i just had a fellow poster here on sherdog tell me he's gonna "do" a fat girl...

[VOD]

Fat women rule. Don't you think its sexy when a woman carries food?

Biscuit in one hand, gravy in the other.....give me some lovin'!

Don't share your fast-food fantasies with me.

 

[VOD]

Whoa. Let's not get the story tangled. I'm not saying fat women rule. Releasing a load on a female's face rules. It's just a means to an end.

 

[VOD]

Chelsea, didn't you Private Message me asking me out? I'd prove it except it's a bannable offense to post Private Messages, so everyone is just going to have to believe me.

 

[VOD]

No, I became a mod because I wouldn't go away! I kept knocking on Jeff's door every night until he finally broke down. Of course I was joking you numbskull. Jeez, you're apparently new to these parts.



And LSG, of course it's hard being VOD. I have a fat girl and a fake internet girl tryin' to snatch me off my feet. Oh yeah, I'm pimin' now...

 

[VOD]

Guys. I'm sorry. I thought I would come back to you with tales of grandure and joy but I haven't. The only thing I have returned to you with is deep regret, the worst blowjob of my life, and a grease stain on my shirt. It was completely horrible. I'm physically repulsed. I couldn't even go through with the entire thing, I stayed for like 20 minutes and ran out in shame. I don't know what I was thinking but apparently it was not the proper line of thinking. I'm going to go into the bathroom now and cut myself in hopes of removing these images from my mind. Goodbye.

 

[VOD]

xxderekaxx: i'm sorry, just ignore me
VOD: OH NO!
VOD: I must go on
VOD: You'll hear every horrifying details now
xxderekaxx: argh
xxderekaxx: okay
xxderekaxx: i am ready
VOD: So anyhow, first we started making out and I *ACCIDENTLY* opened my eyes
VOD: She looked like Freddy Krueger or at least something horrifying from my nightmares
VOD: Then she got on top of me and apparently her goal was to stop my breathing because that's what it did so I bridged a little and knocked her to the side
VOD: Then she starts feeling me and stuff which is all fine
VOD: You can't really 'rub' wrong
VOD: But she needs to take a class on a how to give head
VOD: I thought fat girls try harder?
VOD: Apparently she's the exception to the rule
xxderekaxx: well, it is teh rumor
VOD: Cause she was LAZY
VOD: So she does that for a few minutes and then we go back to making out
VOD: And I slip a hand down her pants
VOD: Now the womanly juices that 'leak' from that area have a certain texture and feel
VOD: I've had enough girls in my time to know this 'feel'
VOD: When my hand reached it's destination it felt like I was rubbing the head of a balding man after he ran a marathon
VOD: It was *SWEATY
VOD: Like nasty sweaty
VOD: So I drudge through that anyhow
VOD: And she goes 'Hey, do you wanna taste me?'
VOD: And I said 'Uh I have to go now', put on my pants and ran out of the door
VOD: She tried to give me a kiss as I left and got DENIED
VOD: I had my eye on the clock from the second I walked in the door
xxderekaxx: ahhhh

 

[VOD]

No. It was HORRIFYING. This is what hell is really like. I'm not lying. I don't really have many morals. I'm always down for some action but jeez I even feel ashamed for myself.

 

[VOD]

I'm not slapping anything except myself for going halfway through with the deal... I didn't even need to bring a condom, all I needed was some deodorant and a blindfold.

 

[VOD]

No. This bitch was large. She was like 300lbs. Let's say you took a dumptruck full of crisco and dumped it in a pile of horse shit, then stuck hair that fell out of a chemo patient into the pile....That's her. It's fucking horrible. I'm so sick right now.

 

[VOD]

No. I would of felt like I was fucking a compost heap. It was fucking ripe man. I wasn't about to touch that shit. When did running your dick through sewer water become one of your favorite pasttimes?

