someone I've known 20 years doesn't get it and thinks I should just happily eat shit forever then I dunno anymore. This is a person I loved like a brother and I don't even like most people I meet anymore.

 

[mozfonky]

I thought I found my people years ago but those people are all gone now and I'm so used up and messed up now I don't see how I'd date or make friends ever again. The shit I went through last year with my friend and his family was the last straw. We'd been friends since fucking 2007.

If someone I've known 20 years doesn't get it and thinks I should just happily eat shit forever then I dunno anymore. This is a person I loved like a brother and I don't even like most people I meet anymore.

been there more than you have, believe me. the conclusion i've come to in the last few months/weeks is that a. if I'm gonna remain in society, I have to try and find great allies/resources, not necessarily even friends, but it's a must. Otherwise, if I can't there is no point getting used up and burned out for nothing because that's what the world does to all of us. And b. even if I go to alaska it's not going to be trouble free or easy. it'll be a culture shock and a struggle to learn how to live off the land. Also, it's mostly unkown, all of it, I don't know what living with my people would be like, what hunting would be like, nothing. I only know that my people are a real pain in the ass, just a bunch of fuckups, so, I just don't know how that's going to help me live.

Can't really control other people though, not really. Hard enough controlling yourself.

 

[Mike]

What kind of environment, lifestyle or career that you think is attainable would you envision as fulfilling for yourself? Do you have any plans, another career/line of work or location that you'd like to see through?

I've been living with severe bipolar for 25 years and I can't work a traditional full time job without melting into mania and psychosis after a couple months, but anecdotals don't really matter since this doesn't manifest the same way in any two people. That you can hold down sustainable work and earn is no small feat and a huge benefit, but that is only one part of the equation. Your environment is a dead end. To me that's your number one issue because you can't reasonably address anything else with that constant stressor in your life.

Conceive, believe, achieve. I know its stupid but the way out starts with a plan, a vision, a goal. You can manifest something if you can see it. You might know what it is or not but that's what you want to think about. I've been down in the shit places, living in the ghetto, no hope, no money, drinking every day so I know the loop. And i know that when you're in it you've got a 300 lb invisible ruck sack on your back, it's hard enough to just get through a day at all. I've always used feeling like absolute shit as my motivator for change. Whenever I've truly felt uncomfortable enough about anything, I eventually do something about it but there's never been an overnight solution and it's never been easy. Actually my entire 30's was a dreary going nowhere pile of shit and my life only got better 3 year ago. But it all starts with that little flame you kindle and harbor and keep it lit. You've got to have that driving you, some small hope for something that can give a foundation for some sense of contentment. Got to figure out what that is.

Of course you need to do the pdoc route and get sorted out with the appropriate meds. That sucks and they suck but it is what it is. If therapy helps you do that too.

Nothing. I have no hope left. My happiness has always been based around interpersonal relationships and how other people view me. Doesn't matter how much I've tried to change that.

Even in the darkest times in life I always had a few friends. Just enough to believe I could be worthwhile. Losing my marriage, friends, family, having to move far away from home just to survive.

What's the point now. I ask myself that every day and come up with nothing. I don't care about having more money or stuff. I want to get away from the cesspool that is downtown but I already know once I accomplish that goal I'll instantly feel extremely empty and depressed again.

I'm just going to be lonely somewhere slightly better where I might not step into human shit going for a walk at night.

 

[Mike]

bank that money and find somewhere that suits you better where even if you are alone it isn't depressing.
when I was at a crossroads I moved to Boulder and I lived there for awhile
just being in that space was totally different and it helped me move on from a lot of stuff
it was just a different head space even going to the bars and hitting downtown was a huge difference from ABQ and Denver and it really let me put my issues away.
Farmington,Reno all these places can be great if you can afford it
but the people loving at the bottom are till at the bottom almost like a third world

Oh God Farmington that's a blast from the past. Fucking never again!!!!!

 

[Mike]

Lol, yes. Was a psychologist and whilst admittedly autism and ADHD wasn't my area of research, I did study it. Only in my 40s did I actually realise it was relevant to me after I had a son who got diagnosed with autism. I read all the materials and was like



Couldn't believe it. Like I went through various mental health care professionals and educational specialists when younger. I remember telling a counsellor "it feels like their are type A and type B people and I'm type B".

Now I can see that my brother and father, sister, wife, daughter, son and about 60% of my friends all are neurodivergent. Apparently it clusters because like seeks out like. Most of us are at the it provides benefits and negatives levels rather than the it ruins any chance of life rubbish end of the spectrum.

I see it now as a functioning aspect of human society, useful in small doses. Like if you want to know what dinosaur it is or maths answers my son's the dude, if you want someone who can adapt to a new environment, learn a new skill and cheerfully go all day that's me daughter. But he can't deal with change well and she can't deal with things staying the same. These things are useful additions to the tribe, it's only when you get too much of the sauce, like finding like and having kids that you end up with the ones that wouldn't last in a tribe situation, that are crippled by it.

But it's obviously a much wider aspect to society than we ever really anticipated.

I used to have a ND friend group as well and I remember discovering everyone I actually liked was crazy like me during my twenties and having this epiphany about us being magnetically drawn to each other.

I can't even function around "regular" people unless I just turn the volume level down to like 1 and act like a drone.

 

[zapataxiv]

Oh God Farmington that's a blast from the past. Fucking never again!!!!!

yea man those places are like a rut O never want to end up in places like those

 

[Mike]

yea man those places are like a rut O never want to end up in places like those

Once I moved there the economy was so shitty I quickly felt trapped. Going back and forth between my two shitty part time jobs. And don't even get me started on how fucking racist people were there. Easily the most racist place I've ever been to. Was so happy to leave.

 

[Slothbroth]

I truly believe diet (chicken, fish, fruit, vegetables), exercise, water, meditation for stress management, positive additions (i.e., BJJ, running, weight lifting), proper sleep, one hobby you look forward to, someone or something to care for or love (person, pet), and the right medication can make a significant difference. I also believe sugar (alcohol or food) can really mess up your brain, emotions, hormones, etc. It all needs to work in unison.

Stay safe brother.

This is the only reply of value here. I would add trying to get a little sunlight if possible but sounds like it is tough with his job.

Food is everything, especially in the US with all of the trash available here. Most grains and soy in the US are garbage.

 

[Wrath of Foamy]

Being homeless which I've been fighting to avoid my entire life. It's an immediate game over. Especially now. I have literally nobody. Not a single friend, family member, nothing. If I fuck up at all it's all over.

And it won't be a quick end. It will be slow and nasty.

If you have nobody, you have nobody to hold you back.

Do you have any trades? Any skills? Where do you live?

You have a job, you have a roof over your head. Are you able to save, or is it work to live?

Yes, your environment sounds rough, and people underestimate how detrimental it is to live in a place without options. On the plus side, you have a foundation.

Yes, if you feel like you are on the spectrum and can no longer cope with it, it may be worth investing in seeing a specialist. My father did and he was able to make himself.

Stay away from all vices. They cost money. You need money, by the sounds of it.

I haven't read all of this thread. I'm an expert at nothing. I have not cured all of my mental ailments and I still struggle. Being able to self-invest, however, has helped me a lot.

It sounds like your issues are multi-faceted, but you have limited options and limited amounts of money, so you may have to pick and choose what to work on first.

Apologie if I have missed something. Too many people throw out advice without attempting to truly understand the person within.

 

[Wrath of Foamy]

Btw do you live in Reno?

Are you close to the airport there?

The airport has options, not all of them requires heavy customer service.