Free range kids... Stand by Me. Can they exist today?

[ChosenOne]

I was in Grade 3 (8 years old) when i remember fighting with mom to be allowed to walk to school with my best friend, who lived 5 minutes away, and without any parent coming with us.

Conflicts and fights were common, as we went to Catholic school, and wore uniforms, in our K-6 school and we had a K-6 and K-8 public schools nearby, whom we were always in conflict with, which meant we crossed those kids heading to their classes.

But in those days, we kids, particularly boys, would be out playing and exploring from sun up to sun down, with the only real rules being 'be home for dinner', and 'be home before dark'. As long as you did those two things you could be out, with your parents not knowing where you were (they generally knew).

Does this happen today? If so where?

Do you think in many places, parents would be investigated by Child services if they allowed this, and if the child got hurt would the parents face negligence charges?

And lastly what is your view of allowing your kid to grow up free range and at WHAT AGE do you think it is ok to take the leash off and let him/her, go?

 

[Aegon Spengler]

Calling kids free range makes me think you turn them into chicken fingers

In any case lots of towns still have kids playing outside everywhere. I was just in northern Ontario in a place called The Sault (pronounced The Soo) and there were kids riding bikes everywhere and running around playing with no parents around from what I could tell

Not sure how old they were though. Maybe not as young as 8, kids all look super young to me today

 

[VulcanNervPinch]

Free ranging has lots of benefits (for children and parents).


But the downsides, while rare, are so incredibly severe, that there's just no way I'd risk it.

 

[Kowboy On Sherdog]

My grandparents always told us " once you go outside don't come back unless you are staying inside , drink from the water hose "

That 80's AC bill must have been high af...

 

[ChosenOne]

We lived in a small'ish city (70k people) surrounded by similar sized communities. There was a mix of city and rural in these areas, so as kids we did not need to walk far to end up on some old farm land, or even an active farm, which were ideal areas to play.

One of those target play areas was a farm owned by retired NHL tough guy Lou Fontinato. His furthest fields were only a 10-15 minute from where we lived, while his farm house was about 30+ minutes walk in to the property.

We kids, would go in to farm, climb his trees, and have crab apple fights, often dipped in cow sh!t. And some kids would torment his cows, stressing them and causing them to have sour milk.

Lou and his sons, would scout all their acres either on horse back or in a jeep, and chase the kids and YES, fire rock salt at their back sides. Rock salt could could get stuck in your ass or back, and you would then have to go to the hospital to have it tweezed out. My mom was a nurse in the ER and dealt with kids Lou and his sons had shot. (that is all true). The way you would escape Lou was by hoping the fences between pastures, forcing him to go around to openings.

As kids we would often tease one another by yelling 'Fontinato is coming and then starting to run' and then laughing at the others who fell for it and started to run.

I recall, when i was about 11 years old, sitting in his pasture with two of my better friends, and looking over my shoulder and see Lou and two sons on horse back in full gallop towards us. I yelled 'Fontinato was coming' and began to run towards the first fence i could jump, but my friends neither ran nor looked. Then one did and he ran, and by the time the third did, he was too late. As i was escaping the farm lands, i could see Lou and his sons grabbing my one friend.

I got home terrified about what they would do to him. And hours later when i could see him, after dinner, he told me they just let him go 'but he had to give our names and where we lived to Lou'.

Lou never visited my home, but the fear of that did its job. My dad was an old school disciplinarian who would take the side of other adults and not shield or coddle his kids from their mistakes.

That is one of a few stories like that, i am sure many kids, of that generation could tell.

Sadly now, i think any such story from a kid, would be about a video game experience. Or do you think it is better now?

 

[TheMadThinker]

"Free range kids" so many new terms for commonplace things of yesteryear.

 

[Ponchik]

As long as my kid has her phone with her, she can go.

 

[djacobox372]

Free ranging has lots of benefits (for children and parents).


But the downsides, while rare, are so incredibly severe, that there's just no way I'd risk it.

But what are we risking by not allowing kids more freedom.

I would bet that at least 10 kids die of health (physical and mental) related issues due to lack of freedom, for every 1 kid who died due to lack of parental supervision back in the day.

 

[Renard]

It happens in many areas of Europe where kids independently bike and walk to school as a matter of course. Those cities are pedestrian friendly though, and there's always a lot of people around in case something happen. In the US a lot of kids live in suburbs where you'd have to walk like an hour on deserted streets to get anywhere, and dodge some cars trying to kill you at a few intersections. It's doable but understandably the parents don't feel at ease with it, and the cultural zeitgeist has moved away from it. Like if something happened the police would straight up blame the parents because walking anywhere is considered insane in the current cultural climate.