 

[VOD]

xxderekaxx: you can redeem yourself
VOD: It's not redeeming myself
VOD: I know that I can get better
VOD: I've gotten really good looking girls in the past
VOD: That's why I don't know why I did this
VOD: It's just hard to say 'Nahhhhh' when someone says 'Hey if you come tomorrow I'll blow you'
VOD: My brain wouldn't let it happen
xxderekaxx: bwahahaha
VOD: If YOU told me that
xxderekaxx: lol
VOD: I'd be packing a bag for alabama
VOD: It's just a guy mentality
xxderekaxx: hee hee
VOD: If a homeless crack whore with no teeth called me from a payphone in the ghetto and said 'Hey, stop my my alley tomorrow and I'll gum your dick'
VOD: I'd be over there!
xxderekaxx: well, luckily you have HIGHER standards
VOD: no I don't
VOD: I'm waiting for the call
VOD: I still went to this girls place
VOD: It's not like I stopped myself and said 'Hey little Matt, I'm not going to do this to you, I'm sorry for even thinking about this'
VOD: I looked down into my pants and said 'Yeah I know it's fucked up, do your job'
xxderekaxx: he was not happy with the attention?
VOD: I just hope he's not spiteful.
xxderekaxx: he will have his revenge...lol
VOD: I'm going to be getting in with a really hot chick and he'll be like 'HEY REMEMBER TUBBS? NO? WELL I DO....FUCK YOU. WANNA SEE A TRICK? WATCH IT'S A DISAPPEARING ACT'
VOD: And I will just start openly weeping.
xxderekaxx: haha

 

[VOD]

Originally posted by squeezibean
Vod, you seriously banged her?

No. That was the original intent. But I couldn't go through with it. I got a blowjob and it was really bad. Like seriously not even good. But I couldn't go any farther. After like 20 minutes in the place I told her I had to go. She asked why and I said 'I just have to go'....

 

[VOD]

The only thing that's going to get this out of my mind is a shotgun with a toe attachment....

 

[VOD]

Originally posted by FightTilYouDie
The moral of the story, vod? That masturbation is often the simpler and better alternative?

The moral of the story if that if you need a reason to fall on a knife, fuck a fat chick. Masturbation SUCKS but it doesn't leave my mind scarred.

 

[VOD]

Originally posted by animal mother
VOD, as a child of the television age your problem is a lack of imagination. you are unable to close your eyes and convince yourself that there is an attractive person blowing you. televison has dulled that part of your brain. it was much easier to have sex with the morbidly obese back when radio was king.

If I closed my eyes the only thing that would come to mind was that a whale thought my dick was it's next meal and I would of been even more scared and jumped ship quicker.

 

[VOD]

Originally posted by squeezibean
lol Vod.... how do you think we women feel... come on ladies.. you can agree with me.. how much more emotionally damaging is it to wake up near a Gomer Pile?

Fuck you. stop trying to poll the one other woman on this board for support. It's fucked up. It's not MORE emotionally damaging. I thought I'd be a good sport and squeeze her tit while she blew me, after a minute or so I realized I was rubbing her belly.

 

[VOD]

Well I tried to talk myself into it. It's sex! How gay is it to turn down an available and willing vag? I couldn't bring myself to do it until I looked into the eyes of the monster. I feel like the bully in IT who had his hair turn white after he saw the 'deadlights'...

 

[VOD]

OK! Guys and gals let's take a poll... How many people would think it really funny if I were to send her the link to this thread?

 

[VOD]

I don't think the sight of her without clothes is anything I ever want to revisit.

 

[VOD]

Originally posted by squeezibean
sorry Vod.. want me to bring you back?? lol If she comes down to the bar you hang out.. just ignore her.. if she keeps bothering you.. tell her "Hey, I am sorry that I lead you on, but please... I would like to be left alone....If you cant handle that, I am sorry... You are just going to deal"

Sorry, I'm not that nice of a person. I'm a bit of an asshole when I'm sober and I'm just a complete scumbag when I'm drunk so if she enters my turf she's going to leave crying. And if she won't go I will kick her in the shin and roll her down a hill.