First date horror stories

i once met this girl on yahoo then exchanged info. told her i was bartending one particular night and she said she'd come up to my bar. so this night, karen, who was a smoking little petite asian girl comes up there. i shouldve known from go that she was nutty. she came and ordered a drink for her and her girlfriends said ive been waiting to get up here all day or something like that then says "we are going out tomorrow night." (meaning her and i) i said "where are you guys going?" playing dumb and she said "no. you and i. to dinner than your place where im gonna ride you like a bronco" i mustve looked this :eek: and, well, never a guy to look a gift horse in the mouth (cause lets face it, this was looking like a layup) i said "ok." (really hoping she wasnt originally from Thailand like Soma's girl). well we go out to dinner. she tells me E V E R Y T H I N G about her life. great job. still lives with her parents and they pay for most shit. (driving a brand new loaded BMW M series at 22, i was 24). we go back to my place and she basically rips my clothes off the second we get in the door. usually i HATE the agressive routine and like to set the tone but this nite i was digging it. so long and the short of it, we do the deed, and (i shit you not) IMMEDIATELY after the deed she says and i quote (because its burned into my memory) "give me the condom. i NEED the condom. let me have the condom!" i looked at her and said "let me go into the bathroom real quick." and she stands to block my path. my bed if you were looking down on the room as a perfect square was against the far right wall and the door for the bathroom was in the upper right corner of the square. now picture me at 6'3 230, jumping onto my bed, naked and sprinting past a beutiful 5'0 95lb asian girl out of fear of her trying to trap me and get my little babies from me.... i made it into the bathroom and locked the door before flushing my soldiers. she pounded on the door for 30 minutes while i contemplated my next move. eventually she left.

after about a month she came into the bar and said she had met someone and she wanted to know if she and i would work. she liked me more but if there wasnt a future for us, she was gonna go with him. i told her "it breaks my heart, but be with him. i think we would be tooooo intense."

and if you ever see this girl (off her facebook) and she walks up to you because you catch her eye, sprint in the other direction, dont walk.



karenfb-1.jpg
 
equus said:
and if you ever see this girl (off her facebook) and she walks up to you because you catch her eye, sprint in the other direction, dont walk.

karenfb-1.jpg
Click to expand...

the fact that you included a pic makes this my favorite story so far! makes it real lol
 
There was a guy on the radio (don't know if he is or not anymore) who used to advocate keeping a bottle of tabasco in the bathroom. After the deed, drip a few drops into the love glove and toss it in the can. If she goes in the bathroom after you and starts screaming/takes a shower while whimpering/leaves in a big hurry, you'll know why... ;)
 
equus said:
i once met this girl on yahoo then exchanged info. told her i was bartending one particular night and she said she'd come up to my bar. so this night, karen, who was a smoking little petite asian girl comes up there. i shouldve known from go that she was nutty. she came and ordered a drink for her and her girlfriends said ive been waiting to get up here all day or something like that then says "we are going out tomorrow night." (meaning her and i) i said "where are you guys going?" playing dumb and she said "no. you and i. to dinner than your place where im gonna ride you like a bronco" i mustve looked this :eek: and, well, never a guy to look a gift horse in the mouth (cause lets face it, this was looking like a layup) i said "ok." (really hoping she wasnt originally from Thailand like Soma's girl). well we go out to dinner. she tells me E V E R Y T H I N G about her life. great job. still lives with her parents and they pay for most shit. (driving a brand new loaded BMW M series at 22, i was 24). we go back to my place and she basically rips my clothes off the second we get in the door. usually i HATE the agressive routine and like to set the tone but this nite i was digging it. so long and the short of it, we do the deed, and (i shit you not) IMMEDIATELY after the deed she says and i quote (because its burned into my memory) "give me the condom. i NEED the condom. let me have the condom!" i looked at her and said "let me go into the bathroom real quick." and she stands to block my path. my bed if you were looking down on the room as a perfect square was against the far right wall and the door for the bathroom was in the upper right corner of the square. now picture me at 6'3 230, jumping onto my bed, naked and sprinting past a beutiful 5'0 95lb asian girl out of fear of her trying to trap me and get my little babies from me.... i made it into the bathroom and locked the door before flushing my soldiers. she pounded on the door for 30 minutes while i contemplated my next move. eventually she left.

