First date horror stories

[SMillard]

Wow. That sounds like a movie scene. You need an agent. It is Sunday so I won't go any further.

I've got more stories, this one was probably my most embarrassing. The others are mostly of nightmare girls I met.

 

[PabloZed]

I may have shared this story on here before - years ago, I met a girl from POF.

Thought I would impress her and cook her a meal at my place.

I thought I'd treat her with some nice wine, scallops, lobster and dessert as she was fit!

The wine was flowing, the meal was a hit and straight after eating we went to bed to get it on, missing out dessert all together.

After we finished getting it on she said she started feeling queasy. While both lying naked on my bed she promptly and without warning began to projectile vomit across my chest and bed. It was while she was violently vomiting, she then sh@t herself.

I jumped up from the bed heaving because of the smell, she then stood up and tried to run to the toilet still vomiting, with faeces running down her leg.

She was in the bathroom for about 2 hours allowing me to change the bed sheets and tidy myself up.

I hadn't cooked her scallops properly. Ooops

6 years on, we're married.

I totally believe you because, while not a date, I had a similar experience in Spain when I ate a specialty meal at a restaurant that I knew didn't look right (there was an oncooked egg on top of a bowl of something). But hey, when in Spain, right?

I make it back to my hotel and my body exploded. I won't go into detail, but my body was expelling that garbage and I had no control. The room looked like a crime scene. I put all the linen in the trash, but frankly the bed was probably ruined. I felt bad.

But here is how this actually relates to the thread topic. The night before, I had returned to the hotel with a date, who warned me that many hotels do not allow guys to bring girls back to their rooms. I thought, "what, that's crazy." But sure enough, the old guy at the desk would not allow it. So we went to a public park and had sex on top of a car.

 

[Phreaxer]

Maybe who knows?

I have been wondering that as well. lol

 

[Z4**]

Many of you might not believe the stories I'm about to share, but getting girls here in my country are kind of easy - provided that you have the resources. Little bit of money, a decent car and 8-10/10 looks. I was the reason most of my first date stories got fucked up.

1st story - "no kiss".
Met the girl through a friend, our first date was set out of town in a private beach resort. I wasn't totally expecting anything. Shared the same room, had a few drinks by the beach in the evening after dinner and came back to our room to take a shower before we went to sleep.

As I turned the lights off, I did not say anything after I went back to my bed. Minutes later of feeling out, I joined her in her bed. I cup'd her breasts, no reaction. I tried kissing her, she wouldn't open her mouth. I was like, okay what the fuck is this hahaha

Then all of a sudden, to my surprise she took of her clothes. I did the same of course, and the unexpected happened. I was doing her doggie style, and felt I was gonna explode and bam! I pulled it out and it blasted on her back. What happened next was really weird, don't know what got into me but I spread the jizz all over her back.

We did it again one more time the next morning, after that I did not call her again even she was texting me. Maybe I was ashamed of what I did that night.

2nd story on my next post as I try to recall.

 

[Z4**]

2nd story - "shoulder to cry on"

I met the lady through the person I slept with, they were close. It wasn't considered a date since she just broke up with her violent boyfriend. So she just wants to forget what she went through at that time. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered to drive her around.

Off we go, bought some drive through McDonald's and parked somewhere. This is where it gets interesting, I took her phone. I told her, if you want it back you have to kiss me. She hesitated at first, and then reassured herself with the question "will you really give it back?" from that point I knew I was gonna nail her.

So we kissed, and I didn't give her phone back just yet. I said, if I give you this you will just keep communicating with that guy that keeps hurting you. Moments later, I suggested that we check-in at the nearest motel so I can take a rest from a long day. She agreed, knowing that we'll keep our clothes on.

Hahaha and here we are! A girl I just met, from the girl I previously nailed, in a motel room just the two of us. We started kissing again and we found our way taking off our clothes. Then... I couldn't get it up. Damn it. I was so hard like Bigfoot's head when we were making out in the car, then here, in a room with no windows, in a bed, I just couldn't get it up.

