Mental health and aging.

[d0g]

Have you had any therapy?

 

[Grassshoppa]

I truly believe diet (chicken, fish, fruit, vegetables), exercise, water, meditation for stress management, positive additions (i.e., BJJ, running, weight lifting), proper sleep, one hobby you look forward to, someone or something to care for or love (person, pet), and the right medication can make a significant difference. I also believe sugar (alcohol or food) can really mess up your brain, emotions, hormones, etc. It all needs to work in unison.

Stay safe brother.

 

[Mike]

Can I DM you

Yeah anytime

 

[Mike]

Have you had any therapy?

Some years ago but I clearly never got to the core issues. I got a psych referral from my GP earlier this year, I need to follow up on that and get diagnosed and probably start therapy again.

 

[zapataxiv]

It's hard I try to remind myself I am making steps even when things are very bad, even if I feel like I should be doing more. I did find a better job, I am working on paying down debts and trying to move somewhere that isn't so fucking depressing. I'm trying. I have to keep reminding myself that progress is slow, but to keep going.

i feel you
your stuck in that cycle of poverty
work all the time in terrible hours
feel tired and depleted
refresh with terrible food and chemicals and feel worse later and it just continues
want to make a change but don't see a way how it could happen

want to work for the future but you need change and help now

but you end up just spinning your wheels

just remember it is momentum you gotta push that Boulder slowly and each time it will roll faster and farther
taking break won't kill your momentum but the longer you lose your forward motion the harder it is to retain it

 

[Mike]

i feel you
your stuck in that cycle of poverty
work all the time in terrible hours
feel tired and depleted
refresh with terrible food and chemicals and feel worse later and it just continues
want to make a change but don't see a way how it could happen

want to work for the future but you need change and help now

but you end up just spinning your wheels

just remember it is momentum you gotta push that Boulder slowly and each time it will roll faster and farther
taking break won't kill your momentum but the longer you lose your forward motion the harder it is to retain it

Been on this hamster wheel since the split in 2012. Moved across the country to get space from all that trauma ( I took it REALLY REALLY badly) and try to start over, ended up spinning my wheels in a dying desert town with no growth.

Ok. Reconnect with my family after they tracked me down. Move back home and enroll in school. Got kicked out on the street in the snow 1.5 years into my degree. Ok fine abandon that plan and move across the country again towards my last remaining friend.

Then as a group me and his family moved out here for work. Miraculously, we find decent work out here and I get my car paid off and debts cleared. His wife's family loves me so I get invited to everything.

Now I got somewhere to go for Christmas and whatnot and someone remembers when it's my birthday and stuff. Start feeling like a human again. Start dating again.

Get used and abused and beat up by the jobs out here, had a falling out with my friend so by extension I'm cut off from everyone I know out here. Every friend I make at a job ghosts me once I'm not there anymore. Get dumped and that girl ghosts me. Have to move into a tiny studio in the ghetto again.

It's been a decade of pain and misery and losing everything I ever cared about while my friends ghost me or kill themselves or whatever. Ive started over and moved across the country three fucking times in that timeframe. My income now is triple what it was in 2018 when I moved here.

But I'm not getting anywhere, my quality of life only gets lower and lower with every passing year.

 

[mozfonky]

Unfortunately poverty makes choices for you. At the end of 2022 I decided I was so burned out from 5 years of constant overtime that I'd get out of this field for a bit.

Well all that did was end up fucking the last friendship I had left and putting me back into debt again. Spent 6 months working retail and sinking back into debt before I gave up and went back to the factories.

It doesn't matter what I want. Work myself to death like this or live in ridiculous poverty. I mean I'm still in poverty while working like this lol. But without doing this type of work I'll never be able to afford to leave the ghetto.

And just having to live here downtown is slowly driving me insane. It's NASTY down here.

where? somewhere in the southwest?

How do you function off of a few hours sleep and all that work?

Factories would seem to me to be heaven right now in comparison to some of the jobs I'd probably get. I can't do customer service, people wore me out a long time ago.

The aging part is certainly real, out tolerances go way down as we age, or at least mine did. Dealing with people period seems like such a waste of energy, no matter who they are. I've even recently told my brother that I can't worry about him anymore, that it's too taxing and depressing when I've been through it with the rest of our family. Age is real, I don't really know how much more I can take of my lifestyle so, I'm very seriously considering moving up to my ancestral village and just living the rest of my life there (Alaska).

