Let's make puns

Some times I get clippling anxiety, get all bent up and tied in a knot...
But a warm bath fixes everything)))

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No way this works
 
I have once "imagined" Theresa May naked in the shower. She gave me a knight-mare.

I had to give her up to the zoo. The horse too.
 
- Have you read "Anna Karenina"?
- Yes, I have.
- What do you think about the heroine?
- Heroin is a hell of a drug, why do you ask?
 
Me and some of my buddies went to the sauna.
Buncha dicks and assholes. The steam was good tho.
 
- So, what do you like to read?
- Kant.
- Ha! and I thought you were an intellectual!
 
Julius II called Michelangelo into the Sistine Chapel one day in late summer.

"My son, " he began, "We can no longer afford all the extravagances of the Renaissance."

"What do you mean, Your Holiness?"

"We have to shut you down, Mike"

"Why, Your Holiness?"

"We're Baroque.
 
- My DNA test says that my DNA is backwards!
- And?
 
Back in the 80s a Russian wedding was called a Soviet Union.
 
Not a pun but I feel this belongs here.
Real book.

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Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank?
He ran away so fast that he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
 
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