First date horror stories

Man, I was thinking of joining an online dating site, but after reading this thread, I'm having second thoughts...

Awesome thread though.
 
not a first date but the first time i banged this chick she was smiling and crying tears of joy because she hadn't ever been nailed like that. kind of weird at first but now we have 2 kids.
 
Bukowski82 said:
So this isn't really a first 'date...' but it's a horror story nonetheless.

Back in October, I broke up with my girlfriend and went on a little bit of a bender for the weekend. Hooked up with some girls that I wish I could forget about... So I'm happy when I catch this really pretty girl looking at me while i'm having lunch at this pizza place downtown. I'm just about to go talk to her, when she comes up to me and does the whole it's really crowded over at the other end of the bar, do you mind if I sit here. I tell her absolutely. We get to talking and her personality is just as great as she looks and i'm really having a good time. I find out she's a paralegal, she went to college at my school, ect. So then she suggests we grab some more drinks at a place nearby. I'm definitely down so we head over... After a few hours of hanging out we're both pretty drunk and she goes Look I don't mean to be forward and I don't usually do this, but would you like to come hang out at my place for a bit... So I have this very pretty, funny, normal, educated girl asking me back to have sex... Great right?

Well, that's when shit got real...

She told me she lived right near by but we end up walking for like 15 minutes to this ridiculously dumpy apartment in a shadier part of Downtown. So we walk in and she takes me down the side stairs into this basement that looked like something out of a Steven King Novel. We walk up to her door, she opens it... and hollllly shit.

I've watched a ton of horror movies in my life... but this place had to be the creepiest thing I've ever seen. I walk in and there's like white doll masks mounted on the wall (there was even a horse mask,) it was bainted black with purple velvet drapes everywhere, the windows were all spraypained black, there were black candles everywhere, and just tons of other creepy shit everywhere. I was stunned. At first I kind of laughed and was like "Uhhh, are you in the theatre or something?" She just smiled and gave me a non-chalant, "No..." No explanation, nothing... So I'm freaking out a little and I ask her if I could use her bathroom. She points down the hall and in this cheerful voice says it's to your right at the end of the hall.

I start walking down the hall and couldn't believe what I was seeing. The ceiling kept getting smaller as I went down the hall and each room was just filled with dolls and strange costumes and masks... I passed her bed room which was just this little closet type room with a bed taking up the whole space and a lightbulb. I mean, this place was like something out of a straight up Horror Movie.

I come back out in disbelief and asked her if she had a roomate or something that was in the theatre and got the same response... "Nope." With this creepy smile. I kept thinking, Ok anytime now someone's gonna pop outta the closet with a knife and a mask and just kill the shit out of me...

End up sexing her anyways and even that was so creepy I just couldn't keep my dick up. I didn't even finish. I just kinda stopped when she asked me to go down on her... And was like, Well, I'll see ya later. The scariest part about all of it was the fact that she was so cute and normal... and then boom, 180.

I still get the chills thinking about it. Who the fuck has a horse mask mounted on their wall?!
Click to expand...

dude what a pussy
 
I wanted it to be a friends that had recently hooked up going to the movies thing but it was a date to her. She brought mini bottles into a slam packed movie theater and started drinking. She was dropping the bottles on the floor despite my request to take them. Loud as fuck. She also kept whispering to me and kissing my neck. I kept telling her to be quiet.

She started crying in the movie (Evil Dead remake) because she said it didn't seem like I wanted to be there. Who cares if I did or did not why the fuck are you crying? This chick is 32 with three kids BTW.

So the movie ends, the bitch falls down the stairs. I wanted to run. I help her up and we got in the car and she mounts me and shoves her tongue down my throat but I push her off. We head back to her house and she goes "BTW my mom is watching my kids, and she's deaf." I'm thinking god damn how the fuck can this get any worse? It does. We pull up and I end up parking under a street lamp by chance. We got out and she pinned me to the trunk and stuck her hand down my pants and something regarding my "magnificent ****." I stop that nonsense and take her inside. While her deaf mother tries to talk to me, she is trying to out the kids to bed but one won't stop crying. So the chick starts crying hysterically and starts bringing up this bullshit about one of the kids being molested by her ex (which she had already felt the need to tell me prior to all these events) and how she can't handle it and how she wanted to put a gun in her mouth and kill herself. I left abruptly after that.
 
knuckleroll said:
I wanted it to be a friends that had recently hooked up going to the movies thing but it was a date to her. She brought mini bottles into a slam packed movie theater and started drinking. She was dropping the bottles on the floor despite my request to take them. Loud as fuck. She also kept whispering to me and kissing my neck. I kept telling her to be quiet.