after about a month she came into the bar and said she had met someone and she wanted to know if she and i would work. she liked me more but if there wasnt a future for us, she was gonna go with him. i told her "it breaks my heart, but be with him. i think we would be tooooo intense."

and if you ever see this girl (off her facebook) and she walks up to you because you catch her eye, sprint in the other direction, dont walk.



karenfb-1.jpg
Click to expand...
I'll never understand how some girls are this crazy. That's just scary. You dodged a huge bullet!
 
I'm too simple in my approach to have those kind of problems:

1-get wasted
2-start a conversation with a equally wasted chick(will happen at some point, even if you don't remember how or when)
3-?????
4-profit

*try to remember her name, they get angry if you don't
 
i like to get the girls name, if ive forgotten in a social setting, like this.

1. bring girl whos name you forgot over to a friend whos name you know.
2. say "this is (friend i know)" to the girl whos name you forgot.
3. at the precise moment when you are to say the name of the girl you forgot to the girl you know, turn your attention to another seperate friend as if they were trying to get your attention and begin a conversation. either the girl you know will then ask the others name or the forgotten girl will give her name. either way you are just slightly rude and save face.
4. profit.
 
equus said:
i once met this girl on yahoo then exchanged info. told her i was bartending one particular night and she said she'd come up to my bar. so this night, karen, who was a smoking little petite asian girl comes up there. i shouldve known from go that she was nutty. she came and ordered a drink for her and her girlfriends said ive been waiting to get up here all day or something like that then says "we are going out tomorrow night." (meaning her and i) i said "where are you guys going?" playing dumb and she said "no. you and i. to dinner than your place where im gonna ride you like a bronco" i mustve looked this :eek: and, well, never a guy to look a gift horse in the mouth (cause lets face it, this was looking like a layup) i said "ok." (really hoping she wasnt originally from Thailand like Soma's girl). well we go out to dinner. she tells me E V E R Y T H I N G about her life. great job. still lives with her parents and they pay for most shit. (driving a brand new loaded BMW M series at 22, i was 24). we go back to my place and she basically rips my clothes off the second we get in the door. usually i HATE the agressive routine and like to set the tone but this nite i was digging it. so long and the short of it, we do the deed, and (i shit you not) IMMEDIATELY after the deed she says and i quote (because its burned into my memory) "give me the condom. i NEED the condom. let me have the condom!" i looked at her and said "let me go into the bathroom real quick." and she stands to block my path. my bed if you were looking down on the room as a perfect square was against the far right wall and the door for the bathroom was in the upper right corner of the square. now picture me at 6'3 230, jumping onto my bed, naked and sprinting past a beutiful 5'0 95lb asian girl out of fear of her trying to trap me and get my little babies from me.... i made it into the bathroom and locked the door before flushing my soldiers. she pounded on the door for 30 minutes while i contemplated my next move. eventually she left.

after about a month she came into the bar and said she had met someone and she wanted to know if she and i would work. she liked me more but if there wasnt a future for us, she was gonna go with him. i told her "it breaks my heart, but be with him. i think we would be tooooo intense."

and if you ever see this girl (off her facebook) and she walks up to you because you catch her eye, sprint in the other direction, dont walk.



karenfb-1.jpg
Click to expand...

I can deal with some crazy for a hot asian :D
 
equus said:
after about a month she came into the bar and said she had met someone and she wanted to know if she and i would work. she liked me more but if there wasnt a future for us, she was gonna go with him. i told her "it breaks my heart, but be with him. i think we would be tooooo intense."
and if you ever see this girl (off her facebook) and she walks up to you because you catch her eye, sprint in the other direction, dont walk.
Click to expand...

