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UPDATE: I sent my friend a lengthy message saying his family can stay (including the dog, although its not the best weekend for us to host them (it's honestly not, we've got my wife's nieces birthday party that weekend and my wife was planning a girls weekend with some other friends) but I explained that strangers crashing with us is just outside our comfort zone, so his team mates are going to have to make alternate arrangements. He says he understands, so I think we're cool (I hope). We'll have to wait and see if any of them stay with us, or if they try to make alternate arrangements for all of them to stick together.
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Sherdog, I need some advice.
TL;DR - Lifelong best friend has asked if me and my wife can put up him, his wife, their 7 week old baby, their dog, and two of his buddies who we've never met before for a weekend. Haven't told my wife and I know she won't be happy/comfortable with this, and frankly, neither am I. How do I tell my friend no, and am I being reasonable?
Alright, so for those wanting a bit more context or background, my best friend of over 20 years (we're both 30 now, and have been best friends since we were in the 4th grade) and I live in two cities in western Canada that are about three hours apart. My buddy and his wife are very "free spirited" if you will, at least compared to me and my wife. I'm a lawyer, my wife is an accountant. My friend is a physiotherapist and his wife is some kind of social worker (at least as best as I understand what she does). They lived in New Zealand for four years where he did is physiotherapy education before moving back to Canada at the end of 2011. Growing up I don't recall my friend being very different than me, but whether it's his wife (she's a vegan, part time yoga instructor, amateur social justice warrior, "naturalist" etc.) changing him over the past six years, or their time living in New Zealand, he's become more of a "hippy" than I ever expected.
Anyway, my friend texted me tonight asking if he could come crash at me and my wife's house the last weekend of January, as he has a paintball tournament that weekend (he's into competitive, semi-pro paintball I guess, and he's on a team for that.) Anyway, he also wants to bring his wife, their 7 week old baby, their dog, and two guys on his team who I have never met with him. I haven't discussed this with my wife yet, but I know she won't be thrilled with this, and I'm not into this at all either.
My wife and I are fairly private, introverted individuals. My friend and his wife are not. Their house is practically a hostel, as they've always got people coming and going at their home, and they've always lived with roommates, and still do. During my friend's undergrad, he practically had his own frat house as his dad bought him a house in the city where he was going to university, and he had 6 buddies living with him for his first 5 years of school before he moved to New Zealand for his second degree. I think that from my friend's perspective, the more the merrier.
Maybe I'm not being a good friend, but I don't know how comfortable I am having a 7 week old baby staying with us for a weekend, as our house isn't really set up for that (currently anyway, my wife is 4 months pregnant so we're expecting our own child in early June, and are setting up our own nursery). But beyond that, I'm also not comfortable letting complete strangers stay at our house. As I said, my wife and I are fairly private, and from my perspective I bought this house 2.5 years ago as a home for our eventual family, not to run a damn bed and breakfast.
Over the past two years we've had my friend and his wife stay with us several times, but I think this is a bit much. This past July my wife and I even let my buddy stay with us for two weeks while he studied for and wrote his physiotherapy licensing exams. While it was kind of fun to have my friend around during that time so we could hang out after I got home from work just like the old days, I recognize that was one hell of a favor on my wife's part to allow him to just live with us (think of the movie "You, Me and Dupree") for half a month. Nonetheless, I feel that this most recent favor he's asking of me is going a bit too far, and is completely unfair especially to my wife when she'll be 5 months pregnant having to put up with having our house full beyond capacity, with both our couches occupied by a couple of guys that neither she nor I have ever met.
This guy's my best friend, and he was the best man at my wedding 3 years ago, but these favors are a bit much. I'm sure my wife and I could agree on his family staying with us for the weekend, but these two random dudes as well? No, we won't do it.
So, Mayberry, answer me these questions:
1. Is my friend being unreasonable?
2. Am I being unreasonable?
3. How should I tell my buddy to fuck off with this nonsense?
EDIT TO OP AFTER READING FIRST 50 RESPONSES:
A few of you have made the suggestion of making up some excuse as to why that weekend simply won't work. Normally I'd probably take that route, but I kind of feel like that's being disingenuous to my friend, but what's more, I think that if I'm not clear with him now about how we feel about this, this could come up again in the future.
About a year and a half ago I had a somewhat similar situation when we had invited them up for a weekend, and at the last minute they asked if my buddy's wife's 17 year old half-brother could stay with us too. The problem I had with that was that this kid had just dropped out of high school and had just got out of juvy for stealing or some shit and he was on his way to the Yukon via hitch hiking. My wife and I were not at all cool with this as how do we know that this little prick wouldn't steal some of my wife's jewellery or something like that? Yet my friend seemed completely oblivious to our apprehension. Luckily the kid changed his own plans or something and ended up not needing to stay at our place that weekend.
