Got the "lets be friends" talk (pretty long)

Discussion in 'Mayberry Lounge' started by FightsFTW, Aug 10, 2016.

  1. FightsFTW

    FightsFTW Red Belt

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    Ok so if you're one of those keeping up with my life with these girls as this is about my fourth thread about different situations, you know the deal, I've been talking to/seeing a few different girls with the end goal of sticking with one. Anyways, I seemingly picked one out, she seemed really into me, I got her number, she texted me often, asked me a bunch of questions, I asked her out, we went out and had a good time, found out we have a lot in common and I was really digging her, she held my hand, got a kiss goodnight, we hit it off, or so it seemed. She texted me right after the date reaffirming she had a good time and said she really likes me...etc.

    We went out on the 1st of August, things seemed to be going well the next few days, I saw her at her work sometimes (where we met) because I tend to go there often to buy shit, but I didn't want to distract her and get her into trouble so I left after talking with her for about 30 mins, she always told me she wanted me to stick around more. Things seem to be going great right? Seems this might just be going somewhere! Except, all of a sudden she seems a bit more distant, doesn't text me as much, I would text her sometimes, but she would stop texting or give me shorter answers whereas before she was very open and you could tell wanted to actually talk.

    Now I have known for awhile, even before she had become distant that she was worried about starting college soon, she majoring and minoring in 2 things (I forget) that she said she needed to Ace all her pre-qualification classes or at the very least get As and Bs in order to actually get accepted into the programs she wanted. She also is gonna be leaving the state for a week to go to some family event, so after we went out, I did try and go out with her again, but she told me she doesn't know when because she's gonna be really busy with her leaving and with school prep and school starting soon. OK so with that context, here's where it goes wrong.

    I hadn't texted her for like 3 days because I wanted to give her space since I know she was busy and shit getting ready for her trip this upcoming week. Anyways, today I texted her and asked where she's been, just reaching out cuz I hadn't seen her in awhile. She one word replies and just says "everywhere", so I jokingly say "everywhere except with me huh?", she tells me to chill, I make a joke about it being too hot, she laughs, anyways, the convo continues, I seem to have gotten her attention and have her laughing as we text awhile. I tell her I want to go out again, she tells me she doesn't know when, anyways we end up concluding that after she comes back from her trip, before she starts school she'll make time for us to go out. Ok, that seemed to go ok, but pretty iffy.

    She texts me about 3 hours later about how she doesn't want to be involved in anything right now (a relationship) and just wants to have friends (implying she doesn't want a bf at all right now, not just me). That she has a lot on her plate working full time and when she goes to school full time (later this month) she is not gonna have any time for anything and she just wants to be friends essentially. (I wasn't surprised by this revelation tbh), I tell her I'm not surprised and have felt her grow distant the past few days, but told her to tell me straight up what changed her mind, outside influence, another guy or just something she didn't like about me. She tells me its none of those things and she just rushed into things without thinking and she doesn't want to be with me if she's not gonna be giving it 100% due to school and work and she doesn't want to lead me on. She then goes on to say "please don't stop talking to me". I still don't believe that its school and work the reason she basically friendzoned me after we were seemingly getting along great.

    Thoughts on this? Could her school and work thing be a valid excuse, as yes it can be overwhelming to be doing both at the same time and not having time for a relationship, especially if its as hectic as she says its gonna be. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part? I find it hard to believe because I think if you want to be with someone, you will find the time, even if its just for a short amount of time each week or something.

    Also, should I talk to her at all or just cut ties? Though cutting ties completely is gonna be kinda hard since I frequent her work quite often. Seems its probably best to not be friends after something like this.

    Cliffs for the lazy:

    -Met a girl
    - seemed really into me, so I asked for her #, got it, she texted me a lot and often
    - she tells me about going to college full time and its gonna consume most her time as well as working full time
    - went out, seemed to hit it off, held hands, got a kiss, texted me after telling me she really likes me
    - She's going to a big family event for a week so she's using the days to prepare
    - she grows distant, not texting much or just replying vaguely
    - I give her space to deal with her stuff
    - text her today asking where she's been, make her laugh a bit, tell her I want to go out again, she says she'll make time after she gets back from her family thing
    - texts me later that day telling me she wants to just have friends right now because she doesn't want to half ass a relationship because she cant give me her full attention due to working full time and school full time

    Thoughts on the validity of her excuse? Legit or something she didn't like about me after all?
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  2. FightsFTW

    FightsFTW Red Belt

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    Also possible X factor: I took out one of my female friends for lunch on sunday as a belated bday thing, she found out, but she knows about my female friend and I told her that I owed her lunch for her bday, also my friend has a bf already and a kid and she (girl from the story) knows this already. Could this have fucked up her perception? Like she thinks I'm playing with her or something?
     
  3. Knight of M

    Knight of M White Belt

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    The "don't have time" excuse is bullshit, you can be busy a lot of the time, but not all the time.

    Woman or people that dont have time for you obviously dont want to make it. Shit gets on my nerves. Yeah the girl is being hesitant for a reason, she just doesnt seem that into you.
     
