Got the "lets be friends" talk (pretty long)

ButtonMasher said:
Women want a guy who has options, not a guy who's unattainable.

That's why for example women are drawn to a handsome guy, cause they know he can have almost any chick he wants, so essentially they want to be "chosen".
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Might of been a poor choice of a word it's more than just options; they want the superior man.

But to loosely quote our fellow poster @Banchan most women would rather be in the harem of an elite man than be the only lover of an average man.
 
FierceRedBelt said:
Might of been a poor choice of a word it's more than just options; they want the superior man.

But to loosely quote our fellow poster @Banchan most women would rather be in the harem of an elite man than be the only lover of an average man.
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Because they're under the impression that so long as they stay close they'll eventually be chosen.

As for superiority, that IMO goes without saying.
 
FightsFTW said:
Ok so if you're one of those keeping up with my life with these girls as this is about my fourth thread about different situations, you know the deal, I've been talking to/seeing a few different girls with the end goal of sticking with one. Anyways, I seemingly picked one out, she seemed really into me, I got her number, she texted me often, asked me a bunch of questions, I asked her out, we went out and had a good time, found out we have a lot in common and I was really digging her, she held my hand, got a kiss goodnight, we hit it off, or so it seemed. She texted me right after the date reaffirming she had a good time and said she really likes me...etc.

We went out on the 1st of August, things seemed to be going well the next few days, I saw her at her work sometimes (where we met) because I tend to go there often to buy shit, but I didn't want to distract her and get her into trouble so I left after talking with her for about 30 mins, she always told me she wanted me to stick around more. Things seem to be going great right? Seems this might just be going somewhere! Except, all of a sudden she seems a bit more distant, doesn't text me as much, I would text her sometimes, but she would stop texting or give me shorter answers whereas before she was very open and you could tell wanted to actually talk.

Now I have known for awhile, even before she had become distant that she was worried about starting college soon, she majoring and minoring in 2 things (I forget) that she said she needed to Ace all her pre-qualification classes or at the very least get As and Bs in order to actually get accepted into the programs she wanted. She also is gonna be leaving the state for a week to go to some family event, so after we went out, I did try and go out with her again, but she told me she doesn't know when because she's gonna be really busy with her leaving and with school prep and school starting soon. OK so with that context, here's where it goes wrong.

I hadn't texted her for like 3 days because I wanted to give her space since I know she was busy and shit getting ready for her trip this upcoming week. Anyways, today I texted her and asked where she's been, just reaching out cuz I hadn't seen her in awhile. She one word replies and just says "everywhere", so I jokingly say "everywhere except with me huh?", she tells me to chill, I make a joke about it being too hot, she laughs, anyways, the convo continues, I seem to have gotten her attention and have her laughing as we text awhile. I tell her I want to go out again, she tells me she doesn't know when, anyways we end up concluding that after she comes back from her trip, before she starts school she'll make time for us to go out. Ok, that seemed to go ok, but pretty iffy.

She texts me about 3 hours later about how she doesn't want to be involved in anything right now (a relationship) and just wants to have friends (implying she doesn't want a bf at all right now, not just me). That she has a lot on her plate working full time and when she goes to school full time (later this month) she is not gonna have any time for anything and she just wants to be friends essentially. (I wasn't surprised by this revelation tbh), I tell her I'm not surprised and have felt her grow distant the past few days, but told her to tell me straight up what changed her mind, outside influence, another guy or just something she didn't like about me. She tells me its none of those things and she just rushed into things without thinking and she doesn't want to be with me if she's not gonna be giving it 100% due to school and work. She then goes on to say "please don't stop talking to me". I still don't believe that its school and work the reason she basically friendzoned me after we were seemingly getting along great.

Thoughts on this? Could her school and work thing be a valid excuse, as yes it can be overwhelming to be doing both at the same time and not having time for a relationship, especially if its as hectic as she says its gonna be. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part? I find it hard to believe because I think if you want to be with someone, you will find the time, even if its just for a short amount of time each week or something.

Also, should I talk to her at all or just cut ties? Though cutting ties completely is gonna be kinda hard since I frequent her work quite often. Seems its probably best to not be friends after something like this.

