Joke thread

[Tone C]

I like your style.

What did the tree say to the lumberjack?

I dunno but with these jokes I'm falling for you ...

 

[Other]

I dunno but with these jokes I'm falling for you ...

I'm stumped

 

[Tone C]

I'm stumped

Leaf it out.

 

[jeff7b9]

Mickey Mouse filed for a divorce from Minnie.

The judge asked Mickey:

"So you want a divorce because you say she is crazy?"

"No. I said she is fucking Goofy."

 

[wwkirk]

Spoiler: What can go wrong at 3:30 in the morning?

The only things open at 3:30 am are hospitals and legs.

 

[wwkirk]

I had seen this before, but I just came across it again. A wiseacre joke.

"Little Johnnie was having a bad day so, he came home and kicked the cow, the pig , and one of the chickens.
To teach him a lesson, his mother said, “No bacon, no eggs, and no milk for an entire week…only dry cereal!”
His dad came home very tired and frustrated from work. And when the cat attacked his shoe, the father kicked it.

Little Johnnie looked at his mom with a big grin and said, “You want to tell him or should I?”

 

[Intermission]

 

[Jack Reacheround]

What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Spoiler

Christopher Walken

 

[Jack Reacheround]

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

Spoiler

None

 

[Fedorgasm]

Why did the Jewish man cry after his wife died in a car accident?

Spoiler

because he just filled up the tank

 

[wwkirk]

"25 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash."

 

[PG29 red0 Jr]

I have a joke for you... The government is excellent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.

 

[jeff7b9]

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

Spoiler

None

 

[Fedorgasm]

What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Spoiler

Christopher Walken

What's sad about this joke is that it doesn't age well.

It was my favorite joke for a while but now there are full grown adults that have no idea who Christopher Reeve is.

 

[Tone C]

I have a joke for you... The government is excellent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.

Or

" I'm from your Government and I'm here to help."

 

[PG29 red0 Jr]

Or

" I'm from your Government and I'm here to help."

 

[Gigacardio]

A bat was flying around during daytime. He must have been a bit batty.
(I like bat flight a lot).

 

[Gigacardio]

Pretty much just an English joke...

Why do Morris dancers wear bells on their outfits?

So that they can annoy the deaf as well.

Worse joke than Morris dancing itself.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

What's sad about this joke is that it doesn't age well.

It was my favorite joke for a while but now there are full grown adults that have no idea who Christopher Reeve is.

That, and one of my best friends is a quadriplegic.

 

[Fedorgasm]

That, and one of my best friends is a quadriplegic.

Is his name Christopher? Maybe we can substitute him in the joke