First date horror stories

Lots of guys here ending up with their heads in toilets. Thank you booze.
 
I dont think Ive posted this one in here, and its nowhere as funny as some of the others, but what the hell. So a while back I made an account of pof or one of those sites, and started chatting up this girl, and we decided to meetup for drinks. In her pics I could tell she was a little thick, but had a cute face so I figured what the hell and went for it. Well we meetup, and this chick was a master of the deceptive photo. She wasnt huge, but certainly bigger than her pictures made her seem, and the cute face was a result of a very thick layer of makeup and just the right angles and lighting to make the makeup seem natural. I didnt want to be a dick, so we go into the restaurant and get some drinks. We're chatting and everything is going alright, she is a normal enough chick and I even brought up this thread when we started talking about internet dating and laughed at some of the stories. We were sitting in a booth, and at one point she put her feet up on the seat on my side. We were sitting very close to the entrance to the kitchen, and I started to notice a fairly rancid, grungy feet smell. I just assumed it was coming from the kitchen, like stale mop water or something. Anyways we continue drinking, and get decently drunk, and I figured what the hell, and invite her back to my place. We get inside and start making out, and I notice the smell again, and it hits me that its her. I didnt know what to do, so I suggest we put on a movie. As soon as it starts I start falling asleep, then say Im really tired and need to be up early and she leaves. I dont have a tv in my living room, just my bedroom, so we watched it on my bed. This chick's feet smelled so bad I actually had to change my sheets just from her laying on them for 15 minutes.
 
Not a date but still a little funny. One night a few years back I got hammered at a really shitty dive bar called Sir Dicks. This is one of those places no one would ever want to go, but local "hipster" crowd suddenly adopted as a go to, so I got dragged there by some friends.
I ended up picking up some older woman, must have been over 45 at least, but in my mind I remember her looking decent. She was probably not so great in reality, but fuck it. I think she said her name was Sunshine or Sunny, weird woman.
Anyways, ended up going back to her place, decent apartment, and crushing all the wine she had in her wine rack. Then of course I burgled her brains out, probably like a champ.
We were both really drunk so we passed out. I woke up first and she was out cold still a few hours later. I then noticed that I had pooped her bed at some point. Unknown if it was in the burgling or while sleeping. Anyways, I quickly threw on my clothes and ran out. I guess that makes me the horror story in this case.
Never saw old Sunny or Sir Dicks ever again.
 
I've been REALLY drunk and somehow had sex while that drunk and yet have NEVER found myself in a shitty bed afterwards... I notice this is somewhat of a trend... what gives?
 
Yellowking said:
Not a date but still a little funny. One night a few years back I got hammered at a really shitty dive bar called Sir Dicks. This is one of those places no one would ever want to go, but local "hipster" crowd suddenly adopted as a go to, so I got dragged there by some friends.
I ended up picking up some older woman, must have been over 45 at least, but in my mind I remember her looking decent. She was probably not so great in reality, but fuck it. I think she said her name was Sunshine or Sunny, weird woman.
Anyways, ended up going back to her place, decent apartment, and crushing all the wine she had in her wine rack. Then of course I burgled her brains out, probably like a champ.
We were both really drunk so we passed out. I woke up first and she was out cold still a few hours later. I then noticed that I had pooped her bed at some point. Unknown if it was in the burgling or while sleeping. Anyways, I quickly threw on my clothes and ran out. I guess that makes me the horror story in this case.
Never saw old Sunny or Sir Dicks ever again.
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That's pretty disgusting, bro. Need to change that name to Brownking, imo.
 
I've had a couple ridiculous 'dates' in the past month or so... Pretty amusing stuff. One even earned me a stalker. Will update when I get a chance.
 
lowsingle said:
So earlier this week the online dating thread got me back into POF. I just had my first date from there, and it went pretty bad. Anyone else have some bad stories to share as well?

