Early last month he was pulling a stock trailer back through a neighboring state, he had brought some cattle to a friend to get the guy started ranching. It was nighttime and a couple of drunken idiots tried to pass and sent him off the road. He died at the scene.
I was planning to move back there last spring - I had worked an agreement to sell my part of my practice and I was in escrow on the ranch next to my dad's place. There were title issues on the place I was buying so I got frustrated and withdrew, even though my family was telling me to stick with it. I can't help but think something might have been different if I'd just stuck it out, I'm absolutely devastated.
My dad - even in his 60's - was the strongest, toughest, hardest-working man you'd ever meet. And while he was all those things, he still managed to be the kindest, happiest, most patient man you'd ever meet.
Rest in peace, Dad, you were one of a kind and the world is darker without you. Love, Jack.
Losing one's father is one of the hardest moments in any man's life, the father is that superman figure who made you the man you are today - you will have those moments when you just want to call him up on the phone and talk ....talk just for the sake of talking and hearing his voice. Those are tough times - don't hesitate to cry when caught in the moment.
But I tell you this - your father spent 60+ amazing years on Earth - you were lucky enough to have him in your life for as long as you did. His spirit left this material world and now he travels the stars - he has taken the next step - understand our time here on Earth is really just a brief pit stop on a celestial journey - be sure to keep your memories of your father warm in your heart - don't be to saddened - make him proud and continue on with life at your own pace - when it's your time to go....guess who will be patiently waiting, ready to welcome you with a smile on his face.
Sorry to hear that Couch. I've noticed your level headed posting over the years; you seem like a good, decent dude.
My condolences man. My heart really goes out to you.
And oh yeah, take the following very seriously.
Playing that "I could have done something different my fault game" is not even dangerous, it is a guaranteed loss. There is not going to be an official ruling on whether or not your actions could have prevented/altered.
If you entertain that thought, you are as much as accepting it as truth. Don't do that. Worst game man plays.
I had a friend who just went through the same thing (thankfully no drunk drivers though) and he gave the most perfect eulogy I have ever heard. Everyone was bawling by the end. I wish I could remember the whole thing but he tied it all together at the end by basically saying that he was the last remnant of his fathers name (his brother had just recently committed suicide too) and that he was going to spend the rest of his life doing his best to live up to it.
Thats pretty much all we can do after either of our parents pass away. Stay strong man.
The next few months will be tough mate. Do exactly what you are doing, communicate with others about this matter. Don't swallow the fact that he is dead and don't hold back your grief. Speak about this... imo the only healthy way to deal with such a tragic matter.
But let me tell you, time will even heal this deep wound. Keep your chin up and may your dad RIP!
Didn't read all the previous comments, but I'd like to urge you to stray from beating yourself up over "what if's'.
Your dad sounded like a stand up man, someone that garners respect. He died doing his job. He died as an able man. He never grew so old that he was unable to care for himself. He died with dignity, with his pride.
Nothing I, nor anyone else, can say will mend that horrible pain you're feeling in your chest when you think of him, but for what's it's worth I'll be praying for you man.
I lost my dad 5 years ago. I dreamt about my dad every single night for about 2 years. He was always alive and well in my dreams. It was great until I woke up. I was always sad when I woke up and realized it was just a dream. Shitty way to start every morning.
Jesus christ that sounds terrible man. I lost my dad 4 years ago and dream about him sometimes and whenever I do when i wake up i feel like shit, can't imagine going through that for two years.
I'm so sorry for your loss TS. You will never find peace in wondering whether things could have have happened differently; the answer does not and will never exist, and even if it did, it is irrelevant to now. It is not only illogical for you to dwell on it, but you will eventually discover that it is irresponsible of you to do so because you owe it to your dad to give meaning to his life and his death. Let go of his life so that he can move on, within you, in death.
A few months ago on another message forum we were discussing the book Man's Search For Meaning by Dr. Viktor Frankl:
In the book, Dr. Frankl describes his experience as a Holocaust concentration camp prisoner and how he was able to survive by finding the reason to live. In short, he experienced that the will to find meaning in life and the universal responsibility imposed on us to do so is the very drive bringing our life to its purpose. Many great thinkers have offered the general wisdom that "life is a journey not a destination", but Dr. Frankl solemnly explains why.
The thread in the other forum questioned love as it pertains to Dr. Frankl's philosophy of meaning. I gave input why I believe love is the greatest reason to live, and towards the end of my post I tried to show how coming across Dr. Frankl's book a few years back helped me find meaning in the hopeless suffering I was experiencing towards the end of my 20s after unexpectedly losing my Mom far too soon.
Our will to find meaning in life transcends every other motivation or experience; power, pleasure, even profound emotional/spiritual suffering. Dr. Frankl writes that suffering ceases to be suffering the moment one finds authentic meaning in it. Predetermined fate nihilism or coping strategies like "oh it was just meant to be" may qualify as blanket rationalizations for things you find personally irrelevant, but they do not suffice as substantive meaning for events/experiences that truly matter to you in your life. For accepting that I exist within a universe that is happening to me outside of my control does little to reconcile the existential conflict within me asking why my existence should be happening to the universe.
My post from the other forum in the spoiler box followed by a link to the original thread:
Brah the book explains everything for you. Frankl's goal is to find a universal reason to live. Freud asserted pleasure, Nietzsche asserted power, Frankl asserts the will to meaning. The greatest meaning is love.
It matters not whether your beloved is present or even alive as this love exists internally. Page 58 of my copy:
My mind still clung to the image of my wife. A thought crossed my mind: I didn't even know if she were still alive. I knew only one thing -- which I have learned very well by now: Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance.
The love Frankl describes is not a romantic love, it is a spiritual love. It does not create dependency on another person. Quite the contrary. Beginning on my page 100, Frankl shows how love of a person or creative work imposes responsibility and a moral obligation to live:
I remember two cases of would-be suicide, which bore a striking similarity to each other. Both men had talked of their intentions to commit suicide. Both used the typical argument
Knowing you and having the pleasure of being your friend on here I can say, you are one of the most humorous, generous, morally ethical guys that breathes today. A great husband and father who has been tested and tried emotionally and physically countless times, but always came out a better man each time. Your father raised a good dude who will always carry on his legacy and you shine as an example of his success through the person you are. He had an amazing son Couch. And he knew it. You couldn't have changed the way things turned out and it kills me to know you're going through this. I genuinely hurt and mourn for your loss. I'm sorry brother. I'll be praying for your family and if you need anything, you message me.
My sincerest heartfelt condolences man. I'm sorry for your loss.
My best friend's dad just passed last week and I'm heading out there this week to support him and his family. I dread that day myself.
May his memories and love comfort you in your time of grief.
I lost my dad 5 years ago. I dreamt about my dad every single night for about 2 years. He was always alive and well in my dreams. It was great until I woke up. I was always sad when I woke up and realized it was just a dream. Shitty way to start every morning.
Interesting... it was exactly the same for me but for about 1 year. On some nights I even picked up my phone, called him up only to hear his mailbox. When my girlfriend told me what was going on, I cried like a baby... these was about 3 times per week for a long time. Sucks that anyone has to go through something like that.
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