Cliffs for the lazy:

-Met a girl
- seemed really into me, so I asked for her #, got it, she texted me a lot and often
- she tells me about going to college full time and its gonna consume most her time as well as working full time
- went out, seemed to hit it off, held hands, got a kiss, texted me after telling me she really likes me
- She's going to a big family event for a week so she's using the days to prepare
- she grows distant, not texting much or just replying vaguely
- I give her space to deal with her stuff
- text her today asking where she's been, make her laugh a bit, tell her I want to go out again, she says she'll make time after she gets back from her family thing
- texts me later that day telling me she wants to just have friends right now because she doesn't want to half ass a relationship because she cant give me her full attention due to working full time and school full time

Thoughts on the validity of her excuse? Legit or something she didn't like about me after all?
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Yes I've had that happen as well, but for different reasons. She did come back a few months later. If they truly have strong feelings about you then they'll come back when the dust settles.
 
FierceRedBelt said:
Yep, nothing is more disgusting to a 20 something woman than a man who's into them. They want a man who's unattainable not someone who's lucky to be with them.
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I wish someone would have told me that 20 years ago
 
Listen to this man- your embarrassing me, yourself and the sherdog nation. you sound clingy. You've been friend zoned, only because she would feel bad for dumping you. She sounds ambitious, and she's already decided that your dead weight.
lts5025 said:
Honestly, why do you care? She's not interested, so move on. You will never get 100% truth from her and none of us can tell you what she's thinking.

Maybe she met another guy. Maybe she realized she wasn't that into you. Maybe you creeped her out. Who cares? This one isn't salvageable, so move onto the next one.
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koolinkunming said:
Yes I've had that happen as well, but for different reasons. She did come back a few months later. If they truly have strong feelings about you then they'll come back when the dust settles.
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Seemed she did/does, I'm gonna back off, probably wont cut ties with her completely, but will move on. Time will tell if she really did have feelings for me after she's done with her school shit.
 
You're not going to get "female advice" on this forum because it's 100% guys.
 
FightsFTW said:
I hadn't texted her for like 3 days because I wanted to give her space since I know she was busy and shit getting ready for her trip this upcoming week. Anyways, today I texted her and asked where she's been, just reaching out cuz I hadn't seen her in awhile. She one word replies and just says "everywhere", so I jokingly say "everywhere except with me huh?", she tells me to chill, I make a joke about it being too hot, she laughs, anyways, the convo continues, I seem to have gotten her attention and have her laughing as we text awhile. I tell her I want to go out again, she tells me she doesn't know when, anyways we end up concluding that after she comes back from her trip, before she starts school she'll make time for us to go out. Ok, that seemed to go ok, but pretty iffy.
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Now, I may be putting too much thought behind something small but your reply here sounds needy/pathetic as hell especially since you're not her boyfriend.

There's always two sides of the story and obviously your side is going to attempt to make you come out looking good. I'm just saying I feel if we read her side, you'd come off more clingy than you realize.

Also, her wanting you to stay longer and talk to her at work could just mean she's super bored at work and you're not a nice shoulder she can lean on and get stuff off her chest.
 
Horse Style said:
Now, I may be putting too much thought behind something small but your reply here sounds needy/pathetic as hell especially since you're not her boyfriend.

There's always two sides of the story and obviously your side is going to attempt to make you come out looking good. I'm just saying I feel if we read her side, you'd come off more clingy than you realize.

Also, her wanting you to stay longer and talk to her at work could just mean she's super bored at work and you're not a nice shoulder she can lean on and get stuff off her chest.
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I said it jokingly, but yes I do suspect that could be a reason why, the problem with text is that people interpret it completely differently than you mean it a lot of times. I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes, of course I could have said or done shit differently.

One thing I have noticed is that when I talk to girls in person I usually have them at attention, smiling and laughing, her for example I had her laughing and blushing a lot, because they can see when I'm joking or serious, in a text people interpret shit the way they want. Which is why in these threads a lot of stuff gets misinterpreted as well. I come off one way, when in reality that's not how I meant it.

As for the work thing, that's not really the case since she's usually super busy at work, she usually just talked to me as she was doing stuff.
 
FightsFTW said:
Seemed she did/does, I'm gonna back off, probably wont cut ties with her completely, but will move on. Time will tell if she really did have feelings for me after she's done with her school shit.
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Yeah, back off a bit and let her do her thing, don't act clingy, but don't lose contact or put her off either. And if you plan on moving on and playing the field don't expect your feelings to be the same again, or hers either.
 
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