Just broke up with my girlfriend- am I being unreasonable?

[JosephDredd]

Yeah I'm just bummed. I just finished booking a sightseeing plane ride in LA and bought her a camera earlier this week for her upcoming birthday. The only part I'm not looking forward to is explaining to my parents, I feel as though they think I'm going to become depressed and try to convince me to win her back because I don't want to explain the details to them

Tell them the gory details. It's basic respect for people who love and care about you (the same kind of respect the girl didn't show you when she waited to tell you about the sex begging), they'll understand you better and won't worry about you being depressed, there won't be unspoken "we miss that girl" moments, and chances are good that, if they do find out, they'll be (rightfully) pissed at you for not telling them because there are probably going to be moments where they encounter this girl and will treat her much more warmly than they would if they knew what she did to their son.

 

[ripskater]

Tell them the gory details. It's basic respect for people who love and care about you (the same kind of respect the girl didn't show you when she waited to tell you about the sex begging), they'll understand you better and won't worry about you being depressed, there won't be unspoken "we miss that girl" moments, and chances are good that, if they do find out, they'll be (rightfully) pissed at you for not telling them because there are probably going to be moments where they encounter this girl and will treat her much more warmly than they would if they knew what she did to their son.

I agree. He's gotta tell his parents why he broke it off. Otherwise they won't understand. But ultimately it was her choice. She wanted to go on a trip with a gay dude that wants to get her in the sack (maybe already has) rather than be respectful to her boyfriends feelings.

TS had no choice but to dump her.

 

[Magooglie]

Her friend isn't gay. He's just got a realllllly long con going on.

 

[GSPSAKU]

They'll be banging the first thing they get into that hotel room.

Lol, they're already banging because she bought into the whole "he's gay" thing. Great con he's got going because gay guys don't randomly want to bang their female friends.

 

[aus101]

It doesn't sound like she told him about it right away only after he moved away based on what OP said. Also i agree with you OP should have confronted Fancy Dan at the very least considering how his actions show he has zero respect for him.

Gay guys think they can get away with things because of that. I don't care if you're gay if you grab my girls breasts, or try and sleep with her, i'll react same way i would if it's a straight guy. Ray Velcoro and his ski mask would know how to handle this situation.

Yeah a few years ago my ex was at a party and a gay guy who was friends with her best friend grabbed her boobs. I wasn't there at the time, although I was invited and arrived later (had a end of rowing season dinner), so I couldn't intervene, something which bothers me still.


Now he's dead. It was suicide but I didn't shed any tears.


To the TS, you did the right thing. Your story sounds messed, personally I wouldn't be down with my girl sleeping at a guy friends house no matter there orientation.

 

[GSPSAKU]

Yeah, it hasn't hit me yet but I'm pretty bummed. She was perfect for me, but most importantly my family loved her and vice versa. Finding a relationship where you can stand each other's family is hard to find.

However, I would take her back in a heartbeat if she apologizes and doesn't go on the trip.

Umm, don't do it. Honestly, the only way I would get back in that relationship is if I knew she and that NOT GAY friend are no longer friends. As long as they are friends, it will always be in the back of your mind and they are likely already doing it behind your back. A guy and a girl should never do a road trip together and room together. I don't care how gay the guy or the girl may be. Shit doesn't work.

 

[Tyrannosaurus rex]

I don't believe that guy is really gay. Maybe bisexual. Otherwise I doubt he'd be begging your girlfriend for sex.

And yeah, you definately did the right thing TS. From what I've read, it seems like she doesn't really give a shit about your feelings. FFS, that guy tried to bang your girl. It's not weird at all that you don't want them to go on a trip together and sleep in the same room/bed. The fact that she doesn't understand that makes it seem like she doesn't respect your feelings. And the fact that she wants to sleep in the same room/bed with a guy who wants to fuck her, while she's in a relationship, is very suspicious. Don't take her back, she's not the right on for you. In my opinion at least.

Also, I agree with the others who say you should tell your parents, family and friends. It's important they know what's going on. Otherwise, they won't understand what's going on. Hell, if the girl really wants to mess with you she might even try to put the blame on you.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[minute bull]

Wait, are these the lyrics to Biz Markie's "Just A Friend??"

 

[ripskater]

Lol, they're already banging because she bought into the whole "he's gay" thing. Great con he's got going because gay guys don't randomly want to bang their female friends.

Did you read his post? The gay guy just broke up with his gay boyfriend. That's pretty gay in my book?

But that does make him bisexual.

 

[The Special One]

You did the right thing 100%. No brainer. I also wouldn't consider taking her back. She gave you an unfair ultimatum and didn't respect your wishes. Trust is a difficult thing to repair. Once there is a breach or what one party thinks is a breach....its a slippery slope in a relationship.

 

[skombolis]

He was probably never gay! That's one of the oldest tricks in the book because you'd have to be a real psychopath to be jealous of your woman hanging out with her gay buddy. He was probably pretending to be flamboyant. Because are you kidding me with this?

"My girlfriend agreed to no longer crash at each other's places, and if they did, he would take the couch."