As a parent all you could do is move to an area that's more walkable or get your kids to always go out with other kids because there's safety in numbers.

 

[ChosenOne]

It happens in many areas of Europe where kids independently bike and walk to school as a matter of course. Those cities are pedestrian friendly though, and there's always a lot of people around in case something happen. In the US a lot of kids live in suburbs where you'd have to walk like an hour on deserted streets to get anywhere, and dodge some cars trying to kill you at a few intersections. It's doable but understandably the parents don't feel at ease with it, and the cultural zeitgeist has moved away from it. Like if something happened the police would straight up blame the parents because walking anywhere is considered insane in the current cultural climate.

As a parent all you could do is move to an area that's more walkable or get your kids to always go out with other kids because there's safety in numbers.

When i was mid way thru Grade 6 (11 years old) our family moved to an even more rural end of town.

Our choices to get to and from school, were the school bus, which was a long circular route that took an hour each way, based on where we lived on the route and the fact we had so many stops and kids to pick up and drop off.

The issue with taking the school bus for my brother and i was that you could not play sports (organized or pickup) and/or play with friends after school, as you had to be on the bus within 15 minutes of school letting out.

So when weather allowed we would ride our bicycles to school along the country roads in the soft shoulder and then thru the city (sidewalks) once you got in. It was about an hour ride, each way for me and my older brother would do it in about 30-45 minutes, so he rarely waited for me. If the weather was bad (rain or snow) and we wanted to stay after school, we would take the school bus in, in the morning, and the city bus (Public Transport) back in the evening. The problem was the last city bus stop, was still about a 45 minute walk to our rural home.

But all the neighbours, knew most of the kids in our rural neighbourhood, and you would often have them on their way home, stop and pull over and give you a ride. I would guess about 50% of the time you got a ride.

 

[ThaiSexPills]

We lived in a small'ish city (70k people) surrounded by similar sized communities. There was a mix of city and rural in these areas, so as kids we did not need to walk far to end up on some old farm land, or even an active farm, which were ideal areas to play.

One of those target play areas was a farm owned by retired NHL tough guy Lou Fontinato. His furthest fields were only a 10-15 minute from where we lived, while his farm house was about 30+ minutes walk in to the property.

We kids, would go in to farm, climb his trees, and have crab apple fights, often dipped in cow sh!t. And some kids would torment his cows, stressing them and causing them to have sour milk.

Lou and his sons, would scout all their acres either on horse back or in a jeep, and chase the kids and YES, fire rock salt at their back sides. Rock salt could could get stuck in your ass or back, and you would then have to go to the hospital to have it tweezed out. My mom was a nurse in the ER and dealt with kids Lou and his sons had shot. (that is all true). The way you would escape Lou was by hoping the fences between pastures, forcing him to go around to openings.

As kids we would often tease one another by yelling 'Fontinato is coming and then starting to run' and then laughing at the others who fell for it and started to run.

I recall, when i was about 11 years old, sitting in his pasture with two of my better friends, and looking over my shoulder and see Lou and two sons on horse back in full gallop towards us. I yelled 'Fontinato was coming' and began to run towards the first fence i could jump, but my friends neither ran nor looked. Then one did and he ran, and by the time the third did, he was too late. As i was escaping the farm lands, i could see Lou and his sons grabbing my one friend.

I got home terrified about what they would do to him. And hours later when i could see him, after dinner, he told me they just let him go 'but he had to give our names and where we lived to Lou'.

Lou never visited my home, but the fear of that did its job. My dad was an old school disciplinarian who would take the side of other adults and not shield or coddle his kids from their mistakes.

That is one of a few stories like that, i am sure many kids, of that generation could tell.

Sadly now, i think any such story from a kid, would be about a video game experience. Or do you think it is better now?

In urban kids, I think you’re right but many rural living kids still are raised like you and I were. I have friends who are raising their kids fairly similar to that now. It just doesn’t happen in the city.

When I got old enough, my father was able to distract me from mischief by having me turn wrenches in his shop. It was the best thing for me as a kid and besides playing hockey, was one of my favorite things of growing up. He even used to pay me but don’t tell the government lol. It gave me such a massive head start over the other guys who went into the trades.

