Mental health and aging.

[Mike]

So I recently turned 43. I've been struggling with mental health off and since around age 12 or so when it all really ramped up during puberty. OCD, BPD, anxiety and depression with some bipolar tendencies.

A mouthful but that's it, or so I've thought since my early 20s when I started to figure this out thru research and a lot of doctors visits. But since 2020 or so everything has been just so relentlessly brutal. About a week ago I had a pretty scary manic break where I really thought Jesus this is it.

I'm going to break for good and end up one of these shambling zombies I see in the streets downtown every day. So.... I quit drinking again. And started trying to do some research again.

And I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with undiagnosed ADHD my entire fucking life. The symptoms just line up so well and it makes so much of my past make more sense.

It's crazy just how complicated and interconnected this stuff is, that even as I enter middle age I'm still trying to figure out why I'm like this. I was sat there after work trying to get through a fucking five minute video on ADHD symptoms without getting fidgety and distracted and it was basically impossible lmao.

 

[William Huggins]

Are you on any medication?

 

[fingercuffs]

So I recently turned 43. I've been struggling with mental health off and since around age 12 or so when it all really ramped up during puberty. OCD, BPD, anxiety and depression with some bipolar tendencies.

A mouthful but that's it, or so I've thought since my early 20s when I started to figure this out thru research and a lot of doctors visits. But since 2020 or so everything has been just so relentlessly brutal. About a week ago I had a pretty scary manic break where I really thought Jesus this is it.

I'm going to break for good and end up one of these shambling zombies I see in the streets downtown every day. So.... I quit drinking again. And started trying to do some research again.

And I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with undiagnosed ADHD my entire fucking life. The symptoms just line up so well and it makes so much of my past make more sense.

It's crazy just how complicated and interconnected this stuff is, that even as I enter middle age I'm still trying to figure out why I'm like this. I was sat there after work trying to get through a fucking five minute video on ADHD symptoms without getting fidgety and distracted and it was basically impossible lmao.

Ahhhh, Mikey. The years I've known you I know it's been a struggle. If anyone tells you to walk it off or start training, they've not been in your shoes before so ignore it.

I'm with ya, buddy, even though I have no solutions for you.

 

[Takes Two To Tango]

So I recently turned 43. I've been struggling with mental health off and since around age 12 or so when it all really ramped up during puberty. OCD, BPD, anxiety and depression with some bipolar tendencies.

A mouthful but that's it, or so I've thought since my early 20s when I started to figure this out thru research and a lot of doctors visits. But since 2020 or so everything has been just so relentlessly brutal. About a week ago I had a pretty scary manic break where I really thought Jesus this is it.

I'm going to break for good and end up one of these shambling zombies I see in the streets downtown every day. So.... I quit drinking again. And started trying to do some research again.

And I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with undiagnosed ADHD my entire fucking life. The symptoms just line up so well and it makes so much of my past make more sense.

It's crazy just how complicated and interconnected this stuff is, that even as I enter middle age I'm still trying to figure out why I'm like this. I was sat there after work trying to get through a fucking five minute video on ADHD symptoms without getting fidgety and distracted and it was basically impossible lmao.

So I recently turned 43. I've been struggling with mental health off and since around age 12 or so when it all really ramped up during puberty. OCD, BPD, anxiety and depression with some bipolar tendencies.

I've been struggling with mental health issues since I was very young, didn't really get diagnosed until I was in my early 20s. But I have everything from depression, anxiety, bipolar and ADHD that wasn't diagnosed.

A mouthful but that's it, or so I've thought since my early 20s when I started to figure this out thru research and a lot of doctors visits. But since 2020 or so everything has been just so relentlessly brutal. About a week ago I had a pretty scary manic break where I really thought Jesus this is it.

Sorry to hear that man, I hope you can find peace of mind. But you have to understand these mental struggles are inevitable, it's really how you cope with it in a way. How you react to it. And yes medications help big time.

It's crazy just how complicated and interconnected this stuff is, that even as I enter middle age I'm still trying to figure out why I'm like this. I was sat there after work trying to get through a fucking five minute video on ADHD symptoms without getting fidgety and distracted and it was basically impossible lmao.

We're constantly trying to figure ourselves out. The truth is no one will ever will it's the struggle to find yourself that keeps you going, the journey itself is most important. But it's an ongoing battle that you just have to adapt the best you can for your own sake. Don't be too hard on yourself. We're all flawed imperfect beings so expect imperfection.

