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So...you drank 12 beers and then drove to the store where you picked up a random woman, without vetting, who robbed you? You sound like a poster child for good decisions.
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First date horror stories
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So...you drank 12 beers and then drove to the store where you picked up a random woman, without vetting, who robbed you? You sound like a poster child for good decisions.
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Been there myself buddy. Here is my story about failing to lose virginity.
It was my senior year in high school and I had been dating this girl for 2 weeks. We hadnt had sex yet. I was at this house party that she was not. This chick, asks if I want to have a 3some with her and this other girl at the party. Not being that drunk and wanting to not cheat, I initially declined. As I was sitting there thinking about my decision I realized, I'm a virgin, and 2 hot ass chicks just asked to have a 3some with me. This opportunity might not ever come again. I have to say yes!
So after I get a lot more alcohol in my system, I tell them i'm down. We all go upstairs to the one girls bedroom. Both these chicks were not virgins but neither had a 3some before. So we all get naked and start fooling around. One chick is sucking me off (my first blowjob) while im finger blasting/making out with the other one. Things are goin great, until I get the urge to ejaculate. Fuck!, I cant stop it and I finish in chicks mouth. She swallows and its awesome, and we start to move on to the sex part of this endeavor. But sadly, after just finishing and lots of alcohol, I was unable to stand at attention again and bone these broads. The one that finished me off finally got tired of trying to get me up and left. So then it was just me and other chick. We were fooling around, trying to get me up, but to no avail. We finally went back down stairs and continued to party. I was so close to losing my virginity in one of the best ways possible but I failed. It bugs me to this day.
Not really a first date horror story but rather a "blown" opportunity
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Im still reading this nice thread, just found a hidden gem here...
For the YODBM guys
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hahahaha
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Lol @ the dude not being able to get hard, lol
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Alright so I have a not so funny but sort of a "first date/hook up" story to tell which could be classified as a "horror" story if things fell wrongfully in the perfect place.
So, I was about 10 days removed from an appendectomy. And one of my best friends, lets call him 'Jay', wants to go out for a couple of drinks and wings at a local patio spot we go to every once in a while. I'm like sure, I haven't done shit the past week in a half to so why not? So I go and pick him up and when I do he says, "is it ok if my friend.." lets call her Kelsey, ".. comes along too, she in from Alberta." I'm like sure why not? Some chick is coming to hang out fucking right. So on the way to pick her up he proceeds to tell me a week ago when she got into our home city he banged her (he's been good friends with her for years and it was the first time they ever hooked up apparently). I'm thinking "ok, shes a slut, even better".
We pick her up and she's pretty hot, 8/10 a little thicker but not by much and still attractive enough you would bang in a heartbeat. Nice big titys too that you would love to have bouncing up and down to end ur night and play with in the morning lol. So we go to the lounge and we're having a couple of drinks and chatting it up and she's a super cool chick. Easy to talk to, not a total air head, just a genuinely cool chick that just so happened to bang my good friend a week before. So at one point she shows me on her phone a pic of her bending over looking at downtown Vancouver in some high rise apartment building but in the pic shes wearing a mini skirt and you could clearly see her purple panties. So I start thinking "oh ya she wants the D for sure".
So we keep drinking and our server (he will come up later in the story again) offers to give us a free round of shots on the house. So at this point I have to mention he is black as it relates to the 'sluttyness' of this broad. So he goes back inside the lounge to get our drinks and shots and we start joking to her if she would date this guy yadda yadda yadda cause we all can tell he's trying to impress her with the free shots and just his cool demeanor every time he would be at our table. So she says "no I really don't find black guys attractive". So we think nothing of it and after a little while longer there we pay are tabs and leave. And as we are leaving our server asks Kelsey for her number, and she gave it to him (I could only assume at the time out of politeness maybe?).
At this point we're all feeling good, had some drinks, good company, good laughs and we decide to buy a case of beer and keep the night going. We get the beer go back to the place she was staying at in town and plow through this case of beer and decide to go to a local popular pub. As the night goes on we all get fucking HAMMERED. Just shitty, sloppy drunk. Me and her hit it off pretty good and we're like making out in the bar, im like kissing her neck, she's loving every second of it. At one point I finally say lets go back to your place and she's as down as can be.
We get to her place and we're making out, playing around on the couch and after a while of that we go to her room. I then literally black out.... the next thing I remember is waking up to this naked, blonde, big titty'd broad in the morning and I'm like "holy shit, what the fuck ......niiiiiiice". The first thing I do is literally look around the floor and bed we're on to try and find a condom..... nothing there. I then get up and go to the bathroom and look in the garbage can and still nothing there. I'm then thinking "you stupid fuck, you didn't even wrap it up you drunk horny bastard". I then go back in the room and start slowly getting dressed as I thought she was still sleeping. She interrupts me as I'm getting ready to dip out and says "its ok if you want to leave, don't feel bad honey". So I'm like fuck ya, this chick is awesome if she wasn't such a fucking hoe bag.