  4. Guestx

    Guestx Guest

    All I can say is that an open hand slap to the mouth solves a lot of shit when it comes to bitches.
     
  5. lts5025

    lts5025 "What the **** is a Dim Mack?"

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    Honestly, why do you care? She's not interested, so move on. You will never get 100% truth from her and none of us can tell you what she's thinking.

    Maybe she met another guy. Maybe she realized she wasn't that into you. Maybe you creeped her out. Who cares? This one isn't salvageable, so move onto the next one.
     
  6. Calibur

    Calibur Jiu Jitsu Snob

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    Who knows. If she wants to continue talking to you, you should.

    At the same time, get another girlfriend. Let your "friend" know how much the new girl makes you happy, how well things are going and ask her for advice on ways to make her happy in return.

    As a good friend, she should be happy to oblige. :) Make sure you ignore her advice and just do what you were going to do anyway.
     
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  7. HUNTERMANIA

    HUNTERMANIA Always Striving. Platinum Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  8. FightsFTW

    FightsFTW Red Belt

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    Seems something changed, I might have an idea what, she's pretty outgoing and talkative, whereas I'm more reserved at first, got a feeling she thinks I'm like that all the time when in reality I'm pretty crazy myself. I agree with not having time being bs, if you really want to make it work, you'll make time even if its just a small amount.

    That's what I plan on doing, on to the next I guess, though she seemingly really doesn't want to stop talking to me, but fuck that I'll probably just talk to her casually, but not like before.

    I really don't have any desire to be her "friend", I'll probably just talk to her casually, but not like before.
     
  9. Peteyandjia

    Peteyandjia Saku Spring Staff Member Forum Administrator

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    I'm not reading any of that shit

    Neither is she

    Move on broseph
     
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  10. FierceRedBelt

    FierceRedBelt Red Belt

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    I don't know about it being un-salvageable; if I was him I'd move on and just ping off of her from time to time as there's a solid chance she's just playing hard to get.

    TS should of hit her with the "we'll make time" bs and watch her play some mental gymnastics to either get out of it or push you into bargaining more. But it's too late for that now. I'd suggest going on like this never happened and then send a text a month or something. Long enough to let her know you're not missing her and just enough to keep her thinking you're still on her radar.
     
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  11. FightsFTW

    FightsFTW Red Belt

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    We know petey, this helps me cope, don't take this away from me dammit!
     
  12. Knight of M

    Knight of M White Belt

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    "everywhere except with me huh?"

    Holy shit I cringed hard, probably because I been there. Well things look grim, once the initial attraction phase goes, she is either into you or not, extremely unlikely you can get something after time passes. Yeah its friend zone, or gtfo.
     
  13. mb23100

    mb23100 Gold Belt

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    Even your cliffs are too long to read. No wonder she's not interested
     
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  14. Pugilistic

    Pugilistic Silver Belt

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    I don't get why people always over analyze these type of things and assume she's making up some bullshit excuse. She may be telling the truth. She has her own life to live and own decisions to make so she's not obliged to react in a way that you want. Finding out her reasons or whether or not she was telling the truth is in fact, irrelevant. Just focus on what you want, and what's happening in front of you. Move on and meet other chicks.

    I don't take that kind of stuff personally so I would just meet more chicks and keep talking to her. If you really wanted to have a relationship with her, I assume you liked her as a person, then why not keep her as a friend. Its obvious she likes you as a person as well. But obviously she didn't find you as romantically interesting as you hoped. Oh well, shit happens, and there are tons of other women out there. Who knows, she could be an amazing friend who later hooks you up with her friends.
     
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  15. Horse Style

    Horse Style Silver Belt

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    I have a feeling if we heard her side of things, she'd probably say you were too clingy and it made her back off.
     
  16. FierceRedBelt

    FierceRedBelt Red Belt

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    Sure it was a bad play but that's the nature of trying to be funny.

    Not everything is going to kill, especially not over text, but you still need to try new things and try to be quick on your feet.
     
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  17. FierceRedBelt

    FierceRedBelt Red Belt

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    Yep, nothing is more disgusting to a 20 something woman than a man who's into them. They want a man who's unattainable not someone who's lucky to be with them.
     
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  18. ButtonMasher

    ButtonMasher Banned Banned

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    Women want a guy who has options, not a guy who's unattainable.

    That's why for example women are drawn to a handsome guy, cause they know he can have almost any chick he wants, so essentially they want to be "chosen".
     
  19. michal001

    michal001 Brown Belt

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    She realized she wasn't a lesbian and didn't want to date another chick.
     
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  20. FightsFTW

    FightsFTW Red Belt

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    I'd rather gtfo tbh.

    I don't know, being her friend after that shit just seems awkward, I will be running into her again so I'll do as I always do and just go with the flow. I'll gauge her reaction and act accordingly. I do like her, she's a cool person, but being her friend after what happened, just seems difficult.

    Not really, didn't text her much besides when she texted me, I was always trying to leave when I would go to her work and she wanted me to stay and talk to her longer. I even gave her a few days to deal with her stuff before texting her again. Don't know how that's clingy.
     

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