 

[NoGoodNamesLeft]

 

[zapataxiv]

honestly Mike
meditation and working out are great
but how to start when your so far back and shit is just too fucked to even sit for 5 mins or afford the time and money to go to the gym
medication can help
but you need to be able to afford to look for doctors that match up well with you and don't just throw pills and will help you figure out how to best balance your script or adapt it as you change as well
and then buying the medication etc..

it's a big business and when your down and broke with no family it's the pits

keep fitting the good fight man.
your a good dude and something good will happen for you eventually.


just keep trying your best and when you feel down we are here to talk it out

 

[Kardashians]

I think I’ve heard that getting a formal diagnosis for ADHD is expensive. Not sure if that’s just Canada or the states too. Fucking, gotta pay to be told you have a brain malfunction, rigged system. But that’s a whole other topic I suppose.

Do you have any plan etched out for how you’ll move forward with this revelation?

 

[Mike]

Ahhhh, Mikey. The years I've known you I know it's been a struggle. If anyone tells you to walk it off or start training, they've not been in your shoes before so ignore it.

I'm with ya, buddy, even though I have no solutions for you.

I've been trying so very hard since my divorce when everything really started to fall apart. Basically turned myself into a whole ass new person and accomplished most of my goals but it's still not anywhere near enough. But I'm still in this, I'm still struggling.

Still trying and hoping somehow that it'll get better or I'll figure out a way to exist and place to belong.

 

[Mike]

Are you on any medication?

I'm supposed to be in depression and anxiety meds but I stopped taking them at some point in this two year long bender I've been on.

I need to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist.

 

[deviake]

So I recently turned 43. I've been struggling with mental health off and since around age 12 or so when it all really ramped up during puberty. OCD, BPD, anxiety and depression with some bipolar tendencies.

A mouthful but that's it, or so I've thought since my early 20s when I started to figure this out thru research and a lot of doctors visits. But since 2020 or so everything has been just so relentlessly brutal. About a week ago I had a pretty scary manic break where I really thought Jesus this is it.

I'm going to break for good and end up one of these shambling zombies I see in the streets downtown every day. So.... I quit drinking again. And started trying to do some research again.

And I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with undiagnosed ADHD my entire fucking life. The symptoms just line up so well and it makes so much of my past make more sense.

It's crazy just how complicated and interconnected this stuff is, that even as I enter middle age I'm still trying to figure out why I'm like this. I was sat there after work trying to get through a fucking five minute video on ADHD symptoms without getting fidgety and distracted and it was basically impossible lmao.

I've suspected that I've the Inattentive flavor of ADHD for awhile meow and if I do then my dad did too. It basically explains my entire life lol. I was shocked when I looked at the DSM-5 and started listening to people who have it. A buddeh suspects he has the combined type (he was lead down this road when a close family member was diagnosed with something; it's had a cascade effect). I've another buddeh who has a friend who was diagnosed as an adult who said he strongly thinks I have it too. Haven't been able to bring myself to talk to a professional yet. I know other neuro diverging peoples too.

For what it's worth, hang in there man. One of my buddies is diagnosed BPD with issues with anxiety and depression too (I also suspect ADHD/autism too), I've seen the struggle never mind my own stuff. I definitely recommend not drinking, long term from seeing how it's affected people I know it seems to make things worse.

 

[TheNinja]

Take it from me. Drinking won’t help. It’s self medication. But you’ve done great work at least identifying your issues and being willing to work on them.

 

[William Huggins]

I'm supposed to be in depression and anxiety meds but I stopped taking them at some point in this two year long bender I've been on.

I need to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist.

How's your diet, eating healthy?

Are you getting out and doing the simple things in life?

I know this might seem like a stretch because I had also hit a bad patch last year and I'm still dealing with it ..... But have you thought about ayahuasca or maybe ibogaine as you had mentioned an epic bender.

I did ayahuasca last year and it really made me see my world differently and the people within it......now I'm just dealing with their toxic issues and my mind is free.

 

[Mike]

View attachment 1066826

Yep a friend of mine blew his brains out about three years ago. It's in the back of my mind a lot tbh.