The next day she texts me asking and I shit you not, "what happened last night?" and I'm like is she fucking for real? Does she not even remember at all what the fuck happened? Like I know I blacked out but I at least know what the fuck happened? So I simply replied "we banged lol". So she texts me back asking if I used a condom lol. And so I told her the truth "I dont think I did... oops". She then goes on to say she's not on birth control and she's now worried cause she doesn't want to be 'preggers' as she put it. So I calmed her down after a little bit saying that I wouldn't let that happen even though I know damn well it could very well have happened.
And that was pretty much my night and how it went with big titty'd Kelsey. And remember our black server from our start of the night drinks? Me and my buddy Jay bumped into him at one of our home teams CFL games (Canadian Football) a couple of months later and we asked him if he ever ended up hanging out with our 'good' friend Kelsey and the sum bitch goes on to tell us that she fucked him too!!!
She was a grade A sloot lemme tell ya, and gave great head (that I do remember at least). And I suppose she never did get 'preggers' cause I never heard from her again... thank jeebus I didn't.
Edit: Sorry for the long story lol
So, I was about 10 days removed from an appendectomy. And one of my best friends, lets call him 'Jay', wants to go out for a couple of drinks and wings at a local patio spot we go to every once in a while. I'm like sure, I haven't done shit the past week in a half to so why not? So I go and pick him up and when I do he says, "is it ok if my friend.." lets call her Kelsey, ".. comes along too, she in from Alberta." I'm like sure why not? Some chick is coming to hang out fucking right. So on the way to pick her up he proceeds to tell me a week ago when she got into our home city he banged her (he's been good friends with her for years and it was the first time they ever hooked up apparently). I'm thinking "ok, shes a slut, even better".
We pick her up and she's pretty hot, 8/10 a little thicker but not by much and still attractive enough you would bang in a heartbeat. Nice big titys too that you would love to have bouncing up and down to end ur night and play with in the morning lol. So we go to the lounge and we're having a couple of drinks and chatting it up and she's a super cool chick. Easy to talk to, not a total air head, just a genuinely cool chick that just so happened to bang my good friend a week before. So at one point she shows me on her phone a pic of her bending over looking at downtown Vancouver in some high rise apartment building but in the pic shes wearing a mini skirt and you could clearly see her purple panties. So I start thinking "oh ya she wants the D for sure".
So we keep drinking and our server (he will come up later in the story again) offers to give us a free round of shots on the house. So at this point I have to mention he is black as it relates to the 'sluttyness' of this broad. So he goes back inside the lounge to get our drinks and shots and we start joking to her if she would date this guy yadda yadda yadda cause we all can tell he's trying to impress her with the free shots and just his cool demeanor every time he would be at our table. So she says "no I really don't find black guys attractive". So we think nothing of it and after a little while longer there we pay are tabs and leave. And as we are leaving our server asks Kelsey for her number, and she gave it to him (I could only assume at the time out of politeness maybe?).
At this point we're all feeling good, had some drinks, good company, good laughs and we decide to buy a case of beer and keep the night going. We get the beer go back to the place she was staying at in town and plow through this case of beer and decide to go to a local popular pub. As the night goes on we all get fucking HAMMERED. Just shitty, sloppy drunk. Me and her hit it off pretty good and we're like making out in the bar, im like kissing her neck, she's loving every second of it. At one point I finally say lets go back to your place and she's as down as can be.
We get to her place and we're making out, playing around on the couch and after a while of that we go to her room. I then literally black out.... the next thing I remember is waking up to this naked, blonde, big titty'd broad in the morning and I'm like "holy shit, what the fuck ......niiiiiiice". The first thing I do is literally look around the floor and bed we're on to try and find a condom..... nothing there. I then get up and go to the bathroom and look in the garbage can and still nothing there. I'm then thinking "you stupid fuck, you didn't even wrap it up you drunk horny bastard". I then go back in the room and start slowly getting dressed as I thought she was still sleeping. She interrupts me as I'm getting ready to dip out and says "its ok if you want to leave, don't feel bad honey". So I'm like fuck ya, this chick is awesome if she wasn't such a fucking hoe bag.
The next day she texts me asking and I shit you not, "what happened last night?" and I'm like is she fucking for real? Does she not even remember at all what the fuck happened? Like I know I blacked out but I at least know what the fuck happened? So I simply replied "we banged lol". So she texts me back asking if I used a condom lol. And so I told her the truth "I dont think I did... oops". She then goes on to say she's not on birth control and she's now worried cause she doesn't want to be 'preggers' as she put it. So I calmed her down after a little bit saying that I wouldn't let that happen even though I know damn well it could very well have happened.