She did all she could to revive my tool by doing all the tricks she knows. Nothing happened. Again, she might be beautiful and sexy, but ashamed again, I just simply did not call back to do it all the way.

 

[Satsui Ryu]

So I was on vacation in Europe and one day I the beach I forgo sunblock and get one of the worst sunburns I have ever experienced. Just days of constant agonizing pain. Anyway it eventually starts to heal and flakes like mad.

Anyway a couple of days before I leave I meet this local girl at a bar. She eventually asks me back to her place. Now this isn't one of the more affluent places in Europe so I was a little scared I was being setup. Well we get tehre about to get busy and I tell her straight up my stomach looks like its melting because I got this major sunburn. Its cool, but also at the same time I get this major gassy bloated feeling. I look down and my stomach is sticking out because of it. Anyway we get down to business and I'm trying to maintain my stroke rhythm while at the same time trying to brush all the dead skin flakes off of her bed without her noticing as well as not letting whatever was in my stomach out. I left quite the mess on her bed and on the side. Either way through all that adversity I tagged it like a champ.

I've had many other bad dates, but they were more sad and pathetic than funny or interesting.

 

[PabloZed]

Many of you might not believe the stories I'm about to share, but getting girls here in my country are kind of easy - provided that you have the resources. Little bit of money, a decent car and 8-10/10 looks.

Not to break news here, but that is all or more than it takes in most places. Frankly, looks is enough usually.

 

[Z4**]

Not to break news here, but that is all or more than it takes in most places. Frankly, looks is enough usually.

But women here, especially the really good looking ones have a slightly higher standard. When you're a celebrity or a model, it doesn't matter. Just like any other place.

Around here if you're only good looking, but no money to burn for dates/hook ups or you don't have a car (or at least borrow from parents) you're totally screwed. With the weather and the criminals around, I myself prefer to not go out without a car. Its really hot and bad guys are just everywhere.

In the US, Europe, Australia and other parts of the world, its okay to take your date on a bus, cab or train. Here, it doesn't work that way.

 

[BBT13]

my story, it was not embarrassing for me just for her but we dates for a while after - we go out clubbing, she gets really hammered while im pritty sober, i take her to a hotel and we get it on.... i see that she is in pain and her face looks strange(like she is feeeling really bad) i tell her - lets stop and continue in the morning. The girl is beautiful and hot as hell. She falls asleep while i have hard time doing it, i just look at her for a while and then she suddenly opens her eyes and runs to the bathroom while puking. The next morning i woke up first and the whole bathroom was puked - the floor, faussed, the curtains, the towels and all dried up. She wakes up and we have sex(wild one) i tear her up a bit but we dont notice cause its all going wild. At the end of it all when I looked at the room the bed was covered in blood, the toilet and floor to it was all puked up, several things were broken in the room. For the next several weeks I was expecting the hotel to charge me big money but they did not. I also was very sorry for the maid who had to clean all of that.

 

[BBT13]

another date - i took a girl to smoke water pipe on wine. We did, she asks me to grab a cab and go home. On the way to her place she screams to stop the cab and pukes all over the street.

I was going to my brothers birthday and he is older and it was a classy place we were gonna meet up at and after go to a club. So i decided what girl to take there(hoped to leave a good impression on every one by taking a very sexy girl but in the same time a smart one) i pick out from all of my new gf one chick that fits the profile. We go there and while there she gets all fucked up and starts a fucking scene. Aferwards i bang the shit out of her and cum in to her(later on she was screaming in the middle of the old town that she is pregnant from me). Any way my brother leaned over to me and just said - maan, you sure date some fucked up crazy bitches.

 

[BBT13]

But women here, especially the really good looking ones have a slightly higher standard. When you're a celebrity or a model, it doesn't matter. Just like any other place.

Around here if you're only good looking, but no money to burn for dates/hook ups or you don't have a car (or at least borrow from parents) you're totally screwed. With the weather and the criminals around, I myself prefer to not go out without a car. Its really hot and bad guys are just everywhere.

In the US, Europe, Australia and other parts of the world, its okay to take your date on a bus, cab or train. Here, it doesn't work that way.

where do u live man?