 

[Mike]

 

[mozfonky]

i feel you
your stuck in that cycle of poverty
work all the time in terrible hours
feel tired and depleted
refresh with terrible food and chemicals and feel worse later and it just continues
want to make a change but don't see a way how it could happen

want to work for the future but you need change and help now

but you end up just spinning your wheels

just remember it is momentum you gotta push that Boulder slowly and each time it will roll faster and farther
taking break won't kill your momentum but the longer you lose your forward motion the harder it is to retain it

it's no wonder why people snap so much and hurt others or themselves. It's no way to live really, not for any of us. And WE don't help each other by constantly picking at each other in our dairly lives. Can't even leave the house without some sort of drama a lot of the time because everyone is so burned out and miserable and angry.

 

[Mike]

where? somewhere in the southwest?

How do you function off of a few hours sleep and all that work?

Factories would seem to me to be heaven right now in comparison to some of the jobs I'd probably get. I can't do customer service, people wore me out a long time ago.

The aging part is certainly real, out tolerances go way down as we age, or at least mine did. Dealing with people period seems like such a waste of energy, no matter who they are. I've even recently told my brother that I can't worry about him anymore, that it's too taxing and depressing when I've been through it with the rest of our family. Age is real, I don't really know how much more I can take of my lifestyle so, I'm very seriously considering moving up to my ancestral village and just living the rest of my life there (Alaska).

Reno. I function that way because I have no choice. I can't do customer service anymore either. I took a retail job briefly last year and near the end of it I nearly got into two different fist fights with "customers"

I just don't have the patience for disrespectful people anymore. If you think you're talking to me however you want, well guess what I'm fucking crazy so we can throw hands right now. I'm not the one.

Rather be slowly killing myself in the factories then ever deal with another "customer" ever again.

 

[Mike]

it's no wonder why people snap so much and hurt others or themselves. It's no way to live really, not for any of us. And WE don't help each other by constantly picking at each other in our dairly lives. Can't even leave the house without some sort of drama a lot of the time because everyone is so burned out and miserable and angry.

It's hard. I get home and park my car and stare off into space and dissociate for about 15 minutes every day when I get "home"

I know once I step into my tiny studio apartment I'll feel depressed and want alcohol and drugs immediately. Other option is to wander around downtown which is so filthy, depressing, and cluttered with the mentally ill homeless that after a few minutes of that I just go sit in the tiny room in the dark and drink. Isn't much else to do.

 

[PurpleStorm]

Hey Mike I always enjoy your posts. I'm sure there are many more. I hope this brutal roller coaster slows down. Please check local resources. We like you my friend and want you feeling better!

 

[mozfonky]

Reno. I function that way because I have no choice. I can't do customer service anymore either. I took a retail job briefly last year and near the end of it I nearly got into two different fist fights with "customers"

I just don't have the patience for disrespectful people anymore. If you think you're talking to me however you want, well guess what I'm fucking crazy so we can throw hands right now. I'm not the one.

Rather be slowly killing myself in the factories then ever deal with another "customer" ever again.

I know exactly what you mean, I'm honest with people about that too. Unfortunately, those are the easiest and most plentiful jobs out there.

Factories and plants are dehumanizing but at least you don't have to deal with hundreds of people and interacting with them a day.

I'm honestly out of answers myself, so, I'm seriously considering just living a subsistence like lifestyle. It's a waste of life to do these jobs and deal with this kind of stress for nothing.

Don't you have a cat to look out for?

 

[Mike]

And on the second half of your list that's how I feel 1000%

Used the fuck up. Jobs, family, friends, women, everyone only seems interested in what they can use me for. Only the most one sided relationships or I can be alone. Ok, I chose alone then I guess. But it didn't feel like a choice. It just feels like being too worn out for anything else.

I remember telling my friend during the big blowout that the fact that I have to keep fucking explaining to supposed friends and family that I don't want to be used and abused and treated like garbage has just worn me out. If anyone doesn't get why I'm upset or why I left I don't fucking care anymore.

I get it enough for both of us. I'm not putting up with the shit anymore.

 

[Mike]

I know exactly what you mean, I'm honest with people about that too. Unfortunately, those are the easiest and most plentiful jobs out there.

Factories and plants are dehumanizing but at least you don't have to deal with hundreds of people and interacting with them a day.

I'm honestly out of answers myself, so, I'm seriously considering just living a subsistence like lifestyle. It's a waste of life to do these jobs and deal with this kind of stress for nothing.

Don't you have a cat to look out for?

Now I have two. Only reason I haven't done it yet tbh. I think about it a lot daily and that's the only reason I can ever come up with not to. They need me, or I convince myself they do so there's a reason to keep going.

I ran out of real reasons about 5 years ago and I'm too tired to pretend to not be this fucked up anymore. I mean what for, I already lost everything lmao. Might as well just be myself then.

Trying to please everyone just got me here.