In any event I think honesty is the best policy here because I want to nip this problem in the bud so that my friend will understand that my wife and I have boundaries.
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Sherdog, I need some advice.
TL;DR - Lifelong best friend has asked if me and my wife can put up him, his wife, their 7 week old baby, their dog, and two of his buddies who we've never met before for a weekend. Haven't told my wife and I know she won't be happy/comfortable with this, and frankly, neither am I. How do I tell my friend no, and am I being reasonable?
Alright, so for those wanting a bit more context or background, my best friend of over 20 years (we're both 30 now, and have been best friends since we were in the 4th grade) and I live in two cities in western Canada that are about three hours apart. My buddy and his wife are very "free spirited" if you will, at least compared to me and my wife. I'm a lawyer, my wife is an accountant. My friend is a physiotherapist and his wife is some kind of social worker (at least as best as I understand what she does). They lived in New Zealand for four years where he did is physiotherapy education before moving back to Canada at the end of 2011. Growing up I don't recall my friend being very different than me, but whether it's his wife (she's a vegan, part time yoga instructor, amateur social justice warrior, "naturalist" etc.) changing him over the past six years, or their time living in New Zealand, he's become more of a "hippy" than I ever expected.
Anyway, my friend texted me tonight asking if he could come crash at me and my wife's house the last weekend of January, as he has a paintball tournament that weekend (he's into competitive, semi-pro paintball I guess, and he's on a team for that.) Anyway, he also wants to bring his wife, their 7 week old baby, their dog, and two guys on his team who I have never met with him. I haven't discussed this with my wife yet, but I know she won't be thrilled with this, and I'm not into this at all either.
My wife and I are fairly private, introverted individuals. My friend and his wife are not. Their house is practically a hostel, as they've always got people coming and going at their home, and they've always lived with roommates, and still do. During my friend's undergrad, he practically had his own frat house as his dad bought him a house in the city where he was going to university, and he had 6 buddies living with him for his first 5 years of school before he moved to New Zealand for his second degree. I think that from my friend's perspective, the more the merrier.
Maybe I'm not being a good friend, but I don't know how comfortable I am having a 7 week old baby staying with us for a weekend, as our house isn't really set up for that (currently anyway, my wife is 4 months pregnant so we're expecting our own child in early June, and are setting up our own nursery). But beyond that, I'm also not comfortable letting complete strangers stay at our house. As I said, my wife and I are fairly private, and from my perspective I bought this house 2.5 years ago as a home for our eventual family, not to run a damn bed and breakfast.
Over the past two years we've had my friend and his wife stay with us several times, but I think this is a bit much. This past July my wife and I even let my buddy stay with us for two weeks while he studied for and wrote his physiotherapy licensing exams. While it was kind of fun to have my friend around during that time so we could hang out after I got home from work just like the old days, I recognize that was one hell of a favor on my wife's part to allow him to just live with us (think of the movie "You, Me and Dupree") for half a month. Nonetheless, I feel that this most recent favor he's asking of me is going a bit too far, and is completely unfair especially to my wife when she'll be 5 months pregnant having to put up with having our house full beyond capacity, with both our couches occupied by a couple of guys that neither she nor I have ever met.
This guy's my best friend, and he was the best man at my wedding 3 years ago, but these favors are a bit much. I'm sure my wife and I could agree on his family staying with us for the weekend, but these two random dudes as well? No, we won't do it.
So, Mayberry, answer me these questions:
1. Is my friend being unreasonable?
2. Am I being unreasonable?
3. How should I tell my buddy to fuck off with this nonsense?
EDIT TO OP AFTER READING FIRST 50 RESPONSES:
A few of you have made the suggestion of making up some excuse as to why that weekend simply won't work. Normally I'd probably take that route, but I kind of feel like that's being disingenuous to my friend, but what's more, I think that if I'm not clear with him now about how we feel about this, this could come up again in the future.
About a year and a half ago I had a somewhat similar situation when we had invited them up for a weekend, and at the last minute they asked if my buddy's wife's 17 year old half-brother could stay with us too. The problem I had with that was that this kid had just dropped out of high school and had just got out of juvy for stealing or some shit and he was on his way to the Yukon via hitch hiking. My wife and I were not at all cool with this as how do we know that this little prick wouldn't steal some of my wife's jewellery or something like that? Yet my friend seemed completely oblivious to our apprehension. Luckily the kid changed his own plans or something and ended up not needing to stay at our place that weekend.
In any event I think honesty is the best policy here because I want to nip this problem in the bud so that my friend will understand that my wife and I have boundaries.
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