First date horror stories

First date horror story

I guess when I hit some girl with no condom and got some burning piss
 
Fatties are required to gobble knob on first dates, she dun goofed
 
Only had one actual bad first date, a lot of boring ones though.

Basically I met this Asian chick working at Hooters, got her number, called her the next day and arranged to hang out on the weekend. She told me to go to her house and when i got there she was all dolled up and wanted to go raving. She wanted to do some special K before going. I liked taking ectasy when I was young and dumb but I didnt even know what K was at the time. She said it was more fun than extacy so I said sure. We snorted a bunch of lines, and then the couch tried to eat me, and she turned into an alien lizard thing and I ran into her room/space ship and hid in the bed screaming that I wont let her abduct me. I hid under the blanket while she sat on the bed and comforted me till i fell asleep. Needless to say we didn't go raving and it was really awkward when we woke up in the morning. We never ended up hooking up but we remained friends and I ended up banging her friend a couple of times. Anytime I talk to her she still makes fun of me for that day lol.

Note: Someone told me K is not supposed to make you hallucinate so I dunno what the fuck I took lol
 
Not a first date story, but a funny one. My friend and his girlfriend were having sex in his car and they're finishing up when he realizes there aren't any tissues or napkins around for him to wipe his wad on. His mom had made him a sandwich for lunch that day, and he had put it in the glove box, so he just finishes in there.
Fast forward a few days later, and we're all on a road trip driving though a sketchy part of some town in New Mexico. One of our friends is hungry, but this neiborhood scares him so much he doesn't wanna get out and grab food from the trunk. So he opens up the glove compartment and sees this sandwich sitting there and before my friend could warn him he takes a big old bite...my friend just starts Laughing so hard that he has to pull over. By the time he had finished telling him what was wrong with the sandwich, our dumbass friend had already eaten the whole thing.
 
Mad King said:
First date horror story

I guess when I hit some girl with no condom and got some burning piss
Click to expand...

I have a friend who actually had a pretty funny story about that.

He was in the military, ended up hooking up with this girl who was in the military. He ended up with the clap, went to medical, got the god awful cotton swab and the medication. Obviously, he wanted nothing more to do with this chick, but he didn't want anyone else to get burned as well.

He didn't tell her about his trip to medical, and they planned on going somewhere together for a long weekend they had. When they were just about to leave, he pulled up to the medical building and tells her he needs to get a prescription filled and asks her to come in with him to give him company because there is usually a wait, so she follows him inside.

He walks up to the counter and says "This is (whatever her name was). She gave me the clap" and leaves.
 
Judoxing said:
Not a first date story, but a funny one. My friend and his girlfriend were having sex in his car and they're finishing up when he realizes there aren't any tissues or napkins around for him to wipe his wad on. His mom had made him a sandwich for lunch that day, and he had put it in the glove box, so he just finishes in there.
Fast forward a few days later, and we're all on a road trip driving though a sketchy part of some town in New Mexico. One of our friends is hungry, but this neiborhood scares him so much he doesn't wanna get out and grab food from the trunk. So he opens up the glove compartment and sees this sandwich sitting there and before my friend could warn him he takes a big old bite...my friend just starts Laughing so hard that he has to pull over. By the time he had finished telling him what was wrong with the sandwich, our dumbass friend had already eaten the whole thing.
Click to expand...

Oh god no wtf man!!

family-guy-projectile-vomit-o.gif
 
Snakesolidsnake said:
I have a friend who actually had a pretty funny story about that.

He was in the military, ended up hooking up with this girl who was in the military. He ended up with the clap, went to medical, got the god awful cotton swab and the medication. Obviously, he wanted nothing more to do with this chick, but he didn't want anyone else to get burned as well.

He didn't tell her about his trip to medical, and they planned on going somewhere together for a long weekend they had. When they were just about to leave, he pulled up to the medical building and tells her he needs to get a prescription filled and asks her to come in with him to give him company because there is usually a wait, so she follows him inside.

He walks up to the counter and says "This is (whatever her name was). She gave me the clap" and leaves.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a twat.
 
Judoxing said:
Not a first date story, but a funny one. My friend and his girlfriend were having sex in his car and they're finishing up when he realizes there aren't any tissues or napkins around for him to wipe his wad on. His mom had made him a sandwich for lunch that day, and he had put it in the glove box, so he just finishes in there.
Fast forward a few days later, and we're all on a road trip driving though a sketchy part of some town in New Mexico. One of our friends is hungry, but this neiborhood scares him so much he doesn't wanna get out and grab food from the trunk. So he opens up the glove compartment and sees this sandwich sitting there and before my friend could warn him he takes a big old bite...my friend just starts Laughing so hard that he has to pull over. By the time he had finished telling him what was wrong with the sandwich, our dumbass friend had already eaten the whole thing.
Click to expand...


So a sandwich, unwrapped sitting in a glove compartment for a few days, covered in spunk, looked edible......hmmmmm. Okay, millions wouldn't believe it.
 
The clap isn't a horror story. You take a few pills and it's gone. Plus, I get no side effects from it.

Making the phone calls aren't the greatest I guess, but whatever.
 