I'll tell mine, but its pretty long and a shortened version wouldnt do it justice, you can skip reading it and just tell yours if you like,

It was a cute girl who messaged me, at least 8/10, so after some messaging and texting, we made plans for today. When I first pulled up to her house, there was a car with a pissed off looking dude parked in front, at this point my instincts told me to run and I should've listened. However, I called her and she told me it was her brother and to park around the corner and shed come to my car. I did, and when she came to my car she was at least 30-40 lbs heavier than her picture (she later mentioned that her pictures were over a year old). Once again, I wanted to stomp the gas and leave, but I didnt want to hurt her feelings so I let her in.

I originally planned to go to a nice restaurant, but by then I just wanted to cut my losses get through the date. So I scaled back and took her to Red Robin. The entire time, she was texting. She would talk to me, then just stop and text, ignoring anything going on, like she hit the pause button on life, then suddenly hit play and act like no time has passed. It took her less than 10 minutes to start telling me about her ex drama. I completely phased out and was just watching NBA on the tv behind her head, she didnt notice at all. THEN, she got creepy. She just started going on about how handsome I am (bitch is blind, im ugly as shit) and how lucky she is to eat with me. She got really quiet and pensive for a minute then SHE LITERALLY ASKED ME TO BE HER BOYFRIEND AND ASKED MY WEEKLY SCHEDULE SO SHE CAN PLAN ALL OF OUR DATES. I laughed it off, asked for the check, then thought better of it and just handed the server enough money to easily cover the bill+tip.

The whole car ride back to her house, she kept trying to make out with me and also demonstrate how good of a singer she is by singing full volume along with the radio. Once we got to her house, HER FUCKING EX WAS STILL SITTING OUT FRONT. So i parked around the corner (still thinking it was her brother) and thats when she told me who it was. I then told her "it was nice meeting you, so...", before she cut me off and asked if I wanted to sneak past her ex and come in. I declined and left as fast as I could.


Im still trying to process what the fuck just happened. I didnt know I signed up for this.
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Fucking LOL.

I never have and never will go on a blind date. And make no mistake, that is what you are doing on POF. Dozens of my friends have told me half the people on there fake their pictures, or heavily edit them.

I would not even let friends set me up on a blind date. They can arrange for them and the girl to come drinking with us and introduce us if they think we would get along, but no formal arranged date.

After seeing my best friend get set up on a blind date when I was 14..........HAHAHAHAHA. My GF at the time wanted to set her friend i never met up with one of my friends. We kept trying to get an indication of what she looked like(Keep in mind, no internet or social media in 1994), but the most we could get was "She is nice" over and over. Eventually they told me she was a bit on the big side, and my friend said "That's ok" because he figured she meant reasonably chub and he was not a huge flake when it came to girls looks.

He talked with her on the phone for a bit(3-4 way calls were all the rage then) and she sounded weird as hell. Asking if he would hold her hand during the movie. Acting hurt when he tried to get off the phone...He had never even met her yet.

Boy oh boy will I never forget the tone of his voice when he saw her that night. We were at the arcade outside the theater, and my friend Mike and I were playing Mortal Kombat 2 while my best friend watched, waiting for the girls, and behind us we hear my GF call out that they are here. My friend just in a low horrified raspy tone, horrified! said "oh.... my... GOD!". His tone completely pulled us away from the game.

Mike and I turned to look. The girl my girlfriend was bringing over was easily 350-400+ pounds and perfectly round at 5 foot 6. We both ran away from Mortal Kombat, abandoning my best friend, around the corner laughing our asses off while my best friend was introduced. I felt bad, but I was nearly in tears laughing.
 
I was the horror on this date...

So I meet this woman on OKCupid, solely for the purpose of casual sex (it's what she's on it for, too), since I'd just gotten out of a relationship. She's a bit on the bigger side, but, I only want sex, her boobs and ass were big, and she wasn't too big to get down with. So, we message for a bit, and we hit it off and arrange a time and place to meet.

The day before we are to meet, she cancels on me because of work issues. That sucked, but it wasn't too big of a deal, so I tell her "it's all good, some other time." Later on that night, she sends a text thanking me for being so understanding, and in it is a picture of her ass (pretty nice!) as a reward. So, if I wasn't already in, this essentially guaranteed I was going to get it as long as I play my cards right.....except I didn't.