That is some very impressive spur of the moment thinking right there.
 
equus said:
i like to get the girls name, if ive forgotten in a social setting, like this.

1. bring girl whos name you forgot over to a friend whos name you know.
2. say "this is (friend i know)" to the girl whos name you forgot.
3. at the precise moment when you are to say the name of the girl you forgot to the girl you know, turn your attention to another seperate friend as if they were trying to get your attention and begin a conversation. either the girl you know will then ask the others name or the forgotten girl will give her name. either way you are just slightly rude and save face.
4. profit.
Click to expand...

Not bad at all bro...

I forget everyone's names and have a habit of being so lazy that when I get a girls number, i'll save it under 'A' because I don't feel like typing her name in, thinking i'll remember, which I never do... I literally have about 10 A's saved in my phone right now. So I have experience in this. I've used these two before a few times...

Me: hey, this is a little embarrassing, but I forgot your name... I have a terrible memory.

Girl: (Pissed) It's Kelly...

Me: Yeah, Kelly... Of course I know that, I meant your last name. You told me and I can't remember what it was. I was just about to add you on FB.

Boom, you get the name and the girl feels embarrassed for jumping to conclusions.

And number 2...

I like to fuck around and give girls a little bit of shit anyways, (especially a good idea if a girl is hot) so jokingly (this is key, it's gotta be flirty) I'd find a way to tell tell her she needs to get on my level somehow or she's really lucky to be hanging out with me. I've never had a girl not respond in kind for this and she'll start talking a little shit right back, (You're ugly, ect...) at which point I'd pull out my license and be like... Are you kidding, that's a greek god right there. I bet this just destroys your license pic.

If she shows you hers, and then i'll be like: Alllright, you win... Kelly.
 
or one better say "hey i forgot your F U L L name." that way she she doesnt feel ruhtard and you can save face.
 
Bukowski82 said:
Not bad at all bro...

I forget everyone's names and have a habit of being so lazy that when I get a girls number, i'll save it under 'A' because I don't feel like typing her name in, thinking i'll remember, which I never do... I literally have about 10 A's saved in my phone right now. So I have experience in this. I've used these two before a few times...

Me: hey, this is a little embarrassing, but I forgot your name... I have a terrible memory.

Girl: (Pissed) It's Kelly...

Me: Yeah, Kelly... Of course I know that, I meant your last name. You told me and I can't remember what it was. I was just about to add you on FB.

Boom, you get the name and the girl feels embarrassed for jumping to conclusions.

And number 2...

I like to fuck around and give girls a little bit of shit anyways, (especially a good idea if a girl is hot) so jokingly (this is key, it's gotta be flirty) I'd find a way to tell tell her she needs to get on my level somehow or she's really lucky to be hanging out with me. I've never had a girl not respond in kind for this and she'll start talking a little shit right back, (You're ugly, ect...) at which point I'd pull out my license and be like... Are you kidding, that's a greek god right there. I bet this just destroys your license pic.

If she shows you hers, and then i'll be like: Alllright, you win... Kelly.
Click to expand...

You slick genius bastard.:cool:
 
Can I just say that this thread makes me very happy to be married... especially the last few posts. I suck at remembering names.
 
I had to bury my dates dog that just got hit by a car moments before I got there. There I was, in a suit, digging a hole in her back yard. Thankfully, it wasn't a very big dog.
 
Phreaxer said:
There was a guy on the radio (don't know if he is or not anymore) who used to advocate keeping a bottle of tabasco in the bathroom. After the deed, drip a few drops into the love glove and toss it in the can. If she goes in the bathroom after you and starts screaming/takes a shower while whimpering/leaves in a big hurry, you'll know why... ;)
Click to expand...

Was it tom leykis? Sounds like something he would say
 
BobbyMunson said:
Has anyone shit the girls bed on a first date? That would win the thread hands down.
Click to expand...

How about leaving skid marks in her toilet the next morning and wiping it with one of her socks that was lying on the bathroom floor. Then turning the sick inside out and burying it in her hamper?
 