 

[mozfonky]

It's hard. I get home and park my car and stare off into space and dissociate for about 15 minutes every day when I get "home"

I know once I step into my tiny studio apartment I'll feel depressed and want alcohol and drugs immediately. Other option is to wander around downtown which is so filthy, depressing, and cluttered with the mentally ill homeless that after a few minutes of that I just go sit in the tiny room in the dark and drink. Isn't much else to do.

It's like that here too, yesterday some nut came and asked for a quarter, and slapped my car. Shits no fun, just not even knowing how serious a threat some idiot like that is and knowing it's neverending. and then, we have all the normal people who really have no excuse.

I guess I should consider myself lucky, I never put myelf into a position where I had to get totally exploited every minute of the day. I know why society is so fucked up and I really don't want any part of it anymore.

Aging, again, is huge, for me, I'm losing my temper a lot more over a lot less and not wanting to see anyone, friend or foe and just be alone. I think it's normal, people will wear your ass down and get this; Not even think about the effects they have on you! Not a single thought to "well, I'm really putting this guy through some shit to get my way", no, never.

 

[Mike]

Hey Mike I always enjoy your posts. I'm sure there are many more. I hope this brutal roller coaster slows down. Please check local resources. We like you my friend and want you feeling better!

Thanks didn't mean to start a whine thread necessarily just this stuff is on my mind of late. And I really have nowhere else to talk to anyone so.

My internal monologue is like an insane homeless man shrieking in my ear 24/7 because of the illness. I'm just starting to learn how abnormal this is lmao.

Sometimes I need to sound this stuff out and talk to someone because it's just a screaming echo chamber in my head.

 

[PurpleStorm]

And on the second half of your list that's how I feel 1000%

Used the fuck up. Jobs, family, friends, women, everyone only seems interested in what they can use me for. Only the most one sided relationships or I can be alone. Ok, I chose alone then I guess. But it didn't feel like a choice. It just feels like being too worn out for anything else.

I remember telling my friend during the big blowout that the fact that I have to keep fucking explaining to supposed friends and family that I don't want to be used and abused and treated like garbage has just worn me out. If anyone doesn't get any I'm upset or why I left I don't fucking care anymore.

I get it enough for both of us. I'm not putting up with the shit anymore.

I hear you. Try seeing a doctor and saying "No one is listening to me!" on repeat until they prescribe you a therapist. Shop around for a good one with whom you feel compatible. It's worth the repeating.

 

[Mike]

It's like that here too, yesterday some nut came and asked for a quarter, and slapped my car. Shits no fun, just not even knowing how serious a threat some idiot like that is and knowing it's neverending. and then, we have all the normal people who really have no excuse.

I guess I should consider myself lucky, I never put myelf into a position where I had to get totally exploited every minute of the day. I know why society is so fucked up and I really don't want any part of it anymore.

Aging, again, is huge, for me, I'm losing my temper a lot more over a lot less and not wanting to see anyone, friend or foe and just be alone. I think it's normal, people will wear your ass down and get this; Not even think about the effects they have on you! Not a single thought to "well, I'm really putting this guy through some shit to get my way", no, never.

I took several walks last week because I'm just too messed up to be indoors 24/7.

Almost got in a fight with a deranged man one night because he thought I walked too close to him or something.

We're in the street just screaming at each other and I'm like that's right talk shit from across the street because you know if you get closer I'm gonna cave your fucking head in. And everyone's staring at the two homeless lunatics arguing downtown lmao

 

[mozfonky]

And on the second half of your list that's how I feel 1000%

Used the fuck up. Jobs, family, friends, women, everyone only seems interested in what they can use me for. Only the most one sided relationships or I can be alone. Ok, I chose alone then I guess. But it didn't feel like a choice. It just feels like being too worn out for anything else.

I remember telling my friend during the big blowout that the fact that I have to keep fucking explaining to supposed friends and family that I don't want to be used and abused and treated like garbage has just worn me out. If anyone doesn't get any I'm upset or why I left I don't fucking care anymore.

I get it enough for both of us. I'm not putting up with the shit anymore.

yes, but the catch 22 is, we all need people. That's what the fuck I'm trying to figure out, how much do I need people? and which people? Most people are users, whether they mean it or not. I think we're socialized to be that way but I don't want to be burned out because people are unreasonable.

So what? Don't really know. so much of what we do is based on things other people have created and are things we need.

Anyway, the way society is and the way I am aren't in synch. My village in Alaska are the remnants of my band, less than 50 people but they are a broken people, don't fit there either. I don't drink, don't like talking about ignorant shit, and I like my space. Indians are very clannish, outside of being violent, there's no way that I could be left alone up there.