Let's make puns

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My grandfather had a heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban at the zoo.
 
This one is in bad taste but I hope @Clippy doesn't mind.

Twelve Canadians are raping a German woman.
"Nein! Nein!" - she shouts in distress.
Three Canadians politely step away.
 
I got sick at the airport.
Doctor said it's a terminal illness.
 
- What do they do when a chemist dies?
- They barium.
 
Two Karens talking:
- My husband is impotent.
- Don't brag, mine is valued just as much.
 
Unhappy with daily prices of fertilizer? Try nitrates.
 
Doc:
- You've got a tumor on your kidney.
Karen:
- That's 4 kidneys total, right?
 
Proper punctuation is hard to learn. One Karen tried so hard she fell into a comma.
 
A man walks into the library and asks the librarian if they have a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian responds: "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not."
 
Did you hear about the invention of the shovel? It was pretty ground-breaking.
 
Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!
 
- What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos
 
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