Last edited:
Pars said:
A few years ago a friend of mine went home with this girl that he met at a club. He woke up in the middle of the night, felt that something was off and soon found out that he had shit himself in his sleep. Now panicking, he took her underwear while she was sleeping and smeared the shit on it and bits and pieces (im lmao right now thinking about this) on her buttcheek and surrounding area trying to put the blame on her and then quietly sneaked out.

I almost died when he told me lol, it made me laugh so hard my heart literally hurt. But I wasn't sure if he was making it up or not.
A week later we are out for a few beers and the same girl walks in with a friend of hers..I will never forget his face when he realised who just came in lol! They had instant eye contact, it was glorious. She came over pissed as hell and started making a scene yelling "you fucking psycho, why did you do that?! You disgusting pos" and my favorite "you smeared shit on my ass!" which made me burst out laughing so fucking hard for some reason. We called him shitbreak for like 6 months after that, and I still got him saved as shitbreak on my phone.

Fin
Click to expand...

Wow man. I almost just choked on my food from laughing at that shit.
 
equus said:
i once met this girl on yahoo then exchanged info. told her i was bartending one particular night and she said she'd come up to my bar. so this night, karen, who was a smoking little petite asian girl comes up there. i shouldve known from go that she was nutty. she came and ordered a drink for her and her girlfriends said ive been waiting to get up here all day or something like that then says "we are going out tomorrow night." (meaning her and i) i said "where are you guys going?" playing dumb and she said "no. you and i. to dinner than your place where im gonna ride you like a bronco" i mustve looked this :eek: and, well, never a guy to look a gift horse in the mouth (cause lets face it, this was looking like a layup) i said "ok." (really hoping she wasnt originally from Thailand like Soma's girl). well we go out to dinner. she tells me E V E R Y T H I N G about her life. great job. still lives with her parents and they pay for most shit. (driving a brand new loaded BMW M series at 22, i was 24). we go back to my place and she basically rips my clothes off the second we get in the door. usually i HATE the agressive routine and like to set the tone but this nite i was digging it. so long and the short of it, we do the deed, and (i shit you not) IMMEDIATELY after the deed she says and i quote (because its burned into my memory) "give me the condom. i NEED the condom. let me have the condom!" i looked at her and said "let me go into the bathroom real quick." and she stands to block my path. my bed if you were looking down on the room as a perfect square was against the far right wall and the door for the bathroom was in the upper right corner of the square. now picture me at 6'3 230, jumping onto my bed, naked and sprinting past a beutiful 5'0 95lb asian girl out of fear of her trying to trap me and get my little babies from me.... i made it into the bathroom and locked the door before flushing my soldiers. she pounded on the door for 30 minutes while i contemplated my next move. eventually she left.

after about a month she came into the bar and said she had met someone and she wanted to know if she and i would work. she liked me more but if there wasnt a future for us, she was gonna go with him. i told her "it breaks my heart, but be with him. i think we would be tooooo intense."

and if you ever see this girl (off her facebook) and she walks up to you because you catch her eye, sprint in the other direction, dont walk.



karenfb-1.jpg
Click to expand...


fap-now-robo.gif



Solid work
 
I don't have a story that compares to the ones in here, but here's one I thought of.

I went out with this girl for the first time at this rock club, she brought her hot friend along too. Drinks flow, I end up making out with both of them, her friend first.

At some point, her friend's boyfriend turns up, so she's out, but I'm still with the original girl. She gets ridiculously drunk on sambuca shots and goes off to the toilet to throw up.

She comes back and is a mess. I take her out of the club so she can get some food and water into her. She sits at a table at the kebab shop, way out of it, kissing my hand over and over. Finally she has to leave and her boyfriend picks her up down the street. I wasn't supposed to know he was, but I sussed it out pretty quick.

I didn't know about either of their boyfriends until they appeared, so I can't be too ashamed.

Stupid, young me started a relationship with her for about a year. We can all guess how that turned out.
 
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