And that was pretty much my night and how it went with big titty'd Kelsey. And remember our black server from our start of the night drinks? Me and my buddy Jay bumped into him at one of our home teams CFL games (Canadian Football) a couple of months later and we asked him if he ever ended up hanging out with our 'good' friend Kelsey and the sum bitch goes on to tell us that she fucked him too!!!
She was a grade A sloot lemme tell ya, and gave great head (that I do remember at least). And I suppose she never did get 'preggers' cause I never heard from her again... thank jeebus I didn't.
Edit: Sorry for the long story lol
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666 posts worth reading
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It starts out on Friday. I get a text from my Ex asking if I
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lol at the 'blown' opportunity, Hunter. Holy shit!
Lol where is your update to the thread?
Edit: Maybe if I looked one page back, I would have found it lol
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This is a long one.....
I was in the military a good few years ago and I had a reputation of a bit of a loose cannon after a few drinks. I'd calmed down a bit though, was keeping my head down and was working on my promotion.
The golden rule on the Sqn was no matter how smashed you were, you always turned up on time. Even if you spent the rest of the day face down on a desk, as long as you were there first thing, no problem.
I'd gone out for mid week session with the fellas and forgot to plug in my phone when I got in. I got woken up and hauled in front of the boss and got my talking to and started work.
It was a Thursday and that was our big drinking night as a lot of guys drove home for the weekend, it was also a buddy's leaving party so I went for "one". 7hrs of beer and shots later, me and a few boys are going back to an apartment with two slutty girls we'll call 5 and 7.
We get back and it's messy. I drink bottle of red to myself and try to feed 7 another. She starts mentioning her boyfriend so I wait three and a half minutes and start plying 5 with booze. It starts getting late/early and the driver decides he wants to go. I get convinced to leave with them and go to the elevator. Just as everyone gets in the lift I think fuck these quitter I'm get pussy tonight! So I start marching back down the hall like the T2000, but programmed to destroy vagina rather than John Connor.
I tell everyone to leave and the girls let me back in the apartment. The next bit is a little blurry but I end up naked in bed with them both. We fool around, then 5 turns to 7 and says she shouldn't sleep with me because she has a boyfriend. I try to defuse the situation but 7 ends up hiding in the bathroom. I'm pissed kind of feel like saying "If she's not aloud any ****, then NOBODY gets and ****!".
Buuuuut she's all naked and shit so I bang 5. Obviously I skillfully avoid giving her any foreplay and and as little pleasure as possible, **** blocking bitch.
I wake up the next day and I'm due to start work in 25mins. I think, it's a 10-12min drive, I can make it!!! I grab my clothes and throw them on, grab what looks like 7's boyfriends coat and storm down to the taxi rank. As I get the I pat the back pocket for my wallet, it's not there. They I notice the jeans were abit tight. Then I notice they were a different colour to the ones I wore out. Turns out 'I'd grabbed 5's jeans and HER coat. I sprinted back to the apartment but the outer door was locked. I didn't have a clue what her name or apartment number was so I was stuck downtown dressed in, no money, no phone and people dressed for work thinking I'm the ugliest transvestite they've ever seen.
Think fuck it I'll run it.
Turns out 10-12 mins driving on the highway is pretty frigging far. I'm about 2hrs in and I'm down to a slow walk, blood has soaked through my timberlands because I forgot my socks and the seams of the size 6 dress coat are struggling with my 185lbs frame, the clip on the low slung hipsters gave up long ago so I'm pulling them up every 6-7 steps.
I was in the military a good few years ago and I had a reputation of a bit of a loose cannon after a few drinks. I'd calmed down a bit though, was keeping my head down and was working on my promotion.
The golden rule on the Sqn was no matter how smashed you were, you always turned up on time. Even if you spent the rest of the day face down on a desk, as long as you were there first thing, no problem.
I'd gone out for mid week session with the fellas and forgot to plug in my phone when I got in. I got woken up and hauled in front of the boss and got my talking to and started work.
It was a Thursday and that was our big drinking night as a lot of guys drove home for the weekend, it was also a buddy's leaving party so I went for "one". 7hrs of beer and shots later, me and a few boys are going back to an apartment with two slutty girls we'll call 5 and 7.
We get back and it's messy. I drink bottle of red to myself and try to feed 7 another. She starts mentioning her boyfriend so I wait three and a half minutes and start plying 5 with booze. It starts getting late/early and the driver decides he wants to go. I get convinced to leave with them and go to the elevator. Just as everyone gets in the lift I think fuck these quitter I'm get pussy tonight! So I start marching back down the hall like the T2000, but programmed to destroy vagina rather than John Connor.