We meet up, and she's as expected, somewhat overweight, but well proportioned (definitely no pig). She's got the girls showing. It's totally going down. So, what went wrong? Before arriving, to further tip the scales in my favor, I took a couple of shots to get myself a bit loose. So, we are there, things are going fine, and I have a beer....and another...and another. Towards the end of the date, she says she's tired and should be going home soon (and it's obvious to her that I'm a bit beyond tipsy, because unbeknownst to myself, I keep winking at her). Hearing that, slightly drunk me combines with overly horny me, and becomes desperate me. I try to entice (convince) her that we should go back to her place. No bueno.

We leave and, like a gentleman, I walk her towards her train. I figure, "hey, I still look like the guy she wants to bang, so who knows, maybe next time." There's always hope....until I trip over a random bicycle laying on the sidewalk. Then, at that moment, all hope was lost.

The best way I can describe it is picture a scene in a movie where two characters are walking towards the camera talking and then one of them suddenly disappears from view. It was totally embarrassing at the time, but I laugh about it now. :)
 
Let me start by saying that shy ones are the craziest ones. Anyways, I worked with this very shy girl at my work. She was very quiet and barely talked to anyone. She also had braces. I was nice to her and always tried to joke around with her to get her out of her shell. After working with her for a while, she started to text me, saying that we should hang out. I wasn't really into her but at the same time I wasn't seeing anyone or getting any action. So I told her that if she could find a date for my buddy that we would double date. In the end she could not find anyone for my friend, but I decided to go out with her.

We went to a nice restaurant but it was a little weird. She got food stuck in her braces and barely talked. It was awkward throughout the whole dinner. We had nothing to do after dinner so I suggested that we buy some beer and play beer pong at my buddies house. So we get a 30 pack and head over. My buddy wasn't home, so we sat in my car drinking beers while we waited for my friend to get back. We weren't drunk or anything but I asked her for some head. She kept giggling and saying,
 
jonasS2013 said:
Let me start by saying that shy ones are the craziest ones. Anyways, I worked with this very shy girl at my work. She was very quiet and barely talked to anyone. She also had braces. I was nice to her and always tried to joke around with her to get her out of her shell. After working with her for a while, she started to text me, saying that we should hang out. I wasn't really into her but at the same time I wasn't seeing anyone or getting any action. So I told her that if she could find a date for my buddy that we would double date. In the end she could not find anyone for my friend, but I decided to go out with her.

We went to a nice restaurant but it was a little weird. She got food stuck in her braces and barely talked. It was awkward throughout the whole dinner. We had nothing to do after dinner so I suggested that we buy some beer and play beer pong at my buddies house. So we get a 30 pack and head over. My buddy wasn't home, so we sat in my car drinking beers while we waited for my friend to get back. We weren't drunk or anything but I asked her for some head. She kept giggling and saying,
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When I was in my early 20s I started dating a girl who was a real catch. We went out one night for drinks at a seaside bar,we are sat out side and she says,I've got to go to the bathroom. I'm like yeah cool,she walks off, seconds later I hear a sound I can only describe as splat. I look behind me and see a leg sticking up over the top of one of the rock gardens, then her head appears. I did the only thing I could........ I pissed myself laughing.
 
Yellowking said:
Wait did you screw this girl or not. Its pretty funny that she didn't tell you she was on her period when you started to take her panties off.
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no sex but it was pretty funny because it was completely dark and i was kissing her thigh and around her vertical lips but no tongue. Thats when I saw the string hanging out, I was like "WTF is that?", then I saw the blood. We got dressed after that and talked a little before I left. We didnt go out anymore after that but we still talked at work. It wasnt really a horror story but it was a weird night. Thinking back on it, I was the asshole.
 
jonasS2013 said:
no sex but it was pretty funny because it was completely dark and i was kissing her thigh and around her vertical lips but no tongue. Thats when I saw the string hanging out, I was like "WTF is that?", then I saw the blood. We got dressed after that and talked a little before I left. We didnt go out anymore after that but we still talked at work. It wasnt really a horror story but it was a weird night. Thinking back on it, I was the asshole.
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No you weren't. She should have stopped you before you got your face down there. wtf was she thinking?
 
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