 

[Mike]

honestly Mike
meditation and working out are great
but how to start when your so far back and shit is just too fucked to even sit for 5 mins or afford the time and money to go to the gym
medication can help
but you need to be able to afford to look for doctors that match up well with you and don't just throw pills and will help you figure out how to best balance your script or adapt it as you change as well
and then buying the medication etc..

it's a big business and when your down and broke with no family it's the pits

keep fitting the good fight man.
your a good dude and something good will happen for you eventually.


just keep trying your best and when you feel down we are here to talk it out

It's hard I try to remind myself I am making steps even when things are very bad, even if I feel like I should be doing more. I did find a better job, I am working on paying down debts and trying to move somewhere that isn't so fucking depressing. I'm trying. I have to keep reminding myself that progress is slow, but to keep going.

 

[Mike]

How's your diet, eating healthy?

Are you getting out and doing the simple things in life?

I know this might seem like a stretch because I had also hit a bad patch last year and I'm still dealing with it ..... But have you thought about ayahuasca or maybe ibogaine as you had mentioned an epic bender.

I did ayahuasca last year and it really made me see my world differently and the people within it......now I'm just dealing with their toxic issues and my mind is free.

Nah my diet sucks and I basically have an eating disorder and I live in an incredibly cramped environment and work long hours on the night shift. So during the week I'm sleeping like three or four hours during the day and then my workday plus commute are 14+ hours.

I always feel ragged and exhausted and plan to do things on my days off but just end up sitting in my tiny apartment in the dark drinking until it's time to go back to work. Even leaving the house is stressful nowadays.

I did stop drinking again at least. For now.

 

[William Huggins]

Nah my diet sucks and I basically have an eating disorder and I live in an incredibly cramped environment and work long hours on the night shift. So during the week I'm sleeping like three or four hours during the day and then my workday plus commute are 14+ hours.

I always feel ragged and exhausted and plan to do things on my days off but just end up sitting in my tiny apartment in the dark drinking until it's time to go back to work. Even leaving the house is stressful nowadays.

I did stop drinking again at least. For now.

I would say fuck it and go do Ibogaine, then come home, pack my shit up and move somewhere with sunshine...... Find another job, I've done night work and in your state that shit will really finish you off!!

 

[Mike]

I would say fuck it and go do Ibogaine, then come home, pack my shit up and move somewhere with sunshine...... Find another job, I've done night work and in your state that shit will really finish you off!!

Unfortunately poverty makes choices for you. At the end of 2022 I decided I was so burned out from 5 years of constant overtime that I'd get out of this field for a bit.

Well all that did was end up fucking the last friendship I had left and putting me back into debt again. Spent 6 months working retail and sinking back into debt before I gave up and went back to the factories.

It doesn't matter what I want. Work myself to death like this or live in ridiculous poverty. I mean I'm still in poverty while working like this lol. But without doing this type of work I'll never be able to afford to leave the ghetto.

And just having to live here downtown is slowly driving me insane. It's NASTY down here.

 

[William Huggins]

Unfortunately poverty makes choices for you. At the end of 2022 I decided I was so burned out from 5 years of constant overtime that I'd get out of this field for a bit.

Well all that did was end up fucking the last friendship I had left and putting me back into debt again. Spent 6 months working retail and sinking back into debt before I gave up and went back to the factories.

It doesn't matter what I want. Work myself to death like this or live in ridiculous poverty. I mean I'm still in poverty while working like this lol. But without doing this type of work I'll never be able to afford to leave the ghetto.

And just having to live here downtown is slowly driving me insane. It's NASTY down here.

Your in a nasty hole mentally, which was the reason I said ibogaine.

Until you can get out of this mindset you can't see the world.

If you haven't got any support network, what's to stop you making a dramatic move in your life? You've just told me the work is shit and they're is nothing there for you......and it's destroying you.

You live in a shit area and you work nights in a factory...... Sorry but think, what's the worse that can happen?

 

[Mike]

Your in a nasty hole mentally, which was the reason I said ibogaine.

Until you can get out of this mindset you can't see the world.

If you haven't got any support network, what's to stop you making a dramatic move in your life? You've just told me the work is shit and they're is nothing there for you......and it's destroying you.

You live in a shit area and you work nights in a factory...... Sorry but think, what's the worse that can happen?

Being homeless which I've been fighting to avoid my entire life. It's an immediate game over. Especially now. I have literally nobody. Not a single friend, family member, nothing. If I fuck up at all it's all over.

And it won't be a quick end. It will be slow and nasty.

 

[William Huggins]

Being homeless which I've been fighting to avoid my entire life. It's an immediate game over. Especially now. I have literally nobody. Not a single friend, family member, nothing. If I fuck up at all it's all over.

And it won't be a quick end. It will be slow and nasty.

Can I DM you