Let's make puns

- Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'!
- That sounds like the Tom Jones syndrome.
- Is it common?
- It's not unusual.
 
A man walks into the doctor's office:
- Doc, I've hurt my arm in several places!
- Well, don't go there anymore!
 
- How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?
- With a pumpkin patch.
 
I went to the butcher shop and wanted to bet the shopkeeper 50$ that he wouldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said: "No, the steaks are too high."
 
- Why are horses poor dancers?
- They have two left feet.
 
- Why was the blood transfusion unsuccessful?
- Because it was all in vein.
 
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
 
- What job did the spider get in the IT department?
- Web designer.
 
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
 
- How do you catch a squirrel?
- Climb in a tree and act like a nut.
 
- Which insect is good at math?
- An account-ant.
 
- What happens when two snails fight?
- They slug it out.
 
- What do you call a person whose career is in ruins?
- An archaeologist.
 
- What nationality is Santa Claus?
- North Polish.
 
- Why do cows wear bells?
- Because their horns don't work.
 
- What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
- You get repossessed.
 
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
 
- Why can't you trust people that do acupuncture?
- They're back stabbers.
 
How do you tittilate an ocelot?

You oscillate its tit a lot.

Not a pun. Wordplay.
Or something. Again, not a pun and doesn't belong in this thread.
Im naughty.
 
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