 

[White Mongoose]

Lot good stories here lol!

As for people who lie about their appearance or weight... I had a friend who would just leave if the person doesn't look same as they do in the picture. He even told me about the time he slammed door shut in date's face because the pic doesn't fit! That really take some balls!

As for mine... When I was 17 I met a chick who was in the army. We spent while summer dating and hang out whenever possible.
Eventually she got called so we went our own way.

Flash forward 6 years later... She got ahold of me via MySpace (yes this was a while ago!) her profile was rather empty and she had no pics or anything.
I simply assumed she just don't want stuff out in public. So we agree to meet up at a coffee shop.

I walk right in and look around... Didn't saw her. Walk past a chick and got in line to order a drink.
This overweight chick walk up to me and asked didn't I saw her...

That was super awkward!!! I claimed my eyes haven't fully adjusted from being outside in bright sun a second earlier.

The whole thing was so awkward! I found out she got kicked out of army because she cannot handles stress anymore! Then she wind up living with random guys or her mom while working two full time entry level job.

It was so disappointing! When I was 17 and met her, she was 19 and superfit and beyond hot and tough!
Then she turn into this mess!

 

[The Zuskan]

So I live in a university town and its halloween and im completely hammered, almost to the point of blackout. So I meet this girl at a party and she tells me to come back to her residence because theirs a lot of parties. At this point I just say yes to everything and dont really know whats going on.

Well there wasent to much partying at the residence because RA's shut most of it down and her roommate was still in her room. So we walk around this residence, ive been their a few times before because my brother and friend used to live in it as well. Anyways I see the cafeteria door which is always locked, but surprise it wasent.

I start to come down from my blackout a bit and realize im eating this girl out on a cafeteria table (Hope they cleaned them for breakfast ). I realize whats going on and stop eating her to switch to something else, touch my lip and theirs blood.. Not period blood or anything just vagina blood or some shit I dont know. The RA's burst onto the scene before anything else happens and I get thrown in the drunk tank for the night lol. Not sure what happened to the girl couldent be good though haha. Fail..

 

[Phreaxer]

Seriously? Another redwing story? You guys have to find classier chicks if the smell isn't a sure sign on something not being quite right down there...

 

[The Zuskan]

Meh its not so much of a redwing story, plus I dont think it smelled. Maybe my fingernail cut her or something aha.

 

[White Mongoose]

So this isn't really a first 'date...' but it's a horror story nonetheless.

Back in October, I broke up with my girlfriend and went on a little bit of a bender for the weekend. Hooked up with some girls that I wish I could forget about... So I'm happy when I catch this really pretty girl looking at me while i'm having lunch at this pizza place downtown. I'm just about to go talk to her, when she comes up to me and does the whole it's really crowded over at the other end of the bar, do you mind if I sit here. I tell her absolutely. We get to talking and her personality is just as great as she looks and i'm really having a good time. I find out she's a paralegal, she went to college at my school, ect. So then she suggests we grab some more drinks at a place nearby. I'm definitely down so we head over... After a few hours of hanging out we're both pretty drunk and she goes Look I don't mean to be forward and I don't usually do this, but would you like to come hang out at my place for a bit... So I have this very pretty, funny, normal, educated girl asking me back to have sex... Great right?

Well, that's when shit got real...

She told me she lived right near by but we end up walking for like 15 minutes to this ridiculously dumpy apartment in a shadier part of Downtown. So we walk in and she takes me down the side stairs into this basement that looked like something out of a Steven King Novel. We walk up to her door, she opens it... and hollllly shit.

I've watched a ton of horror movies in my life... but this place had to be the creepiest thing I've ever seen. I walk in and there's like white doll masks mounted on the wall (there was even a horse mask,) it was bainted black with purple velvet drapes everywhere, the windows were all spraypained black, there were black candles everywhere, and just tons of other creepy shit everywhere. I was stunned. At first I kind of laughed and was like "Uhhh, are you in the theatre or something?" She just smiled and gave me a non-chalant, "No..." No explanation, nothing... So I'm freaking out a little and I ask her if I could use her bathroom. She points down the hall and in this cheerful voice says it's to your right at the end of the hall.