I tell everyone to leave and the girls let me back in the apartment. The next bit is a little blurry but I end up naked in bed with them both. We fool around, then 5 turns to 7 and says she shouldn't sleep with me because she has a boyfriend. I try to defuse the situation but 7 ends up hiding in the bathroom. I'm pissed kind of feel like saying "If she's not aloud any ****, then NOBODY gets and ****!".
Buuuuut she's all naked and shit so I bang 5. Obviously I skillfully avoid giving her any foreplay and and as little pleasure as possible, **** blocking bitch.
I wake up the next day and I'm due to start work in 25mins. I think, it's a 10-12min drive, I can make it!!! I grab my clothes and throw them on, grab what looks like 7's boyfriends coat and storm down to the taxi rank. As I get the I pat the back pocket for my wallet, it's not there. They I notice the jeans were abit tight. Then I notice they were a different colour to the ones I wore out. Turns out 'I'd grabbed 5's jeans and HER coat. I sprinted back to the apartment but the outer door was locked. I didn't have a clue what her name or apartment number was so I was stuck downtown dressed in, no money, no phone and people dressed for work thinking I'm the ugliest transvestite they've ever seen.
Think fuck it I'll run it.
Turns out 10-12 mins driving on the highway is pretty frigging far. I'm about 2hrs in and I'm down to a slow walk, blood has soaked through my timberlands because I forgot my socks and the seams of the size 6 dress coat are struggling with my 185lbs frame, the clip on the low slung hipsters gave up long ago so I'm pulling them up every 6-7 steps.
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Just about then my Sgt pulls up in his car and informs me of the depth of the shit that I'm in.
When I didn't make it to work, they guys went to my room. When I wasn't there they called my phone, a girl answers and said "I don't know where he is but the pick stole my jeans and he can't have his phone back until I get them!".
So they send search party's from the Sqn looking for me. After another hr or so they called the MP's who were just about to start searching when they found me.
When the Sgt called the boss to tell him he'd found me and what had happened, he told the Sgt to take me straight to his office and not to let me get changed. The Sgt made me stand to attention for an hour outside his office while people from all over the base walked passed taking the piss out of me. Then he told me the boss wasn't even in but he wanted every to see what an idiot looked like.
I end up having to leave the base and move a few hundred miles to a different base before our annual assessments came in.
Still, least I got my dick wet!
When I didn't make it to work, they guys went to my room. When I wasn't there they called my phone, a girl answers and said "I don't know where he is but the pick stole my jeans and he can't have his phone back until I get them!".
So they send search party's from the Sqn looking for me. After another hr or so they called the MP's who were just about to start searching when they found me.
When the Sgt called the boss to tell him he'd found me and what had happened, he told the Sgt to take me straight to his office and not to let me get changed. The Sgt made me stand to attention for an hour outside his office while people from all over the base walked passed taking the piss out of me. Then he told me the boss wasn't even in but he wanted every to see what an idiot looked like.
I end up having to leave the base and move a few hundred miles to a different base before our annual assessments came in.
Still, least I got my dick wet!
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Go on.......
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Then your not even old enough to get into a bar man. Life is what you make of it. If you want crazy nights like this to happen, all it takes is some alcohol, some bar hopping, and the rest will unfold naturally.
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Years ago my friends were over at my house drinking. My one friend is on the phone talking to her friend. I end up on the phone with her after a while and after an hour or so (everyone had left by then) I talk her into coming over. She was no beauty queen but had a decent body. Anyhow, we end up having sex. When it's done she is like, I just want to stay here with you. Now it's about 3 am and I have no more interest in her being at my house anymore, but she just won't leave. A while goes by and there is a pounding at my door. She goes, it's my dad!!! I was supposed to be home at 12. That was when I just went, oh fuck! This is gonna get bad! I tell her to put her clothes on and she is still laying there say she don't wanna go. So I jump into the bathroom to dress and my front door opens. Now my bedroom door is right beside the front door and it looks like a closet door. In my panic, I decide to play passed out with my head in the toilet. I hear the guy talk to me, go through the house, and then call his wife. I think maybe I am going to get away with it but just as he is leaving I hear my bedroom door open and GET YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ON!!! Then these big slamming footsteps coming for me. I just about shit but kept playing passed out while I am being screamed at and my life threatened in horrible ways! Anyhow, I didn't get beat up and never saw the girl again. 
And sorry about the punctuation, but I was trying to type this fast.
And sorry about the punctuation, but I was trying to type this fast.