So she agreed not to do it except when she does it. And if she had been sleeping in the same bed with him, you really think she stopped?

"was begging my girlfriend to have sex with him"

Self-explanatory

And why did she even tell you he was begging her to have sex if not to fuck with you? Then she "invites" you on a road-trip she knows you can't go on and is gonna take off with the dude for 2 days while sleeping in a hotel room and SHE gives YOU the ultimatum? She probably just assumed at that point you'd back down. Please tell me she wasn't living with you and you were paying the expenses while she was regularly spending the night as some "gay" guy's place that wanted to sleep with her?

Don't return calls, don't contact her, don't ever get back with her. Not only was she absolutely disrespectful she kept pushing the boundaries of what she could get away with. You seem like a good guy and I am sorry to bad-mouth your ex but she sounds like a manipulative game-player and a cheater as well.

 

[LEGS MAHONEY]

Nope. dude tried to take your girl to the bone zone and their relationship is too fuckin weird and close. If anything it's a surprise you put up with that shit as much and as long as you did. I would have taken that as a sign to abandon ship early.

 

[Pugilistic]

I think the issue isn't figuring out whether or not your decision was "unreasonable." The real issue is that you stated your discomfort and how you felt disrespected by what she and her friend intended or did, yet she was not respectful of your feelings. It really doesn't matter what the exact details are; in a relationship you need to draw lines no matter how reasonable or unreasonable it seems, you need to clearly know where you are comfortable drawing the line yourself, clearly state them to your partner, and make sure he/she respects that. If your partner doesn't respect you, then it is obviously not a healthy relationship.

Only you know what you are comfortable with, so take some time to reflect on that. The opinions of others shouldn't dictate that. I also wonder if you did make it clear that you did not like her being close to her supposed gay friend. If you did but she didn't care about your feelings, it is best that you two part.

 

[GSPSAKU]

Did you read his post? The gay guy just broke up with his gay boyfriend. That's pretty gay in my book?

But that does make him bisexual.

Yea, him being bisexual would mean he's not gay aka just into dudes. But sure

 

[ripskater]

Yea, him being bisexual would mean he's not gay aka just into dudes. But sure

I thought bisexual was gay? The dude had a boyfriend. LGBT is all gay in my book I guess.

 

[GSPSAKU]

He was probably never gay! That's one of the oldest tricks in the book because you'd have to be a real psychopath to be jealous of your woman hanging out with her gay buddy. He was probably pretending to be flamboyant. Because are you kidding me with this?

"My girlfriend agreed to no longer crash at each other's places, and if they did, he would take the couch."

So she agreed not to do it except when she does it. And if she had been sleeping in the same bed with him, you really think she stopped?

"was begging my girlfriend to have sex with him"

Self-explanatory

And why did she even tell you he was begging her to have sex if not to fuck with you? Then she "invites" you on a road-trip she knows you can't go on and is gonna take off with the dude for 2 days while sleeping in a hotel room and SHE gives YOU the ultimatum? She probably just assumed at that point you'd back down. Please tell me she wasn't living with you and you were paying the expenses while she was regularly spending the night as some "gay" guy's place that wanted to sleep with her?

Don't return calls, don't contact her, don't ever get back with her. Not only was she absolutely disrespectful she kept pushing the boundaries of what she could get away with. You seem like a good guy and I am sorry to bad-mouth your ex but she sounds like a manipulative game-player and a cheater as well.

THIS THIS THIS. Especially the last paragraph. Do yourself a favor TS, erase her from all contacts and your memory. She is bad for you

 

[LEGS MAHONEY]

I thought bisexual was gay?

They drive down both sides of the street

 

[ripskater]

They drive down both sides of the street

I've never heard that phrase. I have heard the term "switch hitter."

 

[Tamriel Terror]

He was probably never gay! That's one of the oldest tricks in the book because you'd have to be a real psychopath to be jealous of your woman hanging out with her gay buddy. He was probably pretending to be flamboyant. Because are you kidding me with this?

"My girlfriend agreed to no longer crash at each other's places, and if they did, he would take the couch."

So she agreed not to do it except when she does it. And if she had been sleeping in the same bed with him, you really think she stopped?

"was begging my girlfriend to have sex with him"

Self-explanatory

And why did she even tell you he was begging her to have sex if not to fuck with you? Then she "invites" you on a road-trip she knows you can't go on and is gonna take off with the dude for 2 days while sleeping in a hotel room and SHE gives YOU the ultimatum? She probably just assumed at that point you'd back down. Please tell me she wasn't living with you and you were paying the expenses while she was regularly spending the night as some "gay" guy's place that wanted to sleep with her?

Don't return calls, don't contact her, don't ever get back with her. Not only was she absolutely disrespectful she kept pushing the boundaries of what she could get away with. You seem like a good guy and I am sorry to bad-mouth your ex but she sounds like a manipulative game-player and a cheater as well.

checkmate, the ex has been rekt'd. I agree with you

 

[BubbaH]

Assuming your story is true, you weren't unreasonable. She was with her ultimatum.