I start walking down the hall and couldn't believe what I was seeing. The ceiling kept getting smaller as I went down the hall and each room was just filled with dolls and strange costumes and masks... I passed her bed room which was just this little closet type room with a bed taking up the whole space and a lightbulb. I mean, this place was like something out of a straight up Horror Movie.

I come back out in disbelief and asked her if she had a roomate or something that was in the theatre and got the same response... "Nope." With this creepy smile. I kept thinking, Ok anytime now someone's gonna pop outta the closet with a knife and a mask and just kill the shit out of me...

End up sexing her anyways and even that was so creepy I just couldn't keep my dick up. I didn't even finish. I just kinda stopped when she asked me to go down on her... And was like, Well, I'll see ya later. The scariest part about all of it was the fact that she was so cute and normal... and then boom, 180.

I still get the chills thinking about it. Who the fuck has a horse mask mounted on their wall?!

Oh man!!! I want to cry!!! Why do you have to meet that type and not me?! I'd have eagerly bang her repeatedly and come back for some more!!!

 

[pinkybrief]

lol!

 

[Z4**]

where do u live man?

Philippines. One of the best places blessed with good looking women! Not the exotic ones. Hahahaha many foreigners visit here to try one of our own exotics

 

[Eisenkarl]

Decided to ask my friend's wife's sister out on a date back in the early 90's. We had Mexican food and I ordered the bean plate special since I was kinda strapped for cash at the time.

Got back to my friends house where she rented a room and low and behold her parents and older brother were there visiting. I sit on the big leather couch next to her and suddenly my stomach starts to rumbles and groan. There is no stopping the gas that is forming in my bowels so I try to cover the noise by scooting my ass on the couch...It kinda covers the noise but unfortunately the smell can't be concealed.

I excuse myself to the bathroom which is a total of about five feet away from where they are all sitting. I turn on the water faucet to full power hoping the running water just might cover up what I know is coming. I sit on the pot and carefully try to pass the conglomeration that has formed in my guts but it's of no use.... I blast out the loudest most obnoxious cacophony of rectal contents you could imagine.

From outside I hear her father say, "What the hell?" and her brother laughing while the mother said, "Shhhh you will hurt his feelings."

Knowing the gig was up I just plowed on through the rest of my dump knowing that any dignity I might have had was gone. The exiting of the bathroom was the biggest walk of shame I have ever taken and once I had returned to my seat the stench decided to follow me out like an old loyal dog.

It was our first and last date.

OMG This is seriously my greatest nightmare.
You know, I would've probably told them I'm going outside to get some fresh air, so I could shit somewhere in the bushes and run away.

 

[Count Zero]

Should change your username to Count Dracula lol.

hahaha yes, nailed it

and lol thats a funny story, i can only imagine the internal monologue of e cashier when he said "i dont have my wallet" like if he thought "oh god, is he trying to ask me to give it to him? is he threatening to rob me? oh i hope he doesnt eat me"

First time I posted this story, someone called BS on it because they couldn't believe the gas station clerk didn't freak out or something. I'd say odds are he didn't even notice, or it wasn't that uncommon to see drunk/high folks come in super late looking like they'd been in a fight. Or maybe he thought playing it cool was his safest bet, hahaha.

1st story - "no kiss".

2nd story - "shoulder to cry on"

I love how your stories have titles !

What does it say about the quality of girl you're used to being with if you don't notice blood?

Seriously? Another redwing story? You guys have to find classier chicks if the smell isn't a sure sign on something not being quite right down there...

I swear, I could not tell. There was no noticeable odor. Smelled about the same as any other vagina I've encountered. And yeah, I get what you're saying (as in, they must all have actually smelled bad), but, again I swear, they were all actually fairly pleasant-smelling ... and I've been in a room that my friends described as reeking of rank vagina. I'm not sure if period vagina smells the same as general foul-smelling vagina, but I'm just saying I can at least differentiate between vagina scents.

I can't believe I just typed that paragraph.