She started crying in the movie (Evil Dead remake) because she said it didn't seem like I wanted to be there. Who cares if I did or did not why the fuck are you crying? This chick is 32 with three kids BTW.

So the movie ends, the bitch falls down the stairs. I wanted to run. I help her up and we got in the car and she mounts me and shoves her tongue down my throat but I push her off. We head back to her house and she goes "BTW my mom is watching my kids, and she's deaf." I'm thinking god damn how the fuck can this get any worse? It does. We pull up and I end up parking under a street lamp by chance. We got out and she pinned me to the trunk and stuck her hand down my pants and something regarding my "magnificent ****." I stop that nonsense and take her inside. While her deaf mother tries to talk to me, she is trying to out the kids to bed but one won't stop crying. So the chick starts crying hysterically and starts bringing up this bullshit about one of the kids being molested by her ex (which she had already felt the need to tell me prior to all these events) and how she can't handle it and how she wanted to put a gun in her mouth and kill herself. I left abruptly after that.
Click to expand...

Your kind of a bad guy for not pity fucking this chick.
 
jmadtx said:
not a first date but the first time i banged this chick she was smiling and crying tears of joy because she hadn't ever been nailed like that. kind of weird at first but now we have 2 kids.
Click to expand...

Please tell us just how your wife was nailed before she met you.
 
knuckleroll said:
I wanted it to be a friends that had recently hooked up going to the movies thing but it was a date to her. She brought mini bottles into a slam packed movie theater and started drinking. She was dropping the bottles on the floor despite my request to take them. Loud as fuck. She also kept whispering to me and kissing my neck. I kept telling her to be quiet.

She started crying in the movie (Evil Dead remake) because she said it didn't seem like I wanted to be there. Who cares if I did or did not why the fuck are you crying? This chick is 32 with three kids BTW.

So the movie ends, the bitch falls down the stairs. I wanted to run. I help her up and we got in the car and she mounts me and shoves her tongue down my throat but I push her off. We head back to her house and she goes "BTW my mom is watching my kids, and she's deaf." I'm thinking god damn how the fuck can this get any worse? It does. We pull up and I end up parking under a street lamp by chance. We got out and she pinned me to the trunk and stuck her hand down my pants and something regarding my "magnificent ****." I stop that nonsense and take her inside. While her deaf mother tries to talk to me, she is trying to out the kids to bed but one won't stop crying. So the chick starts crying hysterically and starts bringing up this bullshit about one of the kids being molested by her ex (which she had already felt the need to tell me prior to all these events) and how she can't handle it and how she wanted to put a gun in her mouth and kill herself. I left abruptly after that.
Click to expand...

Ah, This is the one story of felt a bit Sad reading.
 
Bukowski82 said:
Two more fairly good one's from the past week or so here...

On Saturday I was out watching the UFC with a couple of friends, my cousin and uncle. We got there early for great seats and by the time the event started, there were a ton of people standing. Two of which were these exceptionally hot girls. Being the gentleman I am, I asked them if they'd like me and one of my buddies seats. They said yes and then as fate would have it, a few people left right next to them, so they just scooted over and invited us to take our seats back right next to them. Anyways, I jokingly start going back and forth with one of them aobut the Andy/Weidman fight and before I know it, she's got her hand on my leg, then... my crotch... Meanwhile, my Uncle is giving me this look like he has to tell me something when all of the sudden, she goes "Do I know you from somewhere?" to him. He just flatly states, Uhhh yeah, we had sex one time like 5 years ago... Then, as if for good measure, tells her it's pretty appearant she has her tits done. The girl starts talking shit right back, telling him that it obviously wasn't that good if she doesn't remember. I'm dying at this point and ask her if that really happened and she tells me that she gets drunk and fucks guys all the time that she doesn't remember. Between that, the crotch grabbing, the location (Which is kind of a white-trash location north of Seattle) I'm just waiting to see this girl who was at first really attractive to me start slamming cans of Ranier and smashing them on her head... :D Anyways, she asks me if her sleeping with my uncle, and appearantly half the city... was a turn off for me. I tell her that it was... and out of nowhere she starts dropping F-bombs on me and her and her friend walk away and glare at me for the rest of the card. Usually, I love low-rent girls like that, but the absolute candidness of the situation just freaked me out. I ended up with something better at another place anyway.