Ok so none of my stories are that great, the first one is about me.
They're not very eventful and I am going to censor myself for fear of getting banned, but herreeee goes, so I visited my home town for the first time in about 3 years, and decided to get in touch with a girl I knew a few years ago all the way back in 8th grade. (I was 17 at the time) and I was not really what you would call a player, so it was like the second time I had ever had sex and I remember we started messing around on her couch. Then she asked me to put on a condom, which was a first lol, so I did and was extremely surprised with how much different "it" felt with a condom on. So I wasn't really feeling it and at one point she asked me to do it doggy-style with her. I don't know why I guess it was just because I had never done doggy-style before and I immediately got super nervous, so nervous that I legitimately went limp and preceded to have my limp (you know what) repeatedly pushed "into" her hole until finally she gave up. Needless to say the rest of the day was super awkward and 2 years later I have not talked to her since.
Also I had friend who used to date this chick for like a week and then it went south. So he had told me the reason they broke up was simply because he lost interest due to her clinginess. Until I found out through a mutual friend of his ex that my friend and his ex, of course, went out on a date, after they went to a movie and were driving home they started messing around. Apparently things were getting pretty hot and heavy so they decided to just pull over at a gas station and "do the deed". They eventually moved to the back and once all of her clothes were off my friend had a mini-panic attack and ran outside of the car and just started puking everywhere. Don't really know what happened after that lol but yeaaah those are my stories, sorry I know they're weak in comparison
 
LEWIS540 said:
So a sandwich, unwrapped sitting in a glove compartment for a few days, covered in spunk, looked edible......hmmmmm. Okay, millions wouldn't believe it.
Click to expand...

From what I understand, he came inside the sandwich and put in back it its ziploc bag.
 
equus said:
i once met this girl on yahoo then exchanged info. told her i was bartending one particular night and she said she'd come up to my bar. so this night, karen, who was a smoking little petite asian girl comes up there. i shouldve known from go that she was nutty. she came and ordered a drink for her and her girlfriends said ive been waiting to get up here all day or something like that then says "we are going out tomorrow night." (meaning her and i) i said "where are you guys going?" playing dumb and she said "no. you and i. to dinner than your place where im gonna ride you like a bronco" i mustve looked this :eek: and, well, never a guy to look a gift horse in the mouth (cause lets face it, this was looking like a layup) i said "ok." (really hoping she wasnt originally from Thailand like Soma's girl). well we go out to dinner. she tells me E V E R Y T H I N G about her life. great job. still lives with her parents and they pay for most shit. (driving a brand new loaded BMW M series at 22, i was 24). we go back to my place and she basically rips my clothes off the second we get in the door. usually i HATE the agressive routine and like to set the tone but this nite i was digging it. so long and the short of it, we do the deed, and (i shit you not) IMMEDIATELY after the deed she says and i quote (because its burned into my memory) "give me the condom. i NEED the condom. let me have the condom!" i looked at her and said "let me go into the bathroom real quick." and she stands to block my path. my bed if you were looking down on the room as a perfect square was against the far right wall and the door for the bathroom was in the upper right corner of the square. now picture me at 6'3 230, jumping onto my bed, naked and sprinting past a beutiful 5'0 95lb asian girl out of fear of her trying to trap me and get my little babies from me.... i made it into the bathroom and locked the door before flushing my soldiers. she pounded on the door for 30 minutes while i contemplated my next move. eventually she left.

after about a month she came into the bar and said she had met someone and she wanted to know if she and i would work. she liked me more but if there wasnt a future for us, she was gonna go with him. i told her "it breaks my heart, but be with him. i think we would be tooooo intense."

and if you ever see this girl (off her facebook) and she walks up to you because you catch her eye, sprint in the other direction, dont walk.



karenfb-1.jpg
Click to expand...

You've told this before haven't you?
 
Snakesolidsnake said:
I have a friend who actually had a pretty funny story about that.

He was in the military, ended up hooking up with this girl who was in the military. He ended up with the clap, went to medical, got the god awful cotton swab and the medication. Obviously, he wanted nothing more to do with this chick, but he didn't want anyone else to get burned as well.

He didn't tell her about his trip to medical, and they planned on going somewhere together for a long weekend they had. When they were just about to leave, he pulled up to the medical building and tells her he needs to get a prescription filled and asks her to come in with him to give him company because there is usually a wait, so she follows him inside.

He walks up to the counter and says "This is (whatever her name was). She gave me the clap" and leaves.
Click to expand...

that is funny.

Embarrassing for a girl moment(someone else) Calls me up after a couple weeks after we had sex. She calls me up and said I just want to let you know that I have the clap.(learned my lesson used a condom) I said wow im sorry to hear that. she said well you were the only guy i was with. I said I had my 6 month annual check up last week and I dont have anything. You want to tell me again on how im the only guy you been with? She didnt know what to say
 
went to twerps in chico(fall dance) We all met up at a friends house. Well on our way out I crossed my friends yard to hop in one of the cars and its jam packed and we smell dog shit. Im laughing... were all telling jokes about who got dog shit on their shoes.

We get to the restaurant and sit down to eat and im next to my date who was in another car. She says eww whats that smell.

I knew it, it had to me. I grabbed a butter knife and went to the bathroom. Was not the easiest thing to clean because they were brand new dress boots and the shit was caked up all in the cracks.
 
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I had a broad that was cute in her pics come over to my house 3-4 years back. When she arrived at around 1 am she was huge. Not necessarily fat but just tall and not as in shape as she portrayed. Im 6'3" and she was maybe 1-2 inches shorter than me. I normally date tiny petite broads so this was weird. Anyways I let her in and went straight to drinking straight vodka right in front of her as I was telling her she didnt look like her pics. She didnt even care that I thought she was ugly. Long story short she ended up blowing me in front of my roommate that night before I fucked her. I then fucked her 2 more times in front of friends just to have a funny story. Now I can laugh at it but im not proud. She also stalked me for about 6 weeks after.
 
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