 

[I Am Legion]

I grew up in the 80s. We rode our bikes, slept in treehouses, would leave in the AM in the summer and only came back home when the street lights came on. We would sometimes come home to grab some lunch or take a shit, but our parents let us do almost anything. We played in the woods, climbed trees, played on trains, swam in ponds, pools, hung out on roofs, played a ton of sports. That started when I was in 3rd grade.
My kids grew up near some woods and did play and ride bikes. But they had so much more organized activities. My Son played youth Football, Wrestled, Baseball, Basketball, Lacrosse. Then in HS stuck to Football, Wrestling, and Lacrosse. He never had a season off. They just didn't have the time to get into trouble like we did. I think they could have. In some ways because of cell phones it's safer now than it was then.

 

[pugilistico]

That's one thing I loved seeing in Southeast Asia. Kids take themselves to school and hang out at waterfalls and beaches. They play outside and do shit other than sitting in front of a desk or screen all day. Quite a lot of them will go up to random tourists and play. You can find yourself playing soccer with some random Lao kids as a tourist.

There's a risk to this of course but I don't know if it's better to teach your kids to be fearful of everything without mommy or daddy holding their hands.

 

[chardog]

But what are we risking by not allowing kids more freedom.

I would bet that at least 10 kids die of health (physical and mental) related issues due to lack of freedom, for every 1 kid who died due to lack of parental supervision back in the day.

anecdotally, there were a few suicides during covid seemed more prevalent, dating seems like it may have dropped off a cliff based on my own kids interactions and friends. My kids are a lot more free range than others and mostly because I have too many of them. I think that since the ratio of parents to children have closed over the decades, there are less free range kids. Devices have leveled up a lot, and that's also lead to it. Helicopter parents + technology = kids in rooms by themselves.....

 

[ChosenOne]

I grew up in the 80s. We rode our bikes, slept in treehouses, would leave in the AM in the summer and only came back home when the street lights came on. We would sometimes come home to grab some lunch or take a shit, but our parents let us do almost anything. We played in the woods, climbed trees, played on trains, swam in ponds, pools, hung out on roofs, played a ton of sports. That started when I was in 3rd grade.
My kids grew up near some woods and did play and ride bikes. But they had so much more organized activities. My Son played youth Football, Wrestled, Baseball, Basketball, Lacrosse. Then in HS stuck to Football, Wrestling, and Lacrosse. He never had a season off. They just didn't have the time to get into trouble like we did. I think they could have. In some ways because of cell phones it's safer now than it was then.

Ha nice.

You just reminded me that on nights when there were reports of 'shooting stars' or 'certain moons', we would grab our sleeping bags and sleep on our neighbour friends 2nd floor roof. It was the most gently sloped but you would still fall asleep with your head on the high side and wake up with it below as you rolled and slid in the night. I still recall the feeling of waking up with cobwebs on your face.

 

[Wrath of Foamy]

15 minutes from home to secondary, and 40 minutes from home to high school.

Mum didn't drive and there were no buses where I was.

It was fine. I used to piss in a hedge by a copse ritually every school day.

 

[Fedorgasm]

I had a lot of freedom as a kid, and yet my kids had almost none, even though they grew up in the same town.

The problem was the town just became crime-ridden.

But I moved to a much safer place and now I see 5-6 year olds running around the neighborhood alone. Kids that look maybe 9-10 running all over town alone.

So now I can finally let my daughter roam. She's in high school now so she has a lot of catching up to do on handling freedom.

 

[ColemanwastheGOAT]

Honestly I don't think this is a true narrative at all. Maybe it's less common that it was 30 years ago but that's largely just because we had a lot less fun shit to do indoors back then.

 

[Kardashians]

It wasn’t just boys. Me and my girlfriends/female cousin would roam around from sun up til sun down. Mostly biking around town, even a couple towns over sometimes, getting up to mischief. They were good days to be sure.

I think kids today still have that free range. I live in a busy neighborhood and see youngsters aplenty going by my place. I probably worry more about them than their parents lol. “They look to young to be by their own” or “oh this little girl shouldn’t be out at 9pm past dark”. But they are. And they’re happy and having fun. Also, wow a lot of them have a potty mouth, lmao. But I gotta remember, when we were young we said things alone amongst our friends that we wouldn’t dare say in front of our parents. It’s not the end of the world.

 

[ChosenOne]

Honestly I don't think this is a true narrative at all. Maybe it's less common that it was 30 years ago but that's largely just because we had a lot less fun shit to do indoors back then.

It sounds like you do not disagree with the narrative, that kids used to play outside all day, almost everyday, from very young ages and instead it seems you are saying 'it is just more fun to stay inside' is the reason. Is that correct? DO you think parents generally today would be ok with allowing kids age 8+ to be out all day, without adult supervision, with rules of 'be home for dinner' and 'be home when it gets dark' as the only real restrictions?

What exact part of the narrative do you think is wrong?