Two, I was in Vegas two Saturdays ago and was hanging out at 'Bank.' Two really hot cougars pull up and just post right next to my group. One of them starts up a convo with me and tells me that her husband cheated on her and she's pretty sure she had a pass since she was in Vegas. For a moment, I actually tried talking her out of it because I'm not the kind of guy to hook up with a married woman... But she said she was pretty much headed for divorce and I was really drunk, so I was like fuck it... Let's do this. I almost died that night...

















From all the high fives coming my way :D
Click to expand...

BuKkake Bukowski
 
KojiW said:
Fucking LOL.

I never have and never will go on a blind date. And make no mistake, that is what you are doing on POF. Dozens of my friends have told me half the people on there fake their pictures, or heavily edit them.

I would not even let friends set me up on a blind date. They can arrange for them and the girl to come drinking with us and introduce us if they think we would get along, but no formal arranged date.

After seeing my best friend get set up on a blind date when I was 14..........HAHAHAHAHA. My GF at the time wanted to set her friend i never met up with one of my friends. We kept trying to get an indication of what she looked like(Keep in mind, no internet or social media in 1994), but the most we could get was "She is nice" over and over. Eventually they told me she was a bit on the big side, and my friend said "That's ok" because he figured she meant reasonably chub and he was not a huge flake when it came to girls looks.

He talked with her on the phone for a bit(3-4 way calls were all the rage then) and she sounded weird as hell. Asking if he would hold her hand during the movie. Acting hurt when he tried to get off the phone...He had never even met her yet.

Boy oh boy will I never forget the tone of his voice when he saw her that night. We were at the arcade outside the theater, and my friend Mike and I were playing Mortal Kombat 2 while my best friend watched, waiting for the girls, and behind us we hear my GF call out that they are here. My friend just in a low horrified raspy tone, horrified! said "oh.... my... GOD!". His tone completely pulled us away from the game.

Mike and I turned to look. The girl my girlfriend was bringing over was easily 350-400+ pounds and perfectly round at 5 foot 6. We both ran away from Mortal Kombat, abandoning my best friend, around the corner laughing our asses off while my best friend was introduced. I felt bad, but I was nearly in tears laughing.
Click to expand...

:icon_lol::icon_lol:
 
This isn't a date but one time this girl on a dating site messaged me and struck up a conversation. She specifically had in her profile that she was looking for marriage and wanted kids in the next couple years. I was just looking to have fun so I politely messaged her back and told her I didn't want to waste anyone's time because we were looking for two different things. She then sent me like 15 more private messages in the next 5 minutes that were just all over the place. I didn't respond to a single one of them. They went something sort of like this..

Her: Ok wutever u guys are pigs
Her: Do u have anymore pics?
Her: I dont even want 2 talk 2 u neway
Her: Ur ugly LOL
Her: But better looking than my last bf
Her: We should have a drink
Her: OIC how it is you couldnt handle me newayz
Her: I do like your style, anymore pics?
Her: All u want to do is sleep around u scumbag
Her: Hows your night going?
Her: So bored n like 50 guyz trying to get at me rite now LOL
Her: K so I want 2 talk 2 U tho
Her: What are u doing this weekend? Send me your #.
Her: K you stupid idiot I hope U die you f'ing POS
Her: Hi :)
Her: Don't die in ur sleep 2nite ROTF!
 
I got catfished by a fat old guy posing as a 22 year old coed. He kept me in his cellar and tortured my b-hole for 3 months. Not my worst first date, but the most memorable.
 
RSmith47 said:
This isn't a date but one time this girl on a dating site messaged me and struck up a conversation. She specifically had in her profile that she was looking for marriage and wanted kids in the next couple years. I was just looking to have fun so I politely messaged her back and told her I didn't want to waste anyone's time because we were looking for two different things. She then sent me like 15 more private messages in the next 5 minutes that were just all over the place. I didn't respond to a single one of them. They went something sort of like this..

Her: Ok wutever u guys are pigs
Her: Do u have anymore pics?
Her: I dont even want 2 talk 2 u neway
Her: Ur ugly LOL
Her: But better looking than my last bf
Her: We should have a drink
Her: OIC how it is you couldnt handle me newayz
Her: I do like your style, anymore pics?
Her: All u want to do is sleep around u scumbag
Her: Hows your night going?
Her: So bored n like 50 guyz trying to get at me rite now LOL
Her: K so I want 2 talk 2 U tho
Her: What are u doing this weekend? Send me your #.
Her: K you stupid idiot I hope U die you f'ing POS
Her: Hi :)
Her: Don't die in ur sleep 2nite ROTF!
Click to expand...

tumblr_lqh0ehQsuN1qdlkgg.gif
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,280,807
Messages
58,318,970
Members
175,999
Latest member
xande.fight

Share this page

Back
Top