If you had an Illegitimate child

I believe there might be 2 bastard children of mine out there. However in both situations the women in question stated that one man was unequivocally the father and they have raised them. I was 17 and 27 at the time. I have to take their word at face value and will cross the bridge if it ever comes up and try to have a relationship with these kids. It won't be a traditional parental relationship as they have a dad who's raised them since birth. I really feel one or both of these are my kids due to when they were born and when we hooked up. Ah well.
 
My wife is aware of situation 2 when I was 27 as it happened the first week we were dating and we weren't exclusive. The high school one wasn't mentioned because I figured it's moot for now.
 
I'd probably send him off to join the Night's Watch.
 
Buff said:
I read a really interesting article on wiki about the prostitutes in Korea... Short answer is yes, but the kids suffer from stigma, especially the half black kids, because they're obviously sex worker kids from the war, so work options are limited and most of the girls end up hooking themselves... Real fucked up... The government made so much money that they kept the "juice bars" open and the GI's kept going back so it's still big business... For some reason I can't post the link but it's well worth a read. Dark as fuck.
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Not really . Abortion was prevalent . The American government pressured the Korean government to start funding a nightlife for the military like they had in Japan . They gave in because koreas gdp was zero . They needed some industry to make money off the soldiers during the war . Prostitution was literally unknown before that and the american soldiers were unhappy there was no sex and so the american government convinced the korean government at the time to start that industry .

Not only was it hard for mixed race kids , it was hard for kids with no dad . Single moms (widows) were prime candidates for prositution recruitment . In those days divorce was unheard of and re-marriage was rare . Basically , if you married and your husband died or left you or you were raped and had a kid , you were society's unwanted . And these were the women they tried to recruit to keep the soldiers company . The half black kids were likely abandoned because the american government wanted to curb the amount of kids being born by prostitutes abortions were happening everywhere . The mixed kids that were tossed were likely kept to full term with the woman hoping her "boyfriend" would take her with him when he returned to the states . When that didn't happen , the children were abandoned at orphanages and later returned to the US for adoption . Very sad story . But those kids would have had no life there . Not even the half white kids . Any half kid or even full korean kids with no dads would have had a very hard life ahead of them . School was not free and there were no social services .
 
Banchan said:
Not really . Abortion was prevalent . The American government pressured the Korean government to start funding a nightlife for the military like they had in Japan . They gave in because koreas gdp was zero . They needed some industry to make money off the soldiers during the war . Prostitution was literally unknown before that and the american soldiers were unhappy there was no sex and so the american government convinced the korean government at the time to start that industry .

Not only was it hard for mixed race kids , it was hard for kids with no dad . Single moms (widows) were prime candidates for prositution recruitment . In those days divorce was unheard of and re-marriage was rare . Basically , if you married and your husband died or left you or you were raped and had a kid , you were society's unwanted . And these were the women they tried to recruit to keep the soldiers company . The half black kids were likely abandoned because the american government wanted to curb the amount of kids being born by prostitutes abortions were happening everywhere . The mixed kids that were tossed were likely kept to full term with the woman hoping her "boyfriend" would take her with him when he returned to the states . When that didn't happen , the children were abandoned at orphanages and later returned to the US for adoption . Very sad story . But those kids would have had no life there . Not even the half white kids . Any half kid or even full korean kids with no dads would have had a very hard life ahead of them . School was not free and there were no social services .
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Fucked up situation... Same in the Philippines but even worse I think, although they're a lit more laid back with the whole stigma thing.

Never really gone in for the kind of thing... Just an OG who got to enjoy some really cool parts of the world before they got all fucked up!
 
Buff said:
Found the link.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitutes_in_South_Korea_for_the_U.S._military
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The points are good but it was written a bit inaccurately . I just wanted to clarify that in my previous post . If the babies were carried till full term , they were carried by a woman who did have hope to raise that child but ultimately whether that means the father abandoned them or couldn't bring them back to the US he didn't . Late term abortions were free and no problem so this wasn't like the mother didn't realize she was pregnant . She likely wanted the child but it didn't work out with the father .
 
Banchan said:
The mixed kids that were tossed were likely kept to full term with the woman hoping her "boyfriend" would take her with him when he returned to the states . When that didn't happen , the children were abandoned at orphanages and later returned to the US for adoption . Very sad story . But those kids would have had no life there . Not even the half white kids . Any half kid or even full korean kids with no dads would have had a very hard life ahead of them . School was not free and there were no social services .
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Have you by any chance run into any of these children during your time in North America? I wonder if they have any knowledge of the conditions of their births.
 
Would never be in that situation but if I was I could never turn my back on it.
 
Banchan said:
If you had an illegitimate child , how far would you go to include that child in your life ? Let's say you're married and your wife will be very angry and may even leave you if she found out you cheated and you and her have got kids and this may ruin your life . So how much of your current life would you risk ruining to carve some relationship with this child ?

Tough decisions . Gone are the days that babies meant marriage , some simply just vanish on that kid . I was reading about Tom Jones's son . Tom Jones is an older generation singer that is said to have had tons of female admirers and one night stand affairs . One of these affairs resulted in a son that he has never seen or shown any interest in knowing . The mother sued and got child support and the story was all over the media so his wife probably knew about it . His son is now an adult and despite many attempts to connect with his father , he never got a reply . I feel this is kind of heartless because the cat is all out of the bag so it's not like a secret anymore and he already paid child support , so what does he have to lose by meeting his estranged son ? I wonder about the psychology there . The only thing i can think of is that he is afraid his son will ask him for more money or something money related since he is a celebrity but still i think it's pretty heartless to reject him by not meeting him at all . He could at least meet him first and see if money was the motivation i would think .

Anyway , 1/3 of American children have no father living in the home and many of which have little or no relationship with their father at all and this figure is rising everyday that goes by .

So would you or wouldn't you risk everything you have now to be in that kids life by ruining your current family dynamics by telling them about your other kid (and possible cheating) to be in their life ? Or would you sacrifice a relationship with that kid to save the family you already have by not telling about the child and having no relationship with them at all ?
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Thankfully, none of these scenarios are possible for me.
 
It is very easy to say one thing but to do another thing in these situations...there are a lot of factors that come into a situation like this. If the mother of this illegitimate child wanted me to have a relationship than i would have a relationship. Abandoning your child when they want a relationship is heartless.

To the guy whose grandfather abandoned his 8 kids back in those days when there werent many social services anywhere in the world....I dont blame you, that is something incredibly heartless.....i probably would not have any respect for someone like that....cowardly act.
 
I would take care of him financially and try to allocate time to raise him assuming the baby momma doesn't rape me in court for custody.
 
I'd do whatever I could. Being a father is the most important part of my life. I wouldn't let my wife stand in the way of that. The only concern I would have would be about the impact it would have on my son if I had another child with someone other than my wife (his mother).


IRL i am a divorce lawyer and I would absolutely wreck any woman in court that would try to get in the way of me having a relationship with my children.
 
Doughbelly said:
It's not completely outside the realm of possibility that there are some Doughbelly Jr running around somewhere I don't know about. Not very plausible, but not completely impossible. I'm not sure how I'd deal with a some kid showing up on my doorstep calling me Pop. They'd be on different continents and I'm not exactly easy to track down, so I think I'm safe. Ignorance is bliss. :)
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Certain brand of humor. My stock response to "Do you have any kids?" is "Not that I'm aware of."

On a more serious note, I'm a firm believer that it's not genes or conception, but the relationship that makes a father. If I found out I'd sired a cub in need of a father, I'd be that father, but if the kid was growing up in a good, loving and supportive situation my instinct is that I should leave it be. Maybe be a secret benefactor to make sure the kid gets an education, since he or she would obviously be highly intelligent and might be able to do some real good for his or her community.
 
Banchan said:
If including that child in your life meant divorce and possibly minimal contact with the kids you share with your wife you would still risk breaking up your family to give the other child a relationship with his father ?
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Original post of the thread was great. This one lost me a bit.

Why would you risk having minimal contact with your kids from the current marriage? You may risk losing significant time with them but if you are an involved dad you will still be in their lives even if you get divorced.
 
FierceRedBelt said:
Have you by any chance run into any of these children during your time in North America? I wonder if they have any knowledge of the conditions of their births.
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I think this is still a largely misinformed subject about adoptees . They probably know that they had no chance at a decent life in korea at that time but that's probably all they know .

Koreans still don't like to talk about it and it still gets misrepresented in the western media . Surely it doesn't help that we don't explain it better but we don't out of respect to those women and those kids . It's a terrible story .
 
Po said:
Original post of the thread was great. This one lost me a bit.

Why would you risk having minimal contact with your kids from the current marriage? You may risk losing significant time with them but if you are an involved dad you will still be in their lives even if you get divorced.
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Meaning if your wife divorced you and made it hard for you to see your kids , such as moving far away or bargaining minimal visitation . I hear this is one of men's biggest fears about divorce . Going from seeing their kids everyday to once every other weekend .
 
I'm almost impressed with this thread.

My first instinct when reading the OP is to bury the whole thing so my original family doesn't find out. I suppose my chances of contributing to the new kid depend on how likely that cover-up is to fail.
 
Banchan said:
Meaning if your wife divorced you and made it hard for you to see your kids , such as moving far away or bargaining minimal visitation . I hear this is one of men's biggest fears about divorce . Going from seeing their kids everyday to once every other weekend .
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With a good lawyer and taking quick action you can prevent them